Birdie
It had been three days since I’d received Hunter’s email. I’d told myself I wasn’t going to respond, but as I sat at my desk at the office and watched Jane and Tate making sweet lovey faces at each other, I knew I couldn’t resist anymore. I was going to write Hunter back and let him have a piece of my mind.
I reread his email once more to get myself worked up again.
To My Mouthy Ex-Girlfriend,
I’m guessing you blocked me again? I’m not sure why we can’t be friends, but you always were overly dramatic. I’m surprised you didn’t move to LA to be an actress. You could have made it with all your skills. I particularly miss your ’big mouth’.
I will be coming to San Francisco next Friday for a week and would love to see you. I wouldn’t even mind seeing your bedroom for old time’s sake. In fact, I can stay with you if you wish. Do you still have your cheerleader outfit? It’s a recurring fantasy I have in my dreams. Remember that night we won the homecoming game and you gave me the biggest and best surprise of my life? Also, whatever happened to the promise ring I gave you? Don’t worry, you can keep it. I have the poems you wrote me about your undying love; you can have them back if you want.
Nellie sends her love and misses you. I think it was really cruel how you stopped talking to her. But anyway, I hope to see you soon. Would be lovely to catch up and see how you’re doing.
Hunter
I stared at his email and thought about the homecoming game, how we’d had sex in the changing room with the coach right around the corner. I couldn’t believe I’d done that, and I certainly didn’t want to remember how hot and naughty it had been. I was over Hunter. If he really thought I’d want to reminisce about the good ol’ days then he was even crazier than I was.
I typed a response and hit send before I could stop myself.
To My Immature Ex-Boyfriend,
There are so many things that I want to say to you, but because I’m a lady, I will keep my ’big mouth‘ closed. I received your email the other day and you’ve got to be joking if you think I have any interest in meeting up with you during your visit to San Francisco. I would rather take a long walk off a short pier into an ocean of sharks. Also, the fact that you wouldn’t mind seeing my bedroom for “old times sake” makes me laugh. I don’t want to be rude, but those memories aren’t ones I wish to repeat. I have better uses for five minutes of my time. You can keep the poems I wrote you, my cheerleader outfit, and the promise ring that you gave me. The only promise I want from you is the one that says I will never hear from your obnoxious, arrogant, weirdly-shaped head again.
Sincerely,
Birdie
P.S. No, we’re never going to repeat the night you won the homecoming game. I have a secret to tell you: I never cared about football then, and I still don’t.
I sat back feeling satisfied. Take that, asshole. As if I would let him stay with me. Was he out of his ever-loving mind?
Minutes later, I saw a response pop up in my inbox.
To My Mouthy Ex-Girlfriend,
Birdie, I’m guessing that you still have repressed feelings for my big head. I don’t blame you. If I’d gotten to be with a hunk like me, I wouldn’t have gotten over it, either. I’ll be in San Francisco for a week. I bet you can fit me in for three hours and twenty minutes. That was our record, remember? Please don’t go into the ocean with any sharks. I’d hate to have to rescue you in the water again … oh wait … that was just an excuse to show off in a wet t-shirt before, wasn’t it? I’m looking forward to seeing you. Maybe I’ll treat you to a Forty-Niners game. You know I can get VIP tickets to any game. We both know you’ll be there. I’d hate to have to let your momma in on some of your secrets.
Your sexy ex,
Hunter Augustus Beauregard III
P.S. There are many things I’d love to repeat. I’ll call you tomorrow to tell you the first one. :)
I could just imagine the cocky grin on his face as he was writing. It made me so furious that I couldn’t stop myself from responding.
“I blocked you, remember? So don’t bother calling.”
I hit send again and sat back, more annoyed than I’d been in a long time. I jumped up out of my chair and headed towards the office kitchen to grab myself a drink and a snack.
“What race are you entering?” Olivia almost bumped into me as we walked into the break room at the same time.
“Huh?” In my mind, I was still picturing myself murdering Hunter.
“Birdie, are you okay? You seem distracted.”
“I’m fine,” I growled in a voice that showed that I was anything but.
“Birdie, it’s me. You can talk to me.” Olivia’s voice was coaxing.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Olivia. I’m fed up with being the person who’s always whining and complaining. For once, I want to be the positive, upbeat person.”
“Birdie, you’re one of the most fun, upbeat people I know. That’s why I know something’s wrong.” She gave me a wry smile. “Because you’re not happy. You’re normally always happy.”
“I know. I am, aren’t I?” I groaned. “I’m just so annoyed!”
“Oh gosh, what’s happened?”
“Remember I told you about my ex?”
“Well, you told us a little bit about him. Not much.”
“Yeah, I know. I hate talking about him. He’s such an asshole. But …” I paused for dramatic effect.
She stared at me, looking patiently into my eyes. “Yes?” she prodded.
“Well, Hunter emailed me. Actually, he texted me, and then he emailed me after I blocked him.”
“Wow. He’s a bit of a stalker, isn’t he?”
“He’s a total stalker,” I groaned. “An absolute, total asshole stalker.”
“Wow. So I’m guessing you really like him.” She laughed.
“You don’t even know how much I despise this man.”
“So, what did he say in his texts and his emails?”
“Basically, he’s coming to San Francisco, which I already knew. And he wants to meet up with me—as if that’s ever going to happen. And then … “
“Yeah?” she said.
“He kind of brought up some stuff from our past that I did not think was appropriate.”
“What sort of stuff?”
“Sexual stuff,” I whispered.
“Oh, wow,” she laughed. “Sounds like Hunter wants Birdie back.”
“Oh, no way! There’s no way he wants me back, and there’s no way I want him back. He knows it’s never going to happen.”
“I’m sure if he asked you for one night you’d think about it.”
“He wouldn’t ask me for one night because he knows it’s not going to happen.”
“You don’t think he would want one more night with you, Birdie?”
“Well, I’m sure he would want one more night with me.,” I laughed. “Come on. I’m me. I’m Birdie. I’m the best, probably the best he’s ever had and will ever have.”
“That’s my Birdie,” she grinned. “So, you wouldn’t be up for one night with him?”
“Oh, hell no. I wouldn’t be up for one second with him. I want nothing to do with that man!”
“Wow. What did he do that burned you so badly?”
“Girl, you do not want to know.”
“Actually, I do want to know. Are you ever going to tell us or not?”
“I don’t know, maybe over a drink or something. It’s kind of embarrassing and kind of stupid, and you’re going to think I’m a fool.”
“Why would I think you’re a fool?”
“You’re going to think I’m a fool for ever dating someone who was so immature as he was.”
“But didn’t you guys start dating in high school?”
“Yeah, we dated all through high school and all through college.”
“Wow. That’s a pretty intense relationship for being so young.”
“Yeah, it really was. I mean, I thought he was the man I was going to marry. Like, we were like the ‘it’ couple in Bluffton.”
“That’s where you guys are from?”
“Yeah. Bluffton, South Carolina. Have you ever seen that show Heart of Dixie?” I asked her.
“Was that set in Bluffton?”
“No, it wasn’t set in Bluffton, but it was a town sort of like it. Everyone knew everyone and everyone knew everyone’s business, but it was sort of more …”
“Rich?”
I made a face. “I hate to say that because I hate to sound like a snob, but it was sort of like a more upper-class version of the town in Heart of Dixie.”
“Okay. So you’re telling me you come from money?”
“Um, you could say that. I mean, my parents have money, but I don’t have money. So I don’t really come from money. Or I guess I do. That doesn’t make sense, does it? I do come from money, but I don’t have any money. Yeah, that’s it.”
“And I’m guessing—Hunter, you said his name was?”
“Yeah, Hunter.”
“I’m guessing Hunter also comes from money?”
“Yeah, Hunter comes from money, and now he has money too because of course he works at his dad’s bank.”
“His dad has a bank?”
“Yeah, I guess his great-great-grandfather started it. It’s like one of the biggest banks in South Carolina.”
“Okay. And your ex-boyfriend is the owner of the bank?”
“No. His father is the chairperson or whatever they call it of the bank. And I guess Hunter will succeed him when he retires.”
“Wow. So your ex-boyfriend is going to be the owner of a bank, a whole bank.” her jaw dropped. “Shoot, he sounds like he’s richer than Tate and Jagger combined.”
“Well, I don’t know about that. Remember, it’s a small bank. It’s not like Chase or Bank of America or anything. Though he did say he’s coming to San Francisco because they’re trying to merge with some bank here. I guess it must be like some credit union or something, I don’t know.”
“So he’s coming for business? Huh.”
“What do you mean, huh?”
“I mean, at first I thought he was coming specifically to see you.”
“Oh, he wouldn’t waste his time doing that.” I laughed. “He knows much better than that.”
“Yeah, I guess. So there’s no chance you’re going to see him?”
“Girl, there’s absolutely no chance. Trust me.”
“Okay. You want to read me the email he sent you that got you so angry? I’m curious what he said.”
“Oh, do I have to?”
“No, you don’t have to, but I’m curious.”
“Okay, hold on.”
I grabbed my phone and pulled it out and brought up my email and then I read it to her. I watched Olivia’s face and I could see that she was trying not to giggle.
“You can laugh. It’s fine,” I said, as I chuckled a little myself. “I mean, if it weren’t an email sent to me, I’d think it was quite funny as well. Of course, it was sent to me, so I don’t think it’s funny. But I can see why you would think it’s funny.”
“Oh, Birdie. He just sounds like he’s a lot of fun.”
“Hmph, maybe too much fun.”
“I mean, if he treated you poorly, then obviously do not see him and do not get back together with him. But …”
“But what?”
“But until you tell me the story, I won’t actually know what happened.”
“Oh, Olivia!” I laughed. “Let’s make a deal.”
“Okay, what’s the deal?”
“You and I have to go out Friday night for drinks.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“And you have to come and you can’t bring your boyfriend.”
“I won’t bring him.”
“Then we go out for drinks, and I’ll tell you everything that happened.”
“Then you definitely have a deal. Do you want me to invite Millie, Magnolia, and Jane as well?”
“I mean, you can. But do you think all of them will ditch their boyfriends on a Friday night just to come hang out with me?”
“I have a feeling they will.” She grinned. “Especially if I tell them they’re going to hear about the famous Hunter.”
“He’s not famous.” I made a face. “Don’t ever say that. If he were to ever hear you say he was famous? Ugh,” I shuddered, “his ego would just get that much bigger.”
“Wow, he still really affects you, doesn’t he?”
“Trust me. When you date someone like Hunter Augustus Beauregard III, you never forget him. I’ve learned that the hard way. The very, very hard way.”