There was a creaking sound coming from the back of the house. The buzz of the tiny nine-inch television covered it up—almost. Alexandra’s spine snapped straight. The sharp buzz of adrenaline fired into her veins and she flew off the edge of the couch.
There it was again. She didn’t know where to run. Her feet were taking her into the bedroom. Even in the dark she could see the white curtain snap in the breeze of the open window. A window she’d left shut tight.
The darkness moved. The shadows became a man, and the faint gleam of metal became a gun aimed at her heart.
Patrick.
“You can’t run, Alexandra. Didn’t I tell you I’d hunt you down?”
She stumbled backward into the hallways, toward the light.
“You can’t leave me, Alexandra. I need you.” He stalked her, the shadows fading as he followed her into the living room, the brush of lamplight showing the hard anger in his black, unforgiving eyes.
There was nothing she could do to stop him. The front door was so far away. She couldn’t run fast enough. She watched in horror as his finger squeezed the trigger—
She tore away, the scream dying in her throat….
There was only the sound of her ragged breath in the tiny room, where the distant floodlight from Bev’s garage cast a friendly glow against the window, smeared with rain. The window was shut and locked.
She was alone and safe. It had been a dream.
Nothing more.
Relief left her weak. She found the lamp by feel and turned it on. She followed the swath of light to the door, and into the tiny kitchen. The bulb above the sink was enough to work by—she filled a cup with water and popped it into the older-model microwave.
She hadn’t dreamed of Patrick since the night she’d left. Cuddled up in the corner of her car, parked in the far end of a Wal-Mart parking lot in the shadow of a retired couple’s mammoth motor home.
Although she wasn’t visible from the road, she’d slept only a few hours—and fitfully. The fear felt in those dreams from that night remained real and blade-sharp as she rummaged in the drawer for the box of tea she’d brought with her.
Sweet peppermint scented the air as she ripped open the packet, unwinding the string from the bag and dunking the tea bag into her cup of hot water. The welcome aroma chased away some of the tightness inside her. But the fear remained.
It’s all right. I’m safe here. She rescued her Bible from the tiny drop-leaf table in the corner and clutched it to her chest. She breathed in and out, slowing the fear, until there was only the sound of wind and rain.
There’s no way Patrick can find me here. Not easily, anyway, and not tonight. It was a small town. Anyone could give him the information he needed—someone at the grocery store or someone on the street who went to the same church. Hers was the only rusty, faded old VW Bug around.
I should have headed to Minneapolis. Maybe Denver. Or back East, where the cities were gigantic and no one would remember another brown-haired woman among so many people.
The night’s chill crept around her, and the damp from the storm settled into her bones. She shivered. She felt alone. So very alone.
Lightning flashed through the night, a quick illumination of the cozy cottage, and then only darkness.
The electricity had gone out. As thunder pealed like rending sheet metal overhead, Alexandra stood from the chair. Halfway across the living room, another lightning bolt flashed, helping her find her way to bed.
She could only take each day step by step. Just like this. That was faith. That was life. She was not afraid.
Settling onto the bed, she found her tiny battery-operated reading light on the nightstand and turned it on. The small glow was enough to read by. But which passage?
She thumbed through the well-worn gold leafs until the page chose itself. The book of Jeremiah. There was nothing random about the passage that caught her eye. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Faith. It was like groping blindly in the dark, but she trusted the way. Trusted the path beneath her feet.
Hope and a future. I could really use both right now, Lord, she prayed. In the meantime, she was grateful to be staying with the Coreys. With John.
The thought of him was like a sweet wish. The tender longing for the weight of his bigger hand in hers.
She wasn’t sure what to do about that. About John. Everything seemed so different. She closed her eyes but did not sleep.
“John.” Alexandra skidded to a stop on the stone walkway in front of his house. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”
“We’re supposed to be. We’re running late. It happens.” He drank from a cup of coffee in one hand as he tugged a sprinkler into place with the other. “I’ve got a leak somewhere in the automatic system, so would you mind shutting this off in about twenty minutes?”
