CHAPTER 47

 

Jeff checks out the back of the cow head. “You snapped the latch? Oh, man, I never snap the latch. It’s rusty.…”

“Om orry.…”

“I need a screwdriver. Or a pair of pliers. Something to pry it open.”

“There’s a toolbox downstairs,” I say.

Schuyler yanks at the headpiece.

“Don’t yank!” says Jeff. “I had to give Mr. Peterson a damage deposit on that costume when he gave me the job! If you mess it up, I’ll lose fifty bucks. Just stay here, Schuyler. Jacky?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t let him yank!”

Jeff runs into the church to fetch the toolbox.

Schuyler keeps trying to yank off his cow head.

“Don’t yank,” I tell him.

“There you are!” gushes Victoria, who comes running into the church parking lot, carrying a box of taffy. “I hoped you would be my promised surprise this evening.”

I try to interrupt. “Um, Victoria…”

But I forgot how hard it is to interrupt a know-it-all.

“Oov ott de wong eye,” says Schuyler, but of course Victoria doesn’t understand him. Neither do I, actually.

“I couldn’t wait for you a moment longer,” she goes on. “Whenever I see you in that cow costume, I just want to jump over the moon! I brought you taffy! Some are pink and some are blue. I hope you love them as much as I love you!”

Victoria is gushing to Schuyler because she thinks the cow is Jeff! This is a mix-up of mistaken identities to rival the ones in A Midsummer Night’s Dream!

Victoria throws her arms around the cow. Taffy tumbles everywhere.

And that’s when Jeff Cohen comes out of the church with a pointy screwdriver.