Chapter One

December 1813

The numb tip of Elizabeth Bennet's nose tingled as she exhaled, her breath fogging up the glass of the carriage window. She sat with her head resting against the frame, allowing each bump and rut in the road to bounce her temple away and allow it to fall back against the hard surface. The slight pain of each strike comforted her as she wondered why had she allowed her sister and brother-in-law to coax her into this ill-conceived visit to Mr. Darcy's home of Pemberley for the Christmas season?

Charles Bingley leaned forward and gazed out at the frosted landscape around them. "Won't be long now; the crest of Bloxom Hill marks the beginning of the estate," he explained, nodding to his dutiful wife, Jane, who sat working on a set of baby clothes, though no announcement had yet been made.

Elizabeth closed her eyes to feign rest, but instead she only grew angrier with herself. She remembered the boundary of Pemberley since she had visited just last summer with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. But her history with Mr. Darcy was a tragic one, her stubborn heart only falling for the man after she had spurned his offer of marriage. Once her younger sister, Lydia, married Mr. Wickham, a cad and enemy to Mr. Darcy, he never came back to Hertfordshire to visit his friend Charles Bingley.

Chilled to the bone in her fingertips, Elizabeth pulled off one of her ineffectual gloves to spy the bluish tint to her nail beds. She pulled the other glove off and, covering her mouth with her hands, blew forcefully to warm them. Charles' sister, Caroline Bingley, as much on the shelf as Elizabeth, glared at the younger Bennet sister from where she sat on the bench across the way.

"A shame you did not think to bring a muff, Miss Bennet." Caroline wiggled her shoulders to show off the warmth of her own hands. "To travel in winter, one must bring the appropriate attire."

Elizabeth scowled. Cast off by her mother as the unmarried daughter, it was only recently she had moved in to live with Jane and Charles at Netherfield. Though without a fortune of her own, she refused to spend any of the Bingley monies on herself unless out of dire necessity. Elizabeth held no illusions about her status in life, and if it meant all would leave her to reading books until Jane produced a brood for her to play favorite aunt, then so be it.

With grace and elegance, Elizabeth replaced her gloves and smiled at Caroline. "Your muff is lovely, indeed. I wonder if your brother has seen the bill from the dressmaker yet?" This caught Charles' attention, and he became very interested in the muff.

"What's this? I don't remember seeing this muff before Caroline. Is Elizabeth right? Is it new?"

"Charles, you cannot expect me to see Mr. Darcy and Miss Darcy in my old muff from my first season. My goodness, they would believe me completely devoid of all manners of fashion."

Elizabeth smirked as the brother and sister began to argue over how the new muff was financed, and she momentarily forgot her own troubles. A raised eyebrow from her sister Jane made Elizabeth cringe. For the sake of harmony, she had promised to be nicer to Caroline. One unwed sister living under the house was a happenstance that one had, at times, but to bear two, well, it was more than a little mortifying, which is why Elizabeth held out living at Longbourn as long as she could stand Mrs. Bennet's daily tirades of her worthlessness.

The carriage came to a stop and Caroline wiped the window with agitation to see if they had arrived. Noting a dense forest about, she huffed and flounced back in her seat.

"They're attaching the post horse," Elizabeth said, trying to offer genuine help.

"I know that! I've been to Pemberley many times!"

Elizabeth bit her lip, promising herself she would never tell Caroline Bingley of the blissful two summer days in 1812 when it seemed she and Mr. Darcy had restored their friendship. If things had been different, perhaps they might have . . ., but Elizabeth scolded herself for thinking such thoughts now. It had been a year since she had last seen him arrive in Hertfordshire with his friend Charles Bingley to support the latter's proposal to Jane, a year in which she had moved past self-loathing and on to acceptance of what was not to be.

A sudden lurch of the carriage and Elizabeth grasped for Jane's hand. The sensation of a steep climb always made her stomach drop to her knees, and Jane gently squeezed her sister's hand in response.

"Thank Heavens we made it before the first snow blanketed the roads." Jane offered Elizabeth this reminder of cheer to ease her sister's anxiety.

Elizabeth nodded and wished within her heart she had been more honest with Jane about her past with Mr. Darcy before she agreed to this trip. But as the carriage topped the crest of the hill only to dash madly down the other side, there was no time for sisterly confessions. In a few moments, she would be at Pemberley, and a small part of her worried Mr. Darcy might throw her out the second her foot crossed the threshold.

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The marbled floors inside the foyer reflected images of the Hertfordshire company still in their travel attire. As maids and valets began taking items, Elizabeth shivered at the sight of Mr. Darcy coming from the hall. The tall man's gait was certain, his handsome dark looks focusing on the Bingleys brought a wide smile. He scanned the grouping and when he locked eyes with Elizabeth, she noticed his step had a slight hesitation, but his smile widened. Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back until two ladies began to descend the stairs.

Arm in arm, Georgiana Darcy and her cousin Anne took the carpeted flight wearing beautiful handmade strung garlands of dried berries. In each hand, they held an extra necklace. Elizabeth's smile faltered as Darcy greeted Bingley. So he had married Anne; that is why he never came back.

Tears began to sting Elizabeth's eyes, and her head felt light. Too light. The conversation and greetings swirled around her as Anne and Georgiana presented the necklaces to Caroline and Jane. No one had known Elizabeth was coming as Bingley's latest letter with the final details only arrived today owing to his poor penmanship causing a redirection in the mail. Focusing on a black tile in a sea of grey on the floor, Elizabeth wished fervently she had instead gone to London for Christmas.

"Miss Bennet, it is such a pleasure to add you to our small party. I hope you find Pemberley just as you remember it." Mr. Darcy greeted Elizabeth and bowed. Caroline Bingley's head spun to Elizabeth so fast she might give herself a sprain was she not careful.

"Thank you, Mr. Darcy. I appreciate the invitation through Mr. and Mrs. Bingley." She curtsied and found herself studying his cravat. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes, not yet. Not until she became accustomed to his being gone forever. Finding her courage, she addressed Miss Darcy. "Miss Darcy, would you be willing to work on a few Christmas duets with me? I brought the sheets of a few favorites."

Georgiana's eyes lit up, and she trembled like a young miss. "I would! I would! Anne does not play, and I knew that Mrs. Bingley the piano was not her favorite pasttime either. I am happy to practice with you. Would you like to see the music room?"

"Ahem, Georgie, I believe our guests would like to freshen up in their rooms and perhaps have some refreshments first," Mr. Darcy admonished.

"Of course, where are my manners? Though," Georgiana bit her lip, and turned to her brother, her cheeks red. "What about Miss Bennet's rooms? We did not know she was to arrive?" she whispered to Darcy.

Anne stepped in, taking Elizabeth's arm. "Worry not. She can stay in Richard's usual suite in the family wing. It's already clean and perfect for her needs."

Mr. Darcy sighed relief and motioned to the butler to relay the message to the footman as to where Miss Elizabeth's trunks were to be placed. Anne began to walk her up the stairs, and Elizabeth cast a furtive glance over her shoulder to her sister. Jane was smiling prettily on Charles' arm, unaware of her sister's distress. Seeing no choice but to continue with Anne once they reached the upstairs, Elizabeth's mouth felt dry, but she managed at last to speak.

"Congratulations on your marriage. I sincerely hope you both are very happy."

"You heard the news! Thank you! Happiness is intoxicating, I had no idea how lifeless I was under my mother's thumb. He is the best of men."

"Indeed, he is." Elizabeth managed, feeling empty inside.

"Here is Richard's suite, I am sorry if it's decorated a bit on the masculine side. But you love to read, and there's a nice bookshelf over there. Best of all, you are close to me and Georgiana!"

If Elizabeth hadn't felt so disappointed, she would have enjoyed the subtle distinction Anne was making in comparing her to Caroline. Instead, she told Anne she felt tired after their travels and would return downstairs after a rest. Anne nodded her understanding and left Elizabeth to explore her new room for the next month.

Ignoring the enormous four-poster bed in the center of the room, Elizabeth opted to recline on the sofa near the fire, obviously recently set as the warmth had not yet spread through the air. Burying her face in the pillow, she told herself she would allow one good cry and afterwards she must put her feelings aside. There was a limit to how long one could mourn the loss of a beau, and a year was more than plenty.

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Darcy understood that Mrs. Bingley needed to rest, but he paced his study as he waited for Charles to return. A knock on the door raised his expectations, but it was just Mrs. Reynolds asking to bring him a food tray. Darcy agreed and shooed her away, then returned to walking the short distance between his desk and the shared wall with the library. Realizing he must look ridiculous, he stopped and collapsed into his desk chair with a groan.

How could Charles bring her here without discussing it first? The moment Elizabeth Bennet walked back into his home, his heart ground to a painful halt before resuming an erratic pace. The months after visiting with Bingley had slipped away, and without knowing her feelings, there was no way to rush back to Hertfordshire without more or less declaring his intentions to her. And if she accepted him, it would be out of gratitude, not true affection. Once, he had imagined any marriage to Elizabeth was preferable to none, but the longer he stayed away, the more he was convinced he could never take away her opportunity for happiness with another.

Grimly frowning as he gazed out the window at the fresh snow beginning to drift from the overcast sky, he sighed. There was no helping it now, Elizabeth was here. Though difficult to bear, he resolved to mask his feelings for her comfort. It was the only way to guard the both of them.

