I don’t have any nightmares, but I don’t sleep well either.
I spend the few remaining hours of night on Gabriela’s bedroom floor. She’s given me pillows and a blanket, and I lie on my back staring at the ceiling. Carlos’s gun—a nine-millimeter Glock—is only inches away. If need be, I can grab it within seconds.
Sleep comes and goes, and in the morning when Gabriela stirs, I’m already wide-awake.
She sits up and looks down at me, frowning.
“Didn’t you get any sleep?”
“Maybe an hour or two.”
“You look exhausted.”
“I am exhausted.”
“Is it because you’re on the floor? If you want, you can try to sleep in my bed.”
“I’m okay.”
I’m not, though, and it’s obvious. It’s been days since I got a full six hours of sleep. They say the body needs at least eight hours of sleep, and maybe that’s true, but in my line of work, I’m lucky if I can get six consecutive hours.
Except I’m not in any line of work anymore. Those days are behind me. Now I’m … well, just what the hell am I?
Gabriela takes a shower in the bathroom down the hall. I lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling, deciding what needs to be done next. When Gabriela enters the bedroom, wrapped in a towel, she tosses an extra towel at me.
“Are you going to shower?”
Oh yes.
Standing under the warm water beating on my skin, I’m half tempted to close my eyes and fall asleep. But I don’t. I’m in and out, as fast as possible, and when I return to Gabriela’s room she has some clothes waiting for me.
“We’re about the same size. You’re a little thinner than me, but I think these clothes will fit you.”
I thank her for the thought but tell her I’ll just wear the clothes from yesterday again.
She shakes her head.
“Absolutely not. They’re filthy. And there’s even some blood on them.”
In the end I relent. Her jeans and T-shirt fit just fine, and once I’m dressed and have my hair dry, I head downstairs to find Gabriela has woken her grandmother from her grandmother’s first-floor bedroom. She helps her grandmother into the kitchen. She pulls out a chair at the table and eases her grandmother down.
Her grandmother smiles at me, as if just seeing me for the first time.
“Buenos días.”
I smile and nod and repeat the same.
Gabriela drifts over to the refrigerator, glances back at me.
“Would you like breakfast? We normally only have protein shakes in the morning, but we have some eggs and bread if you’d like that.”
“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
Gabriela pulls out the milk and sets it on the counter, then reaches up into a cabinet and pulls down three glasses. She unscrews the top off a plastic container and uses a plastic scoop to fill each glass with some protein powder, and she fills those glasses with milk and stirs them with a whisk. She hands the first glass to me, then takes the other glass over to her grandmother. Her grandmother smiles at her again, and there’s an instant where confusion flashes in her eyes before she blinks it away. Gabriela puts a straw in the glass and holds the glass so her grandmother can drink.
I sip from my own glass, watching them.
Once Gabriela’s grandmother finishes the remains of her protein shake, Gabriela rinses the glass out in the sink, sets it aside, and then turns back to her own shake. She drains the entire glass down in what seems like one nonstop gulp. She rinses out her glass, takes my empty glass and rinses it out too.
I say, “Now what?”
Gabriela glances at her grandmother, answering me with a low whisper.
“Now I need to bathe her. Probably change her diaper, too. I’m sorry, but it’s probably going to take a while.”
I shake my head.
“No need to apologize. Take all the time you need. I think it’s great what you do for her.”
Gabriela shrugs and offers up a somber smile.
“She is the only family I have.”
Gabriela’s grandmother sits at the table, staring into the distance, like she doesn’t even know we’re there.
I ask, “Does anybody check in on her when you’re not home?”
“I’ve hired a woman to check in on her for a couple hours each day. She helps clean the kitchen, do the laundry, that sort of thing.”
“Have you given any thought about what I said last night?”
Gabriela pauses, thinking about it, and smiles again. Only this time the smile is brighter.
“Of course I’m not going to quit. I knew what I was getting into when I started this. It’s scary, but somebody needs to do it.”
She pauses, looks at me again.
“What are you planning to do today?”
“I want to go back to La Miserias.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“I can give you a ride there once I finish here.”
“I’ll find a ride.”
Gabriela smiles.
“You mean steal a ride.”
“Borrow would be a less sinister word.”
“I’m happy to drive you, but first let me bathe my grandmother. It won’t take too long, I promise.”