Jo Ella fretted all day about Dillon. He was too dangerous to her plan. He brought out the lust and passion she tried so hard to forget. He exuded excitement and a strange kind of charm. In his arms, she was sure she would forget herself entirely. That would put her right back where she started from, and ruin all her chances at the good life she sought.
She had to forget him.
But how did you forget a man that heated your very blood, that made you want to taste and feel and touch and consume? Just the flash of his eyes stirred her to a heat.
Lust or love?
She preached to the girls about control, but she had to admit, she weakened around Dillon. He could make her forget how to keep the controls.
Did she want a man she could lust with all her life, or a man that she could love and respect? Did she want a family? Did she really want to show Randal how wrong he had been about her? She couldn't do it with Dillon. Dillon lived just this side of the law.
Jo Ella had known temptation before. She'd indulged, but lust and love were not the same. She recognized the lust for Dillon. But would he marry her? Would he make a wife of her? She doubted that. She was a conquest in his eyes, and that was all.
"What's eating you today, honey?" Maggie asked as Jo Ella slammed the door, and banged the drawer shut, as she put things away.
"Oh, nothing." Jo Ella strove to keep her emotions under control. Right now she wanted to destroy something, she wanted to break something, she wanted to forget what Dillon did to her.
"Did Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome reappear?" Maggie smiled knowingly.
"How did you know?" Jo Ella's brows knitted into a frown as she stared at her friend.
"By the look in your eyes. It's the same look as when Randal used to visit you. And you weren't the only one that saw him leering at you at the creek, either. We were there too you know. He was interesting, fascinating really, but honey, I'm afraid that if that is what you are after, then you've been leading all of us down a lily white path. After all you've spouted at us about keeping the lid on the jar, you'd think you might have paid some attention." Maggie laughed good-naturedly.
"Okay, so I'm guilty," Jo Ella confessed, wishing she hadn't been so transparent. "I have no idea why I'm attracted to him. I don't think there is any future with a man like that, although even Harry doesn't think bad of him. They just don't agree about a few things. Major things."
"We've been on the lusty side of life a long time. It's hard to break away from that careless yet exciting life. And don't be fooling yourself. It is exciting. Of course you know why you are attracted to him. The devil himself is after you, Jo Ella. He's dangerous, and you my dear friend love danger." Maggie chuckled. "But don't forget, there is all kinds and some might be more exciting, but it doesn't mean it will last. Remember this, sometimes a spark might burst into flames and consume you, but eventually, those flames die out and then what do you have? Ashes!"
"I know you are right, Maggie. I really do. You always keep my head on straight. And I love you for it. But I can't fight what I feel. He ignites something inside me that I find hard to ignore."
"Sure he does. He's all the things you've had wrapped into one nice package. He's lust, plain and simple. Now don't get me wrong, lust has its moments. But that's all they are. Moments. Depends on what you want out of your life. You are the one that started this mail order bride thing. You are the one who wanted to improve your life. What do you really want? Randal lit those flames. That's why you put up with him so long. But in the end, he had no staying power. You don't want to end up the same way you were. You of all of us should know that."
Jo Ella sighed. "I've got to get this attraction under control or I'm spinning my wheels again."
"Exactly. You know, sometimes what seems dull on the surface turns out to be fire below." Maggie chuckled.
"Harry?" Jo Ella's brow lifted in question.
"That's right."
"You like him, don't you?" Jo Ella turned her head at her.
"I don't know him. But for you I do. He's good for you." Maggie put her arms around her. "He seems to bring out all those things you've been talking to us about—love, motherhood, family, a life. I think he's exactly what we came here for. A good, solid man. One you can depend on through thick and thin. One who will be there when others are long gone. Don't worry, Jo, if you don't take him, maybe one of us will." She laughed.
For some reason that didn't make Jo Ella feel better, wondering about the sheriff and a future with him, wondering if Maggie were right. Perhaps someone else might find him attractive.
She did like Harry, and when he let his guard down, he was just as smooth as a fine whiskey. That second kiss, when he did let go, was a new experience for her. Shocking, because it was so unexpected. Unlike Dillon who used a forceful edge, Harry used a gentle one.
Maggie moved to outstretch her arms. "Don't give up on him yet. You might be surprised what he's made of."
Jo Ella nodded. "I like Harry. I guess it's just that he goes by the book most of the time. Plays things the way he sees them. I can feel the solidness of him. It's funny. The first time he kissed me, I thought he's okay at this, but I didn't see any stars. Then he kissed me again, and everything changed. Even in his kiss, I thought he offers so much for a woman to love."
"Yeah, it's the old excitement versus stability thing. Stability isn't as exciting, but it is lasting. Sometimes we have to open our eyes and our hearts for more than sex, for more than passion, for real love. The kind of love that stays with you forever, protects you, praises you. You are good at preaching to us, Jo Ella, and we've listened. We think you are on to something here, something worthwhile. But I hate to see you escape into that fantasy world of 'it'll be all right.'"
"You are right. Granted, there is a little devil in Dillon. That's what attracts me, I think. On the other hand, Harry isn't dull. He can carry on a conversation. He's clean, and I don't know. There's a lot to like about Harry as a person. He could easily steal a woman's heart, if he wanted to, but he seems to guard the reckless side of himself."
"Too much starch?"
"A little. I wonder what would happen if he rinsed it out." Jo Ella laughed.
"Maybe you should find out."
"Whatever happens, happens." Jo Ella shrugged.
Maggie sighed. "Sometimes slow cooked can be better than high heat."
Jo Ella hugged Maggie and looked into her eyes. "I love you, Maggie. You keep my head on straight."
"That's right, and don't you forget it."
