And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart,
and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6:5
Aaron paced up and down waiting for news of the baby. He’d given the children an early dinner and couldn't help horrible fearful thoughts from racing through his mind. What if something went wrong and he lost Courtney?
His agitation caused him to realise that his feelings toward her were more than the feelings he should have toward a nanny. They’d never gone on a date or discussed a relationship, but they’d grown close and he could not deny that he had feelings for her that he never thought he’d have again. Their conversation over the past weeks of discussing the children and the chores had developed into more personal conversations about Courtney’s past and how she’d been raised with other orphans within a caring Amish home. He knew her heart and she had captured his, but part of him had held back on doing anything about the way he felt—it was too soon. It was barely more than a year since Ellen had died and it was even less time since Courtney had lost Mark. If God had intended to bless them both with a second love, the love would wait.
Aaron raced to the door when he heard a buggy. He put his hand over his mouth when he saw that it was James, fearing the worst. When he saw James was smiling he ran to him. “Is she all right?” Aaron didn’t even notice his children had run out behind him.
“Relax! She's fine and she has a bu and he is a big beautiful boppli. So I'm told! I'm not allowed to go near them.”
“What's his name?” Jared asked.
“They haven't told me that yet.”
Aaron said, “Come inside for a while, James.”
“I can't, I have to get back to the boys while Heather is looking after Courtney. She might be there for a day or two, or three, or something like that. That’s what Heather said to tell you.”
“We’ll manage. Tell her to take all the time she needs. We’re fine here by ourselves, aren’t we?” He looked around at the children who nodded, except for Amy who began to cry. He scooped her up into his arms. “What's wrong, Amy?”
“I want Miss Courtney.”
He held her tight and rocked her to and fro. “We all do. We all miss her, but she’ll be back soon.” Aaron looked at his brother who was stared at him and when they locked eyes, James raised one of his eyebrows.
Had James realised that he had feelings for Courtney?
“Can we see the boppli?” Ben asked.
“Not in the next couple of days, I'd say. They won't even let me see him.”
“We want to see him soon,” Jared said.
James laughed. “I’ll ask Aunt Heather when is the soonest that you can see him.”
“Denke,” Jared said.
“Denke for letting us know how they both are, James.”
James got back into his buggy. “You’re welcome and I’ll ask when you can see the new arrival.”
Aaron and the children stayed outside and waved to James until the buggy disappeared. Ushering the children inside, Aaron was filled with guilt. He couldn’t shake the feeling that being fond of another woman was being disrespectful to Ellen.
Two days later, James drove Courtney home. The children ran out to meet her.
“Let me see him first—me first,” Jared said pushing everybody else out of the way.
“Don't crowd the boppli,” Aaron ordered.
Courtney had been looking forward to seeing Aaron and the children and was pleased that Aaron gave her a big smile and asked if she was okay.
When she nodded, he looked at the baby. “He’s so lovely, Courtney.”
“He is.”
Aaron helped her out of the buggy.
“Can I hold him?” Jared asked.
“I'll bring the baby inside and then each of you can have a turn holding him. How does that sound?”
“But you'll have to sit still on the couch,” Aaron said.
The children ran into the house.
“Where would you like your bag?” James asked.
Aaron answered for her. “Just put it in her cabin please, James. The door is unlocked.”
“Will do, and then I’ll head back home.”
“Denke for everything,” Courtney said, “and denke for allowing me to keep your wife from you for so long.”
“It was lovely having you there, Courtney. You’re part of the familye.”
Aaron looked at James and James gave him a wink, and then Aaron looked away and took hold of Courtney’s arm. “Now let me see this little bu.”
Courtney held him up so he could see him.
“He’s so small. I forgot how small they are when they’re first born. He’s wunderbaar.” Aaron blinked back tears.
“You’re not going to cry are you?”
He frowned. “Nee. I never cry,” he said before he sniffed. “He’s lovely.”
“I know. He’s precious.”
“We better get you inside.” He led her, with the baby in her arms, into the house.
“I hope the birth wasn't too bad.”
“It was hard work, but the worst of it was over fairly quickly and then I was nearly back to normal. I feel fine now apart from a few twinges which Heather tells me is completely normal.”
“That's good; I was concerned. I really don't want to do without you Courtney.” By the time he said that they were in the living room and faced with the three children who were sitting on the couch waiting to hold the baby.
“Me first,” Jared said.
Aaron frowned at his oldest son. “Jared, you should let others go first.”
“Jah, you should, Jared, but in this case I’ll let you go first because you are the oldest and you’ve been such a good help to me.”
“So have I,” Ben said.
“You have been, and so has Amy. All of you have been a really good help but because Jared is the older one he will have first hold.”
Jared’s face beamed with delight when she placed the baby in his outstretched arms.
“You have to mind his head, Jared.”
“It should be all right, I have him wrapped tightly.” Courtney kneeled down and stayed close by just in case.”
“I will, Dat. Will I be his uncle?” Jared asked.
“Nee, I think you will be his friend.”
“Can I be his friend too?” Amy asked.
“You'll all be his friends and you can teach him lots of things and help him to grow up into a fine young man.”
“My turn now,” Ben said.
“Okay put out your arms like this.” Courtney showed him how to put his arms out. “And you just have to be very careful of his neck.”
When Ben had finished his turn, Amy held her hands out and Courtney placed the baby in Amy’s arms and stayed close by.
“I love this boppli,” Amy said, which made everybody giggle. “It's not funny.”
“We’re not laughing at you Amy we’re laughing because you're so cute and precious just like this little boppli.”
Amy smiled.
“Now what about me?” Aaron asked.
“Of course, you can have a hold.” When Amy finished her turn, Courtney picked up the baby and handed him to Aaron. Courtney stood back and looked at the sight of a big strong man holding a tiny baby. She wished at that moment that they were all a family. They would make a perfect family and it made sense that she marry Aaron.
She loved Aaron’s children and they loved her; Aaron and she had both lost their spouses and even if he wasn't in love with her, surely he could see that it made sense to marry. But maybe he wasn’t ready to bring another woman into his heart.
Aaron looked at her and smiled. She smiled back, but inside she hoped she wouldn’t get hurt. What if he never developed feelings for her? Worse—what if he developed feelings for her but never proposed. What would she do? She closed her eyes for an instant, holding onto a little bit of hope. He did say a few moments ago that he never wanted to be without her, but did he mean as a woman or as his nanny?