PART V

Nothing happened as Chernov had planned.

A telegram arrived for Wanda at night. She read it and fainted. The maid laid her on the sofa with difficulty. Wanda moaned but did not open her eyes. Soon Nicholai brought the doctor.

The doctor asked the maid whether Madam Stanishevsky had any relatives in town. She answered that she did not know, but she recalled that Nicholai had once brought Mr. Chernov.

The doctor sent for Chernov. Vladimir arrived and introduced himself as a friend of the family.

“Listen to me, my friend,” the doctor said to Chernov, “this is a terrible tragedy. Poor Madam Wanda is losing the child she has been wanting all this time. She is bleeding badly as a result of her fall. Now it is necessary to fight not for the life of the baby, but for her life.”

They rushed Wanda to the hospital. Her condition was critical.

Later, Vladimir learned that the telegram was from Tadeush’s manager, Shtolz. He had informed her that Tadeush had perished under unexplained circumstances, and he expressed his condolences.

Vladimir was not allowed to see Wanda because of her condiition. The loss of her husband and child and the loss of a great deal of blood had drained Wanda’s strength and her will to live.

For a long time, the doctors fought to save her life. Apparently, she was fated to live, for she began to recover.

After a month, Vladimir was allowed to see her. A pale, very thin Wanda looked at him without speaking. Vladimir kissed her hand.

“They told me that you’ll soon be home. Does that mean you’re better?” he asked, trying somehow to begin a conversation.

“I don’t want to go home,” Wanda said quietly. “I want to go to Poland, to my sister.”

“Dear Wanda, just now that is not possible. There is a war on. I have come to tell you goody-bye. I’m leaving for the front. I’m an officer, and my place is there. If you only knew how I have hated to leave you under these circumstances.”

“Don’t leave. Stay with me, if only for a little while. I’m completely alone. Why am I being punished so? I want only one thing. To die. Let the Lord take me. But no. I live so that I may suffer. Where will my strength come from, Vladimir?”

He held her hand in silence. So much grief had been hers. His heart ached for her. What could he do to help? He was going to the front.

“I’ll be able to help you move further into Russia,” he said. “I have a small estate. A comfortable house and clean air will return your strength to you. I have a week yet, and I could take you there.”

“Thank you, Vladimir. I have no one left who is as close to me as you. If you go to the front, the only thing left for me to do is pray for you. I don’t want to be alone all the time. It has occurred to me that perhaps I may be of use here as a nurse.”

Before his departure for the front, Vladimir visited Wanda at her home. She was sitting in a chair, dressed in a black dress and a black veil that covered her hair and shoulders.

“I’ve come to say good-bye,” he said. “I leave to join my unit in the morning. I’ll write to you, if you don’t object.”

“What do you mean, object?” Wanda answered. “I had intended to ask you about that. My friend Yasia was here today. She came to tell me that she and her family are leaving for somewhere in the Riazan district. She invited me to go with them. But I don’t want to go anywhere, only to get stronger and help in a hospital.”

“You’ve made the right decision. You should be with people.”

They said farewell. Vladimir kissed her hand, and then he looked into her eyes. He saw that life was returning to her.

Hospital work occupied all of Wanda’s time. Most often, she was on duty at night so that she would not have to be alone at home. Frequently, she spent her days working in a shelter, helping orphans. Each Sunday she went to morning mass at her church. She considered becoming a nun. When she spoke with the priest, he told her to enter the sisterhood if her heart told her to.

But her heart had not found peace. Whenever she found herself alone, all her thoughts returned to what had happened and she asked herself, “Why am I living?”

 

Time, and time only, separates us from events. In our memory a trace remains, but with time the events are not so keenly felt.

Wanda often lost track of time. Life returned to her, but something vague possessed her. She received letters from Vladimir. They always arrived very late. In one letter, Vladimir told her that everything was quiet and peaceful, but Wanda doubted that nothing had happened during the several weeks it had taken for the letter to reach her.

The year 1916 arrived, and Wanda was still working at the hospital. The work tempered her. She felt that she could help, that she was needed.

