A Love Letter to Horrible Bosses
“The worst is not, so long as we can say ‘This is the worst.’”
—William Shakespeare; King Lear, Act 4 Scene 2
So, there I am, sitting at my desk typing up a memo when, all of a sudden, I hear my boss’s office door swing open behind me. As I turn around to see what’s going on, I instinctively duck to avoid the object flying at my head. A box of pens hits the wall above my desk and breaks open, spraying twelve brand-new blue Paper Mate medium ballpoints in all directions.
My boss had just thrown a box of pens at me.
“What the hell?” I exclaimed.
My boss picks up one of the scattered pens from my desk and shoves it in my face.
“What does this say?” she asks.
“Paper Mate.”
“No, next to that, you idiot.”
“Medium point.”
“And what kind of pen do I use?”
“Fine point.”
“So, if you know that I always use a fine point pen, then why the hell am I standing here holding a medium point?”
“Because the office supplies guy must have sent up the wrong ones…”
“I don’t want to hear any of your excuses. You always have an excuse for everything! Just pick up all of these pens, put them back in the box, and exchange them for the right ones. If you can’t even handle something as simple as ordering a box of pens, maybe you better start looking for another job!”
Office door slams. End of scene. And cut.
No, that was not a scene from a movie. That was a scene from early in my career.
And while it happened a long time ago and I can laugh about it now, the pain and humiliation of working for a toxic boss like that still lingers all these years later.
I was working as an administrative assistant at the time for one of the major TV networks out in Hollywood. I won’t say which one, but it had a “C,” a “B,” and an “S” in its name. And my boss was an absolute lunatic. Condescending, sarcastic, mentally abusive, passive-aggressive, always pissed off, constantly in panic mode, incredibly insecure, and completely incompetent. Add it all up and that makes for a deadly combination. The opposite of a “BFF” (Best Friend Forever), she was my “BFH” (Boss From Hell).
When thinking back on all the obnoxious and horrifying things she did to me, getting a box of pens thrown at my head was just the tip of the iceberg. Looking back now at the “Abuse Log” I kept at the time (I’m not kidding, I still have it), it is unbelievable how much I endured while working for her. The greatest hits included:
• Referring to me as her “boy,” as in saying to someone over the phone (and I quote), “I’ll have my boy deliver a copy of that script to you.” Bear in mind that I was twenty-nine years old at the time, and 6'4" tall. She was around a year older than me…and a foot shorter.
• Frisbee-ing a copy of a script at the back of my knees while I was walking out the door of her office, saying, “Hey, throw this out for me,” even though she had a nice, big paper recycling bin right next to her desk. And, by the way, she always called me “Hey.” As in “Hey, shut my door,” or “Hey, any messages?” In all the time I worked for her I don’t think she ever actually called me by my name.
• Making me stay until 5 p.m. on a Friday of a three-day holiday weekend when everyone else—by official company memo—was allowed to leave at 1 p.m. with their manager’s approval. As you can guess, she didn’t approve. I was told I had to stay there until the end of the day “in case any important calls came in.” None did, since the entire town had, pretty much, shut down for the holiday. Oh, and did I mention that she left at one o’clock that day? She did.
• Always saying nonsensical things like, “I need you to type this up as A-S-A-P as possible!!!” To which I would sarcastically mumble, under my breath, “OK…I’ll get it done as As Soon As Possible as possible.” I don’t think she phrased things like that on purpose: I don’t think she actually knew what ASAP stands for.
• Any time I asked her if she could explain anything that wasn’t entirely clear, she would scream at me, “Why do you have to question everything I tell you to do. Just do it!!!” And then, if it wasn’t done exactly as she wanted it, she would say, “If you didn’t know what you were doing, why didn’t you just ask?”
• And when she arrived for work, I would say, “Good morning,” to which she would reply, “What’s good about it? Another day in this shit hole.” And the day would typically proceed downhill from there.
Allow me to go ahead and answer some of the questions you’re probably thinking right now:
Q: Why did you put up with all of this?
