Madam Commissioner:
The Archie Hughes case is a guaranteed clusterfuck, even if everything goes right. However, I have some thoughts on how we might minimize the damage.
The Eagles quarterback is arguably the most talented pair of hands ever to touch the pigskin. If he’s not the greatest of all time, he’s a serious contender for the title. Archie Hughes’s family, friends, and fans all over the world will demand swift justice. We must give it to them.
I was next up on the wheel for this case, as the captain will confirm. But I understand that this may not sit well with the rank and file, who might assume it was handed to me on a silver platter. Also, full disclosure: I am on friendly terms with Eagles ownership, though I did not know Mr. Hughes personally. Nonetheless, I know I am the best detective for this case, despite the optics.
My suggestion, Madam Commissioner, is that we create a task force. Let the city know we have all hands on deck.
Not only will we have the eyes of the entire city on us, but there will be massive national and international media attention. It’s vital that we have a unified voice giving simple, direct updates on the status of the investigation. I volunteer my services for this role.
As you know, I have excellent relations with the local news outlets and have appeared on national news multiple times over the past ten years.
The truth is, this case will most likely be solved with surveillance cameras, which is how we solve ninety percent of homicides. I’ll be working closely with my colleagues in the Special Investigations Unit to review the footage and we will have answers soon. As my dad liked to say, “We don’t sleep until the killer is tucked neatly into bed.”
Thank you in advance, Madam Commissioner. I hope we can bring this case to a rapid and satisfactory conclusion.
Yours,
Det. Michael Bernstein