Following an interruption of several months, a letter from Vladimir arrived. He wrote from a hospital. He had been wounded in the leg, and he would be mustered out for home soon. Wanda read through the letter many times. What good fortune it was that he was alive, this man who had grown so close to her and who had stayed by her. She had heard nothing from Sophie.

Vladimir came home in mid-summer. When they met, Wanda did not recognize him at first. They had not seen each other for almost two years. He had grown very thin, his cheeks were sunken, his moustache was gone, and his sideburns were beginning to turn gray.

But when he said, “Well, now I’m home,” Wanda immediately knew him. She pressed herself to his chest and cried for joy. Vladimir held her with one hand. In the other he carried a cane. He was lame from the wound.

“Let me look at you, dear Wanda. You’ve kept your youth well. You’re such a beauty.”

“You’re joking. It seems to me I’ve grown older by many years. It not only seems like it; I feel it.”

Wanda wore a dark dress. A single long braid of hair fell down her back. Her rather severe appearance actually made her look older, but she was, as before, sweet and lovely.

Wanda and Vladimir saw each other often after their reunion. He told her about the front, and she told him of events at the hospital.

Once, Vladimir asked, “Are you still sketching?’

“No,” Wanda answered, “I can’t even think about it. It seems as though that was a part of my past life, and it’s gone, taking everything I had with it.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way, dear. Life continues. You’re still a fine young woman, and a beautiful one.”

“I beg you, Vladimir, talk to me about something else. So, what do you think? Will the war end soon?”

“I think they must conclude it. So much innocent blood has been shed. What will you do when the war is over?”

“I’ll become a nun. I want to find peace, to be closer to God.”

“You what? How can you even consider that? You’re not serious. You’ll change your mind.”

“What is left for me in this life? What can I hope for? What awaits me? If I could go to my sister in Cracow, then maybe things would be different.”

“Oh, Wanda. I look at you and I understand that except for you I have no one else in the world. I’ve known you for a long time. I’ve seen you happy and I’ve lived through your grief with you. I’ve had only one wish—to be near you. Don’t think about a convent, and you don’t have to go away. I think you know I’ve loved you all these years. At the front I lived for only one hope—to see you again.”

Vladimir fell silent and looked at Wanda, waiting for her reaction.

She had listened to him, standing by the window with her head lowered. She raised her eyes, tears falling down her cheeks.

Vladimir embraced her, his hands on her shoulders.

“Don’t cry,” he said. “I have no wish to offend you. Would you rather I left?”

Wanda’s shoulders quivered. She spoke through her tears. “Don’t go. You really are the only one I have.”

They sat down on the sofa. He took her hands in his and kissed them. Wanda was quiet. She was thinking that fate had chosen to give her still one more chance at life. But did she want it?

That evening, they drank coffee and talked until midnight. When Vladimir left, Wanda knew she was no longer alone. She knew her life was in his hands. The past was gone. Only memories remained, memories of happiness and grief. They would remain with her forever.

Two years had passed since the terrible events. She was alive, her health was good, she was twenty-six years old. In the hospital, she helped the sick. On her days off, she spent time at the orphanage with the children. She felt that people needed her. And there was Vladimir, the closest friend she had.

For several days, she checked the mail after she arrived home from the hospital. Finally, there was a letter from Vladimir. He had not come over because he did not want to disturb her. He had decided to write. It was easier to lay out his ideas on paper.

He wrote:

“Dear Wanda, I understand I do not have the right to upset your peace of mind. I saw your reaction to my confession of love. I ask of you only one thing. Do not enter a convent. You are still so young. The war will end and your life will be restored to order.”

“Why have I decided to write to you? It would be awkward for me to look at you and tell you that I love you and only want to be with you.”

“Be my wife. I hope someday you will accept. If you have no feelings for me at all, and after my confession you still believe you want to enter the convent, it is your life and you have the right to lead it as you see fit.”

“I will know if there is no letter from you that your answer is ‘no.’ But if you have some feeling for me, and you agree to be my wife, write, if only a short note.”

“I beg your forgiveness for disturbing you. I am an officer, and I know how to control myself. But with you my boldness forsakes me.”

“If there is no answer from you in two weeks, I will leave for the front. Good-bye, dear Wanda.”

“Your devoted Vladimir Chernov. December 5, 1916.”

Wanda read the letter several times. She did not cry. It seemed to her as if she had been waiting for this, somehow, subconsciously. Of course, for her, no one could replace Tadeush. She liked Vladimir, and it was difficult for her to be alone, so difficult to be alone.

She would answer him tomorrow. She had to collect her thoughts. But, late that night she was already composing her note.

She wrote a brief reply:

“Vladimir, come. It is already several days since I have held you. Thank you for your letter. Wanda.”

 

A week later, Vladimir and Wanda were married. The wedding was held in the church and attended by a few friends of Vladimir’s and acquaintances of Wanda’s. They decided to live in Wanda’s home.

It was Tadeush’s house, where Wanda had spent her best years. During the time she had been alone, she occupied only two rooms and the kitchen. She never entered the remaining rooms. The maid had left long ago to move to the country, and Wanda had found herself spending less and less time at home. A woman came in only to clean and cook.

When Vladimir moved in, they engaged a full-time maid.

Vladimir’s house was sold, and he and Wanda decided to build a summer house, a dacha, right by the sea, once the war was over. The year 1917 drew near.

Wanda was satisfied with Vladimir. He was considerate, easy-going, and affable. He was at the height of bliss. Before, he could not have believed that Wanda would be his wife. His happiness was endless.

In February, Vladimir was recalled to his unit as a result of the February Revolution. When he returned home, he told Wanda of the events in St. Petersburg. The czar had abdicated the throne. What would follow?

A provisional government was announced, but in Odessa little changed. Only the newsboys in the streets cried out about the sensational news.

By March, Wanda knew that she was already pregnant. She did not have the same feelings she had had three years earlier. She was not joyous as before. Fear overcame her, and she was unable to subdue the feeling.

It was spring. The acacias and lilacs were in bloom. She and Vladimir were sitting at the seashore, and he said, “Wanda, I’m thinking about what we should name our child.”

“Don’t think about it dear. Let him be born first. There are a lot of names. We’ll pick one of the best.”

“No, I want to tell you, if you don’t mind.”

Wanda was silent, and Vladimir continued. “If it’s a boy, we’ll call him Tadeush, and if it’s a girl. …”

Wanda stopped him, placing her palm over his mouth.

“I beg you,” she said, “don’t say it, though you’ve already said it. I’ll only add that if we have a daughter, we’ll give her the name Maria, in honor of Saint Mary.”

In June the dacha was ready, and in September, Wanda gave birth to Maria. The little girl was born healthy, and everything went very well. Wanda’s face shone with her indescribable happiness. She wept tears of joy.

Vladimir clutched her hand in his. What joy! What happiness! Wanda had given birth to his daughter. They would have a son and another daughter. They would have a family, large and happy.

The next year, Wanda would be with her daughter by the sea.

Little Maria looked very much like Vladimir. Wanda wanted to nurse her daughter by herself, but she did not have enough milk, so they hired a wet nurse. The nurse’s name was Zina. She was about twenty-five years old and had a son about two months older than Maria. The boy was her second child. Zina’s mother was looking after the older child, and Zina and her son lived at the Chernov’s. Her husband had been taken into the army before the child was born.

Vladimir left often to work with his unit. During the daytime, Wanda was busy with her daughter or with housekeeping. She always waited for dinner until Vladimir came home. Even if he was very late, she did not dine without him.

One night, Vladimir came home early. He was pale.

“What happened, Vladik?” Wanda asked. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m all right, my dear. It’s Russia that’s sick. The revolution has taken place. The Bolsheviks have seized power. The provisional government has been arrested.”

“What’s going to happen?” Wanda asked in horror, taking his hands in hers.

“We’ll fight the mutineers. I am an officer, and my place is in the army. The soldiers will support us. Calm down, my dear. You’re trembling all over. We live in a time of disturbance, but everything will be all right. You’ll see.”

Vladimir ate quickly and left to join his unit again. Wanda was left holding little Maria and praying to God to save her little one, to allow the child to grow up knowing her mother and father.

“I beg you, my Lord,” Wanda whispered. “Don’t leave her an orphan, as I once was. I’ve had to go through so much in my life. My God, everything is in your power. Bless and forgive.”

She put Maria in her crib and walked to the living room. It had been a long time since she had looked at the newspapers. Not since she had married Vladimir had she studied them. She sat down at the small table where the newspapers lay and started to look them over.

Odessa’s Leaf, The Monday News, Odessa Theatrical Review: all of them carried front page news about the revolution. Wanda turned page after page. There was war in Europe, events in Poland, France, Germany. The planet was on fire. How long would it go on?

A note was brought late that night telling Wanda that Vladimir would not be home. He returned the next day.

“What’s going to happen, Vladik?” Wanda asked. “What can we do?”

“Calm down. We’ll think of something. The army is disciplined. The officers have been well trained. The uprising will be suppressed. It will only take time.”

Vladimir Chernov, who was an officer in the czar’s army, believed what he said and would remain faithful to his duty.

 

The year was 1918. Red flags flew at every intersection in Odessa. The Reds were masters of the city.

Wanda received a note from Vladimir. He wrote that he would come for her soon, and they would go abroad. For now, she and Maria should not go out on the street. It was dangerous.

Wanda had not seen Vladimir for several months. He and his unit had retreated before the coming of the Reds.

Wanda was praying passionately, on her knees when someone knocked loudly on the door. She walked to it and asked who was there.

“In the name of the Revolution, open up, or we’ll break the door.”

Wanda opened the door and stepped back to the wall, out of the way. Four people came in, three men and a woman.

“How many people live in your house?” one of them asked.

“My husband, my daughter, and myself. My husband is at the front right now.”

“What front? Where does he serve? Where is his unit? What’s his last name, first name?”

“I don’t know where his unit is. I know that he’s been at the front since 1914. He’s an officer.”

“Everything’s clear. Your husband is White. He’s an enemy of the Revolution, and with enemies we have little to talk about.”

“Oh, no. He isn’t an enemy. He’s Russian. Chernov, Vladimir Nikolaevitch. We have a little girl. She’s less than a year old.”

“How many rooms do you have here? Hey, Stepa, go count on the second floor. We’ll look on the first.”

Wanda walked to the baby’s crib and took Maria in her arms. She held the child, watching the unwanted guests walk from room to room. The one called Stepa went downstairs and then reported how many rooms were there.

The same day, strangers were settled in each room of Wanda’s home. She had only one room on the first floor. There was noise in the house. Songs were sung; shouts rang out from one floor to the other. Wanda made her way to the kitchen for a drink of water.

“Hey, let the lady through. Look at that dress she has on. Don’t you want to swap it for soldier’s boots?”

They shouted something else in her direction. She filled a carafe with water and went to her room.

“Oh, my God,” she thought. “What will I do? When Vladik comes, will I survive all this? To whom do I look for protection?”

The shouting and pounding frightened her. They were building partitions. Someone yelled at her.

“Hey, lady, why are you sitting in your room? Come out and help the working class. Or are you afraid to get your little hands dirty?”

“Leave her alone,” someone said. “Don’t you see she’s frightened to death? She has a little child.”

“Why are you taking the side of the bourgeoisie? I suppose they’ve had pity on folks like us?”

There was a knock at the door. Wanda opened it.

“Why are you sitting in here locked up?” one of the intruders asked. “We’re not beasts. We’re humans too. Don’t be afraid of us. We haven’t come to kill you. And don’t hang on to your baby so. Nobody will hurt her. Go to the kitchen. We’ve cooked some soup. There’s enough for you, too.”

“Thank you, I’ll go now. I just want to put my daughter to bed.”

The door was closed. There was nothing else to do. Hunger takes its toll; it is necessary to eat something. Some boiled milk was left for Maria. More milk was supposed to be delivered the next day. The important thing was not to oversleep. Wanda would have to go out to meet the delivery woman.

Wanda walked to the kitchen. Something steamed in a big bowl. They poured out some soup with potatoes in it onto a plate for her and then cut off a piece of bread. She thanked them and started to return to her room.

“Why won’t you eat with us? Are you too fastidious?”

“You aren’t bothering us,” another voice added. “Sit down and eat like everybody else.”

They made room for her at the end of the table, and Wanda put her plate down and sat. She could not swallow. She felt the stares fixed on her. She had to overcome her feelings. There was nothing else to do. She started to eat, chewing slowly.

“That’s better. Eat. Nobody will take it from you.”

Wanda awoke early the next morning. She dressed quickly and left the house through the back door. She walked around to the front and waited for the delivery woman. She noticed a sign attached to her door.

“Revolutionary Committee of Working and Farming Youth,” it read.

So that was who had settled in her house. The whole committee. How long would it last?

The milkwoman had not arrived. Pedestrians began to appear. Wanda paced back and forth in front of the house, carrying the milk cannister.

Suddenly, behind her, someone called to her in a low voice. It was Vladimir.

He put a finger to his lips. “Be quiet.”

Vladimir wore his military overcoat and boots, but his epaulets were gone and his head was bare.

“You’ve come for us,” she cried. “I’ll go get Maria.”

“No. Not now. We must wait until night. We’ll leave then.”

They entered the house through the back door. The members of the committee were still asleep. Vladimir removed his coat, and Wanda saw that he was still wearing his uniform.

“Darling, take your tunic off. Get changed. I’m afraid they’ll see you.”

Wanda did not know that she had been watched from a window, that members of the committee had seen her come in the back door with Vladimir. To them, everything was clear. She was the enemy and she had brought an enemy home. It was now necessary to call the guards and conduct a search.

Vladimir had not time to take his tunic off. He stood beside the crib, watching his daughter sleep. Wanda stood next to him. He put his arm around her shoulders, and there was a knock at the door.

They kept silent. The knock repeated, louder.

“Open up right now,” a voice said. “We know you’re hiding someone in your room.”

Vladimir opened the door.

“She isn’t hiding anyone,” he said. “I am her husband, and I have come home. As far as I can remember, it is our home.”

At the door stood two armed men. Behind them stood members of the committee.

“Come out of the room, White Guard. Cover your epaulets, you White Guard rat.”

“I won’t go anywhere. I live here. This is my family, and I have come home.”

“Let’s take him, men. It seems he doesn’t understand nice talk.”

Instinctively, Vladimir reached for his holster.

Everything happened in an instant.

A shot exploded, then a second. Vladimir fell. He was dragged by his feet over the threshold. Someone took his wrist and checked his pulse.

“Gone.”

“What have you done?” Wanda screamed. “Why did you shoot? He hasn’t hurt anyone. You animals. Why did you kill him?”

Wanda fell on Vladimir, weeping bitterly. Someone lifted her from him and took her to her room. Maria lay in her crib, crying. Wanda ran to her.

“My little one. My dear little girl,” she cried. “Now we are all alone in the world. They killed him before my eyes. Vladik is no more. You don’t have a father.”

Wanda wept, stroking the baby’s head. The child looked at her with wide, round eyes.

Soon, Wanda was notified that she would have to move out. She would be able to take what she could carry and leave immediately. Her room had been searched but nothing had been found.

On the street, Wanda found a cab. The cabman helped load her baggage. Her portrait had been wrapped in a sheet along with her drawings. She had been allowed to take them. That was all. Farewell to a home, a place of comfort once, a place of terror now.

“Where are we going, lady?” the cabman asked.

“I don’t know. Go straight ahead. I’ll remember.”

She searched her memory, trying to recall where the wet nurse lived.

“Go to Alexandorvsky Street. I remember the house.”

Fortunately, she found where Zina lived.

“Wait here,” she said to the cabman. “I’ll be right back.”

She knocked. Zina’s mother opened the door.

“Wanda, what is it? You’re as pale as a ghost. Come in. I’ll call Zina.”

Zina was already walking toward them.

“Wanda,” Zina asked, “has something happened to Mashenka? Is she sick?”

“No, my dear Zina. She’s all right, thank God. I’ll explain everything later. Would you let me spend the night with you? My baggage is in the cab.”

They walked out to the street. The cabman helped unload the baggage and carry it into the house. Zina’s mother served tea. Mashenka was fed and put to bed.

Wanda shuddered as if she had a fever.

“What happened?” asked Zina’s mother. “Calm down. Why did you leave home?”

“I didn’t leave. I’ve been driven out. They killed Vladik before my eyes.”

Wanda wept. Zina and her mother cried, too. Zina walked over to Wanda, wiping her tears away.

“Control yourself, Wanda,” she said. “You must be healthy for Mashenka’s4 sake. Take care of yourself. You have to be strong. There’s nothing we can do.”

Wanda stopped crying. She was staring in front of her without seeing. Then, quietly, she said, “They didn’t give me a chance to bury him. They just killed him and dragged him away. Why didn’t they kill me, instead of leaving me to watch it all? Why didn’t I become a nun? I wouldn’t have known this grief. Why has God turned away from me? Who can answer me?”

Wanda’s final words were strained, almost a scream. She began to cry again.

“Wanda,” Zina said, “these are such awful times. So many innocent people are perishing. You have Mashenka. Take care of her.”

Wanda wanted to stand up, but her strength had left her. She fell to the floor, unconscious.

When she regained consciousness, Wanda was lying in bed. A doctor sat beside her. Zina and her mother stood at the foot of the bed.

“You’re all right, now,” the doctor said. “You have to have some rest, a long sleep. Take this medicine. It’s a sedative. I’ll come to see you tomorrow.”

Zina escorted the doctor out.

At first, Wanda could not comprehend where she was. She took the medicine and fell asleep. Outside, rain poured down and thunder roared. Lightning flashed. It seemed the storm would never end. Nature would finish what people had started.

By morning, however, the storm had subsided. The streets were washed, and the air smelled of ozone, a clean odor. Wet red flags hung from buildings, reminding everyone of who the masters of the city were.

Wanda remained in bed for several days. Zina acted as her nurse, while Zina’s mother took care of the children.

“Zinochka, my dear,” Wanda said, “how can I ever thank you? I still have my gold watch, my necklace, and my ring. They didn’t take all of it; they couldn’t find everything. If you can, sell these things and buy whatever you need.”

“Now, now,” Zina replied, “we aren’t that bad off. We have enough food for now. I was at the city market this morning and bought everything we need. It’s most important that you get well, gather your strength. Mama and I watched you while you slept. You’re so beautiful, we couldn’t take our eyes off you. I remember how good you’ve been to me. I felt as though your home was my home. And Mashenka—she’s like a daughter to me. After all, I fed her at my breast. Don’t worry, we won’t leave you in your trouble. Nikolai will be back soon and everything will be all right.”

“Where is your husband now, Zina? Has there been a letter?”

“Yes, there was a letter a week ago. He’s in a hospital. He received a slight wound. He writes that he started to have difficulty hearing. Otherwise, he’s healthy, and he’ll be sent home soon.”

“That’s good. Things will be easier for you. I’m glad.”

After a week, Wanda was able to get up by herself, but she was still very weak. She watched Mashenka and Anton sit in a crib together and play.

“What’s going to happen to me now?” she thought. “I must get control over myself. I must survive for her sake. Things can’t go on like this for long. There will be a change. I must try not to think about it.”

A month after that terrible day, things did change. The Reds retreated from the city, and the flags were removed. The city was in a state of anarchy. No one knew for certain who was in power.

Wanda, Zina, and Zina’s mother, Elena, went to Wanda’s home to see what had happened to it. The place had been badly vandalized. Windows had been smashed, and the door hung fully open. They walked inside. It was obvious that those who had departed had had little time to destroy more. All the furniture was in place, but there were some boxes stacked on top of the grand piano.

Wanda began to cry.

“No, I’ll never come back to this house. Never.”

Wanda rented an apartment in the building where Zina and her mother lived. It consisted of only two rooms and a kitchen. She did manage to get some furniture transferred from her house. She now lived alone with Mashenka. It was time to put life back on its proper track.

Zina’s husband came home from the hospital. He had been made completely deaf by a concussion, but he was alive. He could do some manual labor. Before the war, he had worked as a joiner. He had built all of Zina’s furniture with his own hands.

Wanda had no more acquaintances in the city. They had all disappeared, either abroad or to other towns. Many of them had run away in panic, not knowing where they were going. Wanda had stayed, waiting for better times, and had found herself in this small apartment. What would she do? How would she make a living?