MARILYN WAS CONCERNED. ‘Are you sure you want to go and see them?’
‘Yes.’ Ruth had thought long and hard about her decision, and it was only now that she felt strong enough in herself to face Tom’s father and Casey. ‘It’s time to make my peace,’ she said, ‘if only they will let me.’ She was nervous but excited at the same time.
‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘Yes … and no. The thing is, I have to try and make amends for what I did, and it’s best if I go on my own. But, I’m grateful for your offer, I really am.’
The older woman wished her well and saw her to the door. ‘God bless.’ Choked with emotion, she gave Ruth a hug, then she watched her go down the street.
It’s taken a lot of agonising for her to go and see them, she prayed. Don’t punish her any more, Lord.
She remained long enough to see Ruth out of sight, before turning around and going back inside.
Arriving in Blackburn, Ruth got off the bus and walked along Preston New Road until she came to Addison Street, where Tom’s father lived.
The walk down to his house seemed never-ending. Eventually, she knocked on Bob Denton’s door.
She could hear footsteps coming along the passageway. Then a large and friendly-looking woman, her pinny covered in flour, opened the door.
Ruth was nervous. ‘I’m Ruth, Bob’s daughter-in-law. I’d like to speak with him … if that’s all right?’
‘That’s fine by me,’ the woman said, ‘… only he’s not here just now. He and the boy have gone to the churchyard. Being Sunday, they allus tek flowers up to …’ Feeling uncomfortable, she paused. ‘They’ll not be long, I don’t suppose.’
Ruth thanked her. ‘I’m sorry to have disturbed you.’ She glanced down at the floured apron. ‘Seems I caught you in the middle of cooking.’
Sensing her discomfort, Dolly asked politely, ‘Would you like to come in and wait for them?’
‘Best not,’ Ruth graciously declined. ‘I just needed to talk with Bob … and Casey, my son.’
‘Will I tell them you were here?’ Dolly was at a loss as to what she should do.
‘No, it’s all right. I’ll come back another time. Thank you all the same.’ Disappointed after plucking up the courage to come here, Ruth reluctantly turned away.
As she started off up the street, Dolly called after her, ‘I’ve got fresh crumpets and a lardy cake. You’re welcome to share.’
‘No, thank you all the same,’ Ruth shook her head, smiled at her, and carried on walking.
At the top of the street she waited for the bus and quickly climbed aboard when it arrived. When no one was looking, she shed a few tears. She didn’t know if she would ever find the courage to come back here again.
In the churchyard, Casey sat on the ground beside his daddy’s little garden. ‘If I talk out loud, will he hear me, Granddad?’
‘I dare say he might.’ Bent over the vase, the old fella was arranging the fresh flowers. ‘Where’s that bottle o’ water, lad?’ He held out his hand and the boy put the bottle of water into his fist.
Reaching out, Casey tenderly stroked the small marble headstone that marked the spot where his daddy lay. ‘I love you, Daddy,’ he whispered. ‘I love you every day, and I say a prayer for you at night. Dolly says I might not see you on earth again, but one day I’ll see you, only we don’t know when.’
When his voice broke and he started crying, Granddad Bob took him in his arms. ‘There, there …’ He rocked him back and forth.
‘I’m sorry, Granddad.’ Sniffling, Casey wiped his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve. ‘Only, I can’t help it.’
‘I know that. There’s no shame in crying, lad,’ he told him. ‘They say it helps to heal the heart.’
‘I’m all right now, Granddad.’
‘Are yer sure?’
‘Course I am!’ He had to be brave.
After Granddad Bob had finished with the flowers, they went inside to put their pennies in the box and light a candle.
From her hiding place, Ruth watched them, heartbroken as she remembered that good man lying there.
‘I’m sorry, Tom can you forgive me?’
Coming forward, she knelt by his side and told of her pain and regret, and the guilt at what she had done; how if she could turn back the clock, she would treat him right.
‘I was wicked, and I know it now. I don’t ask forgiveness for that because I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve the boy’s love either but, oh God! What I would give to have it all back again, with you and Casey.’
Surprising her, the old man’s voice boomed out. ‘Yer right! You don’t deserve forgiveness. It don’t matter what yer do now, yer can’t ever make it right. You took my son, and you took this lad’s daddy, and may you never in your miserable life be forgiven!’
Ruth stood up to face him. ‘Every word you say is true. I know that now, and I’m ashamed of what I did. I’m ashamed that I hurt Tom. He didn’t deserve that.’
When she now reached out to the boy, he slunk away behind his granddad’s back. ‘I’m so sorry, Casey, I truly am. I was bad, and I don’t know why. But I do love you so very much.’
When her words were greeted with downcast eyes, she told Bob and her son, ‘It’s too late, I understand that, and I will always be sorry … for everything.’
She looked at Casey, who was nervously peering up at her. ‘Even though neither of you wants me, I’ll always watch from a distance. You’re my son – I know you’d rather it wasn’t true, but it is – and I want you back. But I have to abide by what you want, and if you send me away, I’ll be unhappy, but I will understand, I promise.’
When he didn’t answer, and she turned to walk away, the softest breeze got up to ruffle the boy’s hair, and in that moment, in the turmoil of his young heart, he could hear his daddy’s tender words, written in the saddest letter:
When you’re worried … you might hear the softest rush of sound about you. It will be me, come to encourage and help you.
Suddenly he was running to Ruth, his arms wide open for her to pick him up. The old man watched in wonder as Ruth swung the boy up to her and gave him a mother’s loving kiss, while tears ran freely down her face.
Looking over the boy’s shoulder, she smiled at Bob, and when he nodded, she hoped she might be forgiven.
The old man gazed on the headstone. He spoke in clear, warm tones. ‘It seems you’ve forgiven her, son,’ he said, ‘so it’s only right that we should do the same.’
And in that precious moment, to their amazement, a strange and wonderful thing happened.
The breeze strengthened and, within the gnarled branches of an old beech tree, something fluttered and danced until, floating down, it landed at Ruth’s feet.
The old man looked at it, and though the paper was mangled and dirty, there was something about it that turned his heart over; something that sent him back to when he opened his own letter from Tom.
‘Look there, lass. Look down at your feet!’ he urged Ruth.
Carefully placing Casey on the ground, Ruth picked up the fluttering object, her eyes open in amazement as she recognised it as the letter Tom had written to her … the letter she had discarded. ‘It’s Tom’s letter. The day he was laid to rest, I threw it away.’ The guilt was crippling.
Taking out her hanky, she tenderly dabbed away the dirt and damp, then folding the letter inside the hanky, she slid it into her pocket. She needed to be alone when she opened the letter.
Recalling how wicked she had been, she was tempted to bury it with Tom, right there and then, but that would have been wrong, ‘It seems Tom wanted me to have it,’ she said. ‘He wanted me to keep it.’
‘You will keep it, won’t you?’ Casey asked.
She assured him she would. Then she asked, ‘Can I please come back to Addison Street tomorrow? We can talk things over, and I’ll tell you where I’ve been.’ Just now, she was overwhelmed with it all, and the need to clear her mind was pressing.
Casey slid his hand into hers. ‘D’you promise you’ll come back tomorrow?’ It was easier to forgive her than he had thought.
Ruth nodded. ‘Yes, I promise. I have so much time to make up with you all, and so much I need to tell you.’
Bob insisted on accompanying her into town, where she caught the bus to Blackpool. ‘See yer tomorrow then?’ he called as she climbed aboard.
Casey waved until she was out of sight.
Later that evening, after they’d had their tea, Marilyn and Ruth were working on a difficult jigsaw puzzle, while Marilyn listened to all that Ruth had to tell her. When there came a knock on the door, they were surprised.
‘Who can that be?’ Marilyn got up to answer it. ‘I’m not expecting anybody, are you? Unless o’ course Miss Partridge has forgotten her key again.’
‘No, I’m not expecting anybody,’ Ruth said.
She was bent over the puzzle when Marilyn returned some time later with Steve in tow.
‘There’s someone to see you.’
When Ruth looked up and realised who it was, she didn’t know what to do. ‘What do you want from me?’ Remembering how he had deserted her, she felt desperately insecure.
When he stepped forward, the older woman made herself scarce. ‘I’ve got things to do upstairs,’ she lied. ‘And you need to mind your manners, lady.’ She winked at Ruth. ‘We have a visitor. He’s come a long way to see you. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he was ready for a cuppa tea.’
Having spoken her mind, she disappeared upstairs, leaving Ruth flummoxed as to how she should deal with Steve. ‘I don’t want you coming here reminding me of those awful men who attacked me.’ She told him bluntly. ‘Why are you here?’ She knew well enough, though, why he was there.
Steve ignored her questions and walked towards her. ‘You know why I’m here, don’t you, Ruth? And now, thanks to your landlady, I know who you are and I’m so glad I found you.’
Taking the envelope out of his pocket he deliberately placed it over the puzzle. ‘Connie had this. She deceived you. She deceived both of us, because I never got your letter. She lied to you and she lied to me. She told me you were back with an old boyfriend and were about to get married.’
Ruth was shocked. ‘She told me you called me names and said I meant nothing to you … that I was trying to put some other man’s child on you. I wasn’t, though. Casey is your son. There are other things you should know too, about the good man who raised him.’
‘I do know … all of it,’ Steve revealed. ‘And I understand.’
‘That night we spent together on the beach …’ His voice trembled ‘… I loved you then, only I didn’t even know it. I’ve loved you every minute of every day since. I would have tried to look for you, but I thought you were happily married to that boyfriend and had forgotten all about me.’
‘So, did you never marry?’
‘I did, yes.’
Unwillingly, he told her how Connie had wormed her way into his life. ‘That’s why she didn’t want me to know about you and the baby,’ he explained. ‘She had her sights set on the good life, and we sort of rushed into marriage, though it was a huge mistake … at least for me. Now it’s well and truly over.’
Taking her by surprise, he cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her, long and hard. ‘We were meant to be together, Ruth,’ he whispered, ‘We both know that.’
Ruth was lost. She didn’t know how to deal with this moment, a moment she had waited for since they’d first met. ‘There’s a lot you need to know,’ she warned him. ‘There are many things to be taken into consideration … mainly for Casey’s sake.’
‘I know, and I’m ready to listen.’
Ruth looked into his eyes, and saw the truth shining there. She felt his arms around her, and she knew this was where she belonged. Where she had always belonged.
Having watched from the bottom of the stairs, Marilyn swept in. ‘I reckon I might go out and leave you two to talk, would you mind?’
And no, they didn’t mind at all.