Chapter Twenty-Three
Harrow jerked upright the moment awareness returned. Or tried to. What she actually did was flop like a fish out of water, a low moan rasping from her bruised throat as she rediscovered the pain of her injuries.
“Whoa, easy there.” Gentle hands pressed her back into the soft mattress. “Just relax for now, yeah?”
Eyes racing beneath her lids, Harrow fought as never before to regain consciousness. “Raith…”
“He’s not here. He can’t hurt you—”
“No.”
“Calm down—”
“No!” Invigorated by her fear for Raith and her frustration at being helpless, Harrow fought off the hands holding her down and the remnants of unconsciousness.
With a jolt, she sat upright, fully awake.
She was in her caravan. Why this surprised her, she didn’t know. Malaikah was beside her, eyes wide, reaching out as if to force her back down. Her hair was dry, her clothes fresh. Sunlight streamed in through the windows, and the door was open, a gentle breeze teasing the edge of the sarong hanging over it.
“Where’s Raith?” Harrow demanded, the betrayal of what Darya had done eating at her heart.
“Harrow,” Mal said softly, “he was one second away from killing you.”
“No, he wasn’t! He was fighting it. He was going to fight it and then— What happened? How did Darya get here? What did she do, Mal?”
“What she did was for the best—”
“How can you say that? She’ll kill him! I have to go after her. She manipulated me. She lied to me about what he was and convinced me to run from him. It’s my fault this happened. I have to—”
“Harrow, calm down! No one is killing Raith. He’s okay, I promise you.”
“You can’t know that. You can’t trust Darya. You can’t—”
“If you’ll shut up for a second and listen, I think you’ll find that I can know that, and I can trust Darya. For this, at least.”
“But—”
“Just let me explain, okay?”
Harrow took a deep breath and willed herself to calm. She trusted Malaikah, and after everything Mal had done for her, she owed it to her to listen. “Okay. Just make it quick.”
“Your shoulders have gigantic holes in them, and your throat is purpler than my stage makeup. You’re not going anywhere.”
“Please, Malaikah. I have to.”
“Fine, fine. Just listen first. After you came out of the vision and told me you were heading South to find Raith alone, I… Well, understandably, I wasn’t too keen on the idea. So I went back to the Underground to find Nashira, and I told her what had happened. She was her usual weird, vague self, but she seemed almost excited, which struck me as odd, considering the circumstances.”
“I don’t see what that has to do with Raith.”
“Harrow.” Malaikah gritted her teeth, and silence fell between them. They rarely argued, but Harrow had promised to listen.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I won’t interrupt.”
Malaikah smiled wanly. “Thanks. So after I told Nashira, she sprang into action. She grabbed me and portaled me all the way to Darya’s bloody castle in the Western Territory. The jump we did before was a short distance and disorienting enough, but this one? I passed out, and then when I came to, threw up. It was gross, and Nashira was all surprised, like she hadn’t known it would affect me that way.” Mal scoffed. “Anyway, so Darya was there, of course, and she told us that she talked with you and was helping you scry for Raith or something. She was half crying the entire time because, apparently, she had this vision of Raith killing you, and she didn’t know what to do and couldn’t reach you with her magic anymore.”
“I felt her trying to tug me into a vision,” Harrow grumbled, “but I ignored her. I don’t trust her.”
“Yeah, she figured as much. So she was devastated about Raith killing you, but Nashira insisted it would be all good if we just sat and had tea for eight hours.”
“Eight hours?” Harrow snorted a laugh despite herself. “Nashira is something else.”
“I know. Darya was as incredulous as me. But she refused to take us anywhere or do anything before then, so we didn’t have much choice. Darya left and did some more scrying before she finally agreed. So yeah, basically we had tea for eight hours until suddenly, Nashira jumps up and says, ‘Time to go!’ But I wouldn’t let her take us anywhere without first figuring out exactly what Darya was planning. I swear, Harrow, I didn’t want Raith hurt any more than you did. I told Darya over and over you’d never forgive her if something happened to him, even if he tried to kill you. I told her that to protect you, she had to find a way to save Raith.”
Harrow should’ve known better than to doubt her best friend for even a second. Mal always had her back in all things, no matter what.
“So finally, we made a plan that we all agreed on, though Nashira acted like that had been her idea all along, of course. We would jump to wherever you were—Darya figured that out by scrying—and Darya would use her magic to capture Raith as she’d done before. This time it would be a lot harder, since he wasn’t weakened, but she also had years of experience and knew what worked and what didn’t.”
“Years of experience torturing him,” Harrow murmured.
Mal’s mouth twisted. “So that’s what we did. We jumped. I passed out again, of course, but only for a moment, since Raith was literally seconds from ripping out your throat and I had good motivation to stay awake. Harrow—” Her voice hitched, her eyes filling with tears, though, in typical Malaikah fashion, she didn’t allow any to spill. “I was so scared for you. I thought we were too late. I thought he was going to kill you.”
“He wasn’t,” Harrow insisted. “He was fighting the compulsion.”
“Whatever the case, Darya freaked and just kind of…exploded. I’ve never seen magic like that before. The clearing just lit up, and that rain and wind…” She shook her head. “It was like we were in the middle of a cyclone made of Water magic.”
“I’d never seen anything like it, either.” Just remembering the stark terror Harrow had felt for Raith made her shiver.
“And you know the rest. Darya caught Raith in her magic trap, and when the storm died, both of them were gone, along with Nashira. I reckon Nashira jumped them back to Castle Vari.”
“To do what? Figure out a way to kill Raith?”
“No! Haven’t you been listening to anything I’m saying? She’s going to figure out a way to embody him again.”
“She…what?” Harrow blinked, certain she had heard incorrectly.
“She’s going to repeat what she did last time and create a new body for him. That way he’ll be free of the vows he made to Furie.”
Harrow’s heart started to pound. “How do I know she’ll actually do it? How can I trust she won’t just try to kill him like last time?”
“She told me you’d ask that. And she told me to tell you that when she completes the embodiment, there will be another magical explosion, and, like last time, Raith will be transported to the land of his origins. She told me to tell you that, just like before, she won’t be able to kill him before the embodiment, and she won’t have a chance to kill him afterward before he ends up in the South.”
Harrow considered this. It was true—while Raith was incorporeal, Darya had been unable to kill him, even with all her considerable power. And once she had finally made him corporeal, he’d been transported to the South, out of Darya’s reach. It was the only reason he was still alive, in fact.
She didn’t have to put any faith in Darya. She just had to make sure she beat her to finding Raith wherever he ended up.
There was just one problem. “How do I know she won’t keep Raith imprisoned in Castle Vari forever instead of embodying him?”
Malaikah chuckled. “She told me you’d ask that too. Amazing.”
Harrow scowled. “It’s hardly a great stretch of the imagination to guess I wouldn’t trust her.”
“She told me to tell you it takes considerable power to keep Raith imprisoned, and she can’t afford to waste any on keeping him any longer than she absolutely has to with Furie breathing down her neck. She said it was ‘time to do what she should’ve done fifty years ago.’ Whatever that means.”
“She’s planning to go against Furie?” Harrow shook her head. “Look where that got her last time.”
“Yeah. But I think she’s planning something different this time. She and Nashira were whispering for hours while we were waiting to go after you. I think they’re planning something together.”
“Hm.” Harrow found she didn’t particularly care what happened to Furie. She’d lost too much, suffered too much, to want anything except a little slice of happiness for herself and Raith. “I still don’t trust Da—”
“She told me to tell you, if you had any further doubts after I explained all that, to turn to the Water. She said, ‘the Water will guide you rightly,’ or some Seer mumbo jumbo.”
“It’s not mumbo jumbo.”
“Whatever. But you know what to do. You can rest here and trust that everything will be taken care—”
“I need to gather my scrying materials immediately.”
Malaikah sighed. “There’s no rush—”
“I need to speak with Darya.”
“I really wouldn’t recommend—”
“I won’t be taking her at her word. I need to see Raith myself and make sure he’s okay.”
“You shouldn’t—”
“I also need to know how long the process will take—”
“Harrow!” Malaikah suddenly shouted.
“What?”
Her friend opened her mouth. Closed it again. Sighed heavily. “Look, there’s one more thing you need to know. I was hoping you could rest a bit before I told you, because you’re not going to like it, but I can see that’s not going to happen.”
“What?”
“Silly of me to even try, honestly. You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met—after myself, of course, but that’s a given—”
“What is it, Mal?”
“All of what I said before is true. You can trust Darya, and she is working hard to help Raith. But…there’s a catch.”
“What catch?”
“Well, the first time, it took Darya forty years to make Raith’s body.”
“Because she didn’t know how, right?”
“Right, so it won’t be that long now. But…she said it could still take time.”
Harrow forced herself to speak slowly. “How much time?”
“Lots of time. As in…years.”
“Years?” Harrow stared at her. “But that’s— I can’t— The process is torture for Raith. And he’s going to be in a lot of pain already from breaking his vows.”
“I know,” Malaikah said softly.
“You heard him b-before—” Harrow’s voice hitched. “He was in agony. Years of that?”
“I know. But it’s the only way.”
“It can’t be. There has to be a way to make it faster.”
“There isn’t. Look, Harrow, Darya promised to work as hard as she possibly can, but there’s no way to speed it up. And at least this time, Darya won’t be trying to hurt him. She’ll be kinder.”
“I can’t trust her with that. I’ll go there myself. I’ll lend her my magic, and we can work together.”
“No, Harrow. In fact…” Malaikah dragged a hand down her face. “She told me to tell you that you’re forbidden from entering Castle Vari until the process is complete.”
“Why?”
“Because of what Raith has to go through. It’s the only way, Harrow, and Darya knows you won’t be able to stand it if you’re there.”
“No way. No way!” Harrow threw back the blankets covering her with a jerk that sent pain shooting up to her injured shoulders. She gasped reflexively, head spinning.
“Get back in bed,” Mal protested.
Harrow ignored her, lowering her feet to the floor and gently easing up to standing.
“You lost half the blood in your body. You can’t be up and about yet!”
Harrow took a step, but black spots winked in her vision and she stumbled into the wall. Malaikah was there to catch her before she went down. “Please get back in bed?”
“Need my scrying supplies. And a healing brew.”
“You have healing herbs? Thank Goddess. Where?”
“They’re in the bag with the rest of my Seer supplies.” Harrow gritted her teeth and took another step toward her desk. “Pull everything out for me, would you?”
“I still think you should be lying down,” Mal tried weakly.
“Not lying down, Mal. Help me or go outside with Fiona. Your choice.”
“Hey now, Fiona’s all right. You make it sound like she’s bad company.”
Harrow snorted a laugh despite herself. “You’re right. That wasn’t fair. Sorry, Fiona.” Leaning hard on Malaikah, she painstakingly turned to look at her best friend. “Please help me? I know you’ve already done so much, but I just…need to do this.”
“What exactly are you going to do?”
“I want to talk to Darya. I want her to look me in the eye and promise Raith will be okay. And I don’t care what anyone says, I want to see him.”
Malaikah sighed. “If I help you, will you promise to go back to bed afterward?”
Harrow frowned but realized that even if she did decide to travel to Darya’s territory to break Raith out of there, she still needed to heal from her injuries first. A Seer’s healing brew wasn’t an instant cure. It certainly sped up the process, but it would still take a couple of days for Harrow to feel like herself again. “Fine. You win. I promise I’ll go back to bed afterward.”
“Excellent. So what do you need first?”
…
“I knew you’d come,” Darya said from the far end of the room.
Harrow spun around. It was a sunny day in the Water Territory, but the air was cold. Though the temperature didn’t affect her in a vision, she could still feel it. Still, no fire burned in the hearth. Harrow had a feeling Darya never lit any no matter how cold it was because it reminded her of Furie.
“Everything Malaikah told you is the truth,” Darya said before Harrow could speak.
“I want to see him.”
The Water Queen looked exhausted. Dark shadows lurked beneath her arresting silver gaze, and her normally silky black curls were frizzy and wild—looking more like Harrow’s did on a regular basis. Even more surprisingly, Darya wore a plain, undyed dress with tears in the worn fabric. None of her regular fineries were present. If not for the aura of power and charisma that surrounded her, she would have appeared no more royal than a scullery maid.
“You can’t, child,” she said softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Why not? Why should I trust you mean him no harm?”
“Because I gave you my word. And because a Seer knows when another has told her a bald-faced lie, especially one of as great importance as this.”
Damn her, but she was right. The Water gave Harrow no inner indication of falsehood, but again, Harrow had been ignoring it because she wished for a different reality. When would she learn? Perhaps this was to be a lifelong lesson, then?
“I will embody him again,” Darya said, “but as I told Malaikah, it may take time. I intend to do nothing else until I achieve my desired result, but I don’t know when that will be.”
Harrow listened to her every word through the filter of her inner guiding voice and heard nothing but truth. “Can I see him?”
Darya shook her head.
“Why? If we’re to be separated for an indefinite amount of time, you should let me see him before I go.”
“I cannot.”
“Why?”
“Because…” The Water Queen sighed. “Because I made him a promise.”
“Raith?”