The study door opened and Bingley entered. "I say, Darce, did you redecorate my suite upon the occasion of my wedding?"

"There are comforts a bachelor does not require, but a wife would enjoy. I assumed you and Mrs. Bingley do not sleep apart."

"Er, we are quite comfortable, thank you." Bingley reddened at the mention of his sleeping arrangements with his wife, but recovered at once. "How goes the hunt? What properties have you found? I am most eager to leave Netherfield and establish our own residency."

Darcy cocked his head to one side before returning to his desk for the pile of letters describing three estates within a day's ride. "Your interest does you credit, Charles, but this is a new attitude from this summer. I was under the impression you did not care to break the lease on Netherfield until next autumn."

Bingley poured himself a drink and ruffled the back of his hair. "Eh, Darce, you've not lived in a household with three women for the last two months."

Darcy chuckled. "Indeed, you best me by one, and I suppose two of them do not get along so well as my charges."

Bingley nodded. "It took some time, I can tell you. For months, poor Jane comforted Elizabeth as the situation at Longbourn deteriorated with great speed after Mary found a match with the new curate in Meryton. And now . . ., well, let's say I would prefer to have my family settled sooner rather than later."

Darcy was about to speak, but paused as the food tray arrived. As the maid left, the study door did not latch properly and remained open a few inches. Darcy pretended to review the papers before him as he awaited Bingley's appetite. Instead, Darcy imagined the viciousness Mrs. Bennet likely bestowed upon Elizabeth this entire time, and guilt washed over his heart. "I am not surprised it took some convincing to bring Miss Elizabeth into your household. I doubt she would care to leave her father."

His mouth full, Bingley shook his head. He hastened to wipe the crumbs from his chin with a cloth. "Indeed. I believe it was only Jane's insistence that managed to convince her. But in speaking to Mr. Bennet, the old man did, at length, agree Elizabeth needed to move to either London or our household for everyone's peace. Only Kitty is at home, and Mrs. Bennet is off to New Castle for Lydia's lying in."

Bile turned over in Darcy's stomach as he grunted at the news of Wickham producing a progeny. "I will keep her in my prayers."

Bingley nodded. "I was holding hope you might take a sister off my hands, old man." Bingley laughed to temper his bold request, shocking Darcy into speechlessness, which made Bingley laugh harder. Neither gentleman noticed the swish of orange skirts passing the cracked door.

"I,that is, you know I care deeply for her. But I fear she does not love me and would accept me only out of gratitude." Darcy frowned and set the papers down on the edge of the desk closest to Bingley.

Caroline Bingley held her breath outside the study, pressed against the wall. Had she heard correctly? That Mr. Darcy cared for her and longed to have her return his affections? Torn between staying to hear more or quietly hurrying away, so they would not discover her behavior, she rushed off to find the music room and ingratiate herself to Georgiana. If she worked hard, perhaps for Christmas she would be an engaged woman!

"She is a ghost of her former self. I do not know why you stayed away for so long. I understand missing my wedding. One could brook no objection to a man serving a cousin, especially one in His Majesty's Army, but I think she was disappointed." Bingley furrowed his brow, becoming uncomfortable in discussing his sister-in-law.

"If I had come back after taking care of Richard's business, I would have been announcing my intentions to either Caroline or Elizabeth. The former I have no design upon, and the latter . . ." Darcy shook his head and covered his face with his hands. Visions of Elizabeth walking the countryside, turning to smile and laugh at him, staying out of his reach as she ran near all played through his mind. Setting his melancholy aside, Darcy took a deep breath. "I will do my best to withhold extra attentions or expectations that she might feel she must return."

"And if she shows signs of affection?"

Darcy nodded, but did not give his heart room to hope. Bingley coughed at length, for he had inhaled too quickly while a bit of sandwich still sat in his mouth in relief. Once Bingley cleared his airway, his voice was weak and strained. "Jane will be pleased."

Both men were more than elated to change the subject back to the various estates in the area. As Darcy began detailing the benefits and potential repairs, Bingley asked for paper and pen to make notations.

"I took the liberty, so we might be able to read them later." Darcy opened his bottom desk drawer once more to remove the parchment with copious notes on both sides. As he lifted it, the faded special license he procured over a year ago before Elizabeth spurned his first proposal lay mocking him. While his heart chose to adopt another irregular rhythm, Darcy's mind scolded his sentimental moods that he would keep such a talisman. With more force than necessary, Darcy slammed the drawer closed, causing Bingley to startle at the harsh sound. "Apologies. This drawer is so rarely used that it's become a bit stuck. The first estate for your consideration, Willow-on-Havre, is an ancient home affixed to over 200 acres of farmland...."

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