MONDAY AFTERNOON SARA was in Leon’s office with Lily in her arms. After introductions Leon indicated a chair in front of his desk. “Sara, have a seat.”
Grant remained standing near a large bookcase filled with legal volumes. He had a brooding look on his face. Wasn’t he happy? After all, this was his idea.
Leon pushed some papers toward her. “You’ll need to read these and sign them.”
Lily whimpered.
“Let me have her.” Grant stepped forward and gathered Lily into his arms. After their day together on Saturday he’d become much more adept at dealing with her.
Leon gave Grant an almost comical look. “Who are you?”
Grant glared back at him and started jiggling Lily. “Just see to Sara.”
She read through the legal documents then looked at Grant. “This is too generous.”
“No, it isn’t. I need you to do this.”
She’d seen that determined look before. He wouldn’t be changing his mind. She signed where indicated and pushed the papers back to Leon.
“You both know that this can’t look like a slipshod wedding,” Leon said as he placed the papers in a folder. “It has to appear like the real thing. It doesn’t have to be grand but it does have to be more than the justice of the peace.”
Sara glanced at Grant. He had a rather sick expression on his face that matched how she felt.
“It’ll need to take place soon because Lily’s custody hearing is at the end of the month.”
“Won’t the judge be concerned that we have only been married a short time?”
“I’m counting on him not asking the length of the marriage. He’ll be more concerned about there being a marriage and stable home.”
She and Grant left Leon’s office and were waiting for an elevator when Sara said, “I don’t think I can handle a baby, look for a house and organize a wedding all at the same time.”
Grant handed Lily back to her. “Don’t worry about it. I know just the person to take care of everything.”
* * *
That evening Sara answered her phone.
“This is Clarisse Smythe, Grant’s mother. Is now a good time to talk?”
Panic stirred in Sara. What was Grant’s mother doing, calling her? Probably to lambast her for marrying her son for money.
“Yes, it is. Lily is asleep.”
“Lily. Brett’s offspring.” The words were as bitter as the wind blowing in Antarctica in the winter. “Why Grant wants... But that’s not what I’m calling about. Grant says you two are getting married. He’s asked me to take care of the wedding. What size are you?”
“Size?”
“You’ll need a dress, won’t you?”
“I guess so.” Sara didn’t sound too confident even to her own ears. “I’m a six.”
“Do you have a preference?”
“I guess not. Something simple, I think.”
“That’s what Grant said as well. Shoe size?” The woman was demanding.
Sara told her. This conversation was growing more uncomfortable.
“Do you have anyone in mind for a maid of honor?”
“I hadn’t thought about it. I guess I could ask Kim.”
“Would you please contact her and ask her to call me? Here’s my number.” Grant’s mother rattled off a phone number. “I’ll see to her dress as well. Do you have a preference of color?”
“No.”
“Good. That’ll make it easier. That’s all I needed. See you the week after next in North Carolina.”
“North Carolina?”
“That’s where the wedding will be held.”
Not until that moment had it sunk in that she was truly getting married. To Grant.
Clarisse didn’t seem to take a breath. “I look forward to meeting you. Grant says you’re quite lovely.”
Grant thought she was lovely? Sara stood there in wonder, looking at the red dot that indicated the call was over. When had her ordered and rather dull life spiraled out of control? Probably the minute she’d met Grant and he’d thrust Lily into her arms.
She dialed Kim’s number. They talked about how the nanny job was working out. When there was a pause Sara asked, “Would you be my maid of honor?”
“You mean someday?”
“No, the weekend after next.” Sara worked to make her tone sound even, not nervous.
“Who are you marrying?” Kim’s voice rose. “You haven’t been dating anyone that I know of.”
“I’m marrying Grant.”
“As in Dr. Grant Smythe?”
“Yes.”
“Boy, girl, you work fast. Tell me how this happened. I would’ve taken the job if I had known that having the sexy Dr. Smythe was part of the deal.”
Sara was already unsure about the decision and Kim wasn’t helping. “Will you be my maid of honor or not?”
“Of course I will.”
“Thank you. Grant’s mother is handling all the arrangements. You need to call her and give her your dress size and she’ll give you the particulars. Here’s her number.” Sara reeled off the number Clarisse had given her. “I hear Lily crying. I have to go.”
Sara hated lying to her friend and to her father. If word slipped out about the background of their marriage, Grant’s custody case might be damaged. She would just have to live with it and explain all later, hoping they would understand.
