Commit thy way unto the Lord;
trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
Psalm 37:5
Aaron knew there was something wrong with Courtney. She didn’t even look at him when she’d left. Normally he liked to say goodnight to her baby, even if the baby was asleep and tonight he was well and truly awake. It was so unlike her to rush out the door like that.
He walked into the kitchen and saw that Courtney had left the kitchen in a messy state and not how she normally would have left it. She must’ve been in a hurry. There were little things she always did that remained undone—wipe the oven surface down, and lay out the breakfast dishes ready for the morning—it was clear she’d left in a hurry.
Willa walked up behind him. “I can fix my own kaffe, Aaron. You don’t have to do it.”
“It’s no trouble.”
Willa grabbed his hand and then with her other hand took the coffee pot out of his hands. Willa's looks reminded him very much of Ellen; they both had clear creamy skin and bright green eyes. It was nice to have someone in the house who’d been so close to his late wife.
He pulled his hand away when he realized Willa was holding it a little too long. “I’ll let you do it, then.”
Willa filled the pot with water. “Bessie told me you’re not happy with Courtney.”
Aaron scratched his head. “She got the letter I wrote right after Courtney arrived. I was a little shocked she arrived when she was so close to giving birth. I never meant to send the letter. It was sent accidently.”
“How can you send a letter accidently?”
“It’s a long story. It doesn’t matter now. I’m more than happy with Courtney. All of us are so happy she’s here. I don’t know what we’d ever do if she left.”
“What will you do when she leaves?”
He chuckled. “We’ll just have to hope she never leaves.”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Nothing. Never mind. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“Did she tell you something about leaving? Is she leaving?”
“I’m not saying a thing, Aaron. You should know if someone deceives you once they’ll deceive you twice.”
Aaron pulled out a chair from under the dining table and sat down heavily. Was Willa right? If Courtney had thought nothing of keeping something so important as a pregnancy from both him and Bessie, how could he trust her completely? By the sounds of things, Courtney had told Willa she had plans to leave and she’d never mentioned anything to him—not even when he’d told her that he was developing serious feelings.
“That’s no good. I don’t want her to leave and the children will be devastated. It will be like losing their mudder all over again. And they’ve become attached to little Gabriel.”
Willa sat next to him and put her hand over his. “Sometimes when one door closes another opens. When you lose something, you gain another thing. If Courtney leaves, I might be able to stay on.”
Even without her offer to stay, it was the second time that night that she’d come close, inappropriately close, and the third time she had put her hand on him. He knew without a doubt that she was fond of him. He turned and looked at her and she stared into his eyes and moved her head a little closer while her gaze dropped to his lips. She wants me to kiss her. Willa was an attractive woman, but things were moving much too quickly. Besides she was Ellen’s schweschder, which made everything more awkward. A host of thoughts ran through his mind. If he did marry a second time, the children would have a mother and he’d have a woman to love and to care for.
“I’ve always liked you, Aaron.” She fluttered her lashes at him.
He shook his head. “It feels wrong. You’re Ellen’s schweschder.”
“Ellen has gone now and she’s never coming back. Don’t your kinner deserve to have a mudder and be raised properly? I know Courtney is nice and everything, but she’ll never love your kinner the way she loves her boppli.”
“Courtney just works for us. I don’t require her to love my kinner more than she loves her own.”
“You don’t think she wants more?”
“Nee, I don’t.”
She wrapped her fingers around his hand and leaned closer.
He leaned back. “I think the pot is boiling.”
She turned her head toward the stove and got up from the table. “Think about what I said,” she whispered glancing back at him. “You don’t have to pay a nanny when you can marry again.”
Aaron knew exactly what she meant. She was saying he could marry her—Willa was as good as throwing herself at him.
“I hear you,” he said hoping that would be the end of their conversation. “We better get back to Beth. It’s been rude to leave her alone for so long.”
“She won’t mind.”
“What can I do to help?” he asked standing up.
“Nothing. You go out and talk to Beth. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Aaron glanced at the clock in the kitchen before he went out. It was approaching eight and that was around the time he got ready for bed. He hoped the ladies wouldn’t talk for too long.
Courtney fed her baby as soon as she got back to the cabin. Before the dinner, she had only given him a small feeding to tide him over until she got back to her cabin.
She stared down at Gabriel as he suckled and he looked at her and smiled.
Courtney giggled. “You’re such a beautiful bu. What would I do without you?”
Willa had planted a seed in her mind about leaving. She’d have to leave Aaron and the children one day if he married someone else—someone who wasn’t her.
“Perhaps Willa has plans of becoming his wife?” she said to Gabriel who immediately stopped sucking and looked at her. “Jah, you think so too, don’t you?”
Gabriel smiled again.
“I know it’s true, but what do I do? Every time I think that my life is going fine, something always comes up to ruin things. My mistake was that I grew fond of Aaron. I shouldn’t have imagined us as husband and wife; that must not be in Gott’s plans for our lives, Gabriel.”
This time, her baby ignored her—not even looking up. “You don’t agree?” She glanced at the clock on the mantle. “I know it to be true. I never thought I’d have feelings for another man other than your vadder and here I am falling in love with the first man who gives me a job. What a lovely man he is, though. So kind and thoughtful—so gentle in heart and mind. My body is tingling now just thinking about him.”
She looked down to see Gabriel was nearly asleep.
“Just like your vadder. He never listened too much when I talked either.” All of a sudden her stomach churned just the way it had when she’d first met Mark. When she’d wait for him to take her on their frequent buggy rides, her stomach would churn, wondering if he liked her as much as she liked him.
She didn’t like the feeling of angst she had and couldn’t help thinking the worst thing that could happen was that he’d grow fond of Willa, his late wife’s sister.
Courtney placed Gabriel upright and patted him on his back, glad that she’d already changed his diaper before she’d fed him. He didn’t wake so she placed him in his crib by her bedside.
When she turned off the gas lamp, she walked to the window where she could see the main house. The lights were still on in the living room and none were on in the bedrooms.
“They’re still talking,” she murmured to herself. “Aaron will be tired tomorrow if he doesn’t get some sleep soon.”
Courtney lit the lamp again, grabbed her robe and headed to the tiny bathroom off from the bedroom. After she’d bathed she looked again at the house to see that the light was still blazing in the living room. She leaned down and kissed her baby softly on the top of his head, and with a sigh, she slipped between the covers and buried her head in the pillow.
All evening she’d been trying to bury her annoyance at the comments by Willa and her friend and trying not to be aggravated by them, but now all their comments were echoing in her ears.
After a few minutes of working out what exactly was upsetting her, she realized it wasn’t Willa and it wasn’t Beth. What was upsetting her was the feeling that she wasn’t in control of her life. She’d had no control over Mark dying and just when she felt she had a comfortable life again, it looked like the rug was going to be swiftly pulled from under her.
“Give me patience please, Gott.” She switched off the gas lamp on the nightstand, closed her eyes and said her usually nightly prayers.
“If you’ll excuse me, ladies, I’ll have to say goodnight. I have to get up and start work early. It slipped my mind to mention it to Courtney, but you can have the use of the buggy tomorrow as soon as Courtney drops the boys to Heather’s haus for schul.”
“And what time do you finish work?”
“Around dark, sometimes earlier.”
“I hope you won’t be working all the time.”
He rose to his feet. “I’m not in a position to take time off. I won’t be working on Sunday.”
Willa pouted. “No one works on Sunday. Can’t you take just a little time off seeing that we’ve come all this way?”
“I’ll have to see what I can do, but it won’t be tomorrow. Gut nacht.” After they said goodnight to him, Aaron headed up the stairs to his bedroom. He hoped he wasn’t being rude. If Ellen were still alive, she would’ve stayed talking to their guests. But if Ellen had been alive Willa wouldn’t have approached him so tenderly in the kitchen. Even though his wife was no longer around, he still felt that what Willa did was uncomfortable. He’d given her no indication he was fond of her. He closed his bedroom door, pleased to be away from the mindless chatter of Willa and Beth.