“I could be bribed into it. What’s that you have there?”
“A fresh cup of coffee. I ground the beans myself. How about a cup?”
“It’s a deal.”
“Good.” John bent to turn on the faucet. “It’s warm this morning. Don’t you think?”
A spray of cold water gently sprinkled her, and she shrieked, laughing, into the shelter of the covered porch. “You did that on purpose.”
“Me? I’m too much of a gentleman. It was an accident.”
“An accident, huh? I’m going to remember this. Expect retribution.”
“The Bible bids us to never harm anyone.”
“I suppose heaven always makes exceptions when a woman has a good case for revenge.”
“Revenge of the sprinkler. I’m afraid.”
“You should be.” Laughing, with the wonderfully cool water evaporating on her bare arms, Alexandra followed him into the house. An earsplitting yowl met her ears. “The puppy?”
“Every time Hailey gets out of her sight.”
“You’re in trouble, John.”
“Don’t I know it.” He snared a cup and filled it. “Since you’re here, maybe you could watch over her while we’re gone. She doesn’t like to be alone.”
“It’s a good thing you’re so strict, or that puppy would be in danger of becoming spoiled.”
“Now you’re making fun of me. I’m a tough guy. I don’t take any nonsense. I run a tight ship. Everyone lives in fear of me.”
“I’ve noticed. You’re as tough as a marshmallow. I bet the puppy slept in Hailey’s arms last night.”
“I’d never allow such a thing.” He winked. “I couldn’t talk Hailey out of it, but there’s an upside. The puppy stopped that high-decibel wailing.”
“How’s the training going?”
“Accidents abound.” He held out the cup to her. “We survived, though. You could have an interesting morning.”
“I’ll see what I can teach her.” She accepted the mug, and her fingers bumped his. Heat zinged up her arm.
I refuse to be attracted to him. There. Alexandra turned away as if the collision of their fingertips meant nothing to her and went in search of the sugar. She found it in the pantry. When she turned around, John had left the room. The faint rumbling of his deep voice could be heard from upstairs.
He had a wonderful tone, masculine and strong without being overbearing. The warmth in his murmured words, the caring she heard as he spoke with his daughter, made her heart twist hard.
Not knowing what to do, she gazed into the depths of the serviceable stoneware mug that fit so wonderfully into both hands. The coffee warmed her palms and seeped into her soul. She stared at the dark liquid, wishing. Just wishing.
If she ran, she’d be safe. From the past, from heartbreak, from finding out that her mother was right. That was the real reason she’d let things go so far with Patrick.
She willed away the past with all the strength of her being, but there it was, a boomerang spinning back around for her to catch, gaining speed with its descent. She couldn’t stop it. Not even the bold taste of hot coffee could soothe it away.
She heard the same words she had heard as a little girl, then as an adolescent, then a teenager, over and over again, as her mother had slurred them. Don’t think you’ll grow up to be no different from me, Alexandra. Men don’t have hearts. No hearts. You remember that. If a man says he loves you, then you know he’s lyin’. Who’s gonna love you?
The one time Alexandra had dared to hope that some man could really love her, a good and decent man, she’d been wrong. So very wrong.
Cradling the cup in both hands, she breathed in the comforting scent of steaming coffee. Let the boiling hot brew burn down her throat, but still the feelings and the past remained.
“Alexandra!” Hailey appeared on the stairs, carefully cradling a little black bundle in both arms. “You’re here! You’re here! I’m real glad, too, ’cuz she cries like a baby every time I leave her alone.” She bumped noses with her puppy and her voice changed, higher, sweeter. “Yes, you do, don’t you, little baby?”
“Have you found a name for her yet?”
“Nope. I sorta like Emma, but I don’t know yet.” Hailey stopped moving, so that Alexandra could pet the puppy. “She doesn’t like to be all alone, so I’m awful glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.” The puppy was warm and content, and wiggled in delight as Alexandra stroked one furry ear. “I’ll take good care of her for you.”
