I wondered what Roger would do now he knew I knew. Would he phone me on the QT with an explanation? Demand to know what else I’d got hold of? Or would he just pretend the exchange had never happened and hope I’d keep my mouth shut as far as Charlotte was concerned? I didn’t have to wait long to find out.
The following afternoon, as I was making my seventeenth coffee while thinking how to best make Gnome with Watering Can sound like this season’s must-have, the doorbell rang and there he was – in his business suit on the doorstep – looking decidedly twitchy. He glanced around him as he stepped inside. ‘Are you on your own?’
‘Just me and Roderick.’ I waved a hand down the hall to where a blue and yellow-jacketed gnome sat on my kitchen floor, clutching a bucket. ‘He is staying with me while I sum up his attributes,’ I explained.
Roger looked perplexed. ‘I wanted to finish our conversation,’ he said.
‘I thought you might.’ I pulled another mug from the cupboard. ‘So what are you playing at?’ I continued without preamble. ‘If you’re up to no good and Charlotte finds out –’
‘I am not having an affair,’ he interrupted.
I took the lid off the coffee jar and waited.
‘I don’t know who the phone call can have been from and I don’t know what you mean about a woman in Canterbury.’
I kept my back to him as I stirred. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, there’s nothing going on.’
I turned round and put the mug in front of him. ‘I saw you, Roger. I came to your offices, hoping to catch you and tell you about the phone call. And I saw you walking across the car park with a woman. So close you were almost touching. You both looked pretty cosy.’ I could hear the agitation in my voice.
Roger looked uncomfortable. ‘That was a colleague. She was a bit upset and was talking to me, that’s all.’
‘What’s her name?’
Roger hesitated. ‘Hannah.’
‘And was it Hannah you were talking to parked up your road in the dark? Hannah you had a drink with last night before you came home?’
I saw from his face I’d got that bit right.
‘She’s split up with her boyfriend,’ he said heavily. ‘I’m just a shoulder to cry on, that’s all. It’s not sexual.’
My heart sank. ‘What you mean is – it’s not sexual yet. Men always say that when they’ve started fantasising about getting their leg over but haven’t managed it so far. For God’s sake, Roger, what on earth are you –’
‘I’m not! Just listen to me for a moment. She’s one of our staff. She’s having a very hard time and I’m just trying to be helpful and supportive as I would be to any of my colleagues. We’ve been for a couple of drinks, and that’s all.’
‘And have you told Charlotte?’
‘No, because it’s not important. She’s not interested in my colleagues’ personal problems.’
‘She might be if she knew this one just happened to be 35 and single and adoring.’
‘She’s 36,’ Roger said stiffly, ‘and she’s not adoring at all. She just needs a friend right now, that’s all.’
‘Hasn’t she got any, then? Roger, if she was the one who made the phone call then she’s bad news.’
‘I’m sure it wasn’t her. That must have been a wrong number.’
‘Or someone at work who thinks you and Hannah are an item and wants to warn your wife. I should let someone else counsel her if I were you, and steer well clear.’
Roger looked troubled. ‘I will when she’s feeling a bit better. She sort of needs me at the moment …’
My heart sank deeper. ‘Roger – I know that sort of woman. She’s trying to make you feel all protective – being all helpless and needy. Men are so gullible. The next thing you know, she’ll be trying to get you into bed with her and then ’
Roger shook his head. ‘Look, Laura, I know you’re thinking about Daniel but this is me. I wouldn’t do that to Charlotte. I’m not gullible. Hannah’s a very genuine person actually who’s been really badly treated and I’m just –’
I shook my head. My stomach had that feeling it gets when it detects impending doom. ‘Had you seen her that night when you went to get the pizza?’
‘No.’
‘Had you phoned her?’
‘I can’t remember.’
I raised my eyebrows and looked at him hard.
‘Yes, maybe – I was worried about her, I think.’
I sighed, exasperated. ‘I don’t even have to meet Hannah to know just what she’s like. She’s playing on your sympathy, she’s ’
‘No!’ Roger was emphatic. ‘She isn’t and what are you doing pre-judging someone like this? You know nothing about her. This is all about you, Laura. Just because Daniel behaved badly doesn’t mean we’re all going to. I am being a friend to a colleague and that is all.’
I could see he was getting irritated.
‘OK, OK. I’m only thinking of you,’ I said in a more conciliatory tone. ‘I’d just hate anything to be – misconstrued.’
‘Well, so far,’ he said, smiling at me again, ‘the only person misconstruing anything is you.’
‘Yes – so far,’ I said darkly. ‘Roger, please be careful! I know you think I’m overreacting but I think you should ask her about that phone call and watch her face very carefully. It’s too much of a coincidence not to be her …’
‘She’s a professional woman –’
‘What’s that got to do with it? So was Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction .’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Laura.’ Roger gave a hearty and totally unconvincing laugh.
‘What does she do anyway? Is she a solicitor?’
‘One of the senior secretaries. Not mine,’ he added.
‘Well then, why are you involved? Why can’t her boss listen to her tales of woe?’
‘We’re not like that, we all help each other.’ He took a mouthful of coffee.
I stared at him, unable to decide whether he was really being naïve or spinning me a line, and hating the thought of the latter. Nothing changed the fact that he hadn’t told his wife and if it was all that matey and innocent, surely he would have done? Just in passing at least, just as part of his day’s work …
I opened my mouth to make this very point and had got as far as, ‘Well I can’t help thinking …’ when the doorbell rang and we both froze.
‘Oh my God,’ I squeaked. ‘Suppose it’s Charlotte!’
Roger leapt to his feet alarmed. ‘Could it be?’ He stared wildly at the clock. ‘Does she often come in at this time?’
‘She comes in any time – if she’s got an appointment nearby. I’m her coffee stop.’ I glared at him. ‘Quick! What are we going to say?’
Roger looked blank. ‘Um – I left work early and popped in to borrow something?’
‘What?’
‘Er – an electric drill? I’ll say mine’s broken and I want to put a shelf up.’
‘Does she know anything about this shelf? Have you got the wood?’
‘No.’
‘Well, it won’t work then, will it, you pillock? She’s not bloody stupid.’
My heart was beating faster than usual. The doorbell rang again. Roger was pacing around the room. ‘Come on!’ I urged him.
‘We’ll say I needed to use your computer because our one at home froze this morning.’
‘Didn’t you leave before her?’
‘Yes – but she won’t remember if I was on the computer first or not.’
‘It doesn’t sound right. You could be checking with me what size she is because you want to buy her a dress.’ Even as I said it, I knew it was hopeless.
He shook his head. ‘She’ll never believe that.’
The doorbell rang for a third time. This time we could hear knocking on the glass too. Taking decisive action, I hurled his coffee mug into the sink, opened the back door and shoved him through it. ‘Go and hide in the shed!’
‘But my car’s outside.’
‘I’ll think of something.’
My brain was in overdrive as I made my way up the hall, heart still pounding. I’d act surprised – say I hadn’t seen him. Buy us some time to think of a plausible reason why Roger might have parked outside my house and then pissed off somewhere. Bloody Roger! Jesus Christ – here I was, locked in lies and subterfuge against my best friend, all so Roger could play Samaritans.
‘I’m coming,’ I called gaily, knowing she’d take one look at my face and know I was hiding something. ‘Sorry – I was in the loo,’ I cried, flinging the door open. It was Stanley, who’d left his front door key at home again. I leant weakly against the wall.
He frowned, his face slightly red in the afternoon sun, his hair stuck up on end. ‘You were ages,’ he said.
‘Sorry, darling,’ I said, pulling him into a large, motherly embrace in my relief. He wriggled away from me. I moved backward, blocking his path to the kitchen. ‘Would you like a drink – you look hot. Something to eat? A sandwich?’ I smiled brightly. ‘I’ll do it – you get out of that uniform first. And don’t forget to hang your trousers up. Oh, and make your bed if you didn’t do it this morning. And maybe get your books sorted for tomorrow,’ I added, wondering what else I could add to the list that would give me time to get our visitor out of the shed and send him packing before Stanley reappeared. ‘I’ll be getting your food. Cheese and ham OK?’
Stanley sighed and began to plod wearily up the stairs. As I reached the kitchen door I heard him pause by the window on the landing.
‘Mum,’ he called. ‘Why’s Uncle Roger in the garden?’