Every now and then, when God is getting ready to do something new in my life, a shift takes place. Like leaves falling off trees during seasons’ change, the people in my life slowly fade into the background. There is no longer a dominant voice in my space. My time is suddenly freed up. I used to run from the quiet time, but I’ve learned to thank God for it. It is Him preserving me. It usually happens during times when my schedule and life have become completely invaded by people and their problems.
“Queen, I’m sad.”
“Queen, I’m lonely.”
“I’m so confused, Queen.”
“Can you babysit?”
“Can you help me plan?”
“Can you give me a ride?”
“Queen, can I borrow twenty?”
“Can I take you out?”
“Can I come over?”
“Can I call you?”
“Mommy, can you play with me?”
“Queen, will you pray for me?”
Of course, every answer to each request is yes.
I often overestimate my strength. My heart overextends my time, my money, my strength.
Maybe I have some hidden insecurity, some need to be needed. I don’t know, but whatever it is, I’m grateful that God makes me lie down in green pastures.
People will run you to your grave. I don’t think it’s on purpose. It’s more like they are lost at sea and you are the one with the lifeboat. When your life is in a constant state of panic, it’s only natural that people will pull on you. Those same people will get a solid footing and not think about looking back to make sure you’re okay. That’s not personal, either. It’s actually a skill I secretly admire. They’re focused on themselves. Focus. A skill set I pray for often. My compassion has me constantly tripped up. Focus takes a certain amount of selfishness that I don’t know is entirely all bad. If you’re going to help anyone, you have to be able to help yourself first. The teacher must first be the student.
Scripture says take the stye out of your own eye before you attempt to remove the stye from your own eye. Life requires balance. I have a tendency to make way more withdrawals from my account than deposits. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, just in general, I find myself giving all of myself to things that can’t match the deposit. When that goes on too long, God will often stop me in my tracks. It took me a while to connect those dots, but now I’m forever grateful. God watches over my investments. Financial, relational, even my thoughts and time. Often our lives can become so crowded. There are cell phones, texts, emails, instant messages, Snapchats, Messengers, Instagrams, Facebook, Twitter, and I’m sure twenty new methods currently in development in order to communicate and stay connected. There are deadlines, expectations, appointments, jobs, dreams, ideas, and the list keeps going.
Constant pressure. Constant measuring up and comparing. Constant planning and expecting. It’s actually pretty depressing to me. How could one possibly be free in all of the chaos that is humanity? No wonder people hate and kill, steal, become bitter, prideful, and jealous. This is a mad rat race, and every so often, when I get too wrapped up in planning and forcing, convincing, and consoling, my shepherd will lay me down and command me to rest. It’s not until my head touches the green pasture that I realize how tired and weary I have become, how much my body needed the rest. I am grateful for this rest, appreciating each second of it. When it’s quiet I soak it up, knowing that hard work will soon follow.