Sleep proved an elusive bitch for Beth that night. She probably had a dozen nightmares—full of would’ves, could’ves, and should’ves. No matter how hard she tried, those what ifs wouldn’t stop. The last dream—which woke her up just after five in the morning—had been the worst: Nora dressed in a blue dress, eyes closed, skin pale and cold as she lay in a casket.
Heart slamming hard in her chest, Beth rolled over in bed and pulled a warm and very much alive Nora into her arms. Nora snuggled in closer, her soft breaths moving across the skin of Beth’s neck. Beth lay there for an hour, counting every single one of those breaths.
It was around six when she finally got out of bed, heading for the kitchen and turning on the coffee maker. Ten minutes later she was sitting on the sofa on the back porch, a steaming cup of coffee in hand.
Her brain started to run through the last couple of months with Nora, going over what she knew, everything that she’d learned so far, and trying to puzzle it all together. But she didn’t have all of the pieces yet, and she wouldn’t until she talked to her niece.
But whether she had all of the pieces or not, there was a part of the puzzle that was pretty damn clear. This was partly her fault…her fault because of Tripp. There was no way around it; she’d been so wrapped up in him that she’d missed this whole thing with Nora. Because really, this was a massive freaking thing to miss.
She shouldn’t have been this blind to it. Should’ve realized something was going on. Anything.
But no. The only things she’d noticed were what were right there in front of her face. Like bad attitudes and blue hair. Hell, she’d missed that stupid piercing for months. And that had happened before Tripp had even come into the picture.
So many things had happened before Tripp, so many things that she hadn’t seen. Like Grant “borrowing” Duke. And Grant going out on that lake during a thunderstorm. She still cringed when she thought about that.
The only reason she hadn’t missed anything with Penny yet was because Penny was too young to start hiding things. And that was probably going to change in no time at all. Beth cringed again at that thought.
She’d been so focused on going through all of her failings that she didn’t even realize that an hour had passed, but it had. The sun was starting to light up the sky—not to mention her cup of coffee was empty. She’d been about to get up to get another cup when she heard Duke running around next door, and not a moment later Tripp was outside.
Everything in her stilled as she just sat and listened. She closed her eyes, letting his voice fill her ears. She wondered what time he’d gotten home last night, how much sleep he’d gotten, how late he’d be today…
It would be so easy to find out. All she had to do was open her mouth and ask. She only needed to say his name and she knew he’d come over, sit down next to her on the couch and let her curl up into his side.
She said nothing.
He stayed outside for about twenty minutes playing fetch with Duke before heading back in. A half an hour later she heard his truck engine turn over before he drove away.
Regret filled her chest and it only intensified as the sound of his truck disappeared. She hadn’t even realized when she’d started crying, but her cheeks were definitely wet with tears.
* * *
It was close to nine and Beth was working on her third cup of coffee when Nora finally ambled outside. Her light brown hair was tousled around her head, her eyes sleepy.
“How are you feeling?”
“I hurt all over,” Nora said as she gingerly sat down next to Beth. “I took some of the pain meds they gave me last night.”
The prescription Nora had been given was definitely going to do more for her than over-the-counter stuff, but Beth had no doubt she’d still be feeling the aftereffects of the accident for a few days.
“Can I have some?” Nora nodded to Beth’s cup.
Beth handed it over and Nora let out a satisfied sigh after her first sip. They sat in silence until Nora finished the entire cup, leaning over to the coffee table and setting it down on the glass surface.
“Okay, I’m ready,” she said as she pulled her legs up onto the sofa and crossed them, grimacing for a moment before her face relaxed.
“Oh, are you?” Beth’s eyebrows rose.
“Yup. It’s time for me to face the music.”
“You’re going to tell me everything? Honestly?”
“Yes.” Nora nodded. “I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”
“Good. I don’t want you to lie to me anymore, either.”
“So I told you it all started at the Spring Fling. I’d never really talked to Brick before then, but he saw me and came up to me. After talking for a little bit he asked me out. He, uh, was there when I went to the movies with Gretchen and Monica that night.”
“Now I know I specifically asked who you were going with.”
“Yes.” Nora looked more than a little chagrined. “But you never asked if anyone was going to be meeting us at the movies.”
“You still lied to me.”
“I know.”
“What else?”
“Well, he’s been at all of the basketball games, the party at Greg Inglewood’s a few weeks ago, and…and he’s been driving me home from school.”
“Have the two of you been inside the house by yourselves?” Beth asked, glad she was no longer holding anything breakable in her hands.
