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A jolt of pain shot through my body, and I jerked awake. This was the first night that I’d slept on my back since I arrived at the hospital, and the sensation felt like a thousand needles pressing against my skin. The nurses made me turn constantly so as to not put pressure on the wounds any more than necessary. As fatigue melted away, I became aware of something else. Someone was in the room.
Curling my fingers into the fabric of the thin blanket, I slowly turned my head toward the darkened corner of the room. A man sat in the standard issue chair, elbows resting on his widespread knees, his head bowed as he stared at his clasped hands. Despite him being hunched over, there was no mistaking his familiar form. As if he felt my gaze on him, his head jerked up, and his dark chocolate eyes met mine.
For a long moment, we remained frozen, suspended in time. He had been my jailer for nearly the entire time I lived with my uncle, yet here he sat, assessing me with that unsettling gaze. A chill swept up my spine. Was he here to kill me? Was he here to carry out my cousin’s final order and tie up all the loose ends?
I recoiled as he pushed from the chair, and he held his hands up in a placating motion. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to scare you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’ll leave.”
His hands dropped to his sides as he took a step toward the door. I didn’t know what to think. Why was he here? Johnny had never hurt me. In fact, he was the one who’d introduced me to the idea of dissociation to weather my uncle’s abuse. But I couldn’t believe he was standing in front of me here today. From the snippets of conversation I’d caught over the past few days, I was under the impression that all of my uncle’s men had been arrested—at least the ones who’d been present in the warehouse. I was sure several of them had gotten away, but Johnny most certainly would’ve been present.
“Did you get out?”
He paused for a long moment then shook his head in the negative. It wasn’t unheard of for some of the soldiers to be granted immunity or to make bail once they’d been incarcerated. “Not exactly.”
I lifted a brow, and Johnny heaved a sigh as turned to face me. With one hand, I surreptitiously pulled on the cord for the remote to call the nurse. I wanted to have it close by in case anything happened. Unfortunately, he didn’t miss the slight movement, and his eyes flicked over my shoulder before they met mine again. “Are you in pain?”
I gave my head a little shake. “I’ll be fine.”
It was his turn to cock a brow at me. “You are fine, or you’ll be fine?”
I stared up at him, my expression impassive, but I didn’t bother to respond. “I’m sure the meds have worn off by now,” he replied as he tipped his head toward the remote. “You can call them if you want.”
They’d actually weaned me off the morphine two days ago, per my request. I’d hated the way it made me feel sluggish and drowsy. After everything that had happened with Matteo, I wanted my senses at full height. I felt the overwhelming need to be aware of everything around me at all times.
My brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. Why are you here?”
He lifted one shoulder as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I told you. Just wanted to check on you.”
“No.” I gave my head a slow shake as I watched him. “That’s not it. What’s going on?”
A tiny smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “You’re too perceptive, anyone ever tell you that?”
Again, I didn’t bother to respond to his question. I’d spent every day of nearly the last three years studying my uncle’s posture and facial expressions, watching for any nuance that would indicate the slightest change in his hair trigger temper.
Johnny’s smile slipped away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...” His world words trailed off, and I watched several emotions flicker over his face as he seemed to carry on some kind of internal debate for speaking again. “I infiltrated the organization nearly four years ago under the direction of the FBI.”
I sucked in a sharp breath as he flicked open his jacket, revealing a shiny badge clipped inside the lining. “Are you crazy?” My eyes widened, and hysteria caused my voice to raise several octaves. “They’ll kill you! You have to—”
He dropped his jacket back into place and took two steps toward the bed. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine!” I shot back as I struggled to sit up. “If anyone finds out—”
He shook his head. “All of your uncle’s associates have been taken into custody. Even if they do get out and try to come for me, they won’t find me.”
“What are you going to do?”
Another little smile curved his mouth. “Disappear. Technically, I don’t exist anyway, and...” He trailed off and gestured toward the long scar along his cheek before shoving them back into his pockets. “Too identifiable for field work now.”
Guilt sliced through me once more, and I choked out the whispered words. “I’m sorry. I had no idea—”
He held up one hand to stop me. “I’d do it all over again.”
My brows drew together as I thought back to that morning. “Did you see me?”
He nodded slowly. “I kept talking with Lila, praying you’d have time to get away.”
“Thank you.”
He shrugged as if it meant nothing, but he shifted uncomfortably. “It killed me to have to bring you back.”
“So, it was one of Uncle’s men I saw in the parking lot that morning, wasn’t it?”
“It was.” He nodded regretfully.
“But the plates.... How—?”
He gave a quick shake of his head. “We switched them with another car that was parked at the resort. We had eyes on you for a couple days before moving in.”
“Of course.” Bitterness seeped into my tone, and my head spun as memories washed over me. Four years. He’d watched my uncle abuse me for years, yet he’d done nothing. He must’ve seen the heartbreak on my face, because he sobered. “Believe me when I tell you I did everything possible to get you out of there.”
Tears burned my eyes, and I fixed my gaze to the wall directly across from me, trying to ignore his presence.
“Every time we got close, every time we had something in place, your uncle would slip right off the hook.” He sighed. “Then all this shit with the Russians went down, and things escalated from bad to worse.”
I wanted to blame him, but I knew it wasn’t his fault. He had done what he could at the time, though I still felt betrayed. “Was it you who kidnapped me?”
His head moved in a solemn nod. “I tried to convince your uncle it would only be a one-man job, and that I could take care of it. He wouldn’t let me go by myself, so I brought one of the new young soldiers with me and told him I wanted to be the one to take care of Eric. Had it been anyone else...”
He trailed off, and I picked up his train of thought. Had Massimo sent anyone else, Eric would be dead, and I would’ve been someone’s plaything until they tired of me and killed me, too. Anger surged, hot and fierce. “So... what? You brought me back here instead of letting you go? How was that helping me?”
Johnny dragged the chair next to the bed and sank down, dropping his head into his hands. He was silent for a long moment before meeting my eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to go down like that. None of that was supposed to happen. We had a plan to get you out, but Massimo scheduled that dinner and threw everything off. And Matteo...” his voice softened. “Christ. I wish I could make him suffer for everything he put you through.”
He looked genuinely distraught, and sympathy tugged at my heartstrings. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I would take back everything if I could.”
Though I’d known the man for more than three years, I’d never seen this side of him before. His reaction seemed genuine, and I felt the need to console him. “Whatever you did, you did to survive. Just like me. Had you gone against my uncle’s orders you would’ve been killed. That’s on his hands, not yours.”
His eyes went cold, his expression stony, at my words, and apprehension washed over me. I thought about the video I’d found just two days before my abduction. Lila and her boyfriend had begged for their lives before their execution. I knew one of the men was my uncle. The other I hadn’t been able to identify at the time. But now...
“You did it, didn’t you?”
His expression shuttered, and he swallowed hard but refused to speak. Tears burned over the bridge of my nose, and one slipped down my cheek as I turned my head toward the window, hiding my face from him. I closed my eyes and cried; for myself, for Lila and her boyfriend, for the man beside me who’d been forced to choose between his life and another’s.
After several long moments, I finally managed to compose myself. I dabbed at my eyes with my knuckles and turned back to Johnny just as the door to the room opened with a quiet click. Eric froze, one foot in the room, his keen gaze missing nothing as it swept over first me, with my red, swollen eyes, then Johnny sitting next to the bed. His brows lowered, and I could see the storm brewing in his eyes as he started toward us. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“Eric.”
The sound of his name halted him in place, and he tore his gaze away from Johnny to look at me before returning to the other man. “What the hell happened here?”
“It’s fine,” I assured him.
Johnny hadn’t moved, just sat there with his arms crossed over his chest, looking impassive as ever. Eric glared at him before turning his attention back to me. “Are you sure? If you don’t want him here...”
I shook my head. “He came by to check on me, that’s all.” Eric’s lips settled into a thin line as he regarded the other man. Seeming to accept my response, he lifted his chin and reluctantly extended one hand. “Thanks for your help.”
They shared one firm shake before dropping their hands away and lapsing back into silence once more. After a tense moment, Johnny turned to me. “I should get going anyway.”
“Thank you,” I said softly. He’d given me the closure I needed, no matter how much it hurt. “Will I see you again?”
He stood and gave an almost imperceptible shake this head. “No, ma’am.”
My mouth lifted in a brittle smile as I watched him make his way toward the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob before glancing back at us. “Good luck. You deserve it.”
With that, he was gone.
Eric stood frozen as he watched the door shut behind Johnny, then he turned back to me, concern furrowing the space between his brows. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” Part of me wanted so badly to tell him everything, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Instead, I forced a smile to my face. “I’m just tired.”
Eric nodded, but the expression in his eyes told me he didn’t believe me. I swallowed hard, watching Eric as he watched me. Except for the police report, we hadn’t discussed what had happened over the past couple weeks. He didn’t pry, and I didn’t offer up more than necessary. Eric had been attentive without smothering me, and for that I was grateful.
All I wanted was to put the past behind me and move on. The only problem was, I had no idea if we could ever go back to the way we’d been.