“I know.” As if there were never a doubt, as if Hailey had never had a real worry, she handed over the puppy with a kiss to its silky head.
Safe and beloved, the puppy buried its warm nose in the crook of Alexandra’s arm and whimpered as Hailey bid it goodbye.
John came racing down the stairs, a duffel bag swinging over his shoulder. “I left a note on the counter with the credit card.”
“For the pet store. Right.” Alexandra could barely think as he swept by, reached out to pat the puppy’s paw. John’s fingers brushed over Alexandra’s bare forearm. The faintest of touches. It could have been warm air whispering over her skin, but it was him. His touch. His heat. His presence burning through her.
“Have a great day,” he called out, already striding away, the athletic bag slung over one broad shoulder, his muscled legs stretching out to carry him from her sight.
The front door opened, then closed, and she was alone. Strangely missing him.
She really didn’t feel attracted to him. Really. John Corey was like a white knight of old, the greatest of warriors and the noblest of men. What maiden wouldn’t gaze upon him with admiration? That’s all this feeling was.
He was her employer. It was as simple as that. He paid her to clean his house. Their relationship wasn’t personal. In fact, they didn’t have a relationship—they weren’t even friends.
Remember Patrick? And the dream she had last night? Wasn’t that all the indication she needed? Worry about what’s right in front of you, Alexandra. Doing a good job for the Coreys. Keeping safe. Seizing this chance to put a little bit more cash in her wallet. Her thin stack of twenties had already dwindled alarmingly.
The sound of tires crunching on the gravel driveway brought her to the front window. Was it John? Had he forgotten something? Or Bev coming over to use the guest shower—the electricity on the other side of the ranch was still out from the storm.
It was a police cruiser, polished and gleaming in the cheerful morning sun. The uniformed man inside climbed out slowly, looking around. He caught sight of her in the window and tipped his hat with a friendly smile. Alexandra opened the door.
“Miss Sims? John told me to come talk to you. Says you have a problem I can help you with.”
“I’m not sure what you can do. Please, come in.”
“I’d rather stay out here on the porch, if you don’t mind. Spend a lot of my day sittin’.” He swept off his hat, ambling into the shade. “I know you’re probably skittish, considerin’ all you’ve been through, but you’re not the first woman on this earth to be afraid of someone. It’s important to know you’re not alone in this. Between me and John, we’ll do our best to keep you safe.”
The sincerity of his pledge felt like the sweetest of blessings.
Taking a seat on the swing on John’s front porch, with the puppy warm and snug in her arms, Alexandra told the officer about the charming man she’d fallen in love with. He’d seemed so kind to her, so perfect.
Just like John.
The bell above the shop’s door clattered, and from the back room John didn’t look up from the thick parts book. “Be right with you,” he called out.
“You in the back?” Cameron, the town’s only lawman, didn’t let the Employees Only sign stop him. “This morning I got time to talk to that young woman out at your place.”
“Thanks for taking the time.” John found the part number, scribbled it down on the back of a packing slip and slammed the book shut.
“No problem. It’s hard to tell. These things can go either way. She may never have a lick of trouble from that fella. Or he could show up here tomorrow.” The sheriff helped himself to the old refrigerator in the back corner and hauled out a bottle of iced tea. “She gave me a good description, and if he drives down the main street of this town, I’ll spot him.”
“Good. Thanks, Cameron. You’re a good man.”
“I owe ya one.” Cam held up the bottle in a salute. “Staying in your mom’s extra cottage ought to help out. She’ll be hard to find. No phone bill. No utilities. Plus, I’m bettin’ you don’t mind watchin’ over her. She’s downright pretty.”
“I can see where you’re going with this.” Old friends from high school, Cam wasn’t fooling John one bit. “She’s pretty, but she needs protecting. Not the town cop playing matchmaker for her.”
“Hey, you’re awful defensive. Maybe you noticed she’s pretty, too.”
“She’s working for me, that’s all. Don’t go reading something into nothing.” John felt his face heat up a few degrees. “She’s in a lot of trouble. I want to help her. That’s it. That’s all. End of story.”
“Sure it is. Anyone with eyes can see that. Hey, don’t get so bent out of shape. I’ve known you a long time, John. I know how hard you took Bobbie’s death. I’m not saying you shouldn’t grieve, but it’s been too long. Maybe you oughta think about that.”
“Don’t need to.” Not even Cam understood.
“I’ve got civic duties to perform. Laws to uphold, and all that.” Cam headed for the door.
The bell jangled, and he was alone. Alone with a knotted-up stomach and this strange horrible feeling right smack-dab in the center of his chest.
Cameron was wrong. John didn’t feel anything for Alexandra. It wasn’t like that.
He couldn’t afford to feel too much at all.
Holding down the guilt, shutting off his emotions, he crossed the alley to the warehouse and went in search of a U-joint. It was tough to find the part. He really had to search since his mind was on Alexandra.
She sure could stir him up. Maybe because she needed him and his protection, and that made him feel worthy for the first time in a long while. Since Bobbie was alive.
His knuckles collided with the hard plane of the wood door, sending sharp streaks of pain into the bones. He’d missed the doorknob entirely—probably because he couldn’t see.
Thinking of Bobbie and how he failed her could bring him to his knees. Steal the vision from his eyes. The warmth from his soul. Inadequate wasn’t the word. Neither was failure. He could see it over and over again—her glove slipping, feeling the leather stretch to the breaking point, knowing that she was going to fall three thousand feet down the face of the mountainside.
Lord, I failed her. You put her into my care, and I messed up. More than anyone ever could. I failed. His forehead smacked against the door, something solid to cling to when it felt as if God wasn’t answering.
John knew one thing for certain—for whatever reason, God had guided Alexandra to him and the shelter of his family. For as long as she needed it, he would be there.
This time he would not fail.
“Where is that granddaughter of mine?” Bev whipped off her glasses with her free hand as she marched up the path to the back deck. “I swear, summer came early and with a vengeance. Whew, is it hot. I’m going to put this in the refrigerator and help myself to some tea.”
“Let me get that for you.” Alexandra clipped the safety catch on the pruning shears she’d found in a dusty corner of the outside shed. “And since I’m going in that direction, hand over the sack, too. I’ll take it in.”
“What a dear you are. There are a few leftovers from my Ladies’ Aid meeting. We had a potluck. Hmm, it was good.” Bev gladly relinquished the heavy grocery bag. “How’s the puppy working out?”
“Terrible. It was such a mistake.” Alexandra bit her lip when Hailey’s shriek of delight and a puppy’s happy yip sounded on the other side of the house.
“So I see.” Bev dropped her purse on the table, eyeing the tall, overgrown bushes alongside part of the deck with obvious speculation. “Glad to see someone’s finally dealing with those roses. They’re beautiful, and John can’t keep up with them.”
“Just doing what I can while I’m here.” Alexandra peeked into the sack and spotted several plastic containers. “This is enough for a couple of meals.”
“Thought you could use some help. Hailey is a handful.” Sparkling with grandmotherly love, Bev caught sight of her granddaughter. “Oh, excuse me. I’ve got to hug my girl.”
“Sure.” Alexandra’s throat ached as she stepped away. There was something that hurt inside her as she saw Bev hurry down the steps and across the grass, arms held wide.
“Grammy!” Hailey sparkled like the brightest star in the heavens as she ran, tumbling into her grandmother’s arms. “Alexandra and me, we went shoppin’ for my puppy. And we got to take her right into the store and everything!”
“Is that right? Let’s see this puppy of yours.” Bev took Hailey’s hand, turning toward the little black dog bounding through the grass toward them.
More than anything, Alexandra wanted a life like this. With all that she was, all that she would be, she wanted to step into a world like this. Be a part of a family this openly affectionate and accepting. Where love—and spirits—flourished.
Bev knelt to meet her new grandpuppy, her happy chuckle of delight blending with Hailey’s as the dog leaped and licked and wiggled. This was such a safe place, but it felt like a fairy tale. Something Alexandra had read about, and she was glad the heroine in the story found true happiness and love. But after Alexandra closed the book, she was still in her own world. Alone. Not at all sure if she could find the same joy or if she deserved it.
Remember the verse from Jeremiah? She had hope and a future. She had to cling to that. To believe good things were possible.
But the past clung to her like a shadow. Her mother’s words and Patrick’s polite, very gradual control. Odd how he’d often said the same thing to her, how lucky she was that he’d fallen in love with her. In all her twenty-four years, no one else had. Don’t think about the past, Alexandra. Or those harsh, painful words Patrick had said to her. The ones that made her feel smaller, less worthy, less everything.
But here, she felt different. Renewed. The bright cheerful sounds of Hailey’s laughter flitted on the wind into the kitchen. Bev’s genteel alto voice answered, and the puppy yipped, bringing her back to the present.
“Hey.” A man’s voice startled her. “Come in. Earth to Alexandra.”
“John.” She almost dropped the plastic glass she was holding.
There he was, too handsome to look at, even in a simple blue striped seersucker shirt, tucked into comfortable-looking, wash-worn jeans. The sight of him took her breath away. Made her wonder what it would be like to let those rock-solid arms fold around her. Made her wish she had the chance to know the feel of his comfort, his strength and his heartbeat against her cheek.
“Want a glass of iced tea?” It was all she could think of to say, which was better than blurting out what she was really thinking—now there’s a good-looking man.
“Sure, but you don’t have to wait on me. Here, let me help.” He took the glass, his big callused fingers closing over hers, leaving her breathless and trembling and feeling so incredibly female against his masculine strength. He towered over her as he used the ice maker in the refrigerator door. “Did Hailey make you max out my card at the pet store?”
“We did our best.” Taking Hailey to the pet store was another memory she’d tucked into her heart. They were three females on the loose—including the puppy—going up and down the aisles searching for everything they wanted, and a lot of stuff they didn’t need. “Hailey is a serious shopper. When she gets to be a teenager, watch out.”
“Don’t I know it? Mom has taught Hailey everything she knows. Which is, the more the merrier, and you can’t have enough shoes.”
“At least Bev’s trained her right.”
John filled a third glass and didn’t move aside when Alexandra sidled up to him to open the refrigerator door. They were so close, all she would have to do was reach out and her hand would brush his arm. She would feel that connection, that unique, strengthening power that made her heart soar.
Unaware, John slid the last glass on the counter. “Let me.” He reached in front of her, his arm muscled and rock-hard, brushing against her forearm as he lifted the pitcher right out of her hands. “I heard Cameron came out to see you today. Did he treat you right?”
“He sure did.” It was impossible not to notice the caring in his voice. “Cameron promised he’d watch the traffic coming through town for me.”
“It’s a small town. It wouldn’t be too hard to spot a stranger matching Patrick’s description. We’re here if you need us.”
“You’re going beyond the call of duty to help me. I don’t know why, but I appreciate it. I really do.”
“What’s the mystery? You need help, and we’re helping you.” John said the words lightly. He pushed his feelings deeper inside where he couldn’t feel them and didn’t need to wonder what they meant. Didn’t need to admit he admired her more with every day that passed. Admired her? Well, it was more than that.
Alexandra stood off to the side with her arms wrapped around her middle, looking so alone. Her chin was up, her spine stiff. She looked ready for a fight. Ready to stand up for herself. Such a frail woman, petite and wispy and as lean as a willow, but there was strength in her. He could see it.
Whatever hardship she was running from, she would recover. She’d come back from it. He knew it, down deep. Maybe here could be a resting place for her. He liked knowing that he’d helped to make that possible. That he’d made a difference for her.