A: Because my career dream was to someday work for a TV network and, after years of knocking on the door, I’d finally made it in! I didn’t quite expect it to be like that…and always hoped it would get better. It didn’t.
Q: How did you allow yourself to be treated that way for almost a year? Didn’t you have any self-confidence, self-respect, or self-esteem?
A: I did when I first got there. But my boss chipped away at it one day at a time until there wasn’t much left.
Q: Did you ever just try sitting down and speaking with her about it?
A: Yes, I did. One day I finally got up the courage, calmly walked into her office and said, “Can I talk to you for a minute? I feel like you’re always yelling at me and that whatever I do is wrong. I want to do a good job and I’m happy to do things however you want them done. So, if you could just take the time to explain things a little more clearly and talk to me a little more calmly, I’ll be able to do a better job and I think we’ll both be happier and more productive.”
Q: Wow…that sounded great! So, what did she say?
A: She said (and I quote), “Listen. I spent a lotta years being treated like shit before I got this job. And now it’s your turn. If you don’t like it, I can call HR right now and have them find a replacement for you by tomorrow. So just quit whining like a little bitch and get back to work.”
Q: Hmm. Just for curiosity, was she the only horrible manager you’ve ever had, or were there others?
A: Unfortunately, there were others. Way too many others. There are a lot of them out there. They’re often referred to as “Bossholes.”
Q: That’s a good one! So many people out there work for bosshole managers. Is there anything someone can do if they find themselves working for someone like that?
A: You can anonymously leave a copy of one of my favorite management books, The No Asshole Rule by Robert Sutton, on their desk and hope that they can take a hint. (And, that they don’t figure out who left it there.)
Q: Will that really work?
A: Probably not. Unfortunately, most of the bossholes out there don’t think they are. And the rest actually seem to enjoy it. I’ve learned the hard way that there is no cure for this fatal condition—except for leaving it.
Q: As bad as it was to work for all these awful jerks, were there any benefits?
A: Actually, yes: Working for some of the worst bosses to ever set foot on this planet taught me more about management and leadership than any business book or MBA ever could, as I learned from them how not to manage and treat people. And for that I thank them.
Q: So, what’s the connection between all of these awful bosses you’ve had and the concept of VisuaLeadership?
A: Well, as I reflected back on all of these terrible work experiences I had earlier in my career, I realized that there was one common, unifying theme…and that was the prevalence of incompetent management coupled with a complete lack of leadership. I realized that leaders are not born but made. And that they are made through learning and practicing the art and science of leadership and management. Moreover, I discovered that one of the most powerful ways to do so is by thinking and communicating more visually. Because when you do, you will be able to get people to see what you’re saying. And if they can see what you’re saying—and are inspired by your vision—together you can move mountains.
Q: Lastly, if you were to compose a letter to all of those horrible bosses you’ve had, what would you write?
A: Great question! I would write:
Dear Bosses From Hell:
Thank you for teaching me how not to manage and lead people. Thank you for showing me how to destroy people’s morale and diminish their confidence. Thank you for showing me how to de-motivate and uninspire. Working for all of you left me with so many great horror stories to tell and motivated me to go out there and learn as much as I could about managing and leading, in pursuit of a better way. And I’ve finally found it: VisuaLeadership is that better way. And if it were not for you, I probably would not be where I am today. So, for that I thank you, and I’ll never forget you…though I wish that I could.
Love always,
Todd
In Review
The Big Lesson: Having a horrible boss is…well…horrible. And it can make your life miserable. The key is to try to learn as much as you can from the situation, and to do what you can to try to improve the working relationship. Unfortunately, however, in many cases, the only solution to the situation is leaving it.
The Big Question: Who are some of the worst bosses you’ve ever had? And who are the best? What did you learn from each of them? In the future, when your people are asked to think of their best and worst bosses they’ve ever had, what can you do to end up on the first list, rather than the second?
Your Big Insight:
Your Big Action:
A copy of the “Abuse Log” I kept. Unfortunately, there was an entry almost every single day.