LAURA FROZE IN TERROR as Bloato groggily wiped his crusty eyes. He looked curiously at the goblin standing before him.
Laura said the first thing that popped into her head. “Good morning! I mean—good afternoon! I mean—good evening?”
Bloato let out a groan and cleared his throat. “Is it feasting hour?”
“Uh…yes?” Laura said meekly.
Bloato cracked his neck. It sounded like twigs popping in a fire. He pushed himself up out of his throne and went over to the long table with the ruby-encrusted box, his bloated belly jiggling with every step. He grabbed the gold silk tablecloth and yanked it toward him, sending the jeweled box crashing to the ground. He brought it to his nose and blew with a honk like an angry goose. The shimmering gold threads were covered in thick green mucus.
“That’s better,” he said, his voice like curdled milk. Without a second thought, he tossed the cloth at Laura, and it landed on her head. She quickly pulled it off, trying her best not to gag.
Just then, two goblins hurried into the throne room. “It’s feasting hour, King Bloato!” said the first goblin.
“About time,” Bloato huffed.
“Yes, it’s been a long three hours since the last feast. We’ve missed you!” said the second goblin.
The goblins took Bloato’s arms and led him out of the room.
“I was dreaming of salty cheeses,” said Bloato.
“Well, sir, if anyone can make dreams come true, it’s you!” The first goblin turned around and snapped at Laura, “Don’t just stand there. Fetch his chalice!”
Laura dropped the snot-covered cloth and scrambled over to the throne, where a silver chalice was resting on a small side table. She watched the goblins usher Bloato away, all the while never taking her eyes off the Crystal Crown on his head.
She followed them down the tunnel. When she reached the point where the tunnel split in two directions, Millie popped out.
“Did you get it?” she whispered. She and Quin had been hiding around the corner, along with Donkeycorn.
Laura shook her head. “I was so close! Then that stupid bell rang.”
“What’s the plan now?” asked Quin.
“The plan?” Laura said. “Go to a goblin feast.”
When they got back to the enormous cavern, four long tables had been arranged in a square with a seat for every goblin. The tables were decorated with the same gold-spun cloths that Bloato had just used as a handkerchief, along with goblin wax candles in glittering candelabras. There was a silver plate carved with an ornate pattern at every seat, except Bloato’s—which had a golden platter large enough to fit a whole week’s worth of Lysor rations.
Laura headed straight for Bloato, holding the chalice. As she neared the crown, she felt electricity surge inside her. She thought about grabbing it right off his wrinkly head and making a run for it, but before she could reach him, one of his goblin servants stepped in front of her.
“I’ll take that!” he said, snatching the chalice from her hands. “Now, sit down!” He rushed over to Bloato and placed the chalice in front of him with a bow.
The seats were filling up fast. Laura, Millie, Quin, and Donkeycorn squeezed into the only chairs they could find.
Quin looked around at the empty plates, confused. “I thought this was a feast. Where’s all the food?”
“Wherever it is, I hope it’s not raw onion,” said Millie.
“Let’s just get through this, and then we’ll make our move,” said Laura.
“Hee—” said Donkeycorn.
“Shh!” said Laura.
Bloato pounded his enormous fist on the table, and plates rattled. The entire cavern fell silent. He raised his silver chalice in the air. The crown atop his head glowed so brightly that everyone had to shield their eyes. Through the blinding light, Bloato called out, “Let the goblin feast begin!” When the light faded, the table was covered in enormous piles of food.
The goblins let out a raucous cheer and began heaping food onto their plates. They tore off roasted turkey legs with their bare hands. They dug their fingers into mountains of pungent cheese and slurped from enormous bowls of creamy soups. Bloato picked up a platinum pitcher of gravy and poured it straight down his throat.
Donkeycorn shoved his face into a dish of buttery potatoes. For a moment, Laura was certain Donkeycorn was going to get them caught. But when the goblins sitting near him saw how quickly he could chomp down his food, they all did the same. They seemed to think that was the best idea in the world.
“Forget finger food,” said one of the goblins. “This is face food!” He sunk his teeth into a glistening ham without even bothering to take it off the serving platter.
Trying her best to fit in, Laura filled her plate with handfuls of sausages, beans, and chicken livers. She ate distractedly, all the while racking her brain for a way to get to the crown.
Meanwhile, Millie and Quin were feasting as enthusiastically as everyone else at the table.
Millie took a big gulp of chunky soup. “Whatever is in here, I have to add it to my Thew.”
Quin bit into a leg of lamb and closed his eyes, savoring the taste. “This is even better than beetle butts.”
The serving platters were starting to empty, but the goblins showed no signs of stopping.
Bloato pounded his fist on the table again. “Time for seconds!” he shouted. There was another bright flash of light from the Crystal Crown, and instantly, the table was as full of food as it had been at the beginning of the feast.
The goblins dug in with even more vigor. Juices and grease dribbled down their chins, and saliva flew from their mouths in all directions. The buttons on their vests started to strain against their bellies.
Laura started to feel sick, and it wasn’t just because of the oily chicken livers. The Crystal Crown was powerful beyond the strongest mind. She couldn’t bear seeing that power being wasted like this.
Quin pushed his plate away. “I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t eat another bite.”
“Me neither,” said Millie, looking anxiously at the endless spread of food.
Even Donkeycorn looked a little overwhelmed.
Bloato put his hand on his stomach and leaned back in his chair, breathing heavily. “I haven’t been this full since breakfast.” He looked as though he might finally be finished. But then he banged his fist on the table and shouted, “Dessert!”
With another blinding flash of light, the food that was left on the table vanished, and in its place appeared heaps of pastries, pies stuffed with every fruit imaginable, and cakes with so many layers, they towered above the goblins’ heads.
Millie turned to Laura, looking a little ill. “It’s got to stop soon, right?”
Quin looked around at the goblins gorging on the sweets and washing them down with jugs of thick cream. “I wouldn’t count on it.”
Bloato was holding a stick of butter as big as his own arm. He dipped it in a bowl of sugar and then shoved the whole thing in his mouth. He clapped his hands and demanded, “More merriment!”
The room was filled with shouts of “Hear, hear!” and “Great idea, King Bloato!”
The servant at Bloato’s side grabbed a candle from its holder on the table and held it high. “Let’s play Wax the Candle!”
A huge smile crept across Bloato’s face. Butter oozed between his needle teeth. “Yes, Wax the Candle it is. Winner gets a prize!” With a flash of the Crystal Crown, a pile of gold as tall as a tree appeared beside him.
The goblins cheered so loudly and wildly, Laura was afraid the chandeliers were going to come crashing down from the ceiling. She turned to Quin. “What’s Wax the Candle?”
Quin shrugged. “I think we’re about to find out.”
Bloato’s servant went first. He placed the lumpy black candle on the table in front of him. Then he stuck his finger in his pointy ear, deeper than it looked like a finger should be able to go. When he pulled his finger back out, it was covered in a thick glob of black earwax. He stuck it on the side of the candle.
Millie let out a low groan. “I guess we know how goblin wax candles are made.”
Laura shuddered, thinking about how much goblin earwax it must have taken to make the candles lighting the entire cave.
The candle was passed to the next goblin, who crammed her finger into her ear.
“I can beat that!” she sneered. She dug around inside and pulled out an even bigger mound of goop. The first goblin put his head on the table in disappointment. The candle was passed around the table, and one by one, the goblins competed to see who could mine the most wax from their ear canals. By the time it reached Laura, the candle was three times its original size and a thousand times more disgusting.
She turned to Millie. “Here goes,” she said under her breath. She could hardly believe what she was about to do, but she had no choice. She stuck her finger in her ear, hoping to pull out a glob and get her turn over with as fast as possible.
But what she found was even more stomach churning than a lump of goblin earwax.
Nothing.
All the goblin eyes were on her. “Uh…let me try the other ear,” she said.
But her other ear was empty, too. Suddenly it dawned on her. The Chamelixir made her look like a goblin on the outside. But inside, she was all Lysor—and that, apparently, included the inside of her ear.
Bloato was frowning so deeply that the corners of his mouth drooped all the way down to his chin. “You,” he beckoned. “Come.”
Laura slowly pushed her chair back. Millie grabbed on to her wrist, her eyes urging Laura not to go. But Laura shook her off. She picked up the candle and walked toward Bloato. With every step she took, she grew more fearful. She stopped just inches away from Bloato. The Crystal Crown sparkled atop his head.
He took the candle from her and placed it on the table in front of him. He narrowed his eyes at her. “I’ve never seen a goblin with empty ears before.”
Laura could feel her throat getting dry. “I, uh…must have just cleaned them.”
Bloato looked at her incredulously. “Cleaned your ears?”
The goblins turned to each other, whispering, “I’ve never cleaned my ears in my life” and “What a waste of perfectly good wax.”
“You know what I think?” Bloato leaned in closer to Laura. “I think you’re not a goblin at all!” He pounded his fist on the table with such force that a stalactite fell from the ceiling.
Millie leaped up from her chair. “Run, Laura!”
Bloato’s face twisted in anger. “Laura?”
Laura knew it was now or never. With her eyes fixed on the crown, she said, “Tier’e.”
Instantly, the Chamelixir’s enchantment was broken by the use of Lysor magic. Laura, Millie, Quin, and Donkeycorn transformed back into their regular bodies.
At the same time, the flame from the goblin wax candle flared up, and the candle exploded, sending globs of black wax in all directions. The force sent Bloato toppling off his chair. He hit the ground with a loud thud. The crown fell off his head and rolled across the floor.
“Laura, get it!” Quin shouted, pointing at the crown.
“Seize them!” Bloato’s servant screeched.
The goblins ran toward them, baring their needle teeth.
Laura dove to the ground and crawled under the table. She saw the crown glittering beneath a chair. She scrambled over to it and reached out to grab it, but then Bloato’s servant stepped on her hand with his hairy goblin foot.
“Gotcha,” he said with a grin.
Dozens of goblin hands seized Laura, Millie, Quin, and Donkeycorn and hauled them toward the back of the cavern. Bloato’s servants hoisted him back onto his chair and placed the crown back on his head.
“Wait.” Bloato pointed at Donkeycorn. “Bring me the beast.”
The goblins walked Donkeycorn over, and Bloato patted him on the back. “We’ll have him for the next feast.”
“No!” Laura screamed, but she couldn’t be heard over the uproarious goblin cheering.
The goblins hauled them down the tunnel. At the point where it split in two directions, they went away from the throne room, where there was a metal grate in the ground above a deep, dark hole. The goblins unlocked the grate and threw them down, down, down, into the darkness.
