Lily’s heart froze when presented with the infant. Wrapped in blue flannel cloth, he screamed at her and waved his fists because he was hungry. Mrs. Hughes accompanied them to meet the children and help Lily navigate nursing the infant.
Sitting in the bedroom, shut off from the chaos in the main quarters, Lily gasped in painful surprise as the newborn clamped down. Mrs. Hughes coached her. “It will get better, but it’s going to take time. He’s a pro already, and you’ve never had the experience. Trust me. This will be good for you both.”
The ride home with the three young children in the back of the wagon seemed interminably long. Lily couldn’t bear to hold the baby and handed it off to the oldest, a six-year-old, grey-eyed, red-haired girl named Colleen. The middle child, Simon, had dark curly brown hair and blue eyes. He was four. Both children were timid in the face of all the changes they had undergone in the past twelve hours.
* * *
Grant ushered the newly formed family into the house and quickly set up pallets for Colleen and Simon, and a small nest near their bed until he could complete the crib he’d begun construction on a month ago. Assured by Lily that she was okay, he invited Simon out to the barn to help him.
“Sir, I want my Ma and Pa,” the little boy said softly as they walked out, side by side.
“I know, son. I’m sorry. Do you think you could learn to let me be like a “pa” to you for now?”
The little boy stuck his thumb in his mouth and didn’t answer, but allowed his other hand to reach up and hold Grant’s.
Grant’s heart melted. Together, they entered the barn, and handing Simon a piece of sandpaper, they silently went to work on finishing the crib for the infant.
* * *
“Ma’am?” asked Colleen.
“Yes?”
“Are you my new mama?”
Lily sighed. “No one could replace your mother, Colleen.”
“But she’s gone, isn’t she?
“Yes, I’m afraid she is.”
“And Da is gone too?”
“Yes,” Lily whispered, almost afraid to say the words. How much did the little girl understand about the finality of death? How much did Lily?
“Good.”
Lily turned away from the stew warming on the stove and knelt down in front of the little girl. “Why would you say that?”
“He was mean to Ma.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m sure you didn’t wish for him to die.”
“I did wish it. I prayed. I asked God to take away my Da and help my Ma not to cry no more.” Tears ran down her plump cheeks. “God answered my prayers. But I didn’t want Ma dead. Only Pa. Why did God kill my Ma?”
Lily leaned down and reached out a hand to touch the shoulder of the little girl. Colleen launched herself into Lily’s arms and clasped her tightly around the neck. Soon, her dress was soaked with the tears. Lily wrapped her arms around the girl, held her close, and allowed her own tears to fall—for Colleen, for herself, and for all they had both lost.
* * *
Lily peered out the window as Grant and Simon ventured from the barn into the cold and back to the house. Simon walked tall with his hands in his coat pocket and a smile on his little face. An imitation of the man walking by his side.
Colleen had helped punch dough for bread for dinner, and now, the scent of fresh baked bread filled the house. Colleen smiled shyly at Lily and asked if she could bring her baby brother in for his feeding as he started to whimper.
“Thank you, Colleen. Do you think you can handle him?”
“Ma would let me hold him. She only ever touched him to feed him. I even changed his cloths.”
The poor baby. What mother wouldn’t want to touch her child? Lily couldn’t grasp such neglect. “I appreciate the big help you are, Colleen. You may fetch him for me. Did your mother teach you how to read?”
“What’s reading?” The little girl handed over the infant gently.
“That is when you look at letters on a page and make them into words, sentences, and stories.”
“Stories?”
“Your Ma told you stories, didn’t she?”
“She said Da told stories that were lies. Ma didn’t like stories.”
“Did she ever read the Bible to you?”
“What is the Bible?” The little furrows between her eyes proved the truth of these innocent questions.
“It’s a book written by God to help us understand who He is, how He worked through history, and how He wants us to live.”
The little girl shook her head in confusion. “I don’t know about God.”
“Would you like to learn?” Lily asked.
Colleen shrugged.
“Mr. Anderson will read from the Bible tonight after dinner.”
Colleen dropped her head, and Lily wondered at all that weighed the poor mite down. Was it any wonder when the children had lost their home and parents and were thrust into depending on new people they didn’t even know? And I resented Grant for wanting to take them in. The reality is, he was more in touch with the Holy Spirit than I was, seeking refuge in my grief and anger towards God and Grant over losing our son. Forgive me, Lord.
