Casey
After I’ve washed my makeup off, put my hair in a bun, and changed into my pajamas, I go to the kitchen to scrounge up something, instead finding Dad waiting for me at the counter.
“How about a cup of tea?” he offers.
“How about some ice cream?”
He smiles. “That’ll work too.”
I pull a tub of mint chocolate chip for him and black cherry for me, then grab two big spoons from the drawer.
“Sloane gave me the short version,” he says as we both sit. “I do wish you girls had called me from the dance.”
He’s being especially diplomatic now. Despite the soft voice and gentle expression, I can tell Dad is fuming inside. Part of me still is too.
“If either of us had stopped long enough to take a breath, we definitely would have,” I assure him.
Truth is, as much as Sloane held it together, we were both losing our minds. Stunned that Lucas could have done this. Devastated to finally know the truth. It’s been a hell of a night. I’m still not sure I’ve fully grasped the situation, and I expect to wake up tomorrow and burst into stress tears.
“Most importantly,” he says, digging his spoon into the tub. “How are you feeling?”
“Honestly? Not as relieved as I’d hoped I would be.”
Dad doesn’t respond. He does that thing that Dr. Anthony does when she waits for me to fill the silence. Enjoying his ice cream and giving me the space to collect my thoughts while I hunt for the chocolate chunks in my tub.
“This whole time, I thought the thing that’s been the hardest was not knowing. That as soon as all the questions were answered, the weight would be lifted off my shoulders. But now I know the truth, and I don’t think I feel any different.”
“It’s still a terrible betrayal. I’m not sure you should put too much pressure on yourself to feel any certain way right now.”
“I’m just so shocked by Lucas,” I admit. “I never even suspected it was him.”
“I don’t think anyone did.”
I think about how tonight ended, with the cops showing up to arrest Lucas. They took statements from all of us, and the officer who interviewed me said Lucas was facing a lengthy list of charges. Leaving the scene of a crime, failure to report a crime. Possibly even attempted manslaughter.
That last one triggers a pang of doubt. I dig my spoon into the tub again. Then I falter. “He insisted he didn’t drug me.”
Dad studies me. “Do you believe him?”
After a beat, I nod. “Maybe it makes me naive or stupid or whatever, but I honestly can’t see Lucas drugging anyone. His brother, maybe, but not him.”
“Let’s wait for the police to finish their investigation and see what they’re able to turn up.” Dad makes a derisive noise. “Not that I have much faith in their work.”
“Me neither,” I say wryly. “But hopefully they learn something useful after they question Lucas and Gabe.”
Sorrow lodges in my throat as I remember the look on Lucas’s face earlier. The guilt and horror over what he’d done. Despite the compassion I can’t help but feel toward him, I also feel angry.
“I don’t know how he was able to rationalize it all in his head. How he could look me in the eyes every day while lying to me. You’re right. It’s a terrible betrayal,” I say around a mouthful of ice cream. Because it makes the whole thing easier to swallow. “That was another Ballard dance for the books, huh?”
Dad coughs into his spoon. “One might call that an understatement.”
I laugh. “So, what time do the contractors show up to install the bars on my windows?”
He puts down his ice cream, sighing. “I know I’ve been tough on you this past year. A tad overprotective, perhaps.”
“A tad?” I arch an eyebrow.
“It’s a father’s prerogative to worry about his girls. But you’re not a little girl anymore. I recognize that. And I’m quite proud of how you handled yourself tonight.”
“You mean I’m not under house arrest till I’m thirty?”
“Be patient with me. I’m old.”
“Not that old.”
“But I also know I have to stop coddling you so much,” he admits reluctantly. “Whether I like it or not, you and Sloane are growing up. Can’t stay my little babies forever.”
“Ugh, Dad.” He’s embarrassing when he gets like this.
“I know. Still, I’m glad you’re safe.”
“Me too. All right. I think I’m off to bed.” On a massive yawn, I drop my spoon in the sink and close the tub of ice cream. “I’m starting to crash pretty hard.”
“Of course. You must be exhausted.”
Dad reaches out for a hug and gives me a kiss on the forehead before I can escape.
“I love you. I’m always here for you. No matter what.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
We’ve been on a journey, the two of us. Figuring out our places, our boundaries with each other, after the past year had thrown our relationship out of sorts.
As far as dads go, I could have done much worse.
After I’ve showered and brushed my teeth, I walk back to my room to throw myself at my pillows and maybe sleep till senior year. Except when I open the door, Fenn’s leaning against my desk. I quickly shut off my bedroom light and lock the door behind me.
“Are you crazy?” I whisper. “If my dad catches you, he’s calling the SWAT team.”
Fenn flashes a lopsided smile. “I wanted to check on you,” he whispers back.
“A text would have sufficed.”
“No.” He approaches me to wrap his arms around my waist. “It wouldn’t.”
Then he kisses me. A sweet, brief kiss that ends before I’ve even kissed him back.
“But I’ll go if you want me to,” he murmurs.
“I didn’t say that.” Now that he’s here, with his forehead pressed to mine and his chest warm against my body, I’m glad he came. “You can stay a little while. If you promise to be quiet.”
Fenn presses one finger to his lips. Then presses those lips to mine.
Somehow, every time we kiss, I learn something new about him. Discover another way he makes me completely undone. As my fingers travel the breadth of his shoulders and comb through his hair, I notice for the first time how goose bumps emerge on the back of his neck when I rub my hand against the grain.
“I know I just saw you,” he breathes against my mouth. “But I already missed you.”
And in that moment, I find the relief that had been lacking, the sense of finality that’s it over. The entire ordeal of the last year. I no longer have to be anxious wondering when the next blindside will come, constantly peering over my shoulder for more bad news. Afraid of being in my own skin. Scared to let myself love him.
Fenn walks us backward to my bed. We’ve never had a problem when our eyes are closed. When our bodies meet, there are no misunderstandings. I think it’s when we see each other best. Honestly and completely.
He lies on his back against the pillows and draws me toward him, then drags my leg up over his hip. I feel him hard beneath my thigh. His breath catches slightly as I run my fingernails under his T-shirt and across his abdomen.
“I’m sorry tonight ended the way it did,” he says.
“I’m not. We’ll have other dances.”
“Sure you wouldn’t rather get a hotel room next time? Skip the formalities.”
I shove his shoulder. “You’re not that charming.”
Fenn licks his lips, not hiding his smirk in the slightest. “I don’t know. I think I might be.”
He cradles the back of my head to bring my lips to his again. It’s like he suddenly can’t go even seconds without kissing me. Now that we’ve found a way back to each other, neither of us want to waste a second. So we lie there tangled together, becoming reacquainted with the ways we make the other breathe a little harder.
His mouth against my neck. His thumb gently skimming my nipples over my shirt. The way he grips the back of my thigh against his erection, and I know he’s nearly crawling out of his skin to get closer to me.
“God, I want you.” Then he rolls us over, pressing himself between my legs. His hand slips beneath my shirt.
Everything in me wants to give in to this moment. To have this with him. But I hesitate. Because a small but very loud part of me still regrets the chances we didn’t have.
“Wait,” I whisper.
He meets my eyes, pushing strands of hair from my face.
“I wasted my first time,” I admit.
I don’t regret being with Lawson. But I regret that it meant Fenn and I didn’t have that moment.
“I want a do-over. And this time, I want it to be special. Not rushed. You know?”
Fenn eases away to lie on his back then brings me to rest my head against his chest. “I get it. Totally. I don’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for.”
“I’m ready,” I say, biting back a laugh. “Like, so ready. But I want it to be right. If that makes sense.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Case. I love you, and I’ll wait for you forever.”
My heart expands in my chest, so full that it strains against my ribcage. Gripping his shirt in my fist, I lean up to kiss him.
“I love you,” I tell him, watching the grin pull across his lips. “So much.”
“We’ve got nothing but time,” Fenn promises. “We’ll wait.” He kisses me again. “We’ll wait for us.”