Birdie
There’s something about your first love. It sticks with you. It’s ingrained in your heart, in your DNA. Your life wouldn’t be what it is without that person. You can remember the first time you made them laugh and the first time you made them cry. You can taste their first kiss, feel their first caress, hear their first whispers of love. Fragmented pieces of the first time they broke your heart still exist in your brain and every now and again, you’re reminded of what this person meant to your life.
Hunter was the yin to my yang. He was the first person who made me feel like I was beautiful and worthy of love. Sometimes I still lay in bed thinking about those days … and then I’d come to my senses and remember how everything ended.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t forget him. I couldn’t get him out of the inner depths of my heart. He’d always be there, with his mesmerizing, teasing blue eyes telling me he couldn’t imagine his life without me.
Though that had been a lie. He seemed like he’d been doing fine without me.
“Olivia. Oh my gosh, I’ve got a huge problem!” I said as I met my friend outside the bar. For just a couple of seconds, I envied her. If only I could look as lean and tall as she did, maybe I wouldn’t have such a shitty love life. I felt sorry for myself for a few seconds, but then I realized I was being stupid.
“Birdie, what’s wrong?” She looked concerned. Olivia was good people. She genuinely cared about me and made time for me, and I vowed that if she ever needed me, I’d be there. “What’s happened?”
“Nothing. I was just admiring how tall and beautiful you are and feeling sorry for myself,” I admitted.
“But, Birdie, you’re just as beautiful as me if not more so.”
“No, I’m not. You’re so slim. Oh, I’m dying to be as thin as you.”
“Birdie, you have got curves in all the right places. I thought you loved your body.”
“I do love my body, but …” I sighed. “I mean, sometimes I wish I were skinnier. I hate to hate on myself, you know, but doesn’t everyone wish they could lose five to 10 pounds?”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Olivia laughed. “So, what’s your dilemma?”
“I’ll give you one guess.”
“Uh-oh. Do I even need to guess?” She shook her head. “Let me think. Hmm. Does this have something to do with Hunter?”
“Does it ever,” I groaned. “But shall we go inside first? Do you want to grab a drink and then we can talk about it?”
“I would love to grab a drink.” Olivia smiled. “By the way, I spoke to Jane and Millie, and they said that they can’t make it. Magnolia said she might be able to make it later, but Jagger had had something he wanted to show her. I’m not really sure what.”
“Of course,” I rolled my eyes. “At least you could make it. You’re my true friend, Olivia.”
“Oh, Birdie. You know I love you. And you know the other girls love you as well. It’s hard on a Friday night.”
“I know, but what about me? I have no one else.” I grimaced, I hated sounding bitter. “Well, I guess I could make some new friends, but that’s so hard.”
“You know, girl, I understand how it is,” Olivia put her arm around my shoulder. “And you know what? I’ll always be here for you. And I’ll speak to the other girls as well because I definitely don’t want you to feel like you’re by yourself. And even if we hang out with some of the guys, you’re not a fifth wheel. Okay, Birdie?”
“Thanks, Olivia. You’re the best.”
“I try to be.” She grinned as we walked inside the bar. I looked around and immediately I could see two older guys looking over at us. I could tell their intent by the way that their legs were spread wide open. They were wearing nice shoes and probably made a lot of money, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t interested. Tonight, I was not here to have fun. Well, I was here to have fun, but I wasn’t here to flirt. And I wasn’t here to make out with some random guy.
I looked over at Olivia. “Please promise me you won’t let me make out with some rando tonight.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to make out with a rando?” She laughed. “You love making out with randos.”
“I do love making out with randos, but tonight is not the night. I need to keep my head and my wits about me.”
“And you can’t do that if you’re making out with randos?”
“I can’t do that if I’m super drunk,” I laughed. “And it’s only when I’m super drunk that I make out with randos.”
“Ah, okay.” Olivia and I walked over to the bar. “So, what do you want to drink, girl? First round’s on me.”
