Transcript of call from Cooper Lamb’s phone to Detective Michael Bernstein
ARIEL LAMB: Hello, I would like to speak with Detective Bernstein, please.
MICHAEL BERNSTEIN: Uh, yeah, this is…wait, who is this?
ARIEL: (Muffled) Dad, he’s on the line.
BERNSTEIN: Hello? Hello?
COOPER LAMB: (Muffled) Oops, thanks, honey. (Pause) Hey, Detective! Glad I caught you. This is Cooper Lamb. Got a minute? I have something very important you should know.
BERNSTEIN: Hang on—was that one of your kids just now?
LAMB: Yeah, that was my daughter, Ariel. I’m driving her and her brother to school, but I thought it was super-important to reach out to you right away. Don’t worry, they understand. Kind of goes with the territory.
BERNSTEIN: What do you want, Lamb?
LAMB: I mean, I imagine you share a little shop talk with your youngsters now and again. “Boy, you kids should have seen the floater we pulled out of the Delaware this afternoon, talk about fleshy bloat—”
BERNSTEIN: I don’t have time for this.
LAMB: Kids, the detective says he’s too busy to speak to someone involved in the case he’s investigating. Does that sound right to you?
BERNSTEIN: Lamb, I swear to God…
ARIEL: I think he should at least talk to you.
LAMB: Do you hear that, Detective? Out of the mouths of babes.
BERNSTEIN: Make it quick.
LAMB: This is too serious for the phone. Let’s meet up in one hour. You pick the place.
BERNSTEIN: Can’t do it.
LAMB: Are you serious? What, do you have to drive down to Atlantic City this morning? Or are the Sables expecting you to report in?
BERNSTEIN: The fuck did you just say to me?
LAMB: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Detective! I’ve got you on speakerphone. Do you really want to curse like that in front of my kids?
BERNSTEIN: Kids, I sincerely apologize for the profanity. But your dad is a scumbag who shouldn’t have you on speakerphone during a work call, so I’m hanging up now.
LAMB: Come on, Mickey! Be a mensch, meet with me! I can help.
BERNSTEIN: You know how you can help? Do better by your children, asshole.
“I believe the homicide detective just hung up on me,” Cooper said as he negotiated the busy traffic circle around Philadelphia’s City Hall.
“Admit it,” Ariel said, “you wanted him to hang up on you, didn’t you?”
“I wanted to see what he would do when I said key words such as Atlantic City and Sable.”
Cooper Jr., who was sprawled out in the back seat, had been listening to everything with a bemused smile on his face. But now he couldn’t resist. “Is that cop working for the owners of the Eagles?”
“Yeah,” Ariel said, “is he like their bagman or something?”
“Where did you learn about bagmen?”
“We are your children,” she replied. “We pick up everything.”
“I’m so proud I could weep.”