| |
I don't hear it at first. The sound of waves crashing against the hull of the boat has been deafening, and more importantly, it's effectively distracting. It gives me something to do, like trying to guess its height or how long the interval is between this wave and the next.
Anything is food for thought right now, anything except the stuff that hurts, but this soon proves to be completely out of my hands when I finally do hear it.
And see it.
Impossible not to, when a speedboat suddenly comes roaring into the side of my father's sailboat.
Ramon is behind its wheel and next to him, of course, is Raaf—-
Oh my God!
I dimly hear Father yell for me to run, but it's too late. Raaf has already made the jump, his fingers latching onto the rails. A moment later, he swings himself up like he's freaking Tarzan, and I am left staring at him in open-mouthed shock. Is that part of his cult training—-
Oh my God!
I almost feel stupid and shallow for all the OMGs I'm screaming in my head, but it's hard to make vocabulary expansion a priority when Raaf has lunged for me without warning, and I'm suddenly trapped between his hard body and the wet steel rails of the boat.
"I'm sorry, Sara."
The rawness of his tone makes me want to cry, but I can't let him fool me again. "You're forgiven," I say stiffly. "Can you let me go now?"
"Not until you promise me that you'll come back."
My hands ball into fists against my sides. "Do you really think I'm that big of an idiot? Or that desperate? I won't...I won't..." Tears start pricking at my eyes at what I'm about to admit out loud.
"Sara—-"
"You lied to me," I say brokenly. "You said you'd never...you said I was m-magnificent—-"
"You are," he says fiercely. "You're magnificent—-"
"Stop lying! I won't be your whore again, damn you!"
Just saying the words make me shrink in shame, and when I accidentally glimpse the look of shock in my father's face behind Raaf, it's as if all of my nightmares are converging in reality—-
No!
William is suddenly there, and I have no time to cry out in warning. My father is already driving his fist into Raaf's cheek, and the force of it causes Raaf's head to snap to the side.
"Father!"
"Stay the hell away from my daughter!"
I have never even heard my father shout before, but now he's turned into this violent stranger who hauls Raul off me with surprising strength. "Father, no—"
William starts punching him again and again, but Raaf doesn't make a single move to retaliate.
Even as he crashes down to his knees, his gaze is only on me—-
"My biological father raped my mother, and I grew up in a cult. I was terrified that these things might eventually affect me—-" He breaks off as my father hits him particularly hard, and Raaf spits out blood.
"Father, stop!"
But neither William nor Raaf listens to me.
"I was terrified those things would eventually cause me to hurt you—-"
"How can you believe that," I choke out, "but also think that Gerard and the others are worth saving?"
Raaf doesn't answer right away, his attention focused on avoiding my father's fists.
"Father, please—-"
I take a step forward to stand between them, and Raaf looks my way. "Don't!"
I've distracted him without meaning to, and I realize too late that I've unintentionally given my father an advantage. "Watch out!"
But William has already taken a swing, and he knocks Raaf to the ground.
"Father, please! Enough!"
I cry out again and again, but my father doesn't even seem to hear me, and the next thing I know, I've already thrown my body over Raaf—-
But nothing happens.
I open my eyes, and a sob clogs my throat when I see that the violence has disappeared from my father's gaze. My heart pounds against my chest as I slowly peel myself off Raaf. A part of me still expects my father to strike without warning, and it's only when I've managed to sit up that I tentatively seek my father's gaze.
Oh God.
The tears fall silently and rapidly. Father is Father again, but the look in his eyes tells me without words that I've broken his heart.
"He's not a good man, Sara. He hurt you."
He's only ever wanted the best for his daughter, but here I am, protecting the man who kidnapped me.
"I'm sorry, Father. I'm sorry."
William's gaze hardened as he turned to look at Raaf. "If you ever fucking take my daughter away from me again, I swear to God I'll kill you a hundred times over."
He doesn't wait for Raaf or me to answer but instead works on anchoring the boat down before disappearing into the cabin below deck.
"Sara..."
It hurts to hear him say my name now, but when I turn to face him, I find myself crying again upon seeing William's handiwork up close. Raaf is bruised and swollen all over, has a shiner on his left eye, and when he cracks his lips open, he ends up spitting out another wad of blood before he can even speak.
"I'm sorry, Raaf."
"I deserve worse, for what I did to you."
I honestly don't know what to say to this, but my heart aches when I see a familiar sense of bleakness enter his gaze.
"Do you know," Raaf says hoarsely, "that Gerard told me the exact same thing?"
I know right away what he's talking about, and my heart aches even more.
"So if there's an idiot between the two of us, it would be me..."
A choked laugh escapes me.
"I'm sorry, Sara. I'm sorry I had to hurt you and lose you before realizing..." He gulps visibly, and I have never seen him look so vulnerable. "I love you, Sara."
The words stun me, but it's the expression on his face as he says them that tears me into pieces.
I remember this look.
I remember this.
It reminds me of that time—-
You almost scare me, he once said.
And now I finally see for myself that it is true.
"Did you hear me, Sara?"
He seems to have mistaken my silence for hesitation, but when he forces himself to sit up, it's obvious that he's clearly hurting, and I start to shake my head. "Raaf, no—-"
But he appears to misunderstand this, too, and the next thing I know he's hauled me into his lap, his arms closing around me like he's become my own cage.
"You don't have to say the words back," he says raggedly. "Just come back to me. Please. Just come back, and I swear I'll do everything to earn your forgiveness and gain back your trust. Please just come back—-" His words break off when he feels me struggle, and I keep struggling until his arms reluctantly fall back to his side.
I lean back to look into his eyes, and everything I need to know is still in his gaze.
"I really do scare you, don't I? In fact, I scare you so much that you ended up convincing yourself it's better to let me go than see me leave."
"Yes." He sounds sick as he grits the word out, almost like he'd rather hang himself than say it.
"But what if I do leave? What then? Will you give me your word that you won't kidnap me again?"
Raaf's face turns ashen. "I want to, but...I can't promise something I know I won't—-"
"Exactly."
He looks at me, stunned. "Gerard used that word, too."
"Because great minds think alike," I tease him with a teary smile, "and you're the lone wolf who still hasn't smartened up." I clasp his cheeks and look into his blue, blue eyes so that he can't ever mistake my words for anything but the truth. "You love me, and you won't ever let go of me. If I try to leave you, you've also admitted that you won't be able to help it, and you'll just keep abducting me. If that's the case—-"
I pause for a moment, just to let the words sink in before I close my argument, which is...
"What if I tell you I love you, too, and that I was hoping you would never stop abducting me, every time I try to run away? What if I tell you that there'd always be a part of me that would remain as your captive, and I'd always want a part of you to stay as my captor?"
Raaf sucks his breath in, and hearing it tell me that finally, oh God, finally...
"What then?"
"Then I'd have nothing to be scared of."
I throw my arms around him with a wobbly laugh. "Exactly."
There's a slight pause on his end, and then Raaf mutters under his breath, "I'm starting to hate that fucking word."