She peered down at the infant suckling and batting his hand on her breast. How could any mother not want this child? The very thought was ladled with guilt, as if loving this child was a betrayal of the one they buried only days ago.
And why did this little boy have red hair? It made no sense that God would take away their son but leave this child unwanted, unloved, and then an orphan. This child was larger than Grant Junior, having been born full-term. This baby was plump, and Grant had been thin. Grant had small cheeks, and this little one boasted a more pronounced chin. A little hand wrapped around her finger, holding tight. How long would they be caring for these kids? God, what are you up to?
* * *
Upon entering the house, Grant helped Simon take his coat off. He glanced over at Lily as she rocked with the nursing babe while Colleen played with a makeshift doll at her feet. Lily glanced up and their eyes locked. Did her face convey the weight of sadness and send the intended silent reproach for forcing this immediate family upon her?
He frowned, turned away, and picked up Simon, hugged him close and began tickling him. The boy giggled and kicked. Grant grinned and set him down with one more quick hug.
Simon ran to where Colleen sat and told her about his afternoon adventures.
Grant’s carefree play filled Lily with jealousy. How dare he enjoy someone else’s kid with theirs fresh in the ground? She would not reproach him. He was the head of their household. He opened their home and his heart as an act of charity to these orphaned children. Surely, she could provide a home for them. But that didn’t mean she had to love them.
* * *
Grant washed up as the children played at Lily’s feet. He experienced a bittersweet joy. He longed for their children to be playing there, not someone else’s. He had been horrified at the things Simon shared with his limited words about the home he had known. Living with Lily and himself had to be better for them. Wouldn’t it?
Lily finished feeding the infant and rose from her chair. She walked over to him by the stove and handed over the baby.
“What am I supposed to do with him?” Sudden terror gripped him. What if he dropped the infant?
“Hold him. Burp him. Talk to him. I don’t care. Just keep him content while I put supper on the table. Colleen, can you come and help me?”
Grant lifted the infant to his shoulder and rubbed the child’s back. A loud belch was his reward.
Colleen finished setting the table and stood off to the side of the room, waiting silently as Lily placed the food on the table with her usual quick efficiency.
The infant’s eyelids closed as he sucked his fist. So tiny.
Simon came to stand next to his sister, hopping from foot to foot. “I’m hungry,” he whispered.
Grant nodded to the washbasin. “You’ll get food soon enough. Go wash your hands and use the soap. When you return, we’ll sit down to the meal Mrs. Anderson has prepared, after we pray our blessing.”
Simon washed and once again stood next to his sister. Grant remembered being that age and always hungry. “What’s a blessing, Mr. Anderson?”
Grant motioned them to take a seat as he pulled out the chair for Lily and then sat himself. He settled the sleeping infant in the crook of one arm, freeing up the other to eat.
“We thank God for His provision for our needs,” Lily offered.
The children glanced at each other in confusion. Grant bowed his head and began to pray. Lily folded her hands and bowed her head as well. Out of the corner of his eyes, Grant spied the children as their wide-eyes took in the adults at the table. They bowed their heads and clasped their hands together.
“Lord, we thank you for this day, for the food you’ve provided, and the lovely hands that prepared it. We also thank you for the gift of these children. Amen.”
The kids slowly put their hands down, imitating the adults. Lily spooned soup into their bowls and handed them each a hearty slice of buttered bread.
“We get to eat all of this?” Simon asked with a mouthful of bread.
“We don’t talk with our mouths full. That is not good manners. As to your question, if you can eat it all, you are encouraged to do so. God has never let us go hungry. He has been good to us.”
“God must not like our family,” Colleen said simply. She spooned soup slowly into her mouth and closed her eyes as if savoring it.
Lily glanced at Grant who took the hint. “I’m sure God loved your family, Colleen. Sometimes, He allows us to suffer from our poor choices. Unfortunately, that means others sometime suffer as well. But that is never God’s choice for any of us, but a consequence of sin.”
Colleen’s head tilted to one side. “Why would God make us suffer because our Da was mean?”
“Oh,” Lily started, “I don’t think God caused it, but He did allow it. I don’t pretend to understand why.”
The children glanced at each other and proceeded to finish their food. He suspected there were many other questions and prayed silently that God would give him the right answers. More importantly, he asked God to let them be the right answer in how they showed love to the orphans. Where else could they go anyway?