sister sawing myself in half on a sticky barstool
i’ve missed spent days a twenty percent tip
you leaving counting down
i relinquish my body waiting for answers or
your yellowed skin where not even i swollen from standing so long
or death could find it a full disclosure
sleepless i have restless legs
terrified nights lately on melatonin
i’m next looking for a new heart
in line my body with measured beats
writing bullshit because panic attacks
emotions thoughts are as divisive
lamenting would be useless as forced similes
about PTSD without the post
about dead hands apocalyptic
ends and lips drought
to collapse i would not enfold the freshly mopped floor
my my my hips buckled at times
i can’t control touch like broken ribs
i can’t risk whether your face was
the same but quiet fever or chill after crashing
sobered up or if high as fuck crashing still
russian roulette red a mouth unmuffled silence
nail polished toes could stop me from hard footfalls
french manicured unnecessary words counting down
fingers flinch forming a deep breath