Ten Tough Questions Every Self-Aware Leader
Needs to Be Able to Answer
One of the keys to being an effective leader is emotional intelligence. And, as the foundation of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, here are ten powerful, thought-provoking, and challenging questions for you to reflect on—and be ready, willing and able to answer—if you truly want to be a more effective, reflective, introspective, and emotionally intelligent leader:
Question 1: How do you personally define “leadership”?
There’s a great little book by Mark Sanborn called You Don’t Need a Title to Be a Leader. In a nutshell, as the title implies, true leadership is not about rank or position; it’s about exhibiting leadership qualities, demonstrating leadership behaviors, and stepping up to leadership when leadership is needed. And it is always needed.
There are almost as many different definitions of leadership out there as there are actual leaders. Peter Drucker contended, “The only definition of a leader is someone who has followers.” President John Quincy Adams wrote, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” So if someone came up to you and asked for your personal definition of leadership, how would you respond?
Question 2: Who are some of the leaders (“public figures”) that you admire—and why?
Who are the leaders throughout history, or current leaders out there today—from the world of business, politics, the arts, sports, etc.—whom you most admire, and why? What relevant characteristics, qualities, or traits do they possess? Conversely, think of other leaders who you do not find effective…and why? Oftentimes we can learn as much about leadership from people who have failed as from those who have succeeded. And while we’re at it, regarding the classic question, “Are leaders born or made?” how would you answer that one?
Question 3: Who have been some of the influential people in your own life (“private figures”) from whom you have learned something valuable about leadership?
While we often look to the famous and to the history books for examples of leadership, it is more than likely that the most impactful leaders in each of our own lives are the people we’ve known personally. So who are those who have shaped who you are, how you are, and what you believe in? Who are the people in your life who influenced your ethics, core values, and personal leadership style?
Parents and grandparents, friends and family members, neighbors, teachers, coaches, and bosses (both good and bad!) have all put their stamp on who you are and how you are as a person…and as a leader. Who are the best people you’ve worked for or with—and who are the worst? What did you learn from them, and how have they influenced who you are and how you lead today?
Question 4: What have been some of the “defining leadership moments” in your life?
As we go about our lives, most days can be described as “business as usual.” But every once in a while something happens that transforms us in a profound and game-changing way. Think back on some of the stories and examples throughout this book: memorable leadership moments can happen over time, or in an instant; at work, at home, or out in the world; and can be as small and seemingly insignificant as a pair of black socks, a little yellow ball, or a tiny pink spoon…or as majestic and awe-inspiring as the Grand Canyon.
Sometimes we realize it right then and there; other times it does not become apparent until long down the road. But these incidents and interactions are the “defining moments” that impart the vivid leadership lessons that we carry with us throughout the years. These are the “home movies” that we play over and over again in our minds that remind us of who we are and how we got here. These are the stories that make up the fabric of your being and function as your guiding compass.
So what are some of those unforgettable leadership-related moments from your past that shape who you are today?
Question 5: What are you truly passionate about?
What gets you up and out of bed in the morning? And what keeps you up at night? What gives you a sense of purpose and energizes you? And what doesn’t? If you do not demonstrate passion and purpose, how can you expect the people around you to do the same?
Passion is contagious. Negativity is, too. So, again, as mentioned earlier, ask yourself, “What is my ‘Leadership Weather Report’ today?” Are you being a ray of sunshine…or a cloud of doom and gloom? Are you trying to light a fire under people…or helping them to light a fire within themselves? Do you demonstrate passion and purpose…and instill that feeling in others? Or do you (knowingly or unknowingly) do the opposite?
Question 6: Why should anyone be led by you?
How would you answer this incredibly personal and challenging (and scary!) question posed by authors Goffee & Jones in their classic Harvard Business Review article and book of that name? If you’re someone’s manager, they have to be managed by you because you’re their boss. But they don’t have to be led by you…unless they choose to.
So why should someone voluntarily and willingly choose to follow you? What leadership characteristics do you believe you possess? And how do you gain others’ respect and trust? If you left your current role, would your people leap at the chance to join you…or would they leap in the air in celebration of your exit?
I’ve had a few (very few!) bosses that I would have followed to the ends of the earth: the leaders who inspired me to “dream more, learn more, do more, and become more.” And I’ve had other bosses who I wouldn’t have followed across the street for a million dollars. (Alright, maybe a million dollars…but not a penny less!) So, now tell us: why should we hire you as our leader?
Question 7: What are some of the key leadership lessons you would want to pass along to others?
It is often said that one of the most important responsibilities—and privileges—of being a leader is developing the next generation of leaders. Think about the “Leadership Journey” metaphor where the windshield represents your vision of the future, the dashboard represents the metrics by which you gauge your progress and measure success, and the rearview mirror represents how you got to where you are today…as well as the crucial importance of taking time out for introspection and “reflection.”
As you think about your personal leadership journey, what are some of the nuggets you have picked up along the way that you would like to share with others? What advice would you have given to your eighteen-year-old self? Or to a new college graduate today? And if you were to fast-forward to your retirement party, what would you want your “leadership legacy” to be? What do you want to be known for, and known as? How would you like to be remembered? And, with that in mind, what do you need to do between now and then to turn that vision into reality?
Question 8: Who are the people in your life right now who make you a better person—and a better leader?
I previously asked who some of the people were from your past who shaped who you are today. Building on that, who are the people in your life right now who help to make you a better leader? Who can you count on to be open and honest and candid and truthful with you, with no other agenda other than wanting to help you be the best person and the best leader you can be?
President Eisenhower wrote in his memoir At Ease, “Always try to associate yourself with and learn as much as you can from those who know more than you do, who do better than you, and who see more clearly than you.” We can’t do it alone.
If “Wisdom is where Knowledge and Experience Meet,” who are the people who help you to be wiser? The best leaders surround themselves on all sides with people whom they trust implicitly without question, doubt, or hesitation. So if you were going to create “a personal board of directors,” who would you ask to be on it?
Question 9: What are you reading (and listening to, and watching)?
Harvard Business School professor John Kotter once said that “the most notable trait of great leaders is their continuous quest for learning.” President John F. Kennedy wrote that “leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.” And President Harry S. Truman declared, “Not all readers are leaders; but all leaders are readers.”
Many people think and act as if, once you’re done with school, you’re done with learning. But the best leaders know that nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, we learn much of what we know from real-world experiences, as well as from formal training, coaching, and feedback. But it’s also absolutely crucial for leaders to always be reading, and listening, and watching, as the next book, article, blog post, video, or TED Talk you expose yourself to could, potentially, forever change your life. And it’s not just business content that I’m talking about: as mentioned throughout this book, lessons in leadership are hiding in plain sight everywhere…if we are just aware enough to open our eyes, ears, and hearts to seeing them.
As legendary basketball coach John Wooden said, “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” So…have you read any good books lately?
Question 10: Are you a good follower?
Lastly, to be a good leader, it’s also important, when the situation warrants, to be a good follower. Thomas Paine wrote that we need to either “lead, follow, or get out of the way.” The key is to have the wisdom to know when to do which.
In Rob Reiner’s movie The American President, Michael J. Fox’s character says to (President) Michael Douglas, “People want leadership. And in the absence of genuine leadership, they will listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone.” So, as a leader, sometimes you need to be the one who steps up to the microphone. But other times, the most appropriate and valiant act of leadership is to step aside—and let someone else take the lead. Winston Churchill stated that it takes courage to stand up and speak, but courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
So, as mentioned back in Question 1, you do not need a leadership title in order to be a leader; all it takes is the desire and the willingness to step up to leadership when leadership is needed. And leadership is needed all the time.
So as you travel along throughout your career, remember that leadership is not a destination, but a journey; it’s also not a position, but a choice. And the best news of all is that the choice to lead is entirely up to you.
In Review
The Big Lesson: One of the best things about exploring the concept of leadership is that unlike many other domains, there is no “one right answer” to any of these questions. Your answers are going to continuously change as you change. And that’s perfectly fine. In fact, it’s more than fine: it’s ideal, as it shows that you are learning, evolving, growing, transforming into the leader you were destined to be.
The Big Question: How would you answer each of these ten questions? Which ones came easily to you, and which were the most challenging…and why?
Your Big Insight:
Your Big Action: