Transcript of conversation between Cooper Lamb and Ben E. Franco, semiretired Atlantic City entertainer
COOPER LAMB: Mr. Franco?
BEN E. FRANCO: If Mr. Franco owes you money, he said he’ll be right back after he visits the cash machine.
LAMB: Ha-ha, nothing like that, Mr. Franco.
FRANCO: So formal! Call me Ben E. As long as we’re so close, why don’t you pull up a chair and buy me another mimosa.
LAMB: You got it. (To waiter) Excuse me, could you bring Mr. Franco another?
FRANCO: So what can I do for you, young man? You want an autograph for your sweetheart? Because, you know, she can have the real thing for next to nothing. Hell, at my age, I might even pay her.
LAMB: Heh. Your friends Rich and Loren over there said you had some good Archie Hughes stories.
FRANCO: Rich and who? Oh, the alte kaker over there with the lady’s first name? Ah, they ain’t my friends. They’re hangers-on. Rich made a lot of money gouging people one billable hour at a time. I should know. He was my entertainment lawyer for years! And as for Loren Bacall, Christ on a cracker. The man can’t handle his liquor. One time he was hauled in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” Loren says, “Okay, let’s get started.”
LAMB: Ha-ha-ha, that’s good, Ben E. But I’d really love to hear about Archie.
FRANCO: God rest his soul.
LAMB: You two were close, I gather.
FRANCO: You gather? What are you, a migrant field worker? No, we weren’t close. That big bastard owed me a lot of money.
LAMB: Archie owed you money?
FRANCO: Are you kidding? Archie Hughes owed everybody money.
LAMB: How much money are we talking? Loren said it was something like half a million.
FRANCO: Ha! Don’t listen to that souse, he has no idea what he’s talking about. Archie owed a lot more than that. (Whispering) I’m talking millions.
LAMB: Come on.
FRANCO: Kid, you know I’m a kidder, but I ain’t kidding about this. I’ve been around this town for way too many years and never saw anyone throw money away like Archie Hughes. He did it here, and I heard he owes millions out in that desert town too.
LAMB: Vegas?
FRANCO: No, the Gobi Desert. Yeah, Vegas! Where else do people go to hand over their hard-earned cash in exchange for the cheap flash of a leg and a piece of rubber chicken at a lousy buffet? Come to think of it, his buddy was in just as deep. And look where it got them.
LAMB: Which buddy?
FRANCO: You know, that ass---- chef who got himself killed last week.
LAMB: So you think their gambling debts had something to do with their deaths?
FRANCO: (Long pause) We’ve been joking around, kid, but listen to me. And listen to me carefully. This is serious business. Always has been. This is the way of the Mob. They want you to have a good time, drink their wines, feel up their girls, watch their ponies run. Whatever. But when the bill comes, you’d better be ready to open your wallet and pay. The entire organization runs on this principle. If people don’t pay, the Mob goes away. And let me tell you, they’re not going anywhere.
LAMB: Makes sense. But how do you get someone like Archie Hughes to pay?
FRANCO: If someone serious decides to welsh on a bet, you send someone serious to speak with him.
LAMB: What kind of serious are we talking about?
FRANCO: I think you know exactly the kind of serious I’m talking about. Look how Mr. Greatest of All Time ended up. Nobody’s untouchable, Mr. Lamb.
LAMB: (Slight pause) You know who I am?
FRANCO: You’ve been asking a lot of questions around town. People have noticed. Serious people.
LAMB: I’d be happy to speak with these people. Maybe they can help me straighten all this out.
FRANCO: You don’t understand. I am trying to help. I know this Mob guy. Capo. Friend of mine. Keeps a collection of other guys’ balls in his man cave. He’d be happy to add yours to the collection. You’re pissing off people. You’re pissing off the wrong people. (Pause) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go shake the dew off my lily. Watch your back, kid. And your front.