REDNECK RODENT ROAST

How many rednecks does it take to turn an apartment complex into a smoking ruin? Just one, as long as he has a propane torch on hand. According to Fire Chief Jim Kohsel, a resident on the third floor of the Clear View Apartments in Holland Township, Michigan, wanted to cook up a squirrel for dinner. But first, he decided to burn off the rodent’s fur… with a propane torch. Not a good idea. The squirrel’s fur burned just fine, but so did the wooden deck beneath the animal and the surrounding apartments. By the time the fire department put out the flames, 32 apartments had smoke damage and 8 had been totally toasted.

“The piano is a monster that screams when you touch its teeth.”

—Andrés Segovia