CHAPTER
Thirty-four

Esther sprang to her feet the moment the door opened and Hathach stepped across the threshold. She returned to the garden and he followed her.

“Tell me what he said.” She did not sit this time but stood with him in a different secluded area far from the guards.

He paused. “You may not like what he said.”

“I often don’t like what he tells me. Speak.” Her heart pounded, and she fought the impatience of not knowing.

Hathach told Esther what Mordecai had said, and she felt the blood drain from her face. She looked about for a place to sit, but they were far from benches. Hathach took her arm and led her to one, where she sat hard, feeling as though Mordecai’s words had knocked the breath from her. He was right, of course. How could she have ever thought it possible that she had become queen on her own? Surely God had put her here for a reason. Hadn’t she always known it? And now the reason could not be more obvious or the need more great.

The thought of approaching Xerxes unannounced and uninvited sent a ripple of fear rushing through her.

“I do not want to die,” she whispered, not looking at Hathach. She was young. Had never even borne a child.

“Of course not, my queen. And you do not have to do as Mordecai requests. Your secret is yours, and I have promised to protect you.”

“But what of the women and children who have been dealt the certainty of death by Haman’s decree? They deserve life as much as I do.” She looked at him, but he merely nodded. What could he say? He was loyal to her alone, not to the thousands of Jewish people who had one year left to live.

“My life is not my own,” she said after a lengthy pause. “I am a Jew, and the God of my people has given me this opportunity.” She could risk her life and save her people or die trying. But her life would not last long on this earth if she did nothing.

She straightened and smoothed imaginary wrinkles from her royal robe. “Return to Mordecai and tell him this: ‘Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I must die.’” She ignored the dismay on Hathach’s face, released a long-held breath, and stood.

Hathach walked beside her into her chambers, then left to do her bidding.

Mordecai stood when he glimpsed Hathach emerge through the arch of the palace gate. He met him and walked with him to a secluded area outside of the square.

“What did she say?” He had no patience to wait for the eunuch to speak. His heart had pounded since the moment he had declared what Esther must do. And he had questioned whether she would listen in the many moments since.

“She said to tell you to gather all of the Jews in Susa to fast from food and drink for three days, night and day. She and her maids will do the same. Then she will go to the king.” He paused, his brow furrowed. “She added, ‘If I must die, I must die.’”

Mordecai felt the tension seep from his shoulders, but as he studied Hathach’s expression, he frowned. “You do not approve of her decision.”

“It is not my place to approve or disapprove of what the queen decides to do.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I did promise to keep her secret and to protect her should she decide to remain silent. I cannot tell you that I find this choice to be a wise one.”

Mordecai scratched at the burlap above his shoulder. “You have every right to feel as you do, and I thank you for your willingness to protect my daughter. But she is doing her part to protect far more people than simply herself. Tell her I will do as she has asked.”

Hathach simply nodded, and Mordecai turned to walk back toward the area where most of the Jews lived. He understood Hathach’s devotion and felt gratitude toward the man. But this was far bigger than Esther’s safety. If they did nothing to save their people, God would surely judge them. God had given Esther a great gift and position that no one else could claim.

So he would do as she asked. He would fast, and he would pray. Oh how very much he would pray.

Esther ordered her guards to find her a copy of the scroll of Isaiah, something Mordecai had memorized and taught to her but that had not been in the forefront of her mind in years. She needed its comfort now, if such a copy could be found without giving away more than she intended. She also ordered the guards to keep everyone from entering her rooms for three days. Only her maids remained with her. Not even Hathach joined them.

“I am going to ask you to do something for me,” she said as the girls gathered around her, sitting on the floor at her feet. “What I am about to tell you will not leave this room until I am able to tell the king. So for the next three days, you will remain with me. The guards have orders to keep anyone from coming in or going out.”

Parisa tilted her head, her expression curious. Zareen’s brow furrowed in obvious concern. The others had expressions ranging from wide-eyed fear to anxiety. But none spoke as they waited for her to explain.

“How many of you are aware of the decree that Haman sent out in the king’s name to destroy the Jews throughout the kingdom?” She searched each face.

“The servants can talk of nothing else, my queen,” Parisa said. “The news has thrown Susa into utter despair.”

“And what is the general feeling among the servants? Do they side with the decree?” Fear of the response niggled at the back of her mind, but she shoved the feeling away. She must be strong, whether her maids agreed with her or not.

“Most everyone in the palace does not like the man, my queen,” Mahin said. “The truth is, most people think he is arrogant and no one trusts him. But they fear him. He has great power.” Her words ended in a mere whisper.

Esther nodded. “Then you will understand when I tell you that I, too, fear him. And I fear what will happen when I attempt to approach the king in three days without an invitation.”

Gasps came from each young woman.

“No, my lady, you can’t!”

“You risk your life!”

“Why would you do such a thing?”

She raised a hand to silence them. “Because I must do something to save my people.” She let her comment hang in the silence.

“You are a Jew,” Parisa said at last. “You are also in danger.”

“Whether I am in danger or not, I do not know. No one knows of my heritage. Only Hathach and you. But soon I will tell the king, because if I do not speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, who will? I cannot remain silent when the lives of women and children and all of our men could be lost in less than a year.”

“But if the king does not receive you . . .” Mahin did not finish the sentence.

“Then he will never know,” Zareen said. “And your people will be lost.”

