thirty-one

It was almost ten when Rafe returned home Saturday night. He slowed down to make the turn to his place. His thoughts were troubled. For the first time, he hadn’t experienced a sense of pride and accomplishment when making a delivery. He hadn’t cared about the praise or the offer of referrals or even the check he’d tucked absently in his shirt pocket. All he could think about was Kristen and the devastated look on her face when he said good-bye.

It was like a knife to his gut. She’d thank him one day, but now she had to hate him for taking her virginity and leaving her with nothing, not even a kiss good-bye.

Rafe saw the motion light had been triggered before his truck straightened on the mile-long driveway. He wasn’t concerned. A small animal could activate it. As he neared his shop, he saw the beat-up station wagon. Frowning, he pulled up just as a slender young man jumped out of the front seat. He appeared to be in his early twenties and wore a black-and-white striped shirt.

“Hi, your name Rafe?”

“Yes, can I help you?”

“I got a delivery for you. Kinda hoping you’d be a little longer. She’s paying me to wait as long as it takes.” He opened the back door and leaned down. “Wake up and come here.” He straightened and turned with a fat, black puppy and promptly handed the animal to Rafe.

Automatically, Rafe accepted the dog. His calloused hand unconsciously, gently stroked the shivering animal. “What are you doing?”

“I told you. Making a delivery.” The young man grinned, patting the dog on its broad head. “She paid me twenty dollars an hour to wait. Said she didn’t want to leave him in a cage or anything.” He glanced around cautiously. “You don’t really have an alligator around here, do you?”

Rafe tensed. “Kristen sent you?”

“Yeah, that’s her. Some babe, ain’t she?”

At Rafe’s hard look, the young man backed up with both hands outstretched. “Just making an observation, man. She wasn’t paying attention to me or any of the guys. She was just looking for him.” He pointed to the puppy. “He’s pure Lab. Protective and loves water. He’ll be good company for you, she said.”

Even hurting, she’d thought of him. He deserved to rot in hell. “I don’t want him.” Rafe tried to hand the animal back.

Hands upraised, the young man took another step back. “No can do. She said you might try to give him back. He’s bought and paid for. Besides, she gave me an extra fifty to make sure he stays. Wouldn’t wanna upset the lady any more now, would you?”

That caught Rafe’s attention more than the soft lick on his hand. “She was upset?”

“Crying like a faucet.” The deliveryman opened the car door. “Women get emotional over the strangest things. I better be going.” He handed Rafe a thick envelope with his free hand. “His papers, shots, diet, and all that good stuff. You’d be surprised what stupid things people feed puppies.” He slipped inside the station wagon. “Any problems, our number is on the front of the envelope.”

Rafe gazed at the fading taillights, then down at the dog that had gone to sleep in his arms. How had she known that he’d always wanted a dog? His father had coon dogs, but they were for hunting, not for playing with. “I can’t keep you.”

He’d have to take him back. He climbed into his truck.

*   *   *

Seventeen minutes later, Rafe rang Kristen’s doorbell. The sleeping puppy in his arms didn’t stir at the sound. Impatiently, he rang again. He glanced at his watch: 10:32. She had to be at home. The thought went through his mind that she might suspect it was him and just not answer. He didn’t blame her.

Determined to leave the dog, he went next door to Angelique’s. She could take care of the animal until morning. He wasn’t becoming attached to another thing he’d have to give up. Kristen was enough.

The door opened. Angelique stood there, with Damien directly behind her. Neither appeared happy to see him. “Hi, Angelique. Kristen didn’t answer. I need you to keep him until morning.” He held the dog out to her.

Angelique folded her arms over her black top. “Kristen gave him to you.”

“I can’t keep him.” Just like he couldn’t keep Kristen.

“You’ll have to see Kristen about that.”

Regret entered his voice. “She won’t answer the door.”

“She isn’t there to answer it.”

“Where is she?” he asked, fear shooting through him as he whipped his head back around toward her door.

“Shreveport.”

He whirled back around. “Shreveport? Is everything all right?”

“She just wanted to be around people who loved her unconditionally.”

Rafe winced and drew the puppy closer to his chest. “When is she coming back?”

“I don’t know. She quit her job.”

Rafe shut his eyes. He’d done it again. Forced her to leave another job.

A gentle hand on his arm caused his eyes to snap open. “Kristen cares about you. If you care about her, you know where to find her in Shreveport.”

“She’s better off without me,” he said, each word more painful than the last.

“Kristen doesn’t think so.” Angelique reached out to stroke the dozing puppy. “She didn’t want you to be by yourself ever again.”

It was best that he stay by himself. Kristen had learned that the hard way. “He’ll be all over the shop and into everything.” He tried again to give the dog to Angelique. “You keep him.”

“There’s a no-animal rule in my sublease,” she told him, looking not the least bit unhappy about the restriction.

Rafe looked at Damien.

“Sorry, man.” Damien held up both hands, palms out. “Same rule in my building.”

“What am I going to do with him?” Rafe asked quietly, then looked down at the puppy.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Angelique said with an encouraging smile.

Looking a bit dazed, Rafe walked away.

Angelique watched Rafe walk as if every step were an effort as she felt Damien’s arms go around her waist. “They’re both hurting.”

“You gave him something to think about.” He nuzzled her ear.

“You helped.” She turned in his arms, backed him inside, closed the door, and kissed him. “You’ve seen Mrs. King next door with her silky terrier.”

He gathered her closer. “I like Kristen and want her to have what we have.”

Angelique’s heart hammered in her chest. “It wasn’t easy.”

“Someone once said nothing worthwhile ever is.”

She smiled up at him, loving him more each time she saw him. “They could certainly be talking about us in some ways, but in others we don’t have any problems,” she said, feeling his hardness pressing against her.

“You do have that effect on me.” He stared deep into her eyes. “I love you.”

The room swirled. Angelique fought off the dizziness and gripped his arms. “W-what did you say?”

“I love you,” he repeated softly, finding the words were as easy the second time as they had been the first. There wasn’t the slightest urge to run for the door. He could spend the rest of his days with this woman and die a happy man. When it was right, it was easy. “I want to wake up with you in the morning and go to sleep at night with you in my arms.”

She swallowed. Swallowed again, then drew in a deep breath. “You want us to move in together?”

“That’s what married people do, isn’t it?”

Tears streamed down her cheeks.

Alarm and fear gripped him. “Please don’t say no! I never knew I could love as deeply and completely as I love you.”

She grabbed him around the neck, squeezing him, laughing and crying. “I never thought … I hoped … I prayed … I love you so much.”

Damien didn’t mind in the least that she had a death grip on his neck. “So your answer would be…”

She leaned back, grinning at him. “Yes.”

“Do we call your parents or my father first?”

“We can do a three-way and tell them together—then afterwards I have plans for you.”

*   *   *

Rafe sat in his truck for a long time outside Kristen’s apartment, just holding the puppy, before he settled the sleeping animal next to his thigh and started the motor. He turned onto Canal Street and headed for the freeway. He saw the sign for I-20, the way to Shreveport. Gripping the steering wheel, he kept going.

At his apartment, he found a box for the puppy, padded it with a couple of his old shirts, put the animal inside, then sat down beside the box in the kitchen. His hand was on the animal, but his mind was on Kristen.

He could give her nothing. She was better off without him. He kept telling himself that until he couldn’t take it any longer.

Picking up the box, he came to his feet. “Come on, we have a trip to make.”

*   *   *

Rafe pulled up in front of Kristen’s parents’ rambling, single-story house just as dawn broke. The exclusive neighborhood was quiet except for the occasional bark of a dog. Rubbing his hand over his face, Rafe cast a glance at Sleepy. He hadn’t meant to name the dog—naming meant establishing a connection, and he wasn’t keeping him.

He had been on the highway for almost four hours, stopping only for gas and a doggy break because if he didn’t see Kristen soon he felt as if his soul would die.

When he did see her, what was he going to say? Here’s your dog back? I’m rejecting him just like I rejected you? Sorry I ruined your life?

He glanced at his watch: 6 A.M. Her stepfather was a doctor. Shouldn’t he be up early to get to his office or make rounds? Hoping that was the case and that they wouldn’t throw him out, he got out of the truck, closing the door softly so as not to wake the puppy.

Knowing he’d choke if he thought about it, he rang the doorbell, then stuck his nervous hands in his pockets. The door opened. His hands came out of his pockets. At least her stepfather was up.

Jonathan wore a crisp white shirt, charcoal slacks, and a gray tie. From the hard glare he sent Rafe, he wasn’t too pleased to see him this early in the morning, even if he was up. Leaving didn’t cross Rafe’s mind. “Good morning, Jonathan. I came to see Kristen.”

Jonathan saw the haggard look on Rafe’s face and decided against rearranging it. “Come in.”

“Who is it, Jonathan?” Eleanor said as she came around the corner. Her surprised gaze matched her husband’s when she saw Rafe. He looked terrible.

Rafe snatched the baseball cap from his head. “Good morning, Mrs. Delacroix. Is it all right if I see Kristen?”

Eleanor looked at her husband. A silent message passed between them. She looked back at Rafe. “Did you just arrive?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, his gaze searching behind her.

“When was the last time you slept?” Jonathan asked as he closed the door.

Rafe shrugged. “You think she’s up?”

“I’ll get her,” Eleanor said. “Take Rafe to the kitchen and pour some coffee in him before he falls down.”

“I don’t want to put you to any trouble,” he said, but Eleanor had already disappeared.

“Come on, Rafe.” Jonathan took him by the arm. “You’ll learn as you get older that arguing with a woman is a waste of time and effort.”

Rafe didn’t answer, just looked in the direction Eleanor had disappeared.

*   *   *

“Kristen, wake up.” Eleanor gently touched Kristen’s shoulder. “Rafe’s here.”

The sleepiness in her eyes vanished. She came upright. “Rafe’s here?”

“Yes. He’s in the kitchen with Jonathan.” Eleanor helped Kristen into her heavy silk, peach-colored robe. “He looks terrible. It’s the only thing that kept Jonathan from beating him to a pulp—and my trying to help.”

“I love him, Mother,” Kristen said, then rushed out the door.

Seeing him sitting at the kitchen table staring morosely into his coffee cup, she pulled to a halt. She’d never wanted to see him unhappy again. “Rafe.”

He jerked his head up. His eyes widened. He came out of the padded side chair so fast it toppled over. He didn’t notice that, or Jonathan leaving the room with Eleanor. Rafe never slowed in his mad dash to reach Kristen. “What’s the matter?” He gently palmed her cheeks, his gaze quickly running over her. “You sick?”

With her eyes red and puffy from crying, no make-up, and her hair like a bird’s nest, she probably looked terrible. “I’m pregnant.”

Rafe’s eyes went round. The brief sparkle of happiness in his eyes died instantly. Releasing her, he stepped back. “No. No you can’t be.”

“I am,” she said, her voice thick with unshed tears. “I haven’t been to the doctor yet, but I know. I’m never late.”

“But … but … you said.”

“I lied. I didn’t want you to feel responsible or guilty.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “You’d make a wonderful father and I love this baby.”

His gaze dropped to her abdomen. He shook his head in denial. When he lifted his eyes they were bleak. “I can’t be the father and husband you both deserve.”

“Rafe, you are the only man who can be,” Kristen told him, her heart breaking for all three of them. “I fell in love with your gentleness as much as your strength and determination to succeed.”

“Can’t you understand? I can’t take the chance that I might be like my father or his father.” He swallowed. “I’d die before I hurt you or our baby.”

“Rafe, you won’t,” she told him, catching his trembling hands, tightening her grip when he tried to pull away. “You’re so patient with Adam Jr. and the students. You’ll make a terrific father and husband.”

He tugged again, this time managing to free his hands. “I … I’ll set up a fund for you and the baby. I … I’ll have a lawyer contact you.”

“Rafe, please! Don’t walk away from us,” she cried.

His eyes flashed. “You think I want to walk away from you, from the baby we created, from having a normal life? My first memory is of him paddling my backside with his leather belt. I kept screaming for him to stop, but he just kept on beating me all the while, telling me how worthless I was. I couldn’t have been more than three.” Rafe sucked in a ragged breath. “The only hugs came from my mother … if he wasn’t around. She feared him as much as she loved him. She’d come to me after he had beat the hell out of me and tell me he didn’t mean to leave welts and bruises.”

“Rafe.” She reached for him.

He held up his hands. “No. I’m not fit to be around you. Goodbye.” He left with the sound of Kristen calling his name, her voice choked. Gritting his teeth, he kept walking.

Outside, he opened the truck door and Sleepy unfolded his fat body and wagged his tail in greeting. Rafe picked up the only link to Kristen he’d ever have. He wasn’t ever coming back or seeing her again.

The cell phone on his belt loop rang. Automatically, he answered. “Yes.”

“Rafe?”

The hesitancy in his stepmother’s voice instantly alerted him. “Lilly, what is it?”

“Rafe, I’m at the hospital with Myron,” she said, her voice unsteady. “The doctors have only given him a few hours to live. You have to come now.”

He clamped his eyes shut, then opened them. “How can you ask that of me?”

“I’m not asking for him, I’m asking for you. You have to let go of the past.”

His laughter was ragged. “How can I, when every breath I take reminds me of that sorry SOB.”

“Rafe—”

“He took everything from me, Lilly,” Rafe said, slumping down on the sidewalk by his truck. “Even my future.”

“Not if you don’t let him, Rafe. Fight. You’ve always fought. You never backed down, although there were times I wished you would have. Face Myron. Look him in the eyes, curse him if you have to, then forgive him and get on with your life.”

His cheeks were wet. He didn’t know if it was from tears or Sleepy’s tongue. “No.”

“Do you love me?”

There was never any question. “Yes.”

“Then catch the night flight here. I want to know that both my sons are happy and free, and Rafe … Hurry.”

He put his head in his hands, his back against the truck. “Not even for you, Lilly.”

*   *   *

Through the sheers in the living room, Kristen watched Rafe. “He’s hurting.”

Directly behind her were Jonathan and her mother. “He’s had a hard life,” Jonathan said.

“With his father dying, it’s only going to get worse,” Eleanor said.

Kristen turned. “What?”

“They didn’t expect him to last through the next twenty-four hours when I spoke to Adam yesterday. That was probably Lilly on the phone.”

“Oh, no!” Kristen hurried outside and down the sidewalk. The silk robe billowed around her as she sank to her knees in front of him. “Rafe.”

He looked up with hollow eyes. “I hate the bastard.”

“Then tell him and get on with your life.” Picking up the puppy, she stood and stretched her hand out to him. “Come on inside. We’ll check the schedule and take the next flight out to Houston.”

“Kristen.”

“We’re going,” she said firmly. “No matter what. Friends help friends. Lilly needs you.”

Slowly he got to his feet and took her hand.