Nora pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and started chewing. It was a moment before she let go. “Yes. We’d make out on the sofa before Grant got home.”
“Nora!” Beth closed her eyes and sighed, trying hard to keep calm. The more she learned the more appealing her dream of locking Nora up in a tower became. Too bad that wasn’t an option. She took a deep breath before looking at her niece again.
“I know he shouldn’t have been in the house. I know the rules. But I wanted to be with him and he never pushed me beyond my comfort zone before. Whenever things…” she trailed off for a moment as her cheeks turned red, “escalated, I would tell him to stop, and he would. Without hesitation. But last night”—she shook her head, confusion in her eyes—“it was like a switch flipped. I told him no and he freaked out. He called me…” She paused, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment again. “He called me a cocktease.”
Beth bit her tongue, stopping herself from saying what she thought about the stupid little shit. “But he stopped?” She’d already asked that question the night before, but she needed to hear it again.
Nora squirmed uncomfortably. “After a minute he did. I had to…I had to say it more than once.”
Beth’s hands were balled into fists, her nails painfully digging into her palms.
“He’s not who I thought he was.” Nora shook her head.
“Who did you think he was, Nora? Because if you thought he was something great, why would you hide him? Why would you not tell me about him? Why would you keep him a secret? Why would you sneak around?”
“I don’t know.” Nora raised her shoulder in a small shrug and then winced at the movement. “I really don’t. I just…did it.”
“You know you’re grounded, right?” Beth asked.
“That I actually do know.” Nora nodded.
“No phone, no going out, no friends coming over. Two months, Nora.”
“I understand.” She nodded again. “Last night really scared me.” Her gaze dropped as she started fiddling with the hem of her sleep shorts. “It brought everything from a year ago back. All I could think about were Mom and Dad, and how…and how it had happened to them. How they died. How I could’ve…” Her voice had gotten smaller and smaller as she talked, before finally trailing off. She didn’t need to finish the sentence for Beth to understand.
“That’s all I could think about, too.” Beth reached out and grabbed Nora’s hand, the gesture causing Nora to look up.
“I’m sorry for lying to you, Aunt B. I really, really am.”
“I believe you. But no more lying, Nora.”
“I promise. No more.”
“I want you to know something. Sneaking around and lying aside, what happened last night wasn’t your fault. You’re not in trouble because of that accident, or because of what Brick did. You’re supposed to be able to trust the person you date. Supposed to believe that they will respect your boundaries, sexual or otherwise. That’s the healthy way to approach dating. What he did…his reaction to you saying ‘no’…” Beth shook her head, taking a moment to breathe past the constriction in her throat. “This wasn’t your fault. Do you understand that?”
Nora blinked, tears falling from her eyes, before she slowly nodded. “I understand,” she said thickly.
“Come here.” Beth let go of Nora’s hand, shifting on the sofa and pulling her niece in close. They sat there for a few minutes, just holding each other, before Beth kissed Nora on the top of the head and whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The next breath that Beth pushed out from her lungs released a little bit of her tension and worry…but it wasn’t enough to take all of it away.
* * *
Tripp had been a firefighter for thirteen years, six of which had been in the Air Force, and two spent in a war. Yet, nothing, nothing had ever terrified him more than learning that it was Nora in that smashed-in Jeep.
And when he’d seen her, hurt and scared? It had taken everything in him to remain calm and not lose it. There was also the fact that he’d wanted to beat the crap out of the asshole behind the wheel.
Once he’d really looked at how the Jeep had crashed, he knew that Brick was to blame. Knew it wasn’t an accident, just sheer stupidity. Carelessness. And if there was anything that anyone should not be with Nora, it was careless.
He’d never get the images out of his head. They were burned into his brain, right next to the ones of Beth. Her walking panic-stricken into the ER waiting room, her sobbing in his arms, her not believing it wasn’t her fault.
After finishing up the report that night, he’d lingered at his desk, going over the evening again to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. Duke had come to the firehouse, too, and he hadn’t left Tripp’s side for a second, resting his big shaggy head on Tripp’s thigh.
They’d gotten home well after midnight. The house had been lonely and quiet. Since the kids had gotten back from their Spring break two weeks ago, he hadn’t really spent too much time there. Just stopped over to change his clothes, really.
He slept like shit without Beth beside him.
There hadn’t been a prayer of him getting anything close to adequate rest. Four straight weeks of sharing a bed with Beth had permanently changed him. Not just because of the sleeping arrangements, but because of everything. There was no going back and he damn well knew it.
When his alarm went off at seven, he was beyond exhausted. He knew he was going to need cups and cups of coffee to get through the day ahead. After hanging out with Duke outside for a bit, and after finishing that first cup of coffee, he’d gone back in to get dressed. He’d wanted to go next door and check on everyone before heading out, but he didn’t want to wake up Beth or the kids. Just because he’d slept like shit didn’t mean she had. They all needed some rest. He’d just have to call her at a more reasonable hour.
He brought Duke with him to the station, not wanting to leave the guy by himself all day. Beth and the kids had enough to contend with without adding Duke to the mix. And he knew that Wallace was going to be coming over for a conversation of his own. It would be a crowded house…
Though there was something in the back of his mind that kept telling him he should be a part of that crowd.
He’d been around for a couple of months now, been a part of their lives, but there was a huge difference between what happened on a normal day and what had happened the night before. He was fully aware of that fact.
There was no doubt in his mind that he needed to make it perfectly clear to Beth that he was in this for the long haul. It was a conversation he was going to need to have once all of this calmed down.
* * *
Tripp talked to Beth just a little bit that day, a handful of text messages and a very short phone call during lunch. She told him she was feeling better than the night before and that Nora was doing okay; in pain, but okay. She also told him to stop worrying and to focus on the training.
That had been easier said than done.
Everything was finished up at the firehouse around five, and as he and Duke headed out to his truck, he pulled out his phone to call Beth. He needed to stop by the store and get dog food—there was only enough left for Duke’s dinner and breakfast—and he wanted to know if she needed anything while he was there.
She didn’t answer, and his call went over to voicemail. He left a quick message and hung up, putting his phone in his pocket before letting Duke into the back, and then climbing into the driver’s seat.
When he pulled into the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly—Mirabelle’s one and only grocery store—Beth’s SUV was already parked in a spot. He found an empty space a row over. It was a cool night, and he rolled down all four of the windows just enough for Duke to stick his snout out and catch the breeze.
He found her in the juice aisle, stretching up in an attempt to grab a bottle that was pushed back on the top shelf. The back of her shirt had pulled up, exposing a strip of skin. In four strides he was right behind her.
“Need a little help?” he asked as he reached over her shoulder for the bottle.
“Oh!” She gasped, startled as she spun around and fell into his chest. He caught her, his free hand going to her waist to steady her. “Tripp,” she breathed his name as she regained her footing.
He looked down into her face, immediately noticing her tired blue eyes and the dark circles beneath them. Every part of her looked weary.
“I thought you were going to call me to tell me if you needed anything,” He let go of her before leaning to the side and putting the bottle of juice in her shopping cart.
“Dad came over so I figured I’d give him some time with Nora. Besides, I needed to get food and figure out dinner.”
“I would’ve taken care of dinner.”
“Tripp, you were busy today. You had stuff to do. I can handle it.”
“I know that, Beth, but I want to—”
But he was cut off as a hatred-filled voice pretty much started screaming behind him. “I can’t believe you have the gall to show your face in public!”
As his eyes were on Beth, he noticed how her expression changed from surprise and then almost immediately to anger. He turned around and came face to face with Kitty Mason.
The woman was wearing a designer suit, a cloud of perfume, and an expression that had probably made many people cower.
Tripp wasn’t even remotely intimidated.
“And you”—Kitty reached up and poked Tripp’s chest with her finger—“are just as bad.”
“Mrs. Mason, I suggest you take a step back,” he said calmly, fully aware of the people in the aisle around them that were turning to stare.
“Or what?” She raised her voice, poking him in the chest again. “You don’t scare me.”
“I’m not trying to scare you.” He held his hands up, palms out. “But you need to take a step back.”
“I will not!” She shouted before her focus moved to Beth. “You need to get that niece of yours under control! She put my son at risk last night! That accident was her fault. He’s a good child, a role model to be looked up to, and I will not have him getting distracted because your niece likes to spread her legs like you do!”
An anger unlike anything Tripp had ever known started coursing through his veins. But before he could say anything Beth was the one now screaming.
“Are you kidding me? Your model son tried to force himself on my niece, and when she said no, he took it out on her by driving like a freaking lunatic and getting in a car accident. Your son put my niece in danger when he drove recklessly. She broke her wrist because of him!”
And just that fast Tripp was angrier than he’d been a moment before. “What?” He asked, turning to look at Beth. She glanced at him for only a second, a palpable pain in her expression over what she’d just revealed.
“You’re a liar,” Kitty hissed out.
Beth pulled her eyes from Tripp and looked back at Kitty. “I’m not. But you’re lucky I’m not suing you for medical expenses or pressing charges for attempted sexual assault. If I see him anywhere close to her, I’m going to call the sheriff’s department faster than you can blink.” She grabbed her purse from the half-filled shopping cart, leaving it in the aisle before walking away.
Kitty stared after Beth’s retreating form, daggers in her eyes. Tripp slid in front of the woman, blocking her view. Her eyes widened in surprise at his menacing expression.
“Kitty, understand this. If your son ever comes near Nora or Beth—or Penny or Grant, for that matter—he’s going to have to deal with much more than the sheriff’s department. Same goes for you.”
She bristled at his words. “Is that a threat?”
“No.” He shook his head. “It’s a promise.” And with that he turned around and followed Beth out of the store.
Once he got to the parking lot, he had to jog to catch up to her. She made a beeline for her SUV and as she rounded it, she put her hand on the side of the vehicle for balance.
“Beth?”
“Just give me a second.”
The emotion in her voice was at that level where he knew how hard she was trying to not break down in the middle of the Piggly Wiggly parking lot. It was a minute or two before she got a handle on herself and was able to speak.
“I can’t believe I just said that.” She slowly turned to look at him, her hands shaking. “Oh God. Why did I say all of that?”
“Beth.” He reached out for her but she shook her head, taking a step back.
“Don’t touch me.”
Those three words were a blow to the center of his chest and for just a second he couldn’t breathe, let alone speak.
“It’s just that every time you touch me, or comfort me, I feel like I’m going to lose it. Like I can’t hold anything together, and I can’t deal with that right now. I’m sorry.” Her voice broke as she said that last word. “I know you don’t understand it. I just can’t deal with this. Not right now.”
“This?”
“Us.”
What the fuck does that mean? It took everything in him not to ask that question out loud. But somehow—he wasn’t sure as to the how—he stood there not saying a word. There was something unsettling in her expression, the same damn thing he’d seen in her eyes last night when he’d told her it wasn’t her fault…and she hadn’t believed him.
“I don’t know how to do this, Tripp. I was failing at being a mom before you, and now I’m failing even more. Nora started sneaking around with that stupid jerk when we started seeing each other.”
“So it’s my fault?”
“No; you don’t get it. It’s my fault. I missed what was going on. This whole thing is entirely on me, and I brought you into it.”
“And what? Now you want to take me out of it.”
“It isn’t about what I want. It’s about what’s best for the kids.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and he desperately wanted to reach forward and comfort her. The pain in her eyes was breaking him in half and there was nothing he could do. Nothing.
Every time you touch me, or comfort me, I feel like I’m going to lose it. Well, he felt like he was going to lose it because he couldn’t touch her.
“And you think ending this might be part of the answer? Are you really going to tell me you think I’ve had a negative impact on the kids’ lives?”
“No. I don’t think that at all.”
“Then why are you making this into an either/or thing? It doesn’t have to be either the kids, or me. You can have both and you don’t have to do it alone. Beth, I want to do this with you. From here on out. I want this life with you, with the kids.”
“Tripp, it’s been two months.”
“And?”
“And two months isn’t enough time to figure that out.”
“It was for me. You’ve been it for me since the day you were banging on my front door covered in mud. I love you, Beth.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough.” Her words were barely a whisper, but he heard her loud and clear.
She might as well have slapped him.
How was it that less than twelve hours ago he’d been thinking there was no going back with her? No going back with the kids? No going back with any of it? But that wasn’t the case. This whole conversation was the very last thing he’d expected.
He’d never been this blindsided before. It hurt like hell.
“Did you really just tell me that my love for you isn’t enough?”
“Tripp, that wasn’t what I meant.” She reached up and wiped at her eyes, but fresh tears just filled them again a second later.
“Then what did you mean?”
“Love doesn’t fix everything, and I need time to figure this all out.”
“Time? I thought we’d already figured this out. Figured us out. Obviously I was wrong.” His instincts screamed at him as he took a step back. He shouldn’t be putting more space between them. They were miles and miles apart already. “You’re right, Beth. Love isn’t always enough.”
And as he stood there he had no idea what else to say or do. What would be enough? What would be enough for her to realize he wasn’t going anywhere? Not knowing the answer to fix it was beyond painful.
What was he supposed to do? He was standing in the middle of a burning house, watching the walls catch fire around him. And he had no idea how to stop it.