After some brief turbulence, the plane returned to gliding as quietly through the night as a limousine on freshly paved autobahn. The seatbelt sign over the door to the Sky Suite still hadn’t gone off though.
Mats felt an itch in his throat, as if from speaking too much. He pressed a button in the table showing a champagne glass symbol. This opened a long compartment he hadn’t noticed before, recessed in the cabin wall as part of a wide shelf between the table and window. It contained pleasantly cooled juices and waters with a range of carbonation.
He grabbed a still water and wished he had a Maxalt painkiller. Kaja declined with a thanks when he offered her something. She sat on the very edge of her seat, as if about to jump. She folded her hands, only to undo her fingers right away, yet interlaced them again.
‘Dr Krüger, do you remember that time we spent the whole session just talking about horror movies?’ she asked.
Mats nodded.
Most people thought of a psychotherapeutic session as targeted, analytical questioning. The truth was, the route a therapy session took was never predictable. Casual observers were sometimes left with the impression that the patient and doctor were drifting into small talk and chatting about trivial things. This was also the case every now and then. Yet a good therapist never interrupted a patient’s voluntary flow of speech because deep insights often were revealed in an apparently randomly chosen topic of conversation that could be beneficial for later treatment. For example, Kaja’s penchant for gruesome, unbelievably violent movies had shown him that she’d long been seeking an outlet for her worries and fears, disappointments and anger.
‘You’d explained to me how in American teen horror films the first to die were always the ones who’d had sex with one another,’ Mats said.
Kaja nodded. ‘And you explained that as a manifestation of American prudery. A punishment for immoral behaviour.’
‘And?’
‘I think there’s something true in that. As you know, the first shots sounded when I was sitting in physics class. The topic was the Schrödinger equation. But I wasn’t paying attention.’
‘You were whispering to Tina Delchow,’ Mats said, ‘your best friend.’
‘I was gossiping with Tina, yes.’
‘About the night before?’
‘She was angry with me.’
‘How come?’
‘Do we need to go through all this again?’
Mats reached for her trembling hands. ‘I don’t have my files with me, and it’s been a long time. I don’t remember it all anymore. Please, trust me. Right now it’s upsetting, but afterwards this despair that’s gnawing at you will all be forgotten again.’
She pulled her fingers away, looking anything but convinced. She eventually said, sighing, ‘Tina was angry with me because I didn’t sleep with Johannes.’
‘Johannes Faber, your boyfriend at the time?’
Mats took a big gulp. The water tasted bitter, but that was likely all in his mind. A projection.
‘Almost-boyfriend. He wanted something from me. But I didn’t from him. I didn’t feel I was ready yet. Tina and Amelie kept telling me I was going to screw up the relationship. You couldn’t keep putting off great catches like that forever.’
‘Who was Amelie again?’
‘The third Painted Chicky.’
Mats nodded. ‘Right, your coloured toenail gang, I remember. You three made a pact to always wear the same polish to school, that right?’
‘Embarrassing now, but true. That day it was a green camo-pattern polish. Of all things.’
Mats waited for Kaja to take a deep breath before continuing.
‘Tina was the most experienced in our little gang. I can still remember her telling me, “You want to die an old virgin?” When…’
‘When what?’
The aeroplane gently vibrated, as if intending to tremble along with Kaja.
‘I heard a bang out in the hallway,’ she said softly. ‘At first I was thinking someone brought firecrackers to school. But then it kept going bang, again and again, and people started screaming. Our teacher Frau Nader-Rosinsky was still telling us: “Remain calm everyone. I’ll go take a look at what’s going on.” But she didn’t even make it to the door. It flew open and suddenly he was standing there in the room. Army outfit, combat boots, ski mask.’
‘His name was Peer?’
‘Right.’
‘Was he shouting?’
‘No, he was real calm. That’s why I could hear what he was saying despite the mask.’
‘What did Peer say?’
A tear rolled down Kaja’s cheek. ‘Fritz the fisher fishes fresh fish.’
‘Why did he say that?’
She sighed. ‘Because he was Peer Unsell. Everyone called him “Lisping Unsell”. We had all teased him about how he spoke.’ Kaja took the tissue Mats had taken from his trouser pocket and offered her. She blew her nose. ‘Peer just looked at us all at first. He said: “So, why isn’t anyone laughing now?” Then he raised his pistol and shot Frau Nader-Rosinsky first and then—’
‘Then Tina,’ Mats said, naming her best friend for her.
The precocious one.
The one who’s first to die in the horror movie.
‘Kaja, do you know why Peer picked you as a hostage over everyone else?’
Mats was purposely calling her by her first name to break down the distance between them.
‘I don’t know. I think it was just chance. I was sitting next to Tina, who was suddenly lying there dead on the floor. Closest to the door. I was weak. Easy prey. That was probably the reason why he grabbed me, pulled me out by my hair.’
‘Just chance?’ Mats repeated, though he’d figured the same. That was in contrast to her schoolmates, who over the course of the coming months had spread one conspiracy theory after another.
‘You don’t believe me?’ Kaja asked.
Mats didn’t answer the question on purpose.
‘So, Peer dragged you outside, across the schoolyard to the gym.’
Where the video was shot.
‘Yes.’
‘Was anyone in the gym?’
‘At first there was. Tenth grade was having class there. He fired into the air and they ran for their lives. It was chaos. Frantic. I didn’t know what was going on.’
Mats could still remember the news on the radio. Some students had fled the locker room naked.
‘But, he didn’t kill anyone else on the way over?’
‘No.’
Mats recalled the investigation report.
In physics class Peer had fired indiscriminately at first, then deliberately selected victims (Tina was the girl who’d teased him most often, and his liaison teacher Frau Nader-Rosinsky had never been able to do much for him), but when the fire alarm sounded throughout the school he switched into flight mode and chose Kaja as a hostage for his exit strategy.
‘So, let me ask you again: at the end of his shooting spree, you really have no idea why he went for you, out of everyone?’
‘I don’t know. I have no idea why Peer did that to me, before he…’
Her voice broke.
Before he put his gun in his mouth and shot himself dead.
Mats gave her time, even though he was running out of it himself. Not that he assumed he could do enough damage in a single conversation – that wasn’t his intention yet. He still wanted to keep all options open in the event that he couldn’t find any other way to save Nele.
To do so he would need to take things a step further with Kaja. But she couldn’t just keep sitting here forever. She had to work after all and her team was surely missing her already.
He finally picked up where he’d left off. ‘So, he took you into the gym?’
‘He made me go into the girls’ locker room.’
‘Was it empty?’
‘That’s what he probably thought.’
‘But?’
‘But it wasn’t. Two girls were still hiding in the showers.’
‘What did Peer do?’
Kaja closed her eyes. Her eyeballs trembled under their eyelids, as if electrified. ‘He stopped dragging me by the hair and pointed his gun at them. Kim and Trisha. I knew them from theatre group.’
‘Did he shoot them?’
‘No.’
‘But he wanted to?’
‘Yes.’ She opened her eyes again.
‘So why didn’t he kill them?’
‘Because. Because… goddamnit, you know what I did!’ Kaja abruptly stood. ‘Listen, I’ve been here too long already. I have to work, I—’
‘Kaja.’
She went to the door, keeping her back to him.
‘Kaja, please. You’ll have to come back. We can’t just stop here…’
She didn’t respond. His last words hadn’t reached her – she’d already marched out of the Sky Suite. Angry, worked up, hurt.
Good God, what am I doing?
Mats stood up, shaking, still holding the empty water bottle, when his phone rang.
He checked the name of the incoming caller.
‘Feli? Are you all right?’ he asked in a panic. He felt hot and cold at the same time, and was expecting the worst, that someone had found her phone next to her body and called the last number she’d dialled. Only when he heard her voice did he realise what a weight he’d been carrying and how much better he could breathe now that it was gone.
‘Yes, Mats. I’m okay. Someone broke into Nele’s apartment. He slammed the bathroom door on my fingers.’
Thus the screaming.
‘Good. I mean…’
Mats unconsciously paced the whole Sky Suite on the phone, wandering from the door to the restrooms and back again.
‘I meant, good nothing worse happened. Did you see who it was?’
‘No. But I have something better.’
Mats stopped abruptly. ‘What?’
‘I think I know who kidnapped your daughter.’