Transcript of Cooper Lamb’s interview with longtime Philadelphia Eagles owners Harold Sable (age seventy-one) and Glenn Sable (age forty-eight)
COOPER LAMB: First of all, let me tell you both how sorry I am for your loss.
GLENN SABLE: (Muttering under breath) Loss—yeah, that’s the word for it.
HAROLD SABLE: (Annoyed) Glenn…
GLENN: What?
HAROLD: How can we help, Mr. Lamb?
LAMB: You two knew Archie better than almost anybody. Can you tell me if anything seemed, you know, off in the weeks leading up to the playoffs?
HAROLD: See, here’s the thing. It’s interesting you’re asking us this question. Your client could tell you a lot more than we ever could.
LAMB: My client?
HAROLD: You’re working for Kaplan, DePaulo, which means you’re working for Francine. I mean, why else would you be here?
LAMB: Look, I want the same thing you guys do—to find Archie’s killer. Which is why I’m asking you, again, if anything seemed strange in the past week or so. Maybe somebody you didn’t recognize hanging around? Any of the players have a beef with him?
HAROLD: You gotta be crazy if you think one of my boys did something like this to a fellow player!
LAMB: Of course not. But sometimes tempers flare, somebody speaks out of turn, and the next thing you know…
GLENN: You’re not going to find anything like that in this franchise. It’s been one hundred percent hustle. I mean, it’s the freakin’ Super Bowl on the line! Going all the way would mean everything to us.
HAROLD: And the city of Philadelphia. You have to admit, Mr. Lamb, this city could desperately use a win. On so many levels.
GLENN: And every single member of this franchise is focused like a laser on that goal. There’s no time for beefs or rivalries or whatever the hell you said. Who you should be looking at is the family.
LAMB: I’m pretty sure his children didn’t leave him for dead in front of the art museum.
HAROLD: (Shocked) Mr. Lamb, my son didn’t mean—
GLENN: Pop, don’t do that. I’m perfectly capable of saying what I mean. But seriously, I don’t know why you’re wasting your time here when you should be grilling the nanny.
LAMB: The nanny…(Checks notes) You’re talking about Maya Rain?
GLENN: Just giving you a friendly heads-up. You should seriously talk to her. If there’s trouble in that household, look no further. She’s pretty hot. For a hillbilly from West Virginia.
LAMB: Trucker’s tan, blond from a bottle, couple of missing teeth…does that kind of thing float your boat, Glenn?
GLENN: What did you just say to me?
HAROLD: Glenn, I’m sure Mr. Lamb is just teasing.
LAMB: No, Mr. Lamb is just trying to do his job. Francine Hughes deserves better than cheap cracks and innuendo.
HAROLD: We have nothing but love and compassion for Mrs. Hughes. She is truly a legend. But so was her husband, and he meant the world to us. I’m talking personally—I’ll forever be in his debt. So please do us a favor and find out who did this. No idea what kind of retainer you’ve got from Kaplan, DePaulo, but I promise you, the Philadelphia Eagles will handsomely reward you.
LAMB: I’m not in this for the money.
GLENN: Not in it for the money? What kind of bullshit is that?