Polonius: What are you reading my lord?
Hamlet: Words, words, words.
Polonius: What’s the matter?
Hamlet: Between who?
Do you ever feel like sometimes there are just too many words, too much talking…and not enough action? Don’t get me wrong; I love words. (As mentioned previously, I was an English Literature major and have always been an avid reader.) But as the saying goes, when it comes to words, a picture is worth at least a thousand of them. So, sometimes the best thing we can do, as Shakespeare suggested in Henry VI (II.i.2), is “seal up your lips and give no words but mum.”
With that objective in mind, it’s useful to think about where, in your job—or elsewhere in your life—might you benefit from leveraging the power of nonverbals to help get your message across? For, as we know, in addition to our words and tone of voice, our messages are also communicated through our facial expressions, body language, and gestures.
I mentioned one example earlier, in my story about how I used a combination of drawing and hand gestures during my Shenzhen, China theme park installation project, which turned our daily exchanges into an ongoing game of Pictionary and Charades. And I’ve provided a number of other examples as well. But what others can you can think of? When have you used nonverbals to communicate, and where have you seen others using these techniques?
A few common examples of people using hand gestures or other nonverbals to communicate include the following (suggestion: visualize each of these in your mind as I list them):
• sign language interpreter
• mime
• traffic cop directing traffic
• baseball coach flashing signs, or a catcher signaling a pitch
• orchestra conductor with baton
• soldier saluting
• traders on the stock exchange floor
• movie reviewers giving a thumbs-up or thumbs-down sign
• driver using hand gesture to signal a turn
• an umpire or referee using hand signals (that is, “out!” or “touchdown!”)
• a teacher using a “shhhh” sign to quiet her students
• scuba diver underwater giving hand signals
• dog trainer using hand signals
• shaking your head to indicate yes or no
• shrugging your shoulders to indicate “I don’t know”
• giving someone a “high five”
Numerous studies have been conducted regarding how people interpret—and, often, misinterpret—our meaning based on a combination of our words, tone of voice, and body language—especially when they are incongruent or out of alignment. The most famous of these studies was conducted by Dr. Albert Mehrabian. This study is so well-known, and yet so often misinterpreted, misconstrued, and otherwise misused and abused, that I will not even venture to go into it here. But given this chapter’s focus, I would be remiss in not mentioning it here. So I did. If you’d like to learn more about Dr. Mehrabian’s study and what all the controversy is about, I recommend that you simply look it up by Googling his name and reading the whole story.
The bottom line is: When communicating verbally, it’s important to be consciously aware of all three factors—our words, tone of voice, and body language—if we want our message to be clear and understood. For example, if I am picking you up at the airport and say, “Hey…great to see you!!!” with a big smile on my face and my arms outstretched in anticipation of an imminent hug, you will know exactly what I’m saying, feeling, and meaning.
Or, if I have been standing at the baggage carousel for the past two hours, impatiently waiting for you and your late-arriving plane, and I say, with an air of sarcasm, “Hey. Great to see you,” with a scowl on my face and my arms crossed in annoyance as I gesture obnoxiously towards my wristwatch, you will get a very different message and feeling…despite my use of the very same five-word greeting.
So, whether you are communicating a message with voice alone, through body language, or some combination thereof, the key is to be consciously aware and intentional about how you can combine visual, auditory, and kinesthetic methods to get your intended message across. Especially when communicating in a situation wherein culture, language, accents, noise, or any other internal or external factors might get in the way of your message.
And just one final word of caution: When communicating using gestures and hand signals, be aware that they do not all translate universally into every language and culture. For example, use of the “thumbs up” sign is not recommended in many parts of the world. So you may want to do your homework before making any assumptions.
But one good thing, at least: a smile seems to mean the same thing in every language.
In Review
The Big Lesson: Be purposeful and intentional about using nonverbal visual cues, signals, and gestures in addition to, or in some cases, in place of speaking.
The Big Question: How can you more strategically leverage the power of nonverbals when communicating?
Your Insight:
Your Action: