Things were changing with Josh and me. He continued to find ways to sneak over when Rachel was out and the children were at camp. But our time together was more urgent now than it used to be. We talked on the phone at odd intervals throughout the day, sometimes just to say “Hey,” or “What’s going on?” I always called his cell phone just before I went to bed, to hear his voice as the last sound of the day.

There was an odd restlessness when we were together. We reached to touch each other for no reason except that we wanted it, our lips pressing together softly, then insistently. I positively itched to be near him. It was almost frantic. I knew I could only go so long without feeling his skin against mine, without smelling the muskiness around his neck when he pulled me close.

I found that I didn’t wake up easily at the crack of dawn anymore, but I shook off the sleepiness every morning and continued to be the first one up, with hot breakfast ready for the family when they came downstairs. I wanted to show Rachel that my relationship with Josh wouldn’t interfere with my work, so my dinners became more elaborate, and the house shone under my cleaning rag.

After camp, I was the children’s playmate, taking them to the park or the library, swallowing back yawns during Candy Land, doing art projects on the kitchen table. One day we went out hunting for butterflies, but they always flew away as soon as the children approached. Janie loved listening to stories, leaning against me as she sucked her thumb. Ben stopped talking about Missy. He was curious about my life at home, and peppered me with questions about what it was like living in “olden times.”

Josh, too, wanted to know about my other life, and he seemed to glorify the Plain world. He liked to comment on the failings of his society in comparison to the simple way we lived.

On the Friday that Josh and I would be going to the under twenty-one club, Rachel stood beside me as I finished wiping down the counter. “Can we talk?” she asked. I looked at my watch. Josh would be picking me up in an hour. Rachel pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down. I sat across from her, trying not to look impatient.

Her voice was soft and even. “Eliza, in these past couple of weeks, you and Joshua seem to be spending a lot of time together.”

I tried to appear casual. “I guess we have,” I said, as though just realizing it myself.

“I’m not sure if you know this, but your parents gave me strict instructions about you.”

“What kind of instructions?” I asked, feeling uneasy.

“For one thing, they said you weren’t ever to be alone with a boy. I’ve been lenient about you and Joshua because I know him so well. And you were usually with other friends when the two of you went out. But lately things seem a little more serious.”

“We’re just friends,” I said, trying to keep my voice light.

“That’s what I thought,” said Rachel. “But I just wanted to be sure.”

“And if it makes you feel better, we can be sure to always have other kids with us when we go out. Tonight we’re going to a club, so we definitely won’t be alone there. Okay?” I asked, getting up from the table. “Is there anything else?”

“Yes,” said Rachel quietly. “Please don’t put me in a difficult position. Please don’t make me have to send you home.”

I took in a breath. “I promise not to let that happen.”

Rachel nodded, but her face had a pinched look, like she wasn’t convinced.

I hurried to my room, shut the door, and reached for the phone.

“Hey,” Josh answered, in the drawly voice that usually made me feel tingly.

“Listen,” I said. “Rachel gave me the talk.”

“Oh no, the talk,” said Josh. Then he paused. “What’s the talk?”

“It’s not funny. I guess my parents spoke with Rachel before I came here and said that I’m not allowed to be alone with boys.”

Josh’s voice was still teasing. “Well, you’re not alone with boys,” he said. “Just one boy.”

“This is serious,” I said. “Rachel can send me back home.”

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, and I could picture Josh suddenly sitting up, the mocking expression slipping from his face. “What should we do?” he asked, his voice more solemn. “Maybe we shouldn’t see so much of each other.”

I knew that Josh was right, but I couldn’t bear to think about it. “We just have to be sure that Rachel doesn’t think we’re too serious.”

“Okay,” said Josh. “Whatever it takes. I’m not letting you go back without a fight.”

I smiled. I liked the way that sounded. “All right,” I said, and hung up.

I hurried to get ready, feeling a new kind of nervousness. We would have to start being more careful. In the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I opened the top drawer and took out the makeup that Valerie had helped me pick out at the mall. The skinny mascara brush looked like it was covered in black paint, but I liked the way my lashes looked darker and shinier after I used it. I brushed a bit of eye shadow on my lids and some blush on my cheeks. I combed my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. Satisfied, I started downstairs. The sound of a conversation stopped me. I could hear Rachel’s voice, sterner than usual.

“I mean it, Joshua. I have to be able to trust you.”

“It’s cool, Rachel,” he said. “You don’t have anything to worry about. Eliza and I are friends. Didn’t you say yourself that you wanted me to take care of her this summer? Well, that’s what I’m doing.”

“Joshua, if anything happens with this girl…”

“Nothing’s going to happen. We’re going to movies and concerts. We’re not drinking. We’re not doing anything that you didn’t do at this age.”

“Well, that’s the problem,” said Rachel. “Eliza’s from a different culture and we have to respect that. And she’s going home at the end of the summer. Don’t make it hard—for either of you—when it’s time for her to leave.”

I started down the stairs, making enough noise to let Rachel and Josh know I was there. They looked up at me, Rachel’s face firm, Josh’s uncertain.

“Do you have the concert shirt for me?” I asked. My voice sounded artificially bright.

Josh tossed me a green T-shirt with the words fort minor emblazoned across the chest in bold black print. “Thanks, I’ll be right back,” I called. I went back to my room, trying not to think about the conversation I’d overheard. I pulled off my top and slipped on the concert shirt. It hung past my hips, and it had Josh’s earthy smell. I didn’t ever want to take it off.

I headed down the stairs and called out to Rachel, “I’ll be home before midnight,” then hurried out the door.

“So,” I said when I was in the car, the seat belt fastened at my waist. “You agreed to ‘take care of me’ this summer?” My voice held mock irritation. Really, I was pleased.

“Yeah,” Josh said with a grin. “I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I signed on for that.”

We laughed and then fell silent. “So you heard us,” he said.

“Jah. I mean yeah.”

“Rachel said something that I haven’t been letting myself think about,” he said. “You’re leaving after the summer. You’re going back there.” He said “there” as though it were the name of the place. There.

I waited a moment before speaking. “That was the arrangement,” I said. “I’m supposed to go back home in September. That’s about six weeks away.” I felt a pang, realizing that my time here was half over.

“Is this negotiable?” Josh asked. “Can you get more time?”

“I don’t know. It was so hard for me to convince them to even let me come for this long.”

I looked at Josh. He was staring at the road ahead, but I could tell that he was listening intently. “And if they had any idea about—you know, us—my mother would be on the next train here, hauling me back home.”

Josh nodded and continued to stare ahead. “Then they can’t ever know.”

“Right,” I agreed. “And Rachel can’t know either.”

Josh turned to look at me. Our eyes met. His face was full and open, without a hint of teasing. “I won’t do anything to get you in trouble,” he said. “I promise.”

The prickly excitement of the past two weeks was giving way to another feeling. A taut complicity. We were in this perilous place together. The feelings of danger were as exhilarating as the feelings of attraction.

We pulled into a parking lot and got out of the car. From the outside the building looked like an ordinary storefront. But as we got closer, noise seemed to be pulsing from it. At the door, a burly-looking man stopped us. “Ten dollar cover charge,” he said. “Are you carrying any bottles or cans?”

Josh shook his head and handed him a twenty-dollar bill. The man stamped our hands with a red mark. I stepped in the door and was immediately enveloped in noise and vibration and the press of bodies. People, mostly our age but a few who looked to be in their twenties, were stacked throughout the small space. The room was dark and warm, and the throb of music was so loud that when Josh turned to tell me something, I could see his lips moving but couldn’t hear a sound. I held tightly to his hand as we wove our way through the crowd to a spot near the wall. Josh bought us each a Coke, and I savored the cold sweetness.

On the stage, the band was playing a song I recognized from Josh’s iPod. Live, the song had a wildness to it. Now that I was adjusting to the darkness, I could see that people were perched on a scattering of stools, chairs, and mismatched couches. But many were standing, holding their hands high over their heads to clap in an exaggerated way to the rhythm. Josh put his arm around my shoulders, and I felt his warmth and the muscular lines of his body. His lips were close to my ear, tickling me with heat. “Later we’ll move closer to the stage so we can dance.”

I sucked in my breath at the word. Amish teens whispered about dancing, and it was often a secret part of rumspringa parties, when no adults were around. But I had never danced before, and I was afraid of looking foolish. I’d worked so hard to fit in here, but if I tried to dance it would be obvious that I wasn’t really a part of this place.

Someone got up from a seat next to us, and I climbed onto the stool, with Josh standing beside me. I leaned against him and felt his breath against my hair. We listened to one song after another, each ending with the usual round of cheers and requests. Then the atmosphere changed. The next song started with a noticeable shift in tempo and volume. It was a song I knew, a plaintive tune about a man and woman who feel they don’t know each other anymore. Josh nudged me. “This is it.” He took my hand and started leading me to the small dance floor in front of the stage. After a few steps I pulled back.

He stepped beside me. “I thought we were going to dance.” I waited, unsure of the words to explain. “Oh,” he said, disappointment clouding his words. “Is this something you aren’t supposed to do?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not the problem,” I said. “It’s just that…” I paused, embarrassed. “I don’t know how.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “All you have to do is follow me.”

I hesitated and glanced at the dance floor. The other couples gathered there didn’t appear to be dancing as I had imagined dancing to be. Instead they each looked like they were in an embrace, swaying slowly to the music.

Josh’s voice was gentle now. “Come on. I think you’ll like it.”

Taking a breath, I let Josh lead me to the crowded floor. The other couples adjusted in subtle ways to make room for us.

Josh’s words were a whisper. “Put your hands here.” He guided my hands up to his shoulders. “And mine go here.” I felt his hands, firm and warm, on each side of my waist.

“That’s it,” he said. “Now you just let your body follow mine and move with the music.” But I found that we were already doing that. Even as he spoke, his body was swaying from side to side, and my body was following his, as if connected.

The music swam around us, and Josh’s hands moved from my waist to the small of my back, his body encircling mine until the space between us began to dissolve. Then, somehow, the music was inside us, directing our movements. My hands had been on his shoulders, where he had placed them, but as our bodies drifted closer, my arms wrapped around his upper back, and my head rested on his shoulder. It happened so naturally, just another step in the dance. Our bodies pressed together, and I could feel the muscles in his upper arms and his thighs. My skin buzzed with the nearness. It was like melting, surrendering. The room faded away, and it was only the two of us now. I was certain that no one had ever felt this way before.

Then the music ended, replaced by a humming stillness. The other couples returned, or maybe they hadn’t gone away at all, but I could barely make out their forms. I was still inside of Josh’s embrace, the one they called a dance, and I could no more step away than I could fly to the sun. And then he said the words that I didn’t realize I had been waiting for. They were a rush of heat against my ear.

“Don’t go back there, Eliza.”

My lips parted, and when I spoke, it was to give him what seemed like the only possible answer: “I won’t.”