CHAPTER 1

 

It’s the summer of 1991.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys are huge. So is Rollerblade Barbie. What are Rollerblades? Don’t worry, you don’t need to know. Unless you want to twist your ankle, sprain your butt, and scrape most of the skin off your elbows like I did.

Everybody is saying “Hasta la vista, baby” to each other, and not just in Spanish class, because Ah-nold Schwarzenegger said it in a movie called Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

In fact, 1991 started out pretty good, especially if you ignored Boyz II Men on the radio. (Yep, they were a thing. And that II? It’s supposed to be a Roman numeral two, not an eleven.)

In March, Mom came home from Operation Desert Shield, which turned into Operation Desert Storm—a war that, thankfully, only lasted, like, six weeks. Now she’s back in charge of running the Hart house.

Did I mention my mom, Big Sydney Hart, was a marine? (She’s Big because my sister Little Sydney is named after her.)

“I want to see those dishes shine, girls!” she tells us every night after dinner. “I want this galley to glisten!”

“Aye, aye!” we all say.

“Hoo-ah!” says Mom.

Emma, the youngest, who we used to call the Little Boss, is now the Little Echo. She tells us to do whatever Mom just told us to do.