“What about a Long Island iced tea?” I could barely think about alcohol right now, I was so preoccupied with thoughts of Hunter.
“You sure? I thought you didn’t really like them.”
“That’s true. What about a tequila sunrise?”
“Oh yeah, that sounds good. I’ll get us two tequila sunrises. Do you want to look for a seat while I get the drinks?”
“Sure.”
I walked over to the side of the room to look for an empty booth. There was one high top that was free, but I didn’t really like sitting at high tops. I looked to the side and then saw that there were two guys and one girl sitting in a booth who looked like they were about to leave.
I hurried over to the booth and stopped. “Hi, just checking if you guys are just settling in or leaving?”
“No, we’re just about to leave,” one of the guys said with a smooth voice. “However, you could persuade me to stay.”
“Oh,” I said with a small laugh. “Thanks, but I’m here with my friend.”
“Boyfriend?” he said with a raised eyebrow.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I flicked my long blonde hair back and smiled at him. He was really attractive. Like really, really attractive. Maybe I was okay with making out with a rando tonight.
“Oh, well then …” He winked and licked his lips.
“Jimmy, we got to go, remember?” the other guy said.
He rolled his eyes in response, “Fine, fine, fine.” He looked at me. “But it was really nice meeting a beautiful lady like you. I hope to see you again soon.”
“Maybe, if you’re lucky,” I said with a grin, suddenly feeling a bit better.
I wasn’t sure what it was about cute guys flirting with me, but it always raised my self-esteem. It made me feel like I was on top of the world. I hated the fact that external validation made me feel better about myself, but it did. The guy slid out of the booth along with the girl, and then I slid in quickly before anyone else could snatch the seats. I looked around to see if Olivia could see me. And then as she turned around, I waved her towards me.
I grinned as she approached with the two tequila sunrises. “Ooh, these look amazing,” I said. “Thanks, girl.”
“No worries. I brought a menu as well so that we could see the other cocktails they have on offer, and then maybe we can get some snacks.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m going to need plenty of snacks. I’m super hungry.” I grabbed one of the menus and checked the appetizers. “Ooh, do you want to share the loaded tater tots with me?”
“Of course,” Olivia said.
“Ooh, and what about a quesadilla? But they have nachos as well! Oh my God, and mozzarella sticks and Buffalo wings. Oh man, I want them all.”
“Did you have lunch today, Birdie?” Olivia laughed.
“I did, but it was only a salad,” I groaned. “And I need much more than a salad to keep me going.”
“Me too, girl,” she replied. “How about we get the loaded tater tots and some Buffalo wings and maybe one more thing? You can choose.”
“Ooh, what about some spinach and artichoke dip?”
“That sounds absolutely delicious,” Olivia nodded. “Shall I go and order now?”
“No, that’s okay, girl. When we finish these drinks, I’ll go up to the bar and I’ll get our drinks, and I’ll order the food.”
“No, I don’t want you to have to pay for the food as well,” Olivia shook her head. “I want to get it.”
“No, you always treat me. And yes, I’m a poor ass, but I’m not that poor. I can treat us today, okay?” I grinned at her.
“Okay, if you say so. So, what’s going on? What has Hunter done now? Did he text you from another phone number?”
“No. He knows better than to do that.”
“Did he email you?”
“Nope. Haven’t heard anything from him via email.”
“So, what did he do?”
“Well, it’s not exactly what he did. It’s what a family member of his did.”
“Oh, what did his family member do?”
“His sister, Nellie, sent me an email.”
“Oh, okay. I didn’t know he had a sister.”
“Yeah, she’s amazing. She was like a little sister to me when I was dating him. We were really close. Actually, I felt kind of guilty when we broke up because I didn’t really keep in contact with her as much as I would’ve wanted.”
“So, what did she have to say?”
“Well, she’s coming to San Francisco with Hunter.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I guess he’s treating her to some sort of trip or something. I don’t know, but she’s coming and she wants to grab lunch or dinner with me.”
