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When I push open my front door later that evening, Sid is waiting, with an apron tied around his waist. I can’t help it. Laughter bursts from me like it’s been building up behind a dam.
“Oh my God! Wait! Wait. I have to get a picture.” I pull out my phone, and Sid strikes a pose. One hand behind his head, the other on his jutted-out hip, his leg bent at a jaunty angle.
“Where the hell did you get that?” I splutter, clicking the photo and taking in his pink frilly attire, patterned with tiny flowers.
“I went shopping. I make a good housewife, don’t I? I even make this shit look good.”
“Oh my God!” I laugh all the way to the kitchen, fill up the kettle, and flick it on.
“I got us Monopoly too,” he says casually, walking in behind me and leaning against the wall.
“Sid...”
“What?” he says in a high-pitched squawk, showing his palms to the ceiling. I grimace, and he steps in closer. “Don’t tell me you never think about it, Evie.”
“We were just kids.” I shake my head, not wanting to think about it at all.
“But I was your first. So, I know you must. Sometimes at least.”
“It was a long time ago. So much has changed. I’ve changed.”
“Not that much. I still—”
“Stop.” I close my eyes against the image of his tormented face. “Please. Just...stop.”
“I’m just saying...This doesn’t have to be all fake. Not if you don’t want it to be.”
“I love Will, Sid. I’m sorry.”
“I know. But, just for argument’s sake...” I draw a deep, shuddering breath and he continues. “I’d never do that to you, Evie.”
“Neither would he. He thought I was sleeping with Gary.” It was revenge. Payback. “He wouldn’t normally...” My words are barely there. Quieter than a whisper. But I know he heard me. He nods firmly and steps back.
“So, just Monopoly then. Minus the sex?”
“You’re not funny.” He grins and gives me a wink as he walks over to the boiling kettle.
“Tea?” I nod, but now I’m worried that this ruse is going to be hard on him. I had no idea...Maybe he’s just trying to make me feel better? Yes, that has to be it. He’s trying to make me feel pretty. In his own Sid way.
––––––––
Sid and I were barely more than children. It was Christmas Day. I turned eighteen the day before. Everyone else had gone to bed and left Sid and me to battle on with our game of Monopoly. That he was so cheating at. He was home on leave for the first time since joining the army, and I was so thrilled to have him back for a bit. He’d changed. Grown up. Manned up.
Things...escalated. From playful squabbling to flirting, to kissing and touching...to my first time. Sid was the first man I slept with. He was gentle and patient and made me feel special. When he told me that he’d always had a thing for me, I was flattered. I’d always liked him too. But we both knew my dad and Davey wouldn’t like it, so we kept it quiet. We were never a proper thing. Not really.
It was fun, having him as my secret boyfriend for a little while, but when he deployed for six months after joining Davey’s platoon, we decided we should call it off. Neither of us wanted to lie to Davey, and he’d never let it slide. His mate and his sister. I know how important it is for the guys to trust each other, so we never spoke of it again. Until now.
“I’m just going to get changed. I’ll only be a sec.” He nods but doesn’t turn around.
When I come back downstairs in comfy and, all importantly, stretchy leggings and an oversized hoody, Sid is studying a laptop, his hands braced on each side of the worktop. I move in behind him, peering over his shoulder.
“Is that...?” Sid nods slightly, his eyes glued to the monitor, his jaw set hard.
I watch the scene unfold, unblinking and unmoving, as a figure dressed all in black navigates around my office. When he sits at my desk and taps around on the computer, I gasp as his face is lit up, signifying that he’s just got it right—my password. Sid pulls up a split screen, and we’re looking at the same thing the intruder is.
I hold my breath as the intruder accesses my emails and types Will’s name into the search bar. He scans through my most recent correspondences to him and then...Oh. Fuck. No. He’s...