“It is a risk I must take.” Esther looked beyond them. “This is why I am asking all of you to fast with me for three days. Do not eat or drink, night or day. Then I will go to the king.”

“Anything, my queen,” Parisa said, leaning closer to Esther’s feet. “We will do whatever you ask.”

Murmurs of agreement followed Parisa’s remark, and Esther breathed a prayer of thanks for their loyalty. She did not ask her maids to pray to the God they did not know. Although she had not asked her father to pray either, she knew he and the other Jews would do nothing less.

She would also pray as she fasted. She would pray the prayers of King David when he begged for release from his enemies. Though she had no copies of the Torah or the Hebrew poetry, she would pray what she remembered from her childhood.

And perhaps she would pray words of her own making, as David had done. Didn’t God respond to a seeking heart? Didn’t He hear the cries of His people?

Surely the God who saw Hagar in the desert could see her in the palace. Both of them in circumstances they had not chosen. Yet God had met Hagar there. Esther would fast and hope that He would meet her too.

On the third day of the fast, Esther awakened with the dawn and picked up the scroll they had found for her. She read again the words that had burned within her for three days.

No, this is the kind of fasting I want:

Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;

lighten the burden of those who work for you.

Let the oppressed go free,

and remove the chains that bind people.

Share your food with the hungry,

and give shelter to the homeless.

Give clothes to those who need them,

and do not hide from relatives who need your help.

Then your salvation will come like the dawn,

and your wounds will quickly heal.

Your godliness will lead you forward,

and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind.

Then when you call, the LORD will answer.

“Yes, I am here,” he will quickly reply.

She drank in the words. Though her whole body begged for water, she refused to quench her thirst with anything other than Isaiah’s words. She had no appetite despite her days without food. Only resignation and a sense of commitment resided inside of her, in a place of strength she did not know she possessed.

The hour of decision had come, and she would know before the sun rose to its midday height whether she would live or die. Strange how one felt about life when its end could be so close.

She rose and bathed, and Parisa helped her to dress in her royal robes. Shirin pulled her hair into a style reminiscent of her first night with the king. Mahin covered her glowing black tresses with a colorful veil. Hettie placed the royal crown on her head and a ring on her finger. Rosana tucked jeweled sandals on her feet. And Jazmin spritzed the faint scent of lavender over her clothes.

Peace settled over Esther as Zareen held the golden mirror before her. She was ready. As ready as she was going to be. Olive oil moistened her lips, lest she appear as though she had been mourning. The king must not know that yet.

“Shall we go with you?” Parisa asked, concern etched in her gaze. None of them looked at peace—not like the peace that Esther felt—but none of them had prayed as Esther had prayed, at least not with the knowledge she had. How could they? They had no idea what trials her people had been through. They did not know the history the Jews had with Haman’s people or how the Amalekites had attacked them when they were vulnerable on their journey out of Egypt. Hostility had existed between the Amalekites and the Israelites ever since.

She looked at each one, cupped each dear cheek. “You have been a blessing to me these past three days. But now it is up to me to attempt what I did not think I could ever do.” She drew in a breath. “If I do not return, please know that I could have chosen no better maids. But do not mourn for me. Mourn for my people, and do what you can to tell your family and friends that we are not your enemies. Perhaps you will make a difference in my place.”

She turned and headed toward the door to the sound of their quiet weeping. She straightened as she opened the door and met the guards standing there. “Take me to the inner court of the palace.”

Two guards glanced at her, their expressions grim. But they did not try to dissuade her. She knew better than most what the law said. They could be escorting her to her final moments on earth. But neither guard spoke as they walked with her down the long hall and around several bends until at last they came to the inner court. She moved past them and stood alone, looking toward the throne, where her husband sat facing the entrance to his hall.

She watched him, trying to read his expression, her confidence threatening to waver. Time stilled as she waited. He looked her up and down, and then slowly a smile lit his face. He extended the royal scepter to her.

Relief flooded her, and sudden weakness in her knees added to her already weak state. But she stood taller, straightening her spine, and pushed one foot in front of the other down the long corridor toward the throne. At last she reached the end of the tile, where no one other than the king was allowed to pass, then bowed low, extended her right hand, and touched the end of the golden scepter.

“Queen Esther, my love. What can I do for you? What is your request? I will give it to you, even if it is half the kingdom!” It was a common saying of favor, even if he did not literally mean it.

Yet his words were far more than she had dreamed in her most desperate prayer. Her breath longed to escape in a rush, but she held herself in check. “If it pleases the king,” she said, offering him a gentle smile, one he would surely remember, “let the king and Haman come today to a banquet I have prepared for the king.”

Xerxes kept his expression neutral, but she saw the appreciation in his eyes. How she missed time with him.

He held her gaze for a lengthy moment, then turned to his attendants. “Tell Haman to come quickly to a banquet, as Esther has requested.” He looked again into her eyes, his own shining with the joy she so dearly missed. “Is there anything else, my love?” he said softly.

“The king is already most gracious to grant my request.” She sensed a desire in him to say more, but she knew he wouldn’t. She bowed low and backed from his presence, her heart singing.

Now there was much to do to have a banquet ready for the king by eventide. She left the inner court and hurried down the halls, her guards barely able to keep up. First she must have water. Then a date and some cheese. “Send for all of my attendants and servants,” she told the guards as she flew down the hall. “We have a banquet to prepare.”