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Making her way to the end of the small aisle, she lowered herself to her knees where she could talk to God. She poured out her heart, asking God why this man was brought back into her life and to use her as an instrument to help him see that he needed Divine help. What did God require of her? She had always made God and the church a priority in her and her daughter’s life, making sure that Rachel had known how important her faith was.
Being raised in a house that loved and believed in God, herself, Stephanie made sure she had passed the devotion of faith down to her daughter. She rested in the blessed assurance that Rachel was now beside the Lord and that she was happy and free of any of the pain that could be seen on earth. Rachel would make a beautiful angel, and although He called her home way too soon for Stephanie, she looked forward to the day when she would see her daughter again.
Sighing deeply, she asked God for a sign. She needed His guidance for salvation for not only herself and her healing, but of this young doctor whose life was now on hold. She needed to help him. The Holy Spirit had started a flame of conviction in her heart about guiding him with her faith, and now she couldn’t quell the fire spreading inside, pushing her to search again for this man. After praying for a few more minutes, she gave thanks for the power of the Holy Spirit and rose to her feet.
Turning, she smiled at the woman who rose up from the end of a pew she had been sitting in. She realized that it was Susan Watson from the diner down the street.
“Hello, Susan, how are you? You’re here awfully late.”
“As are you my dear. I was praying for a new friend of mine.”
Tears welled into Stephanie’s eyes, and before she could say anything, they began to leave a trail down her cheeks to disappear into her hair.
Susan brushed the tears from Stephanie’s face with her hand and enfolded her in her arms. “Oh, child what is it? Tell me what’s wrong.” It was a small town, and Susan had heard about the young woman’s daughter, but she knew that if Stephanie shared some of her burden, it would ease some of the terrible pain she was now going through. Sometimes all a person needed was a good listening ear and strong arms for a comforting hug in their time of despair.
“My Rachel. She’s gone, and I know there’s nothing I can do, it’s in God’s hands now. I love God. I really do, but sometimes I want Him to tell me why? Why did he take my baby from me? Why did he take her so soon before she even had a chance to live? Now the doctor’s here, and he’s in bad shape. I’ve been searching to help him, but I’ve found nothing.” She looked up to see the woman’s eyes tenderly gazing at her.
“What doctor, honey?”
Stephanie inhaled deeply before she began to relate the horror story of her daughter’s death and the doctor who had tried to save her. “Dr. Pierce was the doctor who tried to save Rachel. I don’t remember much about him except what he looked like. I remember seeing his name on the paperwork as well. I moved back to Mom and Dad’s a week or so ago. I just couldn’t take it being in that big house alone.” She took another deep breath as she continued on. “Well, last night I went to dinner with my father. As we were leaving, he collapsed and grabbed his chest. Before I knew what was going on, this man was there, and he was saying that he was a doctor and all. He gave my father CPR and according to the hospital saved my father’s life. When we got to the hospital, he told the nurse who he was, and I realized it was him. He was the doctor that tried to save my Rachel. He realized who I was, and there was such pain and sorrow in his eyes. I had no idea it would affect him so badly.”
Another breath as she went on. “Then I heard the two nurses in the hospital talking about how he had been let go from the hospital. He blames himself for Rachel’s death and doesn’t practice medicine anymore. I feel so sorry for him. I’ve been looking for him everywhere thinking maybe he came here looking for a job, but nothing.” She absently wiped at the tears that covered her face and knew that she looked a mess.
Susan handed her another tissue as she began to speak. “I think that if you find him you’ll not only help him but yourself as well.”
“That’s what my mother said.” She sniffled as her body trembled involuntarily.
“I know the man you’re speaking about. He came into the diner a couple days ago and met with a real estate agent I know. He may know where the doctor is living at now. Hold on and let me find a pen, and I’ll write his name down for you.” She pulled out a small notebook and pen from a pocket inside her purse. Her hand flew over the paper as she wrote down the man’s name. Handing it to her she smiled as she patted her on the shoulder. “His name is Ernest Sudder. The name of the company is Mendocino Real Estate.”
Stephanie dabbed her eyes one last time with a tissue and embraced Susan tightly. “Oh, thank you so much. I just hope I can get through to him.”
“Just have faith my dear. Remember strength is in numbers and that God has a plan for everything. Your sweet little angel is looking down on you right now, and she is so proud of you, I’m sure.”
“Do you remember the passage in Matthew?”
“Which one?” Her swollen eyes looked at the older woman.
“"But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not try to stop them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'"
The tears welled into her eyes again at the woman’s words. She smiled and nodded before making her way outside and to her car. Looking up and whispering one more small thanks to God, she made her way back home for the night. That night she slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. There were no nightmares, and she didn’t wake in a sweat or with tears in her eyes.
She woke in the morning with a renewed purpose in life. Stephanie knew nothing would ever take the place of her Rachel, but for the first time since that night from hell, she could breathe without the pain in her chest trying to cut off her oxygen. Sitting up in her bed, she finally made her way downstairs and to the coffeepot.
As she sat at the table her hands curled around the cup in front of her, she stared at the small piece of white paper that Susan had given her the day before, a mixture of emotions racing through her brain. She felt sadness for everyone involved in Rachel’s tragedy, and she feared rejection from the doctor. She had finally made peace with God, and even though her life had been turned upside down, she realized for the first time that although hers was affected the most, there were others who had been devastated and were going through similar trials.
She realized that the kids at school had lost not just one friend, but four the night the girls had the accident. The accident had left a solemn atmosphere at the school. The other girl’s parents were experiencing the same thing she was. Her parents had lost a grandchild and a doctor had lost a patient. She had wanted to call the other girl’s parents who had been affected, but couldn’t bring herself to do it yet.
After a quick shower, she got dressed and was seated in her car headed towards the hospital. She wanted to check on her father and talk to her mother. Then her next visit would be to a little loft on the edge of the beach. She made her way to the room where her father resided for the time being and quietly stepped inside the doorway. The first thing she saw was her mother sitting in the chair beside the bed and quietly crocheting the blanket she had been working on. She looked up and smiled as Stephanie walked in.
Holding a finger to her lips, she indicated beside her where the man laid asleep in the bed. The television above the bed slowly spoke of the news for the morning. Making her way to her mother, she hugged her close and made a gesture toward the doorway.
Valerie followed her daughter out of the small room. As they walked into the hallway, she turned to look at her mom. “How’s he doing now?”
“He’s actually doing really good. He’s just tired now, and it’ll take some time for him to get back on his feet. You know your father though, he’ll be back to normal soon. He also needs to watch what he’s eating. That means no bacon or sausage for breakfast anymore.”
“He said watch what I eat not take out all the good stuff.” The gruff voice called out from within the small hospital room. Both women laughed as they made their way back inside to see him scowling at both of them. “Hey baby. How you doing?” He held his arms out to his daughter, and she quickly made her way to him so he could enfold her in his arms. She had always been a daddy’s girl, and at that moment she realized just how much he had scared her the night before.
“I’m OK. You scared the living daylights out of me Daddy. Don’t do that again.”
“I know precious. Hey, you know what? If it‘s any consolation, it scared the dickens out of me too.” She felt his hand as it slid down her hair. She sat there leaning over and wrapped in her father’s arms, thinking of all the times she had done this as a child. Heaving a deep sigh, she stood back and looked down at him with a smile.
“I want to talk to you and Mom about something.” They looked at her intently in silence, waiting for her to continue. Finally, after a couple of moments she spoke what had been weighing heavily on her mind. “Do you remember the doctor from Rachel’s accident?” At their nods, she went on. She knew her mother probably already knew what she was going to say. “He’s the doctor that saved Dad’s life. I found out some information about him. It seems that he’s blamed himself for not being able to save Rachel and no longer works at the hospital either. There was something about him yesterday. I need to go to him. I thanked him for everything he did for Rachel, but he wouldn’t accept it. I feel God has convicted me to help him find his way again. He has strayed from the path, and I fear for him and his faith. He needs to rekindle the hope of God in his life, and I need to help him find it.”
Finally finished with her speech, she took a deep breath and looked at both of her parents, her lips pursed together in anticipation as she waited for their response. Her mother grasped both of Stephanie’s hands in her own and smiled at her daughter through her tears.
“I am so proud of you dear. Not only are you using your faith to help yourself through this devastating tragedy, but you’re also helping him find faith again, as well. You are truly a remarkable woman, my dear.”
She smiled at her mother through her tears and took a big breath as she looked to her father. “You make us both proud honey. God knows that the best way to heal the hole in your heart is to minister to someone else in need. I know that neither I nor your mother understand what you are going through. I don’t know if I would have survived if something had ever happened to you, but I know many people will be blessed by your unwavering faith in the Almighty.”
“Thank you, Daddy. I have to go find him now.” She related to her parents the events of the night before and her talk with Susan from the diner. She had spoken to Mr. Sudder, and he had reluctantly given her the address to the place where the doctor was now residing. He had also spoke to her of the troubled aura he received after meeting with the doctor and hoped that her faith in God would help the young man heal.
As Stephanie drove down the street, she saw the twinkling lights of multiple different colors staring back at her. But her mind wasn’t focused on how festive or pretty they were; instead, she was preparing herself for what she would say when she saw Dr. Pierce face to face. She knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task, and she wanted to get a good night’s rest before she confronted him the next day. When she returned home, she grabbed a scratch pad and pen to write down what to say to him so she wouldn’t forget. She didn’t know where to start, but she knew the Holy Spirit would supply the words she needed to say that would get him back on track and headed in the right direction. By what she had gathered from their previous conversation and judging by the empty look on his face, she could tell he was quickly heading down a path of hopelessness, a path that could likely lead only to one possible outcome. She shuddered at the thought. She needed to find him soon before it was too late.
As Stephanie pulled into her childhood driveway, a heavy sigh escaped her lips. Her parents’ house appeared cold and gloomy during the holiday season, something her parents would never allow to happen. Every year, her father would make it a tradition to string up the Christmas lights right after Thanksgiving, something she could remember he had done since her childhood. But this year would be different. Her father would be spending the holidays in bed recuperating. This year, it would be up to her and her mother to carry on the family’s traditions.
Christmas was a very special time for her family, and her parents would always go all out with the decorating. She would help her father hang the lights outside and then she would go inside to help her mom set up the Christmas village and the Nativity scene in the living room. It was a time that brought her joy and happiness.
Rachel had loved it. It had been her favorite time of year, and she would help her grandmother in the kitchen every year after they decorated. Stephanie laughed when she reminisced about the last Christmas season. Rachel had been the one to make the ham. She had put extra honey on it, telling everyone that it needed to be extra sweet like the cook. She had made the dinner under the watchful eye of her grandmother, who looked over her shoulder and stepped in to help when needed. Stephanie had sat at the table and watched, helping Rachel when needed, which wasn’t often at all. She laughed when she thought of how frantic Rachel had been about the oven, worrying about how to bake the remaining dishes while the ham was in the oven. Her grandmother had chimed in to explain that the ham needed to cool down when it was done and that while it cooled, they could put everything else in. In the end, Rachel had cooked a scrumptious feast. She had made a ham, greens, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans and corn on the cob. She had stood there and smiled as she looked over her table. She had been so proud of herself, and then for dessert, she had made crunch apple pie and chocolate chip cookies. She said that was her gift to her family that year. A good home cooked meal.
That year was the most memorable, and Rachel had been happy that both her parents and grandparents were there. Stephanie felt there was a tight corset around her chest as she took a deep breath and looked up at the empty house with darkened windows.
Without a second thought, she marched through the front door and began flipping lights on as she navigated through the house toward the garage. Stacked in one corner were the large plastic containers that held the Christmas decorations. Even though Rachel was celebrating Christmas in heaven, Stephanie knew her daughter would have still wanted her to get a Christmas tree adorned with lights and the whole nine yards, and she was determined to give it to her. Even though she had told Rachel when she was younger that Christmas wasn’t just about the gift giving and the glamor of the decorations, she didn’t want Rachel to be disappointed in her. She knew if Rachel was watching from above that she would be disappointed in her mother. But what her daughter couldn’t understand was the reason why her mother wasn’t celebrating Christmas was because she missed her daughter dearly. But Stephanie had decided to honor Rachel’s memory by giving thanks to Jesus no matter what was going on in her life. She would follow the example she had taught her daughter to do so many times in the past. She would give thanks.
Stephanie began heaving the holiday containers up and carrying them into the living room. She began going through them one by one and put the ones containing the outside decorations by the front door. Gathering the twenty-foot strand first, she began streaming lights up along the hallway banister. When she had finished, she set the nativity scene and Christmas village up on the wooden coffee table in the living room, just as her mother had always done. As Stephanie began to get into the Christmas spirit, she began to sing as she decorated.
Several hours later, she collapsed onto the living room sofa with a satisfied but exhausted smile. She looked over at the clock, and her eyes grew wide at the luminous blue numbers. The clock on the cable box blinked saying it was 2:30 in the morning. Rising from the sofa in front of the Christmas village on the coffee table, she locked the front door before making her way to her room. It had been a strenuous day, and there wasn’t an ounce of energy left in her body. Stephanie knew it wouldn’t take her long to fall asleep that night. As she laid on the pillow for the first time since Rachel’s death, she smiled, remembering her daughter and the good times they had shared. Minutes later, she fell to sleep and drifted off to pleasant dreams of her daughter’s smiling face, a welcome relief from the restless nightmares she had suffered since that fateful day. That night was her first of peace and tranquility as she finally slept through the night.
