Future Self: Two Questions
That Can Forever Change Your Life
This one is barely even a model; it’s more of a mantra. It’s simple and straightforward, yet asking yourself these two questions before making any decision or taking any action—whether big or small—can dramatically change your life, as it has changed mine.
I have a post-it note stuck to the front of my calendar so that I see it at the start of each day (as well as a copy that I carry around in my wallet). It simply says, “Future Todd.”
This idea originated from a refrigerator magnet I once saw in a store (that’s a whole book idea in and of itself: “Life Lessons from Refrigerator Magnets”!). The magnet said:
“Do Things Today That Your Future Self Will Thank You For.”
And, from that—for when I need an even stronger, more forceful reminder—I came up with this alternate version:
“Don’t Do Things Today That Your Future Self Will Blame You For.”
Hence, my “Future Self” approach to work and life involves my asking, for decisions big and small: Will my Future Self thank me for what I am about to do? Or blame me?
It’s easier said than done (as many important and difficult things are). But when you remind yourself, before acting, to briefly “hit the pause button” and be mindful of your future self in the present, you’re more likely to make better decisions and avoid doing things that you could potentially regret later on.
To illustrate, here are three brief examples—two hypothetical (partially based on recent coaching conversations), and one of my own personal stories:
Example #1: Say you receive an email from your boss, or a colleague, or a client that, for lack of a better way of putting it, pisses you off. Feeling defensive, your instinct is to start pounding away at your keyboard to let them know what you really think.
But before you do, you can hit the pause button and ask yourself: If I send this email, will my Future Self thank me or blame me for what I am about to do?
It’s amazing how well this simple technique works. And where I find it really comes in handy is with social media. Think about how many hours of your life you may have wasted engaging in Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter battles with people (including complete strangers!) where, other than releasing steam, it didn’t really accomplish anything. Rather than letting your “Present Self” complain about your “Past Self,” you could have had your previous “Present Self” envision how your “Future Self” would react. And then act accordingly.
Example #2: Say you just got accepted into a prestigious graduate program overseas that would involve you quitting your dream job, giving up your cozy apartment, putting a long-term relationship on hold, and leaving your friends and family for two years. An introvert by nature, this would be a huge, scary, and risky move that would push you way beyond your comfort zone…and, yet, it sounds as if this would make for a life-transforming adventure. When you ask yourself the question immortalized in the Clash song, “Should I Stay or Should I Go,” ask yourself: which option will your “Future Self” thank you for?
Example #3: Three years ago, after outgrowing the waistband on all my pants, with my wife’s help I went on a diet and exercise program that helped me to lose thirty-six pounds in three months. And I am proud to say that (even though it is a daily struggle even to this day), I have been able to keep the weight off ever since. How? By asking myself the “Future Self” question multiple times, every single day, including every time I am faced with temptation, or not in the mood to do my daily thirty minutes on the treadmill.
If you were to ask me what my all-time favorite song is, I would probably have to say, “the Mister Softee ice cream truck theme song.” I’ve been mindlessly lured in by that siren song many times in the past while walking the streets of New York City. But now, when that tune starts to call my name, I pause…and I visualize whether my “Future Self” (aka “Future Todd”) will thank me or blame me for the decision I am about to make. Thankfully, I have programmed myself to drown out that Mister Softee theme song by humming in my head the classic Bacharach and David tune, “Walk on By.” And that’s what I do. (Most of the time.)
In Review
The Big Lesson: Before you do anything that you might possibly regret later—for example, reactively sending out an impulsive email, turning down a life-changing opportunity, or overeating—ask yourself whether your “Future Self” will thank you or blame you for this decision.
The Big Question: What are some choices or decisions you’ve made in the past—in work or in life—that you are thankful that you made, and what are some that you now regret? How might asking the two “Future Self” questions earlier on have influenced the choices that you made? And how can you use these questions to make better decisions in the future?
Your Insight:
Your Action: