I had a brief text from Roger telling me he’d “done it”; that Hannah had been very upset but he was holding firm.
Thank God for that, I thought, as I swung my gym bag over my shoulder and left the changing room, looking sideways into the large mirror to check my newly-toned arms.
I was definitely beginning to see a difference all over now. My upper arms had the beginnings of a shape to them – even my stomach didn’t wobble as much as it had done. I’d been on the treadmill for half an hour, spent 45 minutes on the cross-trainer – Clara had been right, it was just a case of building up and with the right music I could keep going almost indefinitely now – done some weights and a few squats on the power plate to finish off.
Clara herself was “on earlies” that week so I wasn’t able to have an in-depth analysis with her of pounds lost and muscle tone gained – nor could I borrow the tape measure she carried in her handbag to check on the progress of our midriffs, but I felt firmer and my tracksuit bottoms were looser than they had been.
I walked through reception, waving to the girl behind the desk and feeling pretty pleased with myself, loving the thought of Cal seeing how I’d changed even more in the last two weeks. I paused in the car park to send Clara a text update – I missed having her to compare notes with.
So I was quite pleased to find Charlotte on my doorstep when I got back. Even though she’d be bored in seconds, at least it was someone to show off my triceps to.
‘You not at work today?’ I asked cheerily, as I stuck my key in the lock, noticing that my friend had on a pair of old jeans and a sweatshirt, and sported a distinct lack of make-up.
‘No,’ she said shortly.
‘Are you OK?’ I looked at her more carefully. Her blonde curls were scraped back into a scrunchie. She looked tired, her eyes small. She might even have been crying.
‘No,’ she said again.
‘What’s the matter?’ I asked carefully, as I threw my jacket over the newel post and walked ahead of her down the hall to the kitchen, dreading looking at her. Surely that bloody Hannah hadn’t phoned her and told her all, just as Roger had finally done the decent thing.
I filled the kettle and got mugs out of the cupboard. When I turned round, Charlotte hadn’t sat down at the table as she usually would, but was just standing looking at me. ‘What’s the matter?’ I said again.
Charlotte stared at me. ‘It seems Roger’s been seeing someone else.’
I swallowed, feeling awful. ‘No. Really?’ I squeaked. ‘Are you sure?’ Even to me it sounded unconvincing.
‘Yes I’m quite sure.’ Charlotte had a strange expression on her face I’d never seen before. ‘Becky saw you.’
‘What?’ My mind was racing. What had Becky seen? Me talking to Roger? But she wouldn’t have known what we were talking about.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked stupidly.
‘Becky saw Roger – her father – hidden away down the town with you. Holding hands.’
‘No!’
‘Yes – she saw you, Laura. She’s been worrying about it for two days. I found her crying this morning. She hasn’t gone to school – she’s at home crying now. And I hate you for that even more than I hate you for going behind my back and having an affair with my husband!’
I had a horrible nauseous feeling in my solar plexus. My heart was thumping in my chest.
‘No , Charlotte, listen, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m not having an affair with Roger. Charlotte, I wouldn’t – how can you think that?’ My hands were shaking.
‘Oh quite easily, really,’ said Charlotte, still in the same flat, remote voice. ‘It’s all making sense now. I noticed you couldn’t take your eyes off him at his bloody boring drinks do that you were so keen to come to. Why was that then? So you could be close to him? Oh yes, it’s all falling into place. The way you’ve been whispering together, the way you’ve been behaving as though you have a secret, the way you’ve been losing weight and dolling yourself up like a teenager.’ She looked at me with disdain. ‘I thought you were having a mid-life crisis, trying to make yourself feel better about Daniel. I didn’t know you were just after my husband.’
‘I wasn’t! I’m not.’
‘And the really stupid thing is that, as you know, I’d convinced myself that he was having one too. So I’d stopped worrying about him disappearing off and being funny about his phone and buying new shirts. And all the time, he was doing it all for you. I bet you were both having a good laugh at me, weren’t you?’
‘No, no, no. Charlotte, please believe me – you’ve got this all wrong.’
‘Have I?’ she said furiously. ‘What were you doing holding hands then? Why were you in a bar in town together?’
‘We weren’t holding hands – we were just talking.’
‘So my daughter is a liar?’
‘No, of course not. I think I put my hand on his – you know, for emphasis – and Becky must have seen me do it and got the wrong idea. Honestly Charlotte, we were just talking …’
‘What about? And why, if you had such pressing things to say to my husband, didn’t you come round to our house to talk to him. Openly – in front of me?’
My heart was pounding even harder now. Roger had promised me it was over – that he’d told Hannah and would get everything back to normal. I couldn’t drop him in it now. I looked frantically at Charlotte. She looked utterly miserable, her eyes full of pain and confusion.
I took a deep breath. ‘We were talking about you.’
Charlotte continued to look at me.
‘Look,’ I said in a rush. ‘You’re not supposed to know about it but he’s taking you away on a special weekend. Somewhere lovely. And I –’ I took another deep breath, my brain in overdrive, desperately trying to come up with something plausible. ‘I am having the children.’
Charlotte looked at me in disbelief. ‘Now I know you’re lying,’ she said coldly. ‘Roger has never taken me anywhere as a surprise in 24 years. Why start now? He doesn’t do that stuff. It would never occur to him.’
‘It was my idea,’ I said desperately. ‘You know that night when you came in and we were talking and you said what are you two looking so intense about?’
‘Yes,’ said Charlotte sourly. ‘I know now, don’t I?’
‘No, no, you don’t. He’d had a bit to drink and he was saying how much he loved you and how he knew he didn’t really do enough to show it, and I said, because I was drunk too, and I was feeling all emotional, you know –’
I looked at her appealingly; she stared stonily back. ‘I said he should show it because it was awful when my marriage ended and a strong marriage like yours should be nurtured and appreciated.’
I stopped and took another deep breath. ‘I said you should do something special. And then a few days later, I saw this ad for a romantic weekend away and I thought he could take you on it, so I phoned and said would he meet me and I suggested it and said I’d stay at your house and look after Benson and all the children.’ I stopped, feeling close to tears.
‘Where?’ Charlotte was still glaring.
‘Paris,’ I improvised.
‘And when is it?’
‘I’m not entirely sure – he went off to book it. Um – end of the month, I think.’
I could see Charlotte was weakening and I felt a mixture of relief and a horrible, sickening guilt that I was still lying to her. I turned away, suddenly unable to meet her eyes and started spooning coffee into mugs. ‘He was going to let me know when it was confirmed.’
I spun round, in sudden panic. ‘You haven’t said anything to him yet, have you?’
Charlotte sounded sad. ‘No. He’d already gone to work when Becky told me. I thought I’d come here first and find out what was going on. Kick him out later.’
‘Don’t do that!’ I tried to laugh. ‘This really is all a terrible mistake.’ I poured water and opened the fridge for milk, my heart still hammering. Charlotte had at least sat down now. I put a mug in front of her and sat down too.
‘I’m really sorry – it’s all my fault. I should have just talked to him about it on the phone. I only suggested we meet because it seemed easier. I never meant to cause all this. Never thought for a moment anyone would think …’
I knew I was gabbling but didn’t seem able to stop. ‘I think he squeezed my hand when he said thank you, that’s all. I’m so sorry Becky is upset. It never occurred to me that anyone would see us And even if they did, I never dreamt you’d think …’ I put my hand on her arm. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Charlotte looked at me miserably. ‘I want to believe you but it doesn’t feel right.’
I dragged up a smile, knowing it sat half-heartedly on my treacherous face. ‘It’s true. Look, please don’t say anything to Roger because it’s a surprise and he said himself that he’s never given you a surprise before and he really wants to see your expression when he shows you the tickets.’
My insides contracted painfully at the now-fluent lies that were tumbling out of my mouth to my oldest, dearest friend.
Charlotte put her head in her hands. ‘I don’t know,’ she muttered.
‘Charlotte,’ I said, desperately, feeling close to crying. ‘How could you think I would do anything with Roger? I mean, I love Roger but he’s like a sort of brother or how I imagine a brother could be – not like Anthony, of course, who’s a bit of a dick. And he’s your husband. Charlotte, I wouldn’t, I couldn’t …’
Charlotte raised her head. There were tears in her eyes too.
‘Jesus Christ,’ she said.