He clicks on compose. And I don’t want to watch. I want to run. But I can’t. I’m frozen. Sid grabs his phone and taps out a quick message, his eyes flicking from one device to the other.
“Eva. Go sit, darlin’. I’ve got this.” I want to. And I don’t want to. Tears spill from my eyes as I watch the words the man is typing appear on our screen; he attaches the photo and then a link for a divorce site.
No! No, Will. This was never a mistake. I don’t want your money. I love you. Please, please don’t believe that.
“This is so fucked up,” I choke. And I gasp, folding over at the middle when he hits send.
“I’ve got this. I have. Please. Go sit.”
“I need some air.” Sid nods again, his eyes fixed to the laptop.
––––––––
I want to run all the way to Mexico. I want to tell Will exactly what’s going on and make Davey come up with a different plan. I don’t want to do this anymore. The pain it’ll cause isn’t worth it. There must be another way.
I want to tell him that Sid is here, in the house I bought, pretending to be interested in me. In catching me on the rebound. I want to tell him why. To tell him that this is all part of the plan to bring his tormenter out from whatever rock he’s hiding under, when James Worth confirms that he’s successfully trapped me. And then, when he thinks I’m interested, we’ll turn them both in.
I want to tell him that I know he only did those things, because he thought I was too. He wouldn’t do that to me. I want to tell him I don’t believe that woman. I want to tell him I’m the only woman in this universe who’s really expecting his baby, and I can’t wait to meet her. That I hope she’s just like her daddy.
But I can’t do any of that. I can’t see him when he comes looking for me. I have to send him away or ignore him, because the most critical part of the plan is for Will to believe it. Just long enough for whoever is responsible for this to see it. To think they’ve won.
I sit on the grass under the only tree in my new garden, and I wish the world could stop. To let me get off. I am lost. I have no idea what I’m doing. Only why. This is for Will. I have to keep going.
***
Will has called and called. I switched my phone off.
He has turned up at my office building, and the security guard, Daryl, got knocked out in Will’s quest to get to me. Sid stopped him long enough for the police to arrive and arrest him for assault.
I could hear him screaming my name from the pavement below. I wanted nothing more than to go to him. To explain. I would have if Sid hadn’t stopped me. Physically restrained me.
“I hate you,” I snarled, when the panda car was out of sight, and he loosened his grip and received a swift elbow in the ribs for his trouble.
“I know,” he grunted. “But you’ll thank me one day.”
“Don’t fucking count on it,” I growled, before I stormed off to the rooftop terrace.
––––––––
As I sit, staring blankly at absolutely nothing, someone sits next to me. I glance up and blink to make my eyes focus. “Your tea looks cold,” Sid says with a sad smile, and a quick glance at the pale, insipid liquid in my cup with a pool of tannin floating on the top. I wonder, briefly, how long I’ve been sitting here.
“Yeah,” I croak. “It does a bit.” And then I burst into uncontrollable tears. Sid pulls me against his chest, and I grab fistfuls of his T-shirt as he manoeuvres me onto his lap. I bury my face in the dark material and cry. In the middle of a crowded café.
“Shh. Evie, it’s okay, honey. I’ve got you. It’s all going to be okay.” Sid repeats the words like a mantra. It doesn’t matter how many times he says them, I don’t believe a single one. How can it be?
When I’m quiet, he whispers in my ear, “Listen now. Your office has been bugged. We need to assume that the house has been too. I can’t check without raising suspicions. So, we’re going to have to play the part. You understand?”
My heart sinks further. Splinters a little bit more, and I nod. Yes. I understand. I know what I have to do. I take the tiny transmitter/tracker thing from Sid when he offers it to me, resigning myself to my fate.
––––––––
After a full hour, I walk back to my office, Sid at my side, and close the door, aware that everything I say and do is being broadcast somewhere. “Are you sure you want to stay today? I can take you home if you like?”
“Don’t you have somewhere else you’d rather be? Babysitting me is hardly a fun way to spend your leave, is it?”