Despite being nervous about the wedding in general, Sara liked the routine that the household settled into. Grant said goodbye each morning to her and Lily before he left. He even took a moment to touch or hold Lily. It was as if he was starting to see the child less as his father and ex-girlfriend’s insult to him and more as a charming new human worth getting to know. Sara hoped for Lily’s sake he was thinking less of her as a sister and more as a daughter.
Most evenings he was at home in time for dinner. A few evenings he brought in takeout. On another he cooked. At breakfast she offered to cook a meal in appreciation for those he’d provided. He was very complimentary about her skills.
Her days revolved around Lily and despite her best efforts the little girl was working her way into her heart. With each baby smile or new accomplishment Sara’s heart warmed further. She did her best not to think of Lily as hers but fear started to bubble in her. It would be difficult to give her up. The same concern nagged at her regarding Grant.
No matter how she lectured herself, she couldn’t seem to stop going down the slippery slope. She spent too much time thinking about him sleeping in the room down the hall, or looking forward to him coming home at night, or, worse, his touch. When her father was around Grant made sure they appeared like a couple in love, even to the point of giving her a kiss on the cheek or forehead. Each show of affection only made Sara wish for more. She tried to do her part but it didn’t come off being near as effortless as Grant’s was.
Her time with him and Lily was becoming more domestic with each day. Less employee and nanny. On one level it was nice, on another it made her nervous because she liked it too much. As the week wore on she looked forward to her day off, hoping she could regain some much-needed perspective and have a chance to clear her head. Grant and Lily were temporary in her life and she needed to keep that fact fixed firmly in her mind.
Sara was surprised to see Grant show up early on Friday evening still dressed in his scrubs. Usually he was wearing the same dress shirt and pants he’d left in earlier in the day.
“I thought you might not be home until late.” Sara pulled Lily out of the swing and put her into the bouncer to feed her.
“Why’s that?”
“You’ve been home every night this week and I just assumed you’d have something else to do on a weekend night.”
“Are you tired of me?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
He smiled. “Good, because I kind of like coming home to someone at the end of the day.”
With his relationship with his father on the rocks and his mother and brother living so far away, had he been lonely?
“We’re glad to have you here. This house is too big for just Lily and me.” And she meant it. She stepped to the counter to get Lily’s bottle. “Your mother called again today.”
“Does she have all the wedding arrangements made?” Grant took a seat at the table and played with Lily’s foot.
“She wanted to know if I have a flower preference.”
“Mind if I do that?” He indicated the bottle. “Do you?”
“No.”
In regard to Lily he’d certainly turned over a new page. He made a few false starts but soon caught on to the process of feeding Lily. Watching a man take care of such a small human was a type of pleasure she’d not experienced before.
“I hate to say this but I think my father is waiting for you to have that discussion about marrying me. I know ours is a business arrangement but he doesn’t. He’s sort of old-fashioned about things like that.”
Grant looked at her. “I should have already done that. I’ll take care of it right away.”
“Thanks. I know he would appreciate it. He’s sort of been hinting.” There would be questions later about their marriage but maybe his and Grant’s discussion would ease the pain. It would at least look like Grant had asked for her hand in marriage, which would make her father happy. He’d had such a hard time when she’d agreed to be a surrogate mother that she could only imagine his reaction to her involvement in a trumped-up wedding.
She focused on Grant and Lily again. With the skills Grant was exhibiting with Lily he could be nothing less than a caring and compassionate surgeon as well as father. When he was done he wore a self-satisfied grin.
“Would you like to bathe her?”
He looked uncertain but the terror that had once filled his eyes was missing. “Do you mind if I assist you? I don’t think I’m ready to do it alone.”
He needed to learn. One day she would be leaving, no matter how difficult it would be to do so. “You’re welcome to help but it’s nowhere near as difficult as transplant surgery.”
“Maybe so, but I did train for that and I have zero experience in bathing a baby.”
She smiled. “You’re in luck. I did train in nursing school for it. Why don’t you carry Lily up and undress her? I’ll wash up her bottle and be there in a minute.”
By the time she made it to Lily’s room Grant had her completely undressed. He stood in the middle of the room, humming a current tune as he did a box step with Lily in his arms. It was the most uninhibited she’d seen Grant. Almost as if he’d let go of some of the animosity he’d been carrying. This was a side of him she was sure few had seen. Sara felt honored that she was one of those.
He looked at her. “Hey.”
“Hi, there.”
“You want to join us?”
A ripple of uncertainty went through her. She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
He opened one arm wide and said, “Aw, come on. You never know. It might be fun.”
Sara wanted to. What would it hurt if she did? Ignoring her fear, she stepped into his arm and he lightly wrapped it around her waist. One of her hands went to his forearm and the other rested on Lily’s back. Could she ever have a true moment like this in her life? Her child. Her family.
Just a crazy dream. She couldn’t get caught in the trap of thinking theirs would be a marriage in reality.
Together they shifted in a small circle.
Being this close to Grant was heady. His deep hum filled the room as he moved smoothly around the floor. He smelled slightly of Betadine, which was so much a part of his profession. She didn’t find it offensive. It just reminded her that his business was to save lives.
She looked up to find Grant’s rich coffee gaze on her. There was a question there. Desire. Her heart thumped hard but she managed a smile. His head lowered. Her breath caught. He hesitated as if waiting for her permission. Her lips parted. Grant’s mouth moved closer. Time slowed. Lily cooed between them, her head resting on his shoulder. Sara silently begged for his kiss. He no longer moved his feet. Finally, blessedly, his lips found hers.
Grant’s mouth was firm. Warm. She rose on her toes. His lips slid over hers, finding a more perfect fit. He pulled her tighter against him, pressing his mouth to hers. Melting, smooth heat rippled her. She’d been kissed before but not so that she shivered and burned at the same time. She opened for him.
It was all about desire, discovery, and acceptance.
Grant jerked away. “Ah, Lily.”
There was a wet spot on his scrub shirt. He chuckled.
Sara’s laugh held a nervous note. “I guess someone is trying to tell us it’s time for a bath. Looks like you’re going to need one too.”
Need filled his eyes.
Was he thinking about something else? Sara forced herself back to reality. She took Lily. “I’ll get her started while you take care of that shirt.”
In the bathroom she picked up the plastic baby tub and placed it in the larger tub.
“So what do I need to do?” Grant asked from behind her. She glanced at him.
He’d removed his shirt and his shoes. With his chest bare he was the sexist sight she’d ever seen. Her pulse rate went into overdrive. If she didn’t get control he would catch her staring. Grant was hitting all her emotional spots tonight. Did he have any idea of how his kiss had affected her? Her heart was still pounding too fast.
“You can get a washcloth and the bottle of baby soap from the counter.” Sara turned the water on, letting it run until it was the correct temperature. Pushing the tub under the water, she filled it.
Grant said from behind her, “You’re amazing to watch. The way you do all this one-handed.”
“It comes from practice.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get the hang of it.”
“Yes, you will. Why don’t you take Lily and lay her in the tub? Remember to always check the temperature. More babies than you know get scalded.”
“Yes, Nurse Marcum.” He flapped his hand in the water.
She smirked and handed Lily to him. The back of her hand brushed his chest as she did so. She stepped away quickly. Lily’s bath was becoming far too tantalizing. She was dreaming of things that could never be. Like Grant slowly running a bath cloth over her.
Grant went to his knees, gently placing Lily in the tub.
“Squirt a dab of soap on the rag and then just wash her. Start with her face and work down.”
He went to work with the same passion he approached everything. That he’d be the best and succeed. She could only image that same intensity extending to the bedroom. The thought only made her tingle in places better left alone.
While Grant moved the cloth over Lily, Sara enjoyed the play of his muscles across his shoulders. With each motion they flexed and released. The urge to touch, run her fingers over his skin was so great her hand was halfway there when he said over his shoulder, a grin on his face, “I’m done. What now?”
She was jolted from her daydream. Did he have any idea what I was doing? Was about to do?
“I’ll get you a towel.” Collecting herself, she pulled a hooded baby towel out from under the cabinet.
Grant was already standing with Lily in his arms when she turned around. Sara placed the cap over Lily’s head and Grant worked the towel around her. He looked down into Lily’s face with something that was not yet love, maybe infatuation. What a wonderful father he would be to Lily if he’d only let go of all the hurt. He would commit. Not run away. As she had done and would do.
“I’ll lay out clothes and let you dress her. While you do that I’ll straighten the bathroom.”
Gone but a few minutes, she returned to find Grant had already dressed Lily. Sara smiled. Lily’s onesie sleeper was on backwards but she said nothing. It wouldn’t hurt Lily and it would damage Grant’s new-found confidence if she criticized or corrected him. Something told her he’d had far too much of that in his life.
It was time to go. She didn’t belong in this family scene. “I’ll let you finish putting her to bed. I have some things to take care of in my room. Dad doesn’t go to sleep until late. Good night.”
“Sara, I thought—”
Did he think they would continue where their kiss had left off? She would like to but that wasn’t wise. Using her mind instead of her heart, Sara met his gaze. “You’ve got this. You’ll both be fine.”
She left off, without me.
* * *
Grant felt a small grip of panic when Sara and her father left Lily with him the next morning. His talk with her father had gone better than he’d expected. Sara’s dad was concerned about how quickly the wedding had come about and that he didn’t want his daughter hurt, but in the end he had seemed accepting. He loved Sara and only wanted the best for her. Grant had promised he had no intention of breaking her heart.
Between that discussion and the memory of his and Sara’s kiss Grant hadn’t slept much the night before. Their kiss had kept playing through his mind in vivid color. He wanted another one. A deeper, hotter, wet one. When she had left him with Lily he’d wanted to scream, Come back. Knowing she was sleeping next door hadn’t eased the nagging want either.
Right now, he had a baby to see about. With Sara’s help he’d gained confidence where Lily was concerned, but spending an entire day with an infant still brought dread and apprehension. Would he be as inadequate at caring for Lily as his father had said he was? How did the man manage to command so much power over him, even from the grave? He’d moved past those days, or at least he told himself he had. It didn’t help that Sara had asked, “Are you sure about this?”
“We’ll be fine. Go on. Enjoy your day.”
She’d nodded and headed for the door. With one last look and a half-smile, Sara had pulled the door closed behind her.
More than once she’d proved she believed in his abilities with Lily but still those old hurts came back when someone questioned his capabilities. The only area of his life where he was completely comfortable was in his medical skills. Those his father had never questioned because he’d known nothing about that world. He wasn’t here now to question what Grant did, so why did his father’s old words still make him feel inadequate to the job of caring for Lily?
Everything in his life felt out of line. He wasn’t sure what was happening between him and his tiny sister, but he really didn’t understand what was going on between him and Sara. He’d not planned to dance with Lily or invite Sara to join them. He’d been surprised when he had and she’d accepted. Been even more so when he’d kissed her and she’d returned it.
The memory of Sara’s uncertain then acquiescent honeyed response would keep him humming all day. He already hungered for another kiss. Would she allow one? Everything was spiraling out of his control. He needed together time with Lily and Sara needed time away. He wanted space to think about his growing feelings for both his sister and Sara.
Somehow Lily was starting to feel less like his sister and more like his daughter. Would his father have been pleased? Maybe it was time to get past caring. He was responsible for Lily and he would do his best and that was all anyone could expect.
Grant had had no real idea that one large flour-bag size person could dominate his entire day. Sara couldn’t have made it down the drive before Lily started screaming. Grant whisked her out of the swing and took her upstairs to change her diaper. Still she whined.
He bundled her into a blanket and went to the rocker. Maybe all she needed to settle down was some motion. Sitting, he started the chair moving. That went on for another thirty minutes to no avail. Lily would quieten for a few minutes, just long enough for Grant to think she was asleep. The second he placed her in the bed she started again.
Surely he was capable of figuring out what was wrong. Old ingrained insecurities died hard. He refused to not meet the challenge. No way was he going to let his father’s words damage his confidence regarding Lily.
Grant tried rocking her but it didn’t help. In desperation, he gave her a warm bath. To his great relief, she sighed and slept. Taking the baby monitor from the stand, he tiptoed across the carpet and out the door. He worked long hours, but none had exhausted him like his failure to satisfy one child for a short amount of time.
In the kitchen, Grant poured himself a cup of fresh coffee and sat down to do some paperwork he’d been putting off. He had been at it for thirty minutes when he realized he’d left a file he needed in the car. Halfway across the kitchen to the door, he stopped and turned back for the monitor. He couldn’t even retrieve an item from his car without thinking about Lily first. He sighed. This was what being a father was about.
Lily woke two hours later, before Grant could finish his work. He’d had no idea how much Lily would control his everyday life. In Lily’s room, he picked her up and looked at her. She smiled.
He felt like he’d just been taken hostage. Would he ever get his heart back?
“Hey there, little girl.” Little girl. Wasn’t that what Harold called Sara? His daughter.
Was that what he was starting to see Lily as?
“Let’s get you changed and go see if we can find some food.”
Lily cooed. One more female working to wrap him around her little finger. Where had his single-minded, focus on himself and his job gone?
With a minimum of fuss, he had Lily fed but the dishes were piled in the sink. Powdered formula was all over one counter and a section of the floor. His paperwork was spread out on the table, and Lily’s seat still sat on the table. Whenever he’d tried to clean up, she had required his attention. Now she was changed and happily lying on a blanket on the floor beside him in his father’s study.
The place was slowly becoming a place that Grant could tolerate. He was making it his own. The command his father had held over him was gradually ebbing away. Those days and ugly words would forever be with him but he now sat in his father’s chair and held the authority. Grant looked at Lily. He would prove himself worthy. “I promise you’ll always feel loved and supported.”
Why couldn’t his father have done that for him? What had happened to make his father be so hard on him? It was as if he’d expected perfection but only by his standards. Grant hadn’t been able to give him that. What had driven his father? Grant had never questioned before that something might have been behind his father’s expectations. He would have to give that some thought.
Sara called in the middle of the day to check on them.
“We’re doing just fine.” He spoke in a low voice.
“Why’re you whispering? Is something wrong?”
She didn’t think he could handle this. No, it was concern, not criticism. Sara would have never left Lily if she hadn’t thought he would take good care of her. “We’re just fine. Don’t worry about us.”
“Okay.” She didn’t sound convinced. “Do you want me to bring dinner?”
Dinner. He hadn’t thought about eating lunch, much less dinner. “Sure.” It sounded almost too casual to his own ears. He was afraid that if she didn’t buy takeout he wouldn’t get a meal. He certainly wasn’t going to prepare one himself. “Get whatever you want.”
“All right. Dad and I will see you in a few hours.”
From what he could tell, he owed Sara thousands of dollars for what she did each day.
For some reason Lily was fretful again that afternoon. Grant went through every maneuver he could think of to make her happy. He did what he had done that morning, along with pacing the foyer floor and jiggling her.
“Hush, sweetie,” he murmured as he held her close to his chest.
Nothing seemed to help. It hurt him to hear her cries of misery. Exhausted, he finally sat on the living-room couch, stretched out his legs, leaned his head back on the cushions, placed Lily belly to belly with him and rubbed her back. She made one last whimper and went to sleep. He joined her.
They were still in that position when Sara came home.
“So how did it go?” she asked with a grin as she looked down at them with a knowing gleam in her eyes.
“You can get an idea of how it went by looking at us. She was unhappy after eating, for some reason.”
“She may just have a little bit of a bellyache.”
He moved to sit straighter. “It didn’t seem like a little bit when she was fussing for an hour.”
Sara shrugged. “Sometimes that happens.”
“You have her all the time. By the way, I applaud you for what you do.” Grant caressed Lily’s back.
Sara chuckled. “Babies can be overwhelming.”
“That they can be.” He gathered the still sleeping Lily into his arms and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “But I still enjoyed the me-and-her time. So how did the house-hunting go?”
“Pretty well. We found one that Dad and I both like.”
“When you decide on one, let me know and I’ll have Leon take care of the purchase.”
“Thanks for talking to Dad. He seemed to be okay with us getting married so soon. You really sold him on the idea of love at first sight. I still don’t like lying to him, though.”
“He’s a smart man. He’ll understand.”
“I think you’ve done enough nannying for the day so why don’t you let me have Lily and I’ll put her to bed?” Sara reached down to take her.
Grant caught her hand and caressed the inside of her wrist. “We missed you today.”
She frowned down at their clasped hands. “Grant, we shouldn’t—”
His cell rang. She took Lily then he dug into his pocket for his phone.
“Smythe. Yes. Yes. I’m on my way.” He stood.
“I know. You’re needed at the hospital.” She made it a statement instead of a question.
“Yes. A liver has become available for a patient who has been waiting too long. I won’t be home tonight. May even be gone most of tomorrow.”
“I understand. I’ll see to Lily.”
And he could trust that she would. “Why don’t you ask your father to sleep in the small room off the kitchen so you don’t have to be in the house by yourself?”
She shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I’m getting better about knowing the sounds of the house.”
He caressed her cheek. “I don’t want you to be scared when I’m gone.”
“I won’t be as long as I know when you’re coming and going. Thanks for caring.”
A few minutes later as he backed out of the carport he noted the light was already on beside the kitchen door. It would be shining when he returned. To his amazement he liked the idea that Sara would be waiting on him. They were already acting like a married couple. Why didn’t that idea bother him more?
* * *
Grant had been gone over thirty-six hours. All he wanted was to get some much-needed sleep. He wasn’t going to take the chance of waking Sara to let her know that he was home. She would just have to find that out on her own.
He stripped and climbed into bed, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before returning to the hospital. The alarm went off what seemed like only seconds later. He climbed out of bed, found fresh underwear and headed for the bathroom. He opened the door and blinked.
Sara stood there wrapped in a towel, combing her wet hair.
“What’re you doing?” Her high-pitched words nearly hurt his ears.
“Sorry. I didn’t hear the shower running.”
Her eyes didn’t leave him. “Why’re you using my bathroom?”
“It’s mine too.”
“I thought you were staying in the master.”
That idea made his skin crawl.
Her gazed went south and her eyes widened. She said calmly, “Grant, you don’t have anything on. We talked about that.”
“I don’t usually wear clothes when I shower. You want to join me?” He tried for his most wicked look.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“You start off everything between us with ‘I don’t think.’ Maybe you need to think less and enjoy more.”
She shook her head. “I’m done here so you’re welcome to the bath.” Sara disappeared through the other door.
He watched her go with disappointment. What he really wanted to do was jerk that towel off and pull her into his arms. Being married to Sara was going to be interesting, and physically demanding.
Boxers still in hand, Grant turned on the water. He had to admit this was the most fun he’d had with a woman in a long time. Seeing Sara flustered, turning the prettiest shade of pink he’d ever seen when her gaze had been fixed on his morning erection, delighted him. She’d not shied away from looking.
After her surprise that they’d been sharing a bathroom for weeks, what would be her reaction when she learned that she’d been sleeping in his childhood bedroom all this time?
* * *
A couple of evenings later Sara was upstairs, putting Lily to sleep, when car lights shone through the window and the vehicle pulled into the carport. Grant had had another long day. The faint sound of the outside door opening and closing rose to the second floor.
Was he coming home every night because she was there? Her vanity wanted to say yes. But she knew better. It was more likely him making every effort to convince himself that he could do the job of being a good surgeon and parent to Lily. With a little help he was succeeding. She’d been very impressed with his efforts on Saturday. Both he and Lily had survived. And, from what she could tell, had bonded.
Her father had settled on the house they had liked. It was in a small neighborhood between Highland Park and Chicago. It had everything they would need close by. There was a senior citizen building, a park, shopping and easy access to the train into downtown. Maybe Grant was being far too generous but it was nice to know her father would be safe and secure from eviction ever again. Her father planned to move in right away.
It took Sara another thirty minutes to get Lily down for the night and her clothes laid out for the next day. Grant still hadn’t stuck his head into the room to say he was home or check on Lily. He’d been vigilant about both over the last week. Why hadn’t he tonight? Because of her reaction to him in the bathroom? Was he afraid that she might jump him and demand to have his body? The thought had occurred to her. He’d looked breathtakingly gorgeous in all his glory. She could only imagine the pleasure of having all of that as her own. But thinking that way was going to get her nowhere.
Going into the kitchen, she didn’t find Grant there. She looked out the window to the pool and didn’t see anyone there either. Was he still in the car? Opening the door, she searched the carport area and saw no lights.
She was starting to worry. Something was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t Grant but someone else who had driven up. She shook the thought away and checked other areas of the house. Saving his father’s den to search last because of how Grant felt about the place, she expected the lights would be off and they were. She moved to leave the doorway.
“Are you looking for me?”
She stopped short at the harshness in Grant’s voice. He’d not used that tone since the day they’d met. “Why’re you sitting in the dark?” She went to the nearest lamp and reached to turn it on.
“Leave it.”
She stopped in mid-motion. “Why?”
“Just leave it.”
“What’s going on, Grant? What’s wrong? Has something happen regarding Lily?”
“No.”
She walked closer. Her eyes adjusted to the absence of light and she could see him sitting in the chair behind the desk. She came to stand at the corner nearest him.
Grant rubbed his hands over the worn brown leather of the chair arms. He rocked back. “Do you know that up until last week I’ve not been on my father’s side of this desk since I was maybe seven?”
Sara didn’t say anything. It wasn’t a question she was expected to answer. He was off somewhere that didn’t include her.
“He never allowed me to sit in his chair. Said I had to earn the privilege.” Grant didn’t say anything for a few moments. “I was never good enough.”
“What has happened?” She all but whispered the words.
“Nothing, except I let a patient die.”
“I’m sorry.” Her hand went to rest on his forearm stretched along the arm of the chair. “I don’t believe you just let a patient die.”
He pulled away. “How would you know?”
Sara let her hand drop to her side. “Because I know the type of person you are. That you’re the kind of doctor who cares deeply about your patients and others.”
“So now you know all about me?”
“I don’t. But I know how you treat me. Lily. I’ve watched you with my father. You care. You’d never intentionally let a patient die. I would swear you put all your knowledge and compassion into everything you do. Sometimes things happen that we can’t control.” Like your mother leaving for no reason. Or caring more about a baby that belonged to someone else than you should.
“He sat right here and said I’d never be a good doctor.”
Anger roiled in her. If she could only tell his father off. “But you are. You know you are.”
“Just what makes me think I’ll be a good father to Lily? How do I have the audacity to think I would be good enough to raise a child? Or not be like him?”
“Forget about your father. Grant, tell me what happened today.” She wanted to help him but she couldn’t figure out how.
“The surgery was going fine and then it wasn’t. It was as if the patient had an immediate negative reaction to the donated liver. I had promised the family that their mother would be fine. To trust me. But I let them down.”
“You did the best you could. You can’t control everything.”
He jerked straight and glared at her. Speaking through clenched teeth, he said, “In my OR I do!”
Sara flinched as if slapped but didn’t step away. “I don’t need to stand here and tell you how many people you have saved with your talent. Or how important it is. There’s a baby asleep upstairs who would have no home or someone who cared about her if it wasn’t for you. My father and I have a roof over our heads because of you. Your father was wrong, so wrong about you. But you’re the only one who doesn’t believe that.”
She turned to go. Grant grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap. He buried his face in the curve of her neck.
Grant felt the instant Sara relaxed. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he pulled her tighter against him. He’d found his lifeline. From her had come all the right words, the correct indignant tone when scolding, but it hadn’t been until she embraced him that his heart opened and accepted what she’d been saying. He held her, not moving for a long time. One of her hands went to his hair and smoothed it, as if he were a child looking for reassurance. For a moment he had been. What he had missed in this room had been someone to have faith in him, and he had that now. Sara had given him a gift. She believed in him.
He inhaled the richness that was her, a floral scent yet something wispy and sweet that was only Sara. Even her name calmed him. He nuzzled his nose against her skin before his lips touched it. Her hand stilled in his hair for a second then continued to caress.
She felt so good, so right in his arms. Her curves molded to his perfectly.
Grant released his hold on her marginally but she made no attempt to leave. He placed a kiss behind her ear. “Sweet, sweet Sara,” he whispered.
Her heart thudded sharp and strong against his chest. She wasn’t as unaffected by him as she led him to believe.
His lips brushed along her neck and then across her jaw. She turned toward him slightly and his mouth claimed hers. Heat fired in his gut and his manhood came to complete attention. His mouth moved across her lips, tasting and testing until her fingers found the back of his neck and nudged him closer. Sara returned his kiss with all the fervor he’d ever dreamt of. She shifted, turning in his lap and giving him better access.
Pleasure-filled moments went by before he pulled back. “I want you. Right now. Right here.”
Sara blinked as if she’d forgotten where she was. Slowly she began to untangle herself from him. Grant tightened his grip. She looked him straight in the eye. “Grant, I won’t be the instrument you use to purge all the memories this room has for you. When I make love with a man I expect him to be sharing it with me, not erasing ugly thoughts.”
His arms slackened their hold. For once in his life he was truly ashamed. He let his arms rest on the chair arms, giving her an opening. “It’s not that way, you know.”
Sara rubbed across his shaft as she stood. He stifled a groan.
“You think about it. Despite how enjoyable being with you might be, doing so in your father’s chair, on his desk or on the floor wouldn’t be about you and me. It’d be about you and him.” She walked halfway to the door and turned back. “I’m sorry about your patient. I know you did your best. You’re a good man and a great surgeon, Grant. You’re the only one who doesn’t believe that.”
He watched Sara go with pain in his heart and his groin. No one liked it when someone saw through them.