“Shit, and is she planning on bringing Hunter?”
“She says she knows I don’t want to see Hunter, so she promises that he won’t come.” I let out a deep sigh. “And as much as I love Nellie, and I want to believe her, I mean … Oh, I just don’t know what to think. Like, I know him, and I know how much Nellie looks up to him and how much she loves him, and I don’t want him to manipulate her into bringing him to the meal.”
“Well, if he were to come, couldn’t you just leave?”
“But then I’d feel so guilty. How could I just leave Nellie there?”
“She would understand, wouldn’t she?”
“Yeah, I guess she would understand. I just don’t know what to do. Of course, I’d love to have lunch and catch up with her. I’d love to show her around San Francisco, but I just don’t want to see Hunter. I want nothing to do with him.”
“Well, then maybe you shouldn’t see her? Can you just tell her that as much as you’d love to see her, the chances that you have to meet up with Hunter are too great and you’d rather not risk it?”
“Yeah, I was thinking about that. But wouldn’t that be mean?”
“Girl, it’s about self-preservation. That’s not mean at all.” She paused. “Though you know, I really, really want to know what Hunter did to you that was so bad you don’t even want to see his sister.”
“Oh, I know. It’s just so embarrassing,” I groaned. “I feel like a little bit of an idiot.”
“Why do you feel like an idiot, girl? It doesn’t seem like any of this was your fault.”
“I mean … it wasn’t really my fault, but I just feel like I should have known better, and I put up with far too much shit for far too long.”
“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about, so I can’t say either way, Birdie. But you know I’m here to listen, and I won’t judge you.”
“I know.” I sat back. “Look, let me get a couple more drinks in me and then I’ll tell you more, okay?”
“Okay,” she grinned. “So aside from that, what else is going on?”
“Nothing.” I made a face. “Though my mom really wants me to come home for my grandma and grandpa’s anniversary, which I guess will be fun, but not really because it’s just going to be judgment, judgment, judgment.”
“Oh, Birdie. I’m sorry. You do seem to love your family, though.”
“I love them from a distance.” I winced. “Does that sound absolutely horrible?”
“No, girl. Trust me, I understand. I love my family from a distance as well.”
I slurped the rest of the drink out of the glass. “Okay. I’m finished with my drink. What do you want? Another tequila sunrise?”
“That was fast.”
“I’m not playing around.”
“Well, let’s do two more tequila sunrises.”
“Sounds good.” I got up and walked over to the bar to order the drinks and food. After I ordered, I walked back to the booth and sat down. “Okay, so here are our drinks. She says the food will be out in about 20 minutes.”
“Sounds good,” Olivia smiled. “So, are you ready to tell me? Or do you want a bit more time?”
“No, I can tell you. Should I start at the beginning, the middle, or the end?”
“Uh, the beginning’s always good,” Olivia said with a laugh.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true, but …” I paused.
“What is it?”
“I just feel like when I start at the beginning, it makes people like him more.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“Well, we’ll see,” I said with a small smile. “I just … I don’t know. It’s hard for me to think about my past, you know?”
“I understand, it’s always hard.”
“He was my first love. In fact, he was my only love. He was basically my only everything. And well, obviously it didn’t end well, and sometimes it just still hurts a lot even though I can’t stand him and don’t want to be with him anyway.” I made a face. “Oh my gosh, I’m not even making sense, am I?”
“It’s okay, Birdie. Take your time. I’ve got all night. I promise.”
“Thank you. You’re so understanding, Olivia. I’m so glad that I met you and I’m glad that we work together. You’re a really good friend to me.”
“I’m always here for you, Birdie. Now, hurry up and tell me what’s going on because I want to hear everything about you and Hunter, and I mean everything.”
“Oh, trust me, girl. We will be here all night. And by the time I’m done with my story, you’ll understand why I hate him so much.”