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Time flew by as he found himself caught up in his memories and grief. Before long he saw himself passing into the small town he had found on the map. The small sign on the highway was cheery and inviting. It was a plain brown sign with blue letters that read; “Welcome to Mendocino.” Shaking his head on a deep sigh, he moved on to find somewhere to lay his head for that night.
The hotel stood high into the air, and he instantly felt the dampness from the rain sink into his bones. Checking in he looked around at his surroundings. There was one large desk that traveled down the whole side of the room. The top was made of brown and gold colored marbled and the bottom was a dark cherry wood.
In days before he would have commented on how lovely it was as he ran his hand across the top. Today, however, he didn’t say a word as he silently passed his license and credit card to the girl on the other side of the desk. She was in her twenties and smiled at him as she took the cards. The hotel didn’t have too much furniture in it. There was a pleasant looking fireplace with two armchairs in the middle of the room and what looked to be a restaurant through two double doors to the right. That was all there was to the lobby. The girl quickly gave him his cards back and smiled.
“Will this be for just you?”
“Yes. Just me.”
“How long will you be needing the room for sir?”
“Right now, let’s just say a couple weeks and then I’ll go from there.”
“Oh? Are you relocating here?”
“Don’t know.” His tone was flat and cold, and he almost felt bad for the way he spoke to the woman. It wasn’t her fault for the way his life had turned out.
“OK. Well, let us know if you need help to relocate your belongings from your place of residence. We would be happy to help.” The woman then proceeded to list all the standard amenities that came with the room including a large screen television and fridge. “Our restaurant on site offers room service from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m., and there is also a breakfast bar or sit down menus for lunch and dinner. We hope you enjoy your stay with us. Please let me know if you need anything else, OK? Your room number is 501. If you go up the elevator to the fifth floor and hang a left, it’s the third door on the right.”
Kevin thanked the woman and stuffed the keycard into his wallet.
“Have a good evening, Mr. Pierce.”
“You too.”
He nodded in her direction as he rolled his suitcase into the elevator and started the slow trek up to his floor. When he stood in front of room 501, he slid the card in the slot, and a beep greeted his arrival. There was a large television hanging from the wall across from a two cushion couch. To the side of the room sat a small refrigerator and a stand that held the wet bar and microwave.
Pulling the suitcase behind him, he made his way through the doorway that led into the bedroom. There was a large bed on one side of the room and a long dresser on the other. Through another little doorway was the bathroom, and without a moment’s hesitation, he dropped the handle of the suitcase and plopped down on the mattress of the bed.
After what seemed like thirty minutes of hollow silence, he slowly pulled himself from his musings and began to get his things in order. Pulling the laptop out, he quickly looked up the email with the picture of the real estate agent he had spoken to on his way into the town. He was to meet him for lunch that day and needed to get to the little diner the man had told him about.
A short while later he pulled into a parking spot outside the white and red diner, he made his way inside and was seated in a red vinyl booth within minutes. A long grey counter with red stools ran down the opposite wall and the floor had checkered black and white tiles.
“Hey, honey. What can I get you?” The voice came from a young attractive woman who was standing in front of him holding a pad of paper and a pen.
“Cheeseburger and sweet potato fries please with a diet cola.”
“We’re outta diet, regular colas OK suga? Haven’t seen you around these parts. Are you new in town?”
“Yeah.” His tone was cold and flat again as it had been with the lady at the hotel. The woman must have gotten the hint that he wasn’t up for small talk. With a curt nod and smile, she left him alone to mull over his depressive mood. Looking around the small diner, he was surprised to see that there were a good number of people there eating.
He could hear children’s laughter from behind him, which brought chills down his spine. In a booth on the other side of the restaurant sat an old couple. He watched them as the man and woman sat on the same side of the booth like a young couple in love. That’s how his parents had been before they died. They had been high school sweethearts and had eyes only for the other.
Looking beside him, he saw the expansive Mendocino coastline with its collection of rock monoliths jutting out from the deep blue of the ocean. During any other visit here, he would be amazed at how beautiful the scenery was. But this time, all he saw now when he looked at the water was a bottomless pit of blue. As he gazed out at the people on the beach, he didn’t see their happiness, just his own sadness at the loss of his joy in life.
The beginning of the winter season was becoming a difficult time of the year for him. He missed Crystal and Sarah more than ever around this time. The idea of celebrating Christmas this year without them brought a heaviness to his heart. Growing up, the holidays had always been a memorable time for his family, and as he remembered one year, in particular, when he was a child, a smile creased his weary face.
He was about ten years old, and his sister was around seven. They had just come home from going to the grocery store and getting the last few things that they had needed for dinner that night. Christmas was in three weeks, and both kids could hardly contain their excitement. They jumped up and down when they thought of Santa and his eight tiny reindeer coming and bringing them lots of presents. They had come in through the kitchen and helped their mother to put the dishes away. That was when their father came through the door.
“So I have a surprise for you two.” He remembered the joy in his father’s voice as he said it.
“What is it, Daddy?” His sister’s tiny figure jumped into their father’s arms.
“You have to come see. Now I know it’s not the traditional kind, but it will have to do.”
Picking up Crystal, he had started walking towards the living room. Kevin had been on his heels following close behind. When they got to the living room, they saw it. The Christmas tree. Except it didn’t look like a regular tree. It looked like an undernourished pine tree with branches sticking out everywhere.
“Daddy is that our tree?” his sister had said as she cocked her head to the side. Her eyebrows rose to the top of her forehead as she studied the thing in the corner of the living room.
“Well pumpkin, I know it’s not a bushy evergreen like normal, but I couldn’t find a good one this close to Christmas. This one kinda reminded me of the cartoon on television, you know? Sorry guys.”
Crystal had turned in their father’s arms and kissed him on the cheek. “It’s perfect, Daddy. Thank you. As long as there is a place to put baby Jesus’ star it is fine with me. Actually, I like it better. It’s perfect because it’s different and special like Jesus. It will remind us that God can take the ugly things in life and make them beautiful.”
He remembered running to the tree and touching the small branches that stuck out everywhere. “And look. There is plenty of room to hang lots of ornaments.”
They had soon decorated the tree, and they all loved it. After that year, they had never bought a perfect evergreen tree again. The Pierce tradition was to find a wimpy evergreen with little branches coming out of it. Whether it was a tree from a local farm or one they had cut down, they always made it a point to pick one they could transform into something beautiful.
But this year would be different. There would be no tree, and Sarah wouldn’t be there to help decorate it. He wouldn’t have his sister by his side, and that killed him more than anything. He had never had a Christmas without his sister.
“Sorry Dad. I just don’t think I can do it this year.” He looked up at the ceiling as he whispered the words out to his father. Things were not as simple and pleasant as they were when he was a kid. It wasn’t as easy as it had once been, and he suddenly realized that his life had taken a huge turn for the worse. He felt that his father was looking down on him now. Would he be ashamed of how Kevin’s life had gone astray?
He believed his father would be disappointed in him and that devastated him more than anything else in the world. He had strived to make his father proud of him and to give his sister someone to look up to. He knew he had screwed that up on the night he couldn’t save her daughter. He didn’t blame Crystal if she hated him. He hated himself for what he was a part of. It was his fault. All of it was his fault.
He didn’t know why, but it seemed God was punishing him for something. He was clueless as to why he deserved the misfortunes that had befallen him. Just as the rest of his life would be, this Christmas would be a day that he spent alone. It was a day he no longer cared to celebrate. A day that would forever be tarnished.
A feeling of guilt soon washed over him. What right did he have to complain about how terrible life was? His little sister had lost so much more in her life. He often wondered how Crystal found the strength to press on in life. She had suffered the loss of her marriage and now the one person that matter most in her life. Her daughter that had given joy every day, was now snatched out of her arms.
Why couldn’t life be simple and full of meaning like it had been when they were kids? Like the time he got to tag along with his uncle at the hospital during the holidays one year. It was a moment in time from his past that reminded him of a better time. A time when he could laugh and feel joy. A time when his heart wasn’t so heavy.
It was the year his father turned down his wish for a bee bee gun for Christmas and the year he became interested in a medical career. He could still sit and laugh at the stink he had made that year. He had just finished a minute-long rant after his father had told him that he didn’t need to ask Santa for a gun.
Kevin looked up at his father, his brows deeply furrowed, as if Santa had sent him a letter saying he would be receiving no gifts that year for being a naughty boy. But his father wasn’t intimidated by his temper tantrum. Instead, he calmly changed the subject to something he knew would excite Kevin.
“How about you and me go meet your uncle at the hospital. I just got off the phone with him, and he said he would be glad to show you around. I think it would be good for you to see what being a doctor is all about. Besides, they need some help with the Christmas party if you’re interested.” His father turned towards his sister standing next to him. “If not, you could go shopping with your mom and your sister.” His father had a sly grin on his face.
Knowing the mall was the last place he wanted to visit, he readily agreed. “OK.”
His father turned to his sister and kissed her. “Can Mommy take you to see Santa pumpkin?”
“Yes, Daddy. It‘s OK. I can have another day with you. Plus Mommy can take me to the nail salon and do my nails.”
His father chuckled at his sister’s nature to find the good in everything.
Kevin couldn’t contain his excitement during the trip over to the hospital. As his father’s large SUV pulled up outside the ER of the local hospital, his eyes widened as they examined the large expanse of the double doors as they walked through them. The large doors made a loud swooshing sound, and he felt the hot air from above them push down on top of their heads. He was suddenly pulled into a bear of a hug by a very large man. He laughed when he realized who it was that was holding him up and squeezing him so tightly.
“There’s my favorite nephew.” Uncle Thad was a large man. He stood at least seven inches taller than his father at his massive 6’5” height and weighed well over 200 pounds. He was a happy man and loved his job and life.
“Uncle Thad? You’re squeezing the life outta me. I can’t breathe. Let me go. Please. Can’t breathe.”
“Sorry, little man. Sometimes I forget how strong I can be.”
“Actually, I was just telling Dad that I will be driving in just a few years you know. I am what the girls call a pre-teen. I’ll soon be a man.”
“You’re right, young buck. It’s amazing to think how grown you’ve become. It looks like your dad, and I will have to make a man outta of you soon enough uh?”
He smiled down at Kevin and tapped his older brother on the shoulder. “I hear you want to come and visit the hospital with me, son?”
“Yes sir. That would be great. Do I get to see anyone cut open? That would be so cool to tell my friends. To see their guts and stuff. All that blood and the veins popping out and stuff. Yeah, that would be awesome.”
“Kevin, I can’t allow you to see me do surgery. Maybe when you’re older, but not right now. And second, you should have a little more respect for people who are sick. These are people who need help. You can’t talk about ripping out their insides like they’re a Christmas turkey.” His lips pressed into a frown as his father and uncle laughed at his curious enthusiasm.
“Come on. I’ll show you the cafeteria first. I need a coffee, and I think I have a little bit of time before I have to make rounds.”
“OK.”
That was the day Kevin realized that medicine was his passion. He had discovered something that year. Something about himself and who he wanted to be. He had followed his uncle around from room to room. He never said anything, just stood to his side in the rooms where his uncle thought appropriate. Uncle Thad always introduced him as his nephew looking for a career. The patients and their families had laughed and told him that if he was caring enough to help his uncle with patients, then he would help many people in his lifetime.
“Mr. Pierce?” The spoken words brought him from his musing and memories. He looked up to see a portly gentleman with a balding head looking down at him.
