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Lola
The doctor’s office makes me nervous. I don’t know why but it does. My knee bounces up and down as we wait for them to call my name. Blade seems as calm and collected as always. Nothing seems to faze him and that kind of annoys me too. My hormones are throwing me off. I’m irritated to no end about being here. I chew my thumb nail, knee still bouncing when his hand slips over and clasps my knee tightly. I jerk my eyes to his and his smile calms everything in me.
“You gonna do that the whole time?” His smile is perfect much like the rest of the man.
“I don’t like it here.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know! It smells all office-y and shit.” Blade chuckles and leans in pressing a kiss to my cheek.
“It’s fine. Everything is fine. Calm down.”
“Lola Patterson?” the nurse at the door calls.
Blade’s eyes find mine once more before we both stand. He grabs my hand and walk toward her, my heart thundering in my chest. What if something is wrong with the baby? What if all the hits I took from Ryan messed something up? I don’t know how to handle the thoughts rushing through me, and before I realize it, I’m stopped in my tracks. Blade moves to stand in front of me, his hands cupping my face.
“Everything’s fine, Lola. We’re here to make sure it’s growin’ well and all that shit. The baby is fine,” he reminds me over and over. I appreciate and need his support, but what if it’s not. My eyes are wild as I look into his. He can see what I’m thinking.
“Always worryin’ about nothin’. Come on.” He drops his hands, grabbing mine and tugging me toward the room.
Once inside the room, the nurse advises me to climb on the bed and pull up my shirt. I do what I’m told and she dims the lights. Blade sits in the chair across the room not sure of what he should be doing. She squirts the same goo the other doctor did onto my stomach and places the probe on me, moving it around. When she stops, she looks at the screen but doesn’t say a word. She clicks buttons, moves the wand but still nothing. I look to Blade but his eyes are wild. He shoves out of the chair and stalks to my side, looking at the grainy image in front of his.
“Fuck me,” he whispers softly but we all heard him. His eyes remain glued to the screen when the nurse laughs.
“That’s your baby,” she says cheerfully.
I look at the screen and make out the entire thing. A head, legs and arms. I’ve never been so happy to see something in my entire life. That tiny person is alive and kicking and moving inside of me. Blade’s hand finds mine and squeezes but his eyes never leave that screen.
“That’s his head,” he says quietly.
“The baby looks great. Heartbeat is strong. According to this, you are approximately sixteen weeks.” She presses buttons and prints pictures. Before leaving, she hands me the string of photos and lets us know the doctor will be in soon.
I stare in disbelief at the photos. My child, my baby. This is something I made. I look up at Blade but his eyes are still on the now blank screen.
“Blade?”
He clears his throat and shakes his head looking back down at me. “Did you see that? A little head. Little arms.” Still shaking his head as if he can’t believe what he saw, I laugh a little.
“It was perfect.”
“You’re perfect,” he says leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. “I’m gonna take care of you both. I’m gonna protect you both.”
“I lied to Ryan. I told him I had a miscarriage. He said he didn’t want this baby alive.” A single tear slides down my cheek as anger morphs Blade’s face.
“Fuck him. This baby is mine and I will kill him if he ever comes near you or him.”
“You keep saying him.” I giggle. Blade moves his hand over my stomach, his eyes still lit in amusement.
“Well, I need a son. If this one’s a girl, I guess we try again.” His words shock me. I glare up at him as he stares at my stomach.
“You want more kids? With me?”
“Who the fuck else would I want them with?” Bringing his eyes to meet mine, I sigh in relief as I take in the evidence of his sincerity. He leans down and kisses my forehead when the door opens and the doctor comes in.
“Good to see you again, Lola. Blade.” The doctor nods at Blade before he grabs his clipboard.
“So, about sixteen weeks. You are a little underweight so I want you to watch your diet. I want examine you to make sure you’re progressing well, but aside from that, everything else looks great. The baby is healthy and growing as it should be. Have you had any morning sickness?” Blade looks at him and then back to me.
“No. Not really.”
