The Hierarchy of Followership:
Is it More Important to be
Liked, Admired, Respected, or Trusted?
We all want to be liked.
But if you had to decide among being liked, admired, respected, or trusted—which would you choose?
If you could only pick one, would you rather have a boss that you liked, that you admired, that you respected, or that you trusted?
What about if you are a manager or HR recruiter interviewing potential job candidates. Could you, would you, hire someone who you trusted to do the job but didn’t necessarily like on a personal level?
These terms are, of course, not mutually exclusive. Ideally we’d all like to be—and associate with—someone who possesses all four of these highly positive qualities.
But what about when they come into conflict with one another? Which trait or traits would you most like to be perceived as having? And whose lead would you be most likely to follow?
Let’s say that you were assigned to a project team with four other people:
1. Alan is someone you really like on a personal level. He’s a good guy, friendly, fun, personable, and you enjoy being in his company. But he’s kind of a class clown who others often make fun of, so you don’t really admire that people don’t take him seriously, respect, or trust him on a professional level.
2. Betty you don’t really like that much on a personal level, as she’s not really that friendly or warm towards you. But you admire her impressive background, advanced degree, and career accomplishments. As she doesn’t treat you or others with respect, you don’t have much respect for her in return and are not really sure if you trust her.
3. Chris is not that friendly either, and you don’t really admire that he got his job as a favor through a personal connection, leapfrogging over others who’d been here longer and were more deserving. But you respect that he has overcome numerous personal and professional obstacles to get as far as he has in his career despite these setbacks.
4. And Diane is someone who, upon first meeting, you don’t really like, admire, or respect based on what you’ve heard about her through the grapevine. But she is super-smart, has an amazing, unparalleled track record of success, and you trust that when it comes to getting things done, compared to everyone else on the team, there’s probably no one better.
Based on the above descriptions, if you had to elect a team leader from this group (that is, someone other than yourself), who would it be—and why? Is it the person you most like, admire, respect…or trust?
Sometimes as leaders we need to make tough decisions that not everyone’s going to like—or like us for. And, while it is nice when people admire us for our past accomplishments, that’s all it is: a nice-to-have. Most importantly, we want people to respect us—our intelligence, our judgment, our integrity, etc.—and, ideally, to trust us.
But what is “trust” anyway?
In my leadership workshops and classes, when we discuss the most important characteristics, traits, and qualities of effective leaders, the word “trust” inevitably comes up near the top of the list. But what, exactly, do we mean by it?
When you look up the word “trust” in a dictionary, there are numerous definitions, but they all basically have to do with “belief” and/or confidence. Belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc., along with the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.
From a word origin perspective, “trust” and “truth” have the same root and are both related to the concept of “belief.” Below are some questions that drill down into the notion of trusting someone:
• Do you believe that this person is telling the truth?
• Do you believe that this person will follow through on what they say they are going to do?
• Do you believe that this person will follow up with you as promised?
• Do you believe that this person will keep their commitments?
• Do you believe that this person can be held accountable for meeting or exceeding expectations?
• Do you believe, from a leadership perspective, that this person is someone you would voluntarily choose to follow?
Assuming that, from a leadership perspective, trust is essential to creating followership, what can you do to gain the trust of others?
The best way to gain others’ trust…is to be “trustworthy.” That’s obvious. It means exhibiting the qualities that you would want in a job candidate, a teammate, or a leader. Among the descriptors most often mentioned when surveying people in my workshops, these are the key behaviors one needs to exhibit in order to gain the trust of others:
• Be truthful
• Be transparent
• Be authentic
• Be accountable
• Take ownership
• Keep promises
• Follow up
• Follow through
• Do what you say
• And say what you do
So, the next time you are deciding whether you trust someone enough to hire, to work with, to follow, or to develop a relationship with, the above criteria provide for a pretty good checklist. And if someone is missing any of these characteristics, well, that could be a red flag.
Similarly, when looking in the mirror, while everyone wants to be liked, while it is ego-boosting to be admired, and an honor to be respected, ultimately, the key to building relationships, gaining followership, and to being seen as a leader is to build trust.
In Review
The Big Lesson: There are many different definitions of leadership that have to do with creating and communicating a compelling vision, building followership, having influence, and more. But, when you step back and look at what many of these definitions have in common, it comes down to one key quality: building and maintaining trust.
The Big Question: What do you do, can you do, and should you do to build your “trustworthiness” and to gain the trust of others?
Your Big Insight:
Your Action: