“Listen, Wanda, try to find one of my patients. He can help you. I remember he’s the manager of a meat processing plant. Maybe he can find you some kind of job. Now is a very difficult time.”
Wanda did not answer. The guard said their time was up. She had to go.
“What is his name?” Wanda asked, as Kostya was led away.
He called to her. “Morozov. Nazar.” It was all he could say. The guard took him from the room.
When Wanda reached the street, she wrote the name down.
After two weeks, Wanda received an order to move out of the apartment to a one-room basement apartment on Myasoyedevsky Street. It was hard to watch the children, crying, load their belongings into a one-horse wagon.
The driver helped Wanda move her few things into the new place. The two windows in the room were high up on the wall at ground level. The apartment was damp; mold covered the walls, and it smelled musty.
“This is temporary, until I find a job,” Wanda told the children.
Through the Address Bureau, Wanda found Nazar Morozov. The next day, she knocked on his apartment door. It was opened by his maid.
“What is it?” the maid asked.
“Does Nazar Morozov live here?”
“Yes, but he’s not home. He’s working.”
“Where does he work? I need to talk to him.”
“Who are you?” Morozov’s wife interrupted from behind the maid. “What do you want?”
“My husband, Doctor Vlasov, gave me his name and asked me to find him.”
“Come in,” Morozov’s wife said. “Sit down. What happened to your husband? He was a good doctor. My husband was very satisfied with him.”
“An unfortunate misunderstanding. Someone reported him to the authorities and put money in his briefcase. The times are difficult. The court did not need much time to put the case together.”
“What will happen to him?”
“The trial is over. The sentence was life in prison,” Wanda said, and tears fell from her eyes.
“What a pity. How many children do you have?”
“I have two children. They took my apartment and all my property. They gave us a basement room.”
Morozov’s wife did not know that Wanda was Konstantin’s second wife and that the children were not his. Wanda did not explain.
“You poor woman. My husband will help you. I’ll send a message to him and give you the address where he works. Who could believe this could happen? He is a nice man and a very good doctor.”
Morozov’s wife shook her head. Her hair was full of curlers. She was heavy-bodied with a round face. She looked like an old-fashioned matron. Her long, silk gown with billowing sleeves made her seem even larger. But she had a kind heart and felt sorry for Wanda.
“Here is a message for my husband,” she said. “I’ll put the address on the other side. If you go now, you can find him in his office. Please tell his secretary I sent you. Good luck to you. I wish you well from the bottom of my heart.”
“Thank you very much,” Wanda said. “It’s very kind of you. Good-bye.”
Wanda walked with the note in her hand and tears choking her.
“Again, I have to fight for my life and survive,” she thought, “because people are starving and dying. Many do not have even a piece of bread.”
A few days before, Wanda had received a message from the authorities to go to the government offices for food coupons for the children. Wanda herself was ineligible. She had to look for work, and each factory provided coupons to adult workers. There were coupons for bread, grain, and oil. There was a limit of one-half pound of bread for each child and a pound for adults. Wanda was reminded of 1921, when people died in the streets.
Why had it happened again? After NEP had blossomed and peaked, it collapsed, bringing hunger back to the nation. But it happened because the government took over all shops, stores, bakeries, everything privately owned. From the farmers, who had lived on the land from generation to generation, the government took the land that had been fed with the farmers’ sweat—not from rich farmers, because all the rich farmers were executed during the revolution—but the middle class, who worked hardest on the land. First, the government sent out notices telling the farmers to give up their property. Whoever did not submit was called a “kulak,” a tight-fisted person, unwilling to share his wealth. They took everything, anyway, and sent the kulak to Siberia. If they found hidden grain, the kulak was executed. The times were extremely difficult. The farmers fought and could not plant. There was no harvest. The year 1933 is mentioned in Russian history as a “no-harvest year.”
Wanda walked, holding the message to the manager of the meat processing plant. She had eaten a piece of bread and drunk a cup of tea without sugar. She felt hungry and weak. When she approached the plant, she smelled the cooking meat. Her head began to spin. She walked into the office, her mouth watering.
“I have a message for Comrade Morozov from his wife,” Wanda said to the secretary.
“All right, I’ll let him know.”
When the secretary returned, she opened the door for Wanda and ushered her in.
Wanda saw, behind the desk, a very slender, middle-aged man. She had thought he would be heavy and ruddy-cheeked. He was completely the opposite of his wife.
“Please, sit down,” Morozov said, pointing to the chair in front of his desk.
Wanda handed him the message.
“Oh, you’re Doctor Vlasov’s wife? What can happen to people! What kind of work can you do?” Morozov walked around the desk to Wanda’s chair.
“Any kind of work I have to, to feed two children.”
“I can give you a job in the shop. The work is not very heavy, and you’ll never be hungry. You can eat here but never take anything with you. The salary is very low because of the nature of the work. That’s all I can do for you.”
“Thank you very much. When can I start?”
“You have to go to the personnel department and fill out an application. Then you’ll go for a medical examination. They’ll let you know when you can start.”
“Thank you again for your kindness.”
“I’m sorry I can’t do more for you. Good-bye.”
After a few days, Wanda, wearing a white uniform, entered the sausage processing area. She had eaten nothing that morning, and when she smelled the sausage, she felt lightheaded and faint. She almost collapsed, but a woman walked up to her and caught her before she could fall.
“What’s wrong with you?” the woman asked. “Are you feeling ill?”
“No, I’m fine. I didn’t have breakfast, and I was a little dizzy.”
“Nobody around here eats breakfast at home. We eat it here. Maybe you didn’t have dinner last night?”
“You’re right. I didn’t. But I feel better.”
“Follow me. I’m your supervisor. I had a call from the office to tell me I had someone new. What’s your name?”
“Wanda.”
“Are you Polish?”
“Yes, I was born in Poland, but I came to Odessa as a young girl.”
“Sit down and eat. You have sausage and ham. Eat as much as you want. We need a healthy, strong worker. If you’re hungry, what kind of job can you do? When you finish, come see me. I’ll show you what to do.”
“Thank you, but you’ve given me a lot. I can’t eat all this.”
“Fine. You can eat as much as you want.”
Wanda took a bite of sausage. It was fresh and tasty. She felt as though she had never eaten anything so good before. Tears came to her eyes again.
“I won’t be hungry,” she thought. “I see that. But what about my children? I don’t know that I’ll make enough money to feed them.”
She took a bite of ham. It was juicy and delicious. When she finished eating, she found the supervisor.
“My name is Luba,” the supervisor said. “All the people here help each other. Everybody’s friendly. We have a good working atmosphere here. You put the sausage in boxes, weigh them on the scale, prepare the invoices, and put the invoices in the boxes. I saw on your application that you know grammar. We have many workers here who can’t read or write.”
Wanda looked at Luba and smiled. Luba returned the smile. She had straight, light brown hair wrapped in a red kerchief, like a working woman on a government poster. But her dimples showed when she smiled, unlike the woman on the poster.
Morozov was right. The job was not difficult. The boxes moved on a conveyor to the scale. Wanda wrote down the weight of each box, and the box passed on through a partition to the shipping department. She was not used to being on her feet all day long. It was hard for her. But after a few weeks, she grew accustomed to it. She saw how her fellow workers put pieces of sausage in their pockets to take home. She did the same a few times. Then Masha and Gregory had meat with their bread.
Almost every day, the managers of the plant repeated the prohibition concerning removing meat from the premises. Everything belonged to the government. If anyone took even a small piece, he was picking the government’s pocket. If all the pieces were put together, the pilfering was not a small problem.
Wanda asked one of her fellow workers, “Tell me, what would happen if the guard found a piece of sausage?”
“It depends on how much is taken. If it’s a small piece, they will tell you not to do it again. If you take a pound, you can be fired and a note put in your file. It’s important who the guard is, because different kinds of people do the job.”
“Oh, God. Then it’s much better not to take anything.”
“Try, if you have hungry mouths at home. I don’t remember hunger like this in my life. Food coupons given to me to cover two months lasted two weeks. And I have an old mother and two children on my hands. Try not to take from here.”
The same day, Wanda decided not to take any more.
Every day, at the checkpoint, the guards frisked the workers. If they found a small piece of sausage, most of them paid no attention. But Wanda did not want to take a chance.
Once, she saw a guard find something on a woman. She put her in a room. The next day, Wanda found out the woman had been fired. She had taken a pound of sausage. When she heard about it, Wanda trembled.
When Wanda returned home, she explained to the children that she could bring no more sausage home. Her heart ached because she could eat but could not feed the children.
During the next few weeks, Wanda watched all the girls around her put pieces of sausage into their pockets, and she put a few pieces into her own pockets without thinking about it. When she was checked, the guards paid no attention and let her go. She breathed again. The children would have supper.
What hunger can do to people! They turn to all types of crime. Sometimes they are capable of things they would not consider in normal life. History shows how people tortured by starvation, kept from food for a week, and then shown a tray of food, with its delicious odors, and told it will be theirs if only they will sign something, even their own death sentence, will do it. People who have been hungry understand the temptation of food shown to the starving. This was the same. If someone was hungry at home, people would do anything to get food for them.
Wanda thought less and less about caution and sometimes took as much as a quarter pound. Once, when she was checked, the guard found the sausage in her pocket.
“What is this?” the guard asked. “You don’t know the rules?” She put Wanda in a room.
“I took only these two little pieces,” Wanda pleaded. “I swear I’ll not take any more. I have two children at home. They’re hungry. Please let me go.”
“Sit here. I’ll be right back. I have to check the others.”
Wanda was left alone. She trembled.
“What have I done?” she thought. “Now I could lose this job. I must beg this guard for forgiveness. But she doesn’t look friendly at all.”
The guard had tiny, deeply set eyes and a sharp nose. She looked at Wanda as if Wanda were her prey.
Fifteen minutes later, the guard returned. She was short of stature and had very short, almost white hair. Her cheeks were gaunt.
“You say you have two children at home?” she asked. “Where is your old man?”
“I’m a widow. I’m raising my children by myself. Please let me go. I swear I’ll never take anything again. I must have this job.”
The guard stared at her.
“You are beautiful. I’ve never seen beauty like yours in my life. But this is a depression. During a depression, everyone is the same. Beautiful or not, they’re still hungry. I have three children, and I’ve raised them without a husband.
“Did your husband die?”
“Yes. He was a drunk. He drank like a dirty pig. I tell you the truth. I waited for him to die. He took everything we had and drank. He worked very hard, but everything he made he spent on vodka. Once—it happened two years ago—he didn’t have money to buy vodka or wine. He found some lighter fluid and died on the street like a dog. My children and I started to breathe easier. I have three boys. I have to feed them and buy clothes. It’s not easy. My older boy is twelve, and I have twins who are ten.”
Wanda listened to her and thought, “Why is she telling me all this? I must be safe now. She has a heart. I thought I couldn’t survive 1921, but I did. And now it’s 1933, and again I stand at the edge of a precipice. But I feel I don’t have the courage I had before. The only reason I have to survive is the children.”
“I believe I can count on you,” the guard whispered. “My name is Tanya, and I live on Kuznyechnoy Street. I’ll give you my address. The building where I live is easy to find. You have to survive and save your children. So do I. We have to reach an agreement. I’m at this checkpoint three times a week, from eight in the morning until eight in the evening, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. You can take two rings of sausage. One you take to my apartment; the other is for you. But you have to stay fifteen or twenty minutes after everybody’s gone from your department because you don’t have a second shift. Prepare your invoices; say you have to finish your job. Put the sausages around your waist. Put on your belt and then your sweater. Nobody can see what you’re taking. Do you understand my plan?”
“I’m frightened. What will happen if someone sees me?”
“When I’m at the checkpoint, you don’t have to worry about anything. If you see me in the morning, you can go ahead. If, for some reason, I’m not there, don’t take anything. If somebody stays late and can watch you, don’t take anything. When you walk through, just shake your head. And remember, we’re doing it for our children. When better times come, we won’t need their sausages. Do you agree?”
“I have to think about it. It’s a big risk.”
“Listen, my dear, you don’t have the time or the chance to think. I told you my secret, what I haven’t told anybody. I opened my plan to you. Now you could go and tell everything to the manager. I can turn you in for a few pieces of sausage.”
Wanda looked at Tanya and saw a cruel light in her eyes. Wanda’s skin crawled, and she said in a frightened voice, “What are you talking about? It never crossed my mind.”
“People are different. I don’t know you. I can’t trust you completely. And you know how the times are. In times of starvation, people act strangely. But if something happens, we’re both responsible. If I lose my job, you lose yours.”
Wanda understood she had no escape. She felt trapped. She had to submit.
“All right, I’ll try. When do I start?”
“This is my address. I’ll tell the children to be ready. They’re smart. You can start the day after tomorrow. Now take these pieces home.”
Tanya opened the door for Wanda and let her go. Wanda walked to the trolley stop. Her legs felt unsteady.
Someone touched her elbow. She turned around and saw a woman who worked with her. The woman had seen Tanya take Wanda to the room and had waited for her.
“What did that lowlife tell you?” the woman asked.
“Who are you talking about? I don’t understand.”
“Tanya—the guard. She’s taken pieces of sausage from people before. Two women were fired, with her help. Now she’s found sausage in your pockets. What did she say?”
“She said not to take anymore and let me go.”
“That’s hard to believe. It doesn’t sound like her. I don’t trust her or people like her. We all know nobody takes anything when she’s on duty. You need to remember—don’t take anything on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. We call her ‘skinflint.’ I hate to see her ugly mug. She scared you to death. I can see you shaking.”
Wanda’s co-worker was named Nadya. She was about thirty with a nice smile, a round face, a double chin, full lips, and a figure like a matron’s. However, she had no children. Her husband worked in a factory. She helped Wanda to learn her job when Wanda was new. They used the same trolley.
They had little time to talk at work but did when they waited for the trolley. Nadya had waited for over forty minutes because she had seen Tanya take Wanda to the room.
“No, Nadya,” Wanda said. “She didn’t frighten me. I frightened myself. She just explained that no one can take anything from the plant. She let me go because I told her I have children.”
“I’m still surprised. It’s not like her.”
“But it’s strange that no one told me before not to take anything when she’s on duty.”
The trolley arrived, and they changed the subject to a discussion about how hard it was to use food coupons. After work, nothing was left in the stores.
When Wanda arrived at home, she felt powerless and empty. She prepared a meal for the children and lay down on the sofa. She did not sleep. She thought about what had happened and what she should do. After a while, she realized that there was nothing Tanya could do to her.
Wanda felt better. She put Gregory to bed and began to read a book. Before she went to bed, she prayed to the Virgin Mary. She cried and asked the Mother of God to protect her and have mercy on her.
Despite what she had gone through in her forty-three years, Wanda continued to believe in God and to pray. Her Catholic beliefs, which she had held since childhood, were the most important things in her life. She could not renounce God.
Wednesday arrived. Wanda, shaking inside, went to work. She saw Tanya, shook her head, and walked through the checkpoint. Wanda worked, trying not to think about Tanya and her plans. She thought that her shake of the head would solve the problem.
When she left her department and saw Tanya again, she sensed that the guard was waiting for her.
“Come in here,” Tanya ordered.
“Why do I have to go in there? You can check me here. I have nothing to hide.”
Wanda was trembling. Nadya, walking next to Wanda, tried to protect her.
“What do you want from her? She’s right. You can check her here. If you find something, take her inside.”
“Nobody asked you,” Tanya said. “Go on. I have a report, and I have to check her. Or do you want me to take off her clothes in front of everybody?”
Surprised, Nadya looked at Wanda.
“You can take off my clothes in that room. You won’t find anything. This is all nonsense.”
Tanya opened the door, pushed Wanda inside, and said, “Wait for me.”
Tanya returned when everyone was gone. Wanda stood against the wall and looked at her.
“What, Wanda?” Tanya demanded. “You’ve decided to play cat and mouse with me? Remember, you’re the mouse; I’m the cat. We had an agreement. Why have you changed your mind?”
“I had no agreement, and I don’t want this. I won’t take anything. Leave me alone.”
“Oh, no. You don’t know me well. I saved you from being fired. And now you try to do this to me? If you think you can walk away from this, you’re mistaken. You’re in my hands. I can bring sausage from the shop, stop you, bring you to this room, and report I found it on you. What can you say now?”
There’s nothing I can say. I’m frightened. I’ve gone through a lot in my life. Please, let me go. I swear I’ll say nothing.”
“No, I never back away from a decision. Try to understand. You don’t have a choice.”
Wanda was silent for a few moments.
“All right,” she said. “I’ll try. Let me go now.”
“You can go. But don’t change your mind again. I promise you, you’ll be fired.”
Wanda left the room, saying nothing.
If Wanda had had a strong personality, she would have gone to the manager to explain what kind of intrigue the guard had involved her in. She had always been timid, however. Her future was almost always in someone else’s hands. She was a victim of her own beauty and her timidity.
She walked to the trolley as if she were a condemned woman. She did not see any way out of her situation. She walked, looking at her feet, and her tears fell to the ground. She could not see for her tears. She stopped, and then she heard Nadya’s voice.
“Why are you crying? What does Tanya want from you?”
Wanda looked at Nadya. Only then did she realize she was crying.
“It’s nothing. Pay no attention. She didn’t want anything.”
“You don’t want to tell me the truth. She never takes anyone without a reason. Something’s wrong.”
Wanda could not tell the truth. She had to lie.
“She knew my husband. She told me something about him.”
“You’re a widow. What can she tell you about your dead husband?”
“No, Nadya, my husband is in prison. The father of my children died years ago. I was married for four months before my husband was arrested and given life in prison.”
“Oh, Jesus Christ, you poor woman. What you must be going through. What does Tanya know about him? How could she know?”
“Someone told her he’s been sent to the Ural,” Wanda lied, knowing well that Kostya had been sent to the Ural to prison.
“And I thought she couldn’t talk like a normal person.”
“Please don’t ask anything more. I’m so tired. You see, the trolley’s here.”
Two days later, at the end of the shift, Wanda left her apron on as the other women took theirs off.
“Finish up,” Nadya said. “It’s time to wash.”
“I have to prepare invoices,” Wanda answered. “You can go on without me. I have to go to the store and buy something with these coupons. They’ve almost expired. Masha is busy, and I have to go.”
“All right, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Nadya said.
Fifteen minutes later, everyone was gone. The first time is hardest. Wanda took the sausages in trembling hands, seeing nothing in front of her. She put two rings around her waist and covered them with her heavy sweater. She walked from her department on shaking legs, almost falling several times. Then she saw Tanya. They looked at each other, and Wanda nodded her head. Tanya frisked her and said nothing. She could feel the sausages.
“That’s better,” Tanya whispered. Then she said aloud, “Go ahead.”
Wanda passed through the checkpoint. She did not remember experiencing such hammering in her temples. Now she understood very well that she had stolen. But she was like a mechanical toy. Someone turned the key and pointed her in a certain direction. She walked on for four blocks and found Tanya’s building. She climbed to the second floor, found Tanya’s apartment, and knocked on the door. Tanya’s oldest son opened it.
“Follow me to the kitchen,” he said.
Wanda walked to a very small, crowded kitchen.
“Are you home alone?” she asked. “Or are your brothers here, too?”
“No, they’re playing outside.”
“Can you leave me alone for a few minutes?”
He left and closed the door behind him. Wanda lifted her sweater and took both rings from around her waist, leaving them on the table. She felt lighter, more in her mind than in her body. As she left the kitchen, she asked the boy to show her the way out.
Fresh air hit her face when she reached the street. She wanted to run away from everything, but she knew she could not run. The children were waiting. She had coupons in her purse and had to get to the store before it closed.
In the store, she bought millet for hot cereal, oil, and soap. When she reached home, she saw Masha in the kitchen. She had prepared potatoes and was waiting for her mother to bring the sausage.
“No, my dear,” Wanda said. “There is no sausage. There will be no more. I’ll fry onions in the oil and put them on top of the potatoes. It will be delicious. Give thanks for the things we’ve got. People are starving. Thank God for saving us.”
Wanda lay awake for a long time. When she did sleep, she had nightmares. She saw someone chasing her. She tried to run away, but someone stopped her. When she looked around, she saw Tanya holding her. The sausage around her waist fell to the ground. She saw people around her, all of them screaming and reaching toward her. She awoke many times, but when she fell asleep, the nightmare continued.
She awoke completely at four in the morning.
“What can I do?” she thought. Who can I talk to? I have no one to tell about what has happened to me. Why am I always alone in my sorrow? I can’t tell anyone what is in my heart. I’m frightened. This is intolerable.”
Wanda saw no escape from her situation.
The day for taking sausages came again. She left all the sausages on Tanya’s kitchen table and went home.
At ten o’clock that evening, someone knocked on Wanda’s door.
Who could that be, so late?” Wanda thought, as she moved to open the door. The children were asleep, and the room was quiet.
“Who’s there?” she asked.
“It’s Tanya. Open up.”
Wanda opened the door and let Tanya enter.
“Are you alone?” Tanya asked. “May I talk?”
“Yes, the children are asleep. We can go to the kitchen. What do you want at this hour?”
“I see you’re playing the game not as I planned it.”
Tanya took sausages from her coat and put a ring on the table.
“Why did you leave all the sausages in my apartment?” she asked. “Try to understand. You survive in these times. Listen, and listen good. You do that one more time and the game is over. If you see me in the morning, you take the sausage. But even if it’s my day, and I’m not there, take nothing. Do you see how simple this is? Your children won’t be hungry, and they’ll have good food. If you have extra sausages, you can bribe somebody and find a better apartment. I have more experience with this kind of life. Your apartment smells damp.”
“Yes, because it’s in the basement.”
“All right, I have to go. I believe you know better now. Remember, Wanda, if you don’t fight for life, life will crush you.”
Wanda closed the door behind Tanya.
“Tomorrow’s Sunday,” she thought. “I can breathe a little.”
She felt better. She understood how desperate her situation was. She was alone again. She walked back into the room. The children were asleep, and she adjusted Gregory’s blanket.
“They sleep in peace,” she thought. “They don’t know what their mother has done. Everything I do is for them only.”
She sat on the sofa and covered her face with her hands. “Oh, my dear Sophie, how are you? I hope you’re still alive. How is your family? I hope someday I’ll receive some word from you. How is Kostya in prison? I hope he’ll be a doctor in the prison hospital. Maybe he won’t have to work like a slave. My happiness was so close, but it flew away forever.”
Wanda did not sleep for a long time after she went to bed. She prayed, whispering.
When the new week began, after work Wanda took half the sausages to Tanya and kept half herself. Even though she saw Tanya at the checkpoint, she was still very nervous. Only when she had walked a few blocks from the plant did she calm down.
A month passed. It was autumn. The leaves had changed, yellow and crimson. The leaves fell and rustled underfoot.
The next time Wanda carried sausages from her department and approached the checkpoint, the wind blew into her face, and she squinted. Just before she reached the gate she stopped dead. She tried to catch sight of Tanya but did not see her.
“Is it possible I’m confused?” she thought. “I clearly remember seeing her this morning. I said ‘good morning,’ and she answered me.”
Wanda had no time to consider further. She saw two men in NKVD uniform checking the people in front of her. Instantly, she knew what would happen next, something terrible, irreparable. She turned back sharply. She walked perhaps five yards before she heard someone call, “You! Woman! Come back here!”
“I left something in my department,” Wanda said, starting to walk very fast. “I’ll be right back.”
A moment later, she heard footsteps following her, and a hand grabbed her shoulder. She jumped at the touch, frightened. When she turned, she saw a middle-aged man in an NKVD uniform.
“Do you have a hearing problem, citizen?” he asked. “Come with me to the checkpoint.”
Wanda had nothing to say. Her legs were trembling, and she almost fell. The NKVD officer held her arm tightly.
“This is the end,” Wanda thought. “It’s all over for me.”
The search showed that Citizen Stanishevsky had stolen three pounds of sausage, which she had placed around her waist, under her sweater. The officer drew up a statement, put Wanda in a “blackbird,” a van used only for prisoners, and took her to the NKVD station.
Her apartment was searched. One pound of sausage was found.
Wanda was kept in solitary confinement before her interrogation. She could think of nothing except what would happen to the children. They had no one else. They were alone in a dangerous world.
The NKVD held her through the night and took her to interrogation the next morning.
In a room with subdued light, the interrogator sat behind a table. He was young, about thirty, with straight, blonde hair, slicked back on his head. He showed Wanda the chair in front of the table.
“I am Investigator Nesterov, and I have a few questions for you. Are you in a condition to answer?”
He looked at Wanda, who was difficult to recognize after only one night. Her face was pale, her eyes swollen from crying, her lips quivering.
“Yes, I can,” she said.
“Tell me, with whom were you dividing the sausage that you took?”
Wanda closed her eyes and thought about what she should say. The interrogator repeated his question, believing she had not heard him.
“With no one,” she said. “I decided to take it because I have two children. I’m a widow.”
“If you really did it alone, why were you not afraid to go through the checkpoint? This is not a little piece. This is two pounds.”
“I took the risk. They don’t check us all the time.”
“How many times have you stolen, and how much?”
“Twice. Once, perhaps one ring, the second time, two rings. They caught me.”
She spoke, knowing that her story could not be checked.
“Did you know what could happen to you for stealing from the state?”
Wanda was silent, looking at the floor. After a few moments, she looked into the interrogator’s eyes and asked him, quietly, “Tell me, what will happen to my children? I know I have to go to jail.”
“The government will take care of them. You’re not the first or the last to leave children alone after committing a crime. Now we have the Soviet authorities. We will take very good care of the new generation.”
“What do you mean? What kind of care?”
“Your children will be sent to an orphanage. They’ll go to school and live a normal life.”
Wanda began sobbing loudly. Her handkerchief was wet, but she continued to dab at her eyes.
“Why are you crying? Your children won’t be homeless. You should be grateful to the Soviet authorities.”
“My children will live in an orphanage? This is what I’ve done to them?”
Wanda sobbed uncontrollably.
“Listen, Citizen Stanishevsky, you can reduce the charges against you. All you have to do is tell me who your accomplice is. This won’t be just your fault any longer. Your punishment will be mitigated.”
Wanda answered immediately, pulling the handkerchief from her eyes.
“I did this alone. I can answer for anything I’ve done by myself. You may ask anyone I work with. I was in collusion with no one.”
She answered the same as before because Kostya’s trial was very fresh in her memory. Groups of criminals were punished more severely than those who acted alone.
“Well,” the interrogator said, “if you insist. It’s your choice. Sign this record of evidence.”
He gave Wanda a sheet of paper covered with handwritten notes.
“I can’t see. Your handwriting is so small, I can’t understand it.”
“I’ll read it to you.”
He read everything he had written. Wanda signed, and he called in another officer to take her away.
“Where are you taking me?”
“To jail. Where else? You’ll remain in your cell pending trial, and during the trial. Later, after you’ve received your sentence, they’ll send you somewhere you’ve never heard of.”
Wanda did not answer. “He can joke about it,” she thought. “What kind of people are they?”
Wanda was placed in the “blackbird.” Two men were inside, along with an NKVD officer. The men had been told not to talk to each other.
Twenty minutes later, the van stopped, and Wanda was allowed to go first. At the jail building, she passed through a gate. She followed the prison matron.
“Take this mattress and follow me,” the matron ordered. “We’ll go to the cell where you’re staying.”
The mattress was rolled. When Wanda tried to pick it up, she found it so heavy that she had difficulty keeping up with the matron.
“Oh,” the matron said, stopping. “Wait. Damn. You haven’t taken a shower yet. Go back. Why haven’t they taken care of that yet.”
Wanda almost fell. A few steps further, the mattress unrolled. She tried to hold it together. As she bent it, she heard the matron say, “What do you think, that you’re here alone? No one will do your work for you, you weakling. Faster. Now I see you’re a blue-blood.”
Wanda pulled the mattress together. She had no strength, but the strength of anger at the matron’s abuse. She placed the mattress on the floor in front of the shower room, removed her clothes, and stepped into the shower. Five minutes later, she was called to put her clothes on and go to her cell.
Cell number twenty-seven. Inside were two bunk beds. Women sat on each of the four mattresses. Another mattress lay between the beds on the floor. Another woman sat on it.
“Whre is my place?” Wanda asked.
“Your place is where you find it,” the matron said, and she slammed the door.
Wanda looked around. The matron was right. She unrolled her mattress against the wall, sat on it, covered her face, and started crying. Her wet, braided hair, and her sorrowful appearance, in a different situation, would have inspired pity. But not in that situation. Not there. These were women from a different world. They had no pity. Perhaps there it was right not to pity.
“Stop your howling,” said a woman on one of the top mattresses. “Your tears won’t help you here.”
Another woman added, “And don’t block the path to the slop bucket.”
Wanda opened her eyes. The woman whose mattress was also on the floor helped her arrange her mattress. Inside the rolled mattress was a cotton pillow, a sheet, and one blanket. Wanda lay with her head against the wall and her feet against the slop bucket. She understood what the slop bucket was then.
Next to the bucket was a cold-water sink. There was no partition to provide privacy.
Wanda covered her head with the blanket and tried to forget where she was and what had happened.
“Listen, newcomer, what’s your name?” a woman asked. “What are you here for? You’ll feel better if you talk.”
Wanda remained silent, not moving at all.
“We’re not the right company for you? Why do you turn your face away?”
“Leave her alone,” said a woman with a low voice whose bed was one of the lower bunks. “Have you forgotten what you went through before you got here?”
Everyone was quiet. It appeared Wanda would be left alone.
A few minutes later, she heard someone whisper, “Maybe she’s a decoy. Look girls, she’s different, not one of us.”
“You’re stupid. If she’s a decoy, she’d be talking too much, asking a lot of questions. Don’t you have a brain?”
Wanda heard nothing more. After two days without sleep, she was exhausted and fell asleep.
An hour later, she heard someone call, “Wake up. Time to eat.”
“I don’t want it,” Wanda said sleepily. “Leave me alone.”
“It’s a rule here,” the low-voiced woman said. “You have to go by the rules. Roll your mattress back so we can get to the door.”
Wanda could do nothing but obey. The meal was millet cereal. It was handed through a window in the door on metal plates. Each woman received two ladles full.
“You, with the braided hair,” the guard said to Wanda, “give me your plate.”
“Thank you, I don’t want it.”
The woman with the low voice took the plate from Wanda and passed it through the door. Then she said to Wanda, “Hunger makes everybody equal. You’ll be eating just like everybody else.”
Wanda took her plate and put it in her lap. She could not force herself to eat. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes.
“Oh, God,” she thought, “why am I punished like this? Have mercy on me. I know I’m guilty. I agreed to steal. But please, don’t let me be punished like this. I swear, I’ll never do anything like that again in my life.”
She prayed silently and tears fell from her eyes. She left the cereal untouched on her lap.
“How long can you sit like a dummy?” asked the low-voiced woman.
Wanda opened her eyes and saw the woman sitting next to her on the mattress. Wanda looked at her face. She was in her mid-fifties, with very short, gray hair. Her face was swollen, and she had bags under her eyes. Something in the woman’s face frightened Wanda.
“Take the spoon,” the woman said, “and start eating. You’ll die like a dog before your trial ends. If you don’t want to talk, that’s your choice. But you have to eat to survive.”
She handed Wanda the spoon, and Wanda forced herself to eat.
“That’s better. Pretty soon we’ll go to the courtyard for a stroll, if it isn’t raining.”
The woman whose turn it was did the dishes. The other women began to ask questions again, but Wanda did not answer. She believed what had happened to her was no one’s business. She had not asked any questions of them.
“Yes,” the low-voiced woman said, “stop chattering like magpies. What do you want? To find out everything in one day. Let her pull herself together.”
“You have beautiful hair,” she said to Wanda. “I’ve never seen such beautiful hair before in my life. But you’ll have to say good-bye to your hair when you hear the verdict.”
“What are you talking about?” Wanda demanded indignantly. “This is my hair. No one can touch my hair.”
“Oh, no. Here, nothing belongs to you. Not yourself. Not your hair.”
“I don’t believe it. I don’t believe this is happening.”
“You’ll see. This argument is pointless. The longer you stay here, the more you’ll understand. People have lice and typhus. In jail, people are like cattle in pens. Who can save your hair? Now do you understand? I’ve been here before. That’s how I know.”
Wanda looked at the woman with wide eyes. She almost asked what the woman was there for, but she remembered not to ask any questions because she did not want to answer any herself.
“All right,” the woman continued, “you can tell us your name, at least.”
“My name is Wanda,” she answered, and she looked into the woman’s eyes. Again, she saw something strange in her face. She saw the woman bite her bottom lip and nod her head slightly.
“What is your name?” Wanda asked.
“My name’s Varvara,” the woman answered. “We have one Nina here with dark hair and one Nina with red hair. And Marisa, on the floor between the beds, speaks with a Ukrainian accent, and we laugh. Are you a Pollock? Or is it just your name?”
“What’s the difference? As you said, everyone’s the same here.”
“Oh, now I see you can talk, and I know you’ll survive.”
Varvara spoke and then returned to her bed. She lay down and said, “I want a cigarette bad. When are we going for a walk?”
Wanda sat against the wall as before. She did not cry anymore. She was terrified and felt cold all over. She asked herself no more questions about why she had done the thing she had done or what would happen next. She could not think about anything. She felt tense, and her body twitched.
A guard knocked on the door.
“Cell twenty-seven, time for your walk.”
The door opened. Before Wanda could react, all five of the other women were at the opening.
“Stand up, beauty,” Varvara said. “You can go breathe some fresh air now.” She touched Wanda’s shoulder.
The corridor was narrow. One guard walked in front, one behind. They walked out into a fenced courtyard. The courtyard was like a cage with a barbed wire ceiling. The guards left the women alone, and the six of them paced the cage like animals, from wall to wall, back and forth. Varvara walked next to Wanda.
“Tell me, what are you here for?” she asked. “Maybe I can help you untangle the mess.”
“I don’t need to be untangled. I don’t need your help. My case is clear.”
“It just seems that way. Are you in this alone?”
“Yes, I am.”
“You see? You took the blame yourself. Somebody walked free and spit on you and your children.”
“How do you know I have children?” Wanda asked, looking straight at Varvara’s face.
Varvara’s eyes shifted.
“I don’t know for sure. But I think you do because of your crying. How many children do you have?”
“Two. A daughter and a son. Don’t ask so many questions. My head is splitting. Please.”
“Fine. But I’m trying to help you. I’m trying to be your friend. You can trust me.”
“You don’t know me. Why are you trying to help me? Tell me the truth. What do you want from me?”
“Now you’re talking. Sure, I need something from you. If you’re free, you can go find some people who could help me. You see? You can help me, too.”
“I don’t want to make any deals with anyone. One deal was enough for me. If I have the luck to be free again, I’ll make no more deals.”
Varvara was silent. Wanda looked at her and saw her fingers tremble as she held her cigarette. Wanda also noticed how the other women, who had been walking, stopped to listen to the conversation. Nina, the red-haired one, shook her head, telling Wanda silently, “No.” Wanda stepped away and began walking. The door to the courtyard opened, and the guard spoke.
“Cell twenty-seven, time to go back. That’s enough for today.”
“Why so soon, you son-of-a-________,” Varvara yelled.
“When you go to the prison camp, you can walk longer,” the guard said, “but here we have a different system.”
Again, they walked along the corridor, escorted by the guards. They came to their cell and went through the door one by one. Someone placed a piece of paper in Wanda’s hand. She grasped it and hid it in her fist. Later, she put the paper under her pillow. She lay down, turned toward the door, and covered her head with the blanket. She took the piece of paper from under the pillow and read it.
“Varvara is an informer, a decoy. Beware.”
Wanda began to understand. She turned over onto her back, uncovered her face, and watched the women. From her position, she could see all of them. She tried to discover who had given her the note. When she looked at Nina, she knew the red-haired woman had given her the message. Nina nodded.
Wanda sat down against the wall.
“Who knows what a decoy is?” she asked, looking for a reaction.
“If you stay here long enough,” Varvara said in her low voice, “You’ll find out.”
“Why does she have to wait?” Nina asked. “She can find out now and try to be more careful.”
To Wanda, Nina said, “A decoy is someone sent to a cell. The decoy asks a lot of questions, trying to get information to give the investigator.”
“Why do they do that?” Wanda asked.
“You’re so naive,” said the dark-haired Nina. “For information, they cut time in prison. If somebody’s in for five years, she gets three instead.”
“You know too much,” Varvara said. I see you’ve taken a lot of information to the investigator and tried to cut your time.”
“Shut up, you. This is only my second time here, but you don’t have enough fingers to count how many times you’ve been here.”
“Will you be quiet, girls,” said Marisa in her Ukrainian accent. “Maybe it would be better to sing a song together about home and freedom.”
Wanda looked at Marisa and felt pity for her.
“Why is she here?” Wanda thought. “She has such blue eyes, dark hair, and pale skin. She’s not thirty yet.”
Wanda kept silent because she was afraid to ask any questions. She knew very well that Varvara was the informer. An investigator had put her in the cell. That was all right. Wanda would give her all the information she would need, gladly.
During the next visit to the courtyard, Varvara gave Wanda a cigarette.
“I don’t smoke, thank you,” Wanda said.
“Try. You’ll feel better.”
“I won’t feel better. It doesn’t matter what I try now.”
“You want to keep everything inside. That’s why you’re so hard on yourself. I’ll tell you my story. In this world, if you don’t steal, you don’t survive. I stole a few items from a store. They caught me. I took the blame myself, and the scum who worked with me are walking free. People say you’re only stealing if you’re caught. And now I’m caught, and I have to pay for it. You see, I’ve told you my story. Why are you so afraid?”
“I’m not,” Wanda answered. “Why should I be afraid? I just don’t want to talk about it. But if you must know, I’ll tell you. I’m here because I stole also, but I stole sausage from a factory. They caught me at the checkpoint.”
“Oh, you stole from the government. Your case is not simple. Who were you working with? You didn’t tell the investigator either?”
“No one was with me. I prepared invoices alone. I waited until everyone was gone, put the sausage around my waist, and covered it with a sweater.”
“And you weren’t afraid somebody would check and find it?”
“They checked me every day for a few months. They found nothing and stopped checking. The first time, I took one pound. Nobody checked. The next time, the NKVD was there. They checked everyone, and they caught me. Everyone was starving. I have two children at home. So I tried it.”
Wanda told Varvara exactly what she had told the investigator. She paid no attention to the anxiety and signals of the women around her.
“Yes,” Varvara said, “your case is not the easiest. The law’s very tough about stealing from the government. Where is your husband?”
“He died. I’m a widow. If he were still alive, I would never do what I did.”
Varvara tried to find out if Wanda was trying to hide something, but Wanda gave her the same answer over and over. Wanda almost began to believe her own story.
A few days later, Varvara disappeared from the cell. She was taken at night; no one knew where. Perhaps she was placed in another cell as a decoy.
Wanda’s investigation was brief, and her court date was set.
The month was October. The leaves were yellow and russett. Some, still green, lay on the ground. Wanda was placed in a closed van. Close to the door, on a bench, sat one guard, in NKVD uniform, watching her.
Wanda’s was the only case to be tried that day. The guard looked at her and watched how she strained to see outside.
“How long have you been here?” he asked.
Wanda turned to him. “Three weeks. For me, that’s a long time.”
“Are you by yourself in this trial?”
“Yes. Why?”
“It’s nothing. I just know this trial will be short. If it’s a group of people, it takes months.”
“What do you mean by short?”
“They might finish in one day.”
“That would be better. I don’t have enough strength.”
The guard did not answer, only looked at her. Wanda had lost much weight. She looked younger than she was, but tired.
When the van stopped, the guard opened the door, stepped out first, and helped Wanda down.
“All rise. Court is in session.”
Wanda stood and looked around. There were a few people in the room behind her. She had never seen them before.
“This is best,” she thought. “I’m glad they didn’t bring my children here.”
The formalities began. Questions, similar to those asked during Kostya’s trial, were asked and answered. Wanda answered as she had the investigator’s questions.
“Call the witness Tatyana Struchkova,” the judge said to the bailiff.
Wanda’s heart stopped.
“This is the end, she thought. “If she gives different testimony than mine, then I have to answer stealing and lying.”
“Citizen Struchkova,” the judge said, “raise your right hand and repeat, ‘I will tell the truth and nothing but the truth.’”
Tanya repeated the words.
“How long have you known defendant Stanishevsky?” asked the prosecutor.
‘I’ve seen her as I have a lot of other workers, but I didn’t know her.”
Wanda began to breathe again. “Now I see that she didn’t say anything,” she thought. “Thank God for that.”
“Did you check all the workers regularly?”
“I already said during the investigation that I check almost all the time. But sometimes, so many people go through at the same time, I can only watch and stop them if I see something suspicious. I hold people who take even little pieces of sausage. Three people were fired because of my reports. I remember checking this citizen, but I never found anything.”
“How can you explain that she decided to take three pounds during your shift? Why would she take the risk?”
“You’re right. She took a risk because the NKVD guards caught her. If they hadn’t, I would have. I’ve got nothing to add. I can only repeat that I don’t know her personally.”
“She hasn’t saved me,” Wanda thought, “but she hasn’t made things worse.”
The prosecutor asked questions of two more of Wanda’s fellow workers. They had nothing to add.
At three o’clock, they announced a recess until the next morning. Wanda was returned to jail in the same van with the same guard. She sat with her eyes closed. She had only one thing on her mind. How were Masha and Gregory? They were big children now. In two years, Masha would graduate from high school. But what now?
Wanda did not cry. She felt only a dull pain in her heart. Her thoughts were confused. She saw, in front of her, Vladimir. He smiled and spoke to her. Next, she saw Grisha. She talked to him, but she did not hear her own voice. Then, she heard, very clearly, music, the same beautiful waltz that had been played at her wedding to Tadeush. Surely, this was Tadeush. He was waiting for her downstairs. She walked down the stairs in her wedding dress, her sister beside her. How happy she was! She felt weightless.
Suddenly, it was all gone. There was no music. She heard a shot, then a second, and Vladimir fell down on the floor. She saw blood puddled around him.
Everything was spinning, and then—blackness.
“Wake up, please. Are you all right?” Wanda heard the words as she regained consciousness.
Someone was slapping her lightly. She opened her eyes and saw the same young guard in the NKVD uniform. He looked at her with concern. Then he helped her get up from the floor.
“What happened to you?” the guard asked. “You fell down, and I thought you were dead. I slapped you, and then you came around. You’re so young to die. How old are you?”
Wanda sat on the van bench and began to feel better.
“What happened to me?” she thought. “I thought I was asleep and dreaming. Why did I fall and feel nothing. Maybe I fainted.”
The guard repeated his question.
Wanda raised her eyes and looked at him.
“Why do you need my age? It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Don’t talk like that. Everything will be all right. I can see you aren’t a criminal. And I believe the judge can see it, too. They won’t give you a long sentence. A woman made a mistake. She took some sausage during a time of starvation.”
“You think they won’t give me many years? How do you know?”
“I’ve seen so many cases in my three years in the service. I’ve seen so many criminals. You’re just a harmless creature. The judge will give you a year, just in case.”
“Oh, if your words could make it to God’s ear. I fear they will give me more. A woman in my cell told me I would get no less than five years because I took from the government.”
“She doesn’t know anything, this woman. She tried to frighten you.”
“Thank you very much. I’ll try to believe it can happen as you say.”
“Yes, I can see. You’re thirty-five, no more. I’m right?”
“Almost.”
The conversation ended as the van passed through the jail gates.
In her cell, Wanda ate her entire supper. She felt better. For the first time, she had a kind of hope. In her mind, she returned to her conversation with the guard. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to believe it.
“He’s right,” she thought. “I’m not a criminal or a murderer.”
That night was the first that Wanda slept quietly. In the morning, she ate her millet cereal and returned to court.
Today, a new guard accompanied her. He too was young but looked gloomy and sullen. Wanda tried to talk to him, but he answered, “Talking to the defendant is strictly forbidden.”
Wanda sat down in the dock, alone.
“All rise. Court is in session.”
The judge, a man in his mid-forties with a high forehead and wide shoulders, looked more like a wrestler than a judge.
The two jury members sat, one on each side of the judge, a man and a woman, young. The prosecutor was a young man also, in his thirties, with an open face. His appearance was attractive. His eyes looked kind. But it was only appearance.
Wanda observed everyone carefully. Her future was in the hands of these people.
The trial began again. The charges against Wanda were repeated, and the judge asked the bailiff, “Call the witness Maria Vinar.”
Wanda’s breath caught in her throat, and her heart beat wildly.
“How can she do this?” Wanda thought. “She’s only sixteen, a child.” Wanda felt pressure at her temples, and she gripped the arms of the bench tightly. “What now?” she thought.
Masha walked in. She was so tiny, pale, with a beret in her hair and her coat buttoned tightly. She looked around, and her eyes stopped on her mother. She looked for a long time at Wanda, and the tears standing in her eyes fell down her cheeks. She brushed them away and sat where she was told to sit.
“Do you remember how many times your mother brought sausages home?” the prosecutor asked.
“I remember we were starving. We couldn’t buy anything with the coupons. I ate sausage one time, one little piece.”
“Oh, God,” Wanda thought. “She’s clever, but I think she’s had Tanya’s help.”
“Did you know your mother stole the sausage from the plant where she worked?”
“No, my mother never took anything that didn’t belong to her. She always taught us never to do that. This is a mistake. My mother is an honest woman.”
“You may step down. You’re free to go.”
Masha walked to the door, looking always at Wanda. Wanda lowered her head. She could not see her child with tears in her eyes.
“Call the witness Nadejda Smirnova.”
Nadya came forward and Wanda, looking at her, did not understand why she had been called.
“Citizen Smirnova,” the prosecutor began, “did you work with the defendant, Wanda Stanishevsky?”
“Yes, we worked together.”
“Tell us, did you see how she hid the sausages?”
“God be with you. When I first heard that they caught Wanda with sausages, I didn’t believe my ears. There’s something wrong here. I know she’s an honest person. She would never have taken sausages. Somebody forced her to do it. You have to find out, your honor, who forced her.”
“Defendant Stanishevsky,” the prosecutor said, turning to Wanda, “do you agree with what the witness, Smirnova said?”
Wanda stood and the room spun before her eyes. She stood straight and said, “No. No one forced me. I did it by myself.”
“Why are you doing this?” Nadya cried. “Why are you taking the blame? I know this is wrong.”
Wanda kept silent.
“You cannot speak to the defendant,” the judge said. “You may step down. You are free to go.”
Wanda was asked again if she had worked with someone else, but she gave the same answer, “I did it all by myself.”
The judge, the prosecutor, and the jury left to confer. Thirty minutes later, everyone returned and took his place. Kostya’s trial was still very fresh in Wanda’s memory. Sometimes she thought her own trial was only a continuation of what had gone before.
The prosecutor began to read the final charges against Wanda. He enumerated them and repeated what had been said in court. He was sure Wanda had taken the sausages every day and had caused harm to the government during these very difficult times. In these hard times, the defendant, as if she had put her hands in the pockets of the hungry, and for her own profit.
Wanda saw his face as if through a fog. She did not understand exactly what he was talking about.
The judge asked Wanda, “Are you guilty or innocent?”
Wanda did not hear him, and he repeated the question. She lifted her eyes and stood.
“yes, I’m guilty,” she said, and she again lowered her eyes.
It was absurd! Later, much later, she would find out what happened. She had no defense. She had no one to take her side or explain to her that she could not plead guilty to all the charges the prosecutor read. She thought that by saying she was guilty, she would receive a light sentence.
After Wanda answered, the prosecutor finished his speech.
“I ask the defendant, Stanishevsky, be given ten years in prison camp, ordinary regime.”
She was dreaming. It was a nightmare. She felt frozen with fear. The court adjourned for deliberations. Wanda sat stiffly on the bench.
“I don’t believe this is happening,” she thought. “Why did the prosecutor ask for ten years? I don’t believe the judge will agree. I thought I’d get one year, no more. I remember Kostya’s trial. The prosecutor asked for the death penalty, and the judge changed it to life in prison. Oh God, I hope the judge will change this for me. He knows I have children.”
The deliberations were brief.
“All rise. Court is now in session.”
Wanda looked into the judge’s face and then at the jury. Their faces were impenetrable. Wanda was trembling violently.
The judge spoke.
“In the name of the Ukrainian Federal Socialist Republic, for plundering what belongs to the government, over a long period of time, in the name of this Soviet court, in article of law number ________, I sentence the defendant, Stanishevsky, to ten years in prison, ordinary regime. The verdict is final, without right of appeal.”
“It’s not possible!” Wanda screamed, jumping to her feet. Her knees collapsed, and she fell, unconscious.