“You might not. Every pregnancy is different. Some would say that’s a blessing. I will want you back in again in around four weeks for another checkup and ultrasound. We should be able to tell you the sex of the baby at that time if you’d like to know.” Blade’s eyebrows rise and it makes me laugh. Blade’s phone rings and he pulls it out checking to see who it is. “Gotta take this,” he says.
He leans down and presses his lips to mine as a nurse walks in.
“I’ll be right outside.” Nodding my head, he walks out the door. My heart is full of so many emotions I can’t think straight. I can hear Blade on the phone out in the hallway but I can’t hear what he’s saying. When the doctor is finished, he hands my paperwork and a prescription for vitamins that he wants me to take. The smile on Blade’s face when I step into the hallway melts me. He looks so happy and a part of me hurts that this baby isn’t really his.
“You ready? I got a surprise for you.”
His happiness is almost overwhelming but I smile and nod my head as he leads me out of the office. We climb in the truck and Blade takes off. He doesn’t go toward the clubhouse, which makes me wonder what the hell he’s doing.
“Where are we going?”
“Told you I got a surprise for you.” He glances over with a smile on his face before looking back at the road. We drive for only a few minutes when he pulls into a small neighborhood. I watch as the houses pass by and wonder what it would be like to live in one of them and have a normal life. Something I want for my child that I never had the chance to have. It leaves a dull ache in my chest when Blade pulls into a driveway. I see the guys all standing outside watching as we climb out.
“What is this?” I ask stopping at the front of the truck. Blade walks up and stands in front of me, his head held high. Confidence oozes off him and it all seeps into me.
“This is my house. It’s now our house.” His hand comes to rest on my stomach, pride shinning in his eyes. “I need some time, Lola. I’m not askin’ for years but I need some time.”
“Time for what?”
“I’m gettin’ out. This club has been everything to me for a very long time, but now, now things are different. I’d always known that the day would come that I would walk away. I just needed the right reason to do that. You and this baby are that reason. I don’t want any illegal shit goin’ on around either of you. I can’t say that I will leave tomorrow because it’s not that simple but I will. I will for you.”
Tears well up in my eyes but I shake my head. “You can’t walk away from your life because of me, Blade.”
“I’m not. Listen, I always told myself that if I found somethin’ worth havin’ that I could leave the club. I know what comes with bein’ in it and I’ve lived it. Steppin’ down is a part of my life. I need to be a good dad. I want to be a good dad. I need you to understand that this is about more than just you and that baby. This is about me bein’ a man and takin’ responsibility for what I want.”
His words ring true and it all makes sense to me. So I give Blade what he needs; I nod, happily accepting his explanation. Blade grins, grabs my hand, and leads me toward the front door. The guys all smile and slap a hand on his shoulder as he walks me in. I take in the house, the furniture, the walls. It’s a home. It’s a place I’d never had.
“This is perfect,” I whisper. Blade chuckles and leads me down the hallway, pushing open the last door on the end and ushering me inside. The room is bare aside for a shit ton of boxes. I read the words printed on each one and my heart leaps in my chest. Crib, changing table, wardrobe.
“You did this.”
“I did this. When you told me you were still pregnant, I knew what I wanted, Lola. I had the guys get it and bring it here.”
“What about the clubhouse?” I glance over at him.
“What about it?”
“Don’t you need to be there?”
“I will be. We will be. I told you that I need some time. I can’t walk away just yet.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“I know that and I appreciate that more than you know, but this is about me. This is about bein’ the man I’m supposed to be. We’re gonna stay at both places for right now, but when the baby is born, we’re livin’ here. We’re gonna be a family.”
Pulling me into his arms, I sigh with a happiness I never knew was possible into his chest. A family. I like the sounds of that.
“Well Dad, you think you can handle putting all this together?” I giggle.
“Say it again,” he begs.
“What?”
“Dad. Say it again.”
“Dad. You’re going to be a great dad, Blade. I know it.” He holds me tighter to his chest and sighs.
“I’m gonna be the best I can be. For both of you.”
“You already are.”