~*~
The annual harvest dance was coming up, and all the girls were excited even though none had any dates. Still recovering, they hadn't mixed and mingled much.
"Are you going to the dance?" Trish asked Jo Ella.
"I guess so, but I might have to go alone."
"Nonsense, we could all go together," Nadine offered.
"Don't you have a fella taking you?"
"Not really." Nadine sighed. "I haven't met any black men that want to go to the white dances. In fact, there are very few black men around my age in Vada. I gotta admit I'm a little depressed. Maybe this idea won't work for me."
"I hope you aren't giving up. The dance will be exactly what you need to find someone."
"Maybe, but not many black men will be there. This town is divided as far as black and whites go." Nadine eyed Jo Ella. "And I do think if I found a white man, it might upset all our plans. So I just don't know about going."
"Oh, well, I'm sorry." Jo Ella shook her head. Of all the girls, Nadine presented the biggest problem. As a dance hall girl, no one thought twice about her being black, but as a lady, most of the women thought a lot about it. Jo Ella hadn't planned on this snag. She had hoped it would work out for all of them.
"You can't help it, Jo Ella. Neither can I. I think at this point, only God can help me." Tears ready to fall floated in Nadine's eyes. "I won't be attending the dance, I'm afraid."
"That's too bad. Does the Negro community have dances?" Jo Ella asked delicately.
"Oh yes, but most of them are married or too young. I think I might have to go back to Sourdough. So far as I've seen, Vada doesn't look too promising for me."
Joe Ella reached for her hands and held her at arms distance. "Nadine, give it some more time, will ya? There is a man for you somewhere. You just gotta be patient."
"It's not my best virtue, but for you, I will give it more time." Nadine sighed. "I'll stay here a year. If no one comes along, I'll go back."
"I love you, Nadine." Jo Ella hugged her. "We all love you."
" That's why I'm here. You are such a dreamer, Jo Ella. You got me dreamin' too."
Jo Ella smiled. "I’m glad."
"I might go, but I won't go in. I don’t want to cause a problem. I will stay outside and listen to the music. I so enjoy good music." Nadine smiled sadly. "Especially the fiddle."
"At least you could come in and introduce yourself and get some punch," Maggie encouraged.
"Maybe." Nadine folded her lips.
Sarah came forward now looking straight at Nadine. "Nadine, you will find someone. I'm sure of it. I've been praying for you."
"Now how on earth can you be sure of it?" Nadine put her hands on her hips.
"I prayed on it, that's how. I've been going to church every Sunday since we been here, and I've prayed for you each time. I just know God will answer my prayers."
"Boy, that preacher is really getting to you, isn't he?" Nadine laughed sardonically.
"Yes. Only, he has no idea I exist except as a new member of his church." Sarah hung her head. "If he only knew the plans I have for him. But, Nadine, he just preaches on Sundays. The rest of the time he's at the ranch. That's why I have to go every Sunday, or I won't see hide nor hair of him. What I am saying is that sometimes it takes extra effort to find a man. The right man."
"Sarah, you rascal. I'm trying to picture you as a reverend's wife." Maggie chuckled.
"How do I stack up?" Sarah asked, her eyes widened.
"Only time will tell." Maggie shrugged. "You do show a lot of enthusiasm, and I think you have what it takes to be a minister's wife. Just going to church every Sunday proves that, and I think you could help him a lot, with socials and things like that. You'd be a great hostess."
Trish joined them as she came up from her bath. "Nadine, everything is going to work out for you too. You just gotta believe that. One day when you least expect it, someone will come along and steal your heart."
Nadine eyed her. "Jo Ella has two fellas interested in her. Maggie's got her eye on the mayor. Sarah has completely fallen for the preacher, but you, I don't see you finding anyone either. How come?"
Trish shrugged, her expression more serious. "All I want is a husband. I'm not that picky. I've got my eye on one that seems promising. I'm not head or heels in love with him like Sarah seems to be. He doesn't heat my blood like Jo Ella's Dillon, and he's not a man of position like Maggie's, but he's steady, owns land, and I could do worse."
Jo Ella grabbed Trish. "No, we don't want you settling, Trish. We want you to be happy. You've got plenty of time to find the right man."
Trish shrugged. "I know you all want me to find someone, but having a place of my own will be enough. To be honest, I just haven't been that interested in finding a man. We came from whoring. Not just one man, but many. I'm tired of the same old story. I'm tired of being used. I don't want to be anyone's slave, but I'd work hard for a man who would give me a home and children. He doesn't have to be the most handsome man, nor the best lover. He just has to be sincere and hard working. That's all I ask."
"Don't you want love?" Sarah asked.
"If it comes, fine. If it doesn't, I can live with that too. I'm just tired of laying down for a man. I'd rather have one I can work side by side with every day. I want children, a family, a home. If love comes with it, then wonderful. If not, I'll make out."
Joe Ella shook her head. "Oh, Trish, I hate to see you just settle."
" I guess the right man hasn't come along to change my mind. You know it's hard for me to trust a man. Any man. And if I ever did, well, I'd marry him, if he'd have me. After all that time layin' down for a man, I want to stand up, be beside him. I don't even mind hard work as long as he is stable and will help build a life with me."
"The right man will come, Trish, I just know it." Sarah smiled at her.
"Sweet dreamer, Sarah." Trish hugged her. "I hope so, but I wouldn't lay money on it."
Jo Ella listened to them talking about finding the right man and wondering about her own life. She thought Harry liked her, but he hadn't invited her to the dance. She wondered about that. She sighed heavily, and glanced at the girls. Could this dream of hers come true for all of them? She hoped so. She prayed so.