“I’m going nowhere without you. You want me to go have some fun? You’re going to have to come too.”
“Oh yeah, ‘cause I’m a barrel of laughs right now.”
“I bet I could cheer you up.”
“Yeah?” I scoff. “Who are you? Dynamo?”
“You like Dynamo?
“I love him. I’m not one hundred percent convinced he’s human though.”
“Come with me.” Sid grabs my hand and pulls me up. “This is gonna be great. You’ll see.”
“Where are we going?”
“I know a guy.”
“Of course you do.”
***
I’m staring at this guy, whose name I didn’t get, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. “Wait! Wait. Do it again!” I demand, and he laughs.
“Again? Eva, you’re lucky I like you.”
“Please? One more time.”
I sit right on the edge of my seat, leaning forward over the table, not even caring that it’s sticky and now I am too, and keep my eyes glued to his hands on the Coke bottle. There’s no way. How? How can someone get a ring through glass without breaking it?
But he empties Sid’s ring out into his palm again, and seals the bottle with a stopper. And two seconds later, the ring is back inside the bottle, rolling around the bottom, and I’m still none the wiser.
“Huh. Can you teach me that?” I look up at him hopefully. He smiles and shakes his head, poking out the tip of his tongue.
“I told ya, didn’t I, Evie?” Sid laughs, his arm moving around my shoulders and pulling me against him.
“Yeah.” I shrug him off and sit back on my own chair. “Where did you learn it?” I ask the street magician eagerly. His eyes flick from me to Sid. I glance at Sid. “What?”
“Are you two...?” He makes a connection between us with his finger.
“No. So...”
“Yes.” Sid speaks at the same time I do. “Well, I’m tryin’.”
“Sid. Shut up.” I keep my eyes on the magician. “Can you at least tell me where I can learn it?”
“Ask Davey, Eva. He knows where,” Sid says, in a low baritone.
“Does he?” I gasp. I pull out my phone, ready to ask him right now.
“You know Davey? Davey Adams?”
“Aha. He’s my brother.” I hit Davey’s name in my contacts, and the guy’s chin hits the table.
“What?” I mouth, listening to the phone ring out. I drum my fingers, impatiently waiting for him to pick up. “Huh. He must be busy.” I hang up and put the phone back in my bag. “Thank you. That was g...great?” I look from Sid to the other guy. “What?” I demand again, slamming my hand on the table.
“I’ve heard about you. Blue,” he says, his eyes running over my face in a different way.
“Funny, he’s never mentioned you.” I know what he’s heard. I can see it from the look in his eyes. Poor little Eva. I direct my attention back to Sid. “Can we go eat? I could eat a scabby donkey and go back for the rider.”
Sid shrugs and stands. “There’s a smokehouse a few streets away.”
“Great.”
“I don’t think they do donkey though. Scabby or otherwise.”
“Funny.” Sid offers me his arm, and I wrap my hand around his bicep.
“Thanks, Tony. That was great. We’ll catch up before I go back out.”
“Sure. Good to meet you, Blue.” I try to smile and not scowl. I hate it when anyone but Davey calls me that. I don’t know why.
***
It’s been the longest week ever known to man. I have to wear the bloody tracker/transmitter thing every waking hour, just in case. Like clockwork, Will calls. He has a restraining order against him now, apparently. He can’t come anywhere near Daryl’s place of work until the court case. I just want to go curl up and die.
So, I’m really glad when James Worth turns up the following Monday and finds me picking at a sandwich. “Oh, I think we can do better than that.” He wrinkles his nose at the contents of my plate.
“Hi, James. Is everything okay?”
“No, it’s not. It looks like my event planner is eating evidence.”
“Sorry?” I glance at my sandwich, confused.
“That. Is a crime against taste buds.” He picks it up and marches it over to a bin. I can’t believe he just did that! That was my bloody lunch! “Now, after seeing what you eat when left to your own devices, I insist you accompany me to lunch. Even if just for educational purposes.”
“Well, since you just chucked my lunch in the bin, I don’t have much choice, do I?” He gives me a smile. I stand and follow him out the door, hoping the person on the other end of the bloody tracker thing is awake and on it.
“In the interest of a fully rounded education, in the culinary delights of London, are you happy to allow me to suggest a venue?”
“Sure.” I shrug.
***
“Where have you been?” Sid demands, when I push open my front door that evening.
“At work,” I tell him dismissively.
“I came to see you at lunchtime.”
“Oh! Yeah, I went out for lunch. With a client.” Sid’s eyebrow cocks in the same way his mother’s does when she knows there’s more to it. “I’m going to get changed.”
“Which client?” Sid asks, dashing after me and catching my elbow before I hit the stairs.
“James. Worth. You met him.”
“That guy,” Sid sneers. “He fancies you.”
“Sid. You think every man who looks at me fancies me.”
“They do,” he growls. I yank my arm away furiously.
“What’s it to you if they do! What difference would it make to you if I screwed every bloody one of them!” I yell, and he drops his eyes.
“None at all,” he mutters, and stomps off to the kitchen.
I dash up the stairs with adrenaline flying through my veins. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I’m sure Sid is handling everything a lot better than I am. I was never much of an actress. That’s why I took the dance lessons.
I shower fast and drag on my leggings and hoody before I leave the bathroom. Sid is waiting with an apology cuppa. “I’m sorry, Evie...I was hoping to see you, was all. I wanted to take you for lunch.” I give him a little smile and draw a big breath. Here it comes. “There’s always tomorrow.”
“Um...actually...I’m going to be out all day tomorrow. We’re going to look at venues.”
“We?” Sid spits.
“Yes. We. The client needs to see them too. He’s very hands on.”
“I bet he fuckin’ is.”
“Oh, Sid, get your mind out of the gutter.” Sid stalks over to his bedroom and slams the door, taking my tea with him.
I tilt my face to the ceiling and the camera that’s recording my every move. I hope you’re getting this, people. And I hope you swallow every bloody word. I want my life back. Sid’s door is wrenched open.
“Do you fancy him?” he growls.
“What?” I laugh.
“You heard me. Do you want to sleep with him?”
“Sid...” I close my eyes, not wanting to say the words I need to speak. But I have to end this.
“C’mon, Evie. This guy is all over you. He wants in your pants. You going to let him?”
“Probably. Yes,” I spit, right back at him. And then I screw my face up against the bitter taste that statement leaves in my mouth. Sid does a good job of looking hurt. “Si...great,” I huff, as his door slams again. I walk over to his door and raise my fist to knock, but turn and walk away before I do. It would be a good idea to let him cool down first. If this were a real fight.
––––––––
I jog downstairs and into the kitchen, and pick up Sid’s cuppa on the side. I’m about to take a sip when I remember how much sugar he has in his tea, and flick the kettle on again instead. I rub at the tense spot between my eyes as I wait for the water to boil, and go in search of my phone when it rings.
Bells’s face is lighting up the screen. I can’t. She’ll see right through me. So, I let it go to voicemail but don’t listen to the message she left. When she calls back, I wait for it to ring off and then power it down. I don’t need this. I don’t need any more shit piled on top of this shit.
I make myself a fresh cuppa and then go get comfy on the sofa. I should probably rest. I should probably get an early night. There are lots of things I should probably do. I’m aware of the baby growing inside me, and I’m aware I need to appear unconcerned about her. My hands clench into fists as I make them stay at my sides.
I kick my feet up and close my eyes. Just for a minute. It’s nearly over. He’s nearly free. Will can choose then, what he wants to do. All I can do is hope he chooses me. Even after this.
––––––––
When I wake in the morning, it’s in my bed with Sid lying beside me, his arm heavy across my stomach. I wonder briefly if he’s been there all night as I gently lift his arm and roll out of bed. Today, I need to convince James. Convince him that he stands a chance. That I might sleep with him if he were to make a move. The thought of him touching me makes me shiver. Eww!
“It doesn’t have to be...much. But I need evidence of physical contact, Blue. Anything. But if you can get him into a hotel room or something...even better.”
The image of Davey’s face as he said those words before I left Mexico will never leave me. Like he didn’t want to ask, but he had to. Because he knew I’d do it, if I... if there was no other choice. He told me there wasn’t.
I grab some clean clothes and creep out of my bedroom, hoping Sid doesn’t wake, and make my way to the bathroom. James will be picking me up at nine.
––––––––
“Morning,” I greet Sid with caution as he strolls into the kitchen in just his boxers.
“Morning,” he grunts.
“I’m heading into work in about ten—”
“I know.” He fills a pint glass with water and downs it.
“Heavy night?”
“I thought you were going to work.”
“I am.” I wait for him to turn around and face me, but he doesn’t. So, I pick up my bag and head for the door. I’ll just hang around at the station. I hate fighting with Sid. Even when it’s just for show.
He grabs my arm before I can twist the latch. I spin around. “Kiss me. Just once. Kiss me and tell me you don’t want me.”
“Sid.” I shake my head and try to step away. He follows, backing me up against the door.
“One time. That’s all I’m asking.”
“No,” I whisper.
“Why not?” he whispers back, his hands lifting to my hair, his eyes probing mine. “You worried you’ll like it, Evie? That you won’t make it to work this morning? That you’ll be in my bed tonight?” He leans in closer, talks softer. “Again?”
“Stop it.” This isn’t part of the plan. He told anyone who’s watching we have already slept together. Even if it was a decade ago.
“Make me,” he challenges. Holy shit. I don’t know if he’s playing or not. But when his lips get too close to mine, I know I don’t want him to kiss me, even if it is pretend. My knee comes up hard and fast, and I shove his shoulders when he grunts and doubles over, sending him stumbling enough to get the hell out of here.
I jump into my car and take off like a bat out of hell. What the fuck was that! I’ve never been scared of Sid, but right now, I don’t want to be anywhere near him. And that’s going to be difficult since he’s living in my house. I need to not be there tonight. I need to stay somewhere else. My only option is a hotel. I can’t stay somewhere he’ll check. And I can’t see anyone I know. They’ll ask too many questions. I need to feel like I have somewhere to go tonight, and I also don’t feel like I can go to my own office, since Sid is bound to be right behind me. So I drive.
I drive right into central London, leave my car in a multistorey car park, and head for the nearest hotel on foot. How the hell does this keep happening to you? my brain sneers, as I practically jog along the street, sticking to the thickest parts of the rush-hour crowds and ducking under the welcoming canopy of the first hotel I see.
“Hi, I need a room, please,” I call out to the gobsmacked receptionist as I jog towards her. She’s looking at me like I just escaped from an institution. I glance around and realise I’ve picked a pretty exclusive hotel. It’s all uniforms and chandeliers. Fuck it. I smile and stand straighter as I pull out my card.
“I’m afraid we only have a suite available, madam,” she says, sizing me up.
“Great. Thanks.” I push the card towards her.
“That’s one thousand pounds per night.” I nod, and glance over my shoulder, hoping I’m still alone. “How many nights will you be staying, madam?”
“Umm...how long is it available?”
“It’s free for the next fifteen nights.”
“Great. Thanks.” I look around sharply at the bang of the door, but it’s just a doorman. Thank God. I glance back at the receptionist. “So... is that it? Booked?”
“You’d like to book? For fifteen nights. For fifteen thousand pounds?”
“Yeeess?” Isn’t that what I said? She slowly reaches for my card and taps in my details. When she slides the key over to me, I take it and follow her directions to my new home.