She could stay here all summer. No reason why she couldn’t. She could watch Hailey full-time and ferry her around to her hundred thousand lessons and social appointments. And then, every evening when he came home from work, he’d have the chance to see her. She was so beautiful and alone and vulnerable, and when he looked at her he saw a future for the first time—
Whoa. Hold on, John. You can’t go thinking like that. Pain arrowed through him, deep enough to rock his soul. He thought of Bobbie, laid to rest in the town cemetery and the day he’d buried her in a white coffin. Of three days before when he’d held her lifeless hand in the helicopter, while his friends did everything they could to try and keep her heart beating, to give her the chance at life.
And failed. How the flat line went forever on the monitor, and the nurse put her face in her hands and wept. Everyone said it wasn’t his fault. He’d done everything he could to save her.
No one knew that when she’d been falling to her death, she’d locked her gaze on his. Not looking down, but up at him. She’d always looked up to him, always told him he was her very own hero come to life.
Hero? He’d been the worst failure. The worst sort of man that day, who hadn’t been strong enough.
He didn’t know if he was any stronger now. “I hope you’re not getting tired of us already. I told you it was tough being around us. It was Hailey, wasn’t it? She wore you out shopping. Made you afraid to hang around and spend the summer with her.”
“That was it. Shopping with Hailey and her puppy was the toughest job I’ve ever had. No one should be made to work under such conditions. Laughter. Giggling. The puppy to snuggle. Ice cream afterward.”
“Torture by chocolate. It happens. I get too much of it here. There ought to be a law against that kind of abuse. A person can only take so much fudge sauce.”
“Exactly. I’m going to report you to your cop friend. Tell him about the laughter in this house.”
“Scandalous. The neighbors complain.”
“The neighbors are a couple of miles away.”
“Yep. With the wild social life I lead, the noise carries a far distance.”
“Right. Hailey says you only date the TV.”
“My affection for baseball is only surpassed by my obsession with football, but I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
“That’s the first step toward recovery.” Alexandra snatched two of the glasses, leaving him one.
“You don’t approve of sports?”
“Sure, I love them. I’m not sure I approve of sitting on the couch instead of being outside where you can actually participate in a sport.”
“You think I’m a couch potato, is that it?”
“You sure look like one to me.” He looked about as soft as a hunk of steel, but she didn’t need to tell him that. “A serious couch potato. One that’s growing roots right into the sofa cushion.”
“Yeah? I suppose it takes one to know one.”
“What does that mean?” She waited while he opened the screen door. “You think I look like a couch potato?”
“If the sofa fits…”
“I’ll have you know I have plenty of outdoor activities. I hike.”
“No kidding?” All at once the shutters were down, as John led the way onto the deck. There was a spring to his step, a liveliness that made the shadows in his eyes fade away, like morning mist giving way to the sun. “Me, too.
“The guide I gave you ought to lead you to some great trails in this part of Montana, not just at Yellowstone. But since you’re not hanging around, I guess you’ll just have to suffer without seeing some of the best backcountry you’ll probably see.”
“You’re trying to tempt me with promises of great natural beauty.”
“Sure. It takes a hiker to know one. The question is, can you resist?” John set his glass on the wrought-iron table in the umbrella’s shade. “Hailey and I always take a trip when school lets out. We head up into the backcountry and spend the night. Why don’t you come with us?”
“You really know how to tempt a girl.”
“Then you’d be interested?”
“If the terms were right.” She flashed him one of her pretty smiles as she swished away.
Marriage is like this. John wished the thought away, but it remained, steady like a light always burning and as sure as a new day dawning. He’d missed the companionship, the talk and the ease of being with another person who accepted you.
Except this wasn’t a marriage; this was only reminding him of that amazing time in his life. That once-in-a-lifetime place, and he had no business confusing Alexandra’s friendship with his longing for a wife. To be married again. To have a woman at his side.
Alexandra made him think about what he could never have again. That’s what this hard, sharp feeling was in his chest. The longing for a wife one day—the one thing he could never deserve.
It had nothing to do with Alexandra. That’s why he couldn’t look anywhere else as she gazed up at him with those deep luminous eyes. Why he felt entranced when the breeze caressed a lock of her silken hair against the soft curve of her face. She looked a little better tonight, more relaxed. More assured.
He liked seeing that change in her.
“I’ll be right back.” Her numerous silver rings flashed in the sunlight, drawing his attention to those slim hands of hers, so delicate and feminine, so graceful even doing something ordinary like holding a plastic glass full of iced tea.
Beautiful hands. She was beautiful in every way, and it ensnared his heart and broke it all at the same time.
You can’t have her, John. And if she knew what you’d done, she wouldn’t want you. He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the sight of her walking away from him, but he already knew how she walked. He could see it in his mind’s eye. The curled ends of her brown hair swaying with her gait. The quiet way she moved, like a morning breeze in an alpine meadow. The way she gave a little flick of her wrist when she reached for the handrail. Her sneakers padded down the steps, and the bottom stair squeaked when she stepped on it.
You’re in love with her, John. The single truth ran through his mind like the clear chime of a church bell, leaving no doubt. He wanted to deny it. He wanted to be noble and say there was no way he’d allow himself to feel that way—he had no right, it was not possible, it was only longing and loneliness and anything else he could think of.
But there was no excuse on earth that could change the sharp pain that expanded with every beat of his heart. He loved Alexandra. The way a man loved a woman he wants to marry—truly and deeply.
He felt as if the sun had gone out. The brightness dimmed from the day, and the shadows crept through him with the cold fingers of a winter’s night. He felt trapped in a cold dark place he couldn’t climb out of, and he watched, as if at a great distance, as Alexandra breezed across the lush green lawn, her voice a dulcet tone that touched his soul.
He couldn’t hear what she was saying. She handed the glass to Bev, with that gentle quiet smile that made his soul ache with a longing so intense, he’d didn’t know which way was up or down.
He loved Alexandra. It coursed through him like a raging river in a time of flood. Like blinding sunlight glaring off a mountain glacier that had been icing over and thawing, icing and thawing for a thousand years. Like a violent clap of thunder overhead that was the only sound in the world for that one brief instant, so loud and frightening and overwhelming, it made the ground shake.
I can’t feel this way. John wanted to pray for this staggering emotion to lift from his heart, never to return. He felt choked and suffocated all at once, holding back the bright hot flood of love from taking over his soul.
He could never let anyone know that he loved her. Especially Alexandra. So angelic and perfect and unbelievable. Look how she smiled. When her smile reached her eyes, and made them shine with light, he could see heaven.
He felt unworthy to the core. To his soul. He could not move, paralyzed on the spot, as Alexandra knelt to pat the puppy’s soft head. Every movement she made was gentle and loving—how she ruffled her fingertips through the pup’s soft black fur, the tone of her voice and the way she laughed so wonderfully with Hailey when the little girl bent close.
I don’t deserve to love Alexandra. She deserves better.
It was tough, burying the feelings deep, but he did. He had no right to her. He couldn’t stop the powerful tides of his heart as he watched her steal the extra bubble wand from Hailey’s outstretched hand and kept it high as the puppy leaped. Her soft laughter filled his life and his heart like spring did the breeze, like dawn changed the world, and he was changed.
He dared to look long enough to see Alexandra sweep the soapy wand along the ground, creating giant bubbles for the puppy to chase.
“Look, Daddy! She can sure jump high!” Hailey gleefully swiped her wand, too. More iridescent bubbles rose from the ground, lifting into the air. “Did you see that? She can jump as high as an angel.”
“Look.” Alexandra made more bubbles with the elegant sweep of her slim arm. The puppy leaped into the center of the big bubble, popping it, but for an instant the iridescence enveloped her.
“Angel wings.” Alexandra formed another long bubble, and the pup leaped into the center of it again.
“Cool! I know! I know!” Hailey’s joy filled the air like heaven’s touch. “I’m gonna name her Angel.”
“Perfect,” Alexandra praised. “A girl can never have too many guardian angels.”
“That’s right,” Bev agreed.
John had never felt so bleak, so disconnected from life, even though he forced his feet forward, pretending nothing was wrong. Pretending he didn’t want to draw Alexandra into his arms, hold her against his chest and never let go.