She nodded. “After I captured him, it broke the trance of the compulsion. He was aware of everything he had done. Child, he feels great shame. He made me swear not to let you near him.”
“Why would he do that?” Harrow’s throat constricted painfully.
“I see now how wrong I was about him.” Darya’s gaze softened. “He is noble, and he loves you.”
“Then why doesn’t he want to see me?” To her dismay, a tear trickled from the corner of her eye. She was sick to death of crying. Sick of it. But circumstances kept coming, one after the next, that forced those tears to flow.
“He’s ashamed of what he did. He carries a great weight of regret.”
“I don’t care. I know it wasn’t his fault. I know he didn’t want to hurt me. I need to tell him this.”
“I know, daughter, but I must respect his wishes. He asked for my given word, and I gave it. Knowing how much weight a being like him puts behind a vow, I have no intention of breaking mine to him.”
“He has to know I don’t blame him for anything. He has to know that I love him.”
“And I give my vow to you, too, that I’ll tell him. Oh, and before you go,” Darya added, though Harrow had no intention of leaving so easily, “there’s one more thing you must know. I’m telling you this now so you can prepare yourself.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“When I eventually succeed in embodying your wraith and when you finally reunite with him, it will be exactly as before in more ways than one. He’ll be transported to the South, and, as before, he’ll come into his new body with no memory of who or what he is.”
A pit opened in her stomach that seemed to suck everything left of her into it. “No…”
“Unfortunately, yes. There’s nothing I can do to prevent that. I will have to restore his memories for him to remember you. Unfortunately, it won’t be pleasant.”
“Why not?”
Darya’s mouth twisted. “His past is dark, Harrow. When I returned his memories the first time, it was a form of torture. I’m not proud of it now, but that’s the truth of it. He was forced to relive every pain he’d endured and caused others as if it happened anew, all compressed into the length of a single dream. And that’s exactly what he’ll have to endure again to regain his memories a second time.”
Harrow covered her mouth with a hand. That hand dropped back into her lap and twisted with the other. “Do you have to restore them at all? Wouldn’t he be happier not knowing what happened to him?”
“No. Just as before, he’ll retain his subconscious memories and will still feel great shame and guilt, only he’ll have no understanding of why. He needs to remember everything in order to heal. Even the worst parts.”
She was right, of course, though Harrow didn’t like the thought of Raith being tortured with this. He’d been tortured enough. “Can you give us a few days first? A week?”
“I don’t know, Harrow…”
“Just give us one week to be together without the memories haunting him. That way, I can show him how much I love him, and it’ll make it easier for him to accept the rest.”
The Water Queen’s expression softened. “I’ll give you one week, but I warn you, Harrow, even without his memory, he will need an explanation for what happened, or his feelings will haunt him.” Harrow nodded eagerly, and Darya’s gaze sharpened. “You have to tell him everything, no matter how unpleasant. Do you understand?”
She swallowed hard. “Okay.”
“In the meantime, remember the Water will guide you in all things. And don’t try to come here before I’ve finished. I’ll bar the gates with impenetrable magic, so don’t waste your time journeying here. When the time is right, the Water will tell you. Use your Goddess-given gifts as you were born to use them.”
“But—”
“Goodbye for now, daughter of the Water. May you live your life with all the glory you were destined for until fortune smiles upon me and grants me the gift of our next visit. Knowing you has been my greatest joy in many long years.”
“But—”
Darya threw Harrow out of the vision. With a gasp, she jerked back from the scrying bowl, back in her caravan, thousands of miles away from the Water Queen and the male she loved.
And apparently, she was banned indefinitely from seeing either of them again.
…
Of course, Harrow was far too stubborn to accept her fate and Darya’s dismissal that readily. As soon as she regained her strength and fulfilled her promise to Malaikah to rest—briefly—she went right back to the scrying bowl and dove into another vision.
This time, she was after a different Queen.
With the combined power of Nashira’s Ether magic, Harrow found herself back in the sorceress’s airy chambers in the sky. Nashira sat beside the towering windows, playing the harp and singing softly. The ethereal music blended with Nashira’s hauntingly beautiful voice to create a magic of its own. Her strange crystal ball sat on a cushion on the table beside her.
The Ether Queen stopped playing abruptly. “You’re here. Later than I expected. You rested first? That’s good. No, I can’t help you today, tomorrow, or yesterday. My sincerest apologies.” She turned back to her harp.
“You didn’t even let me explain.”
Nashira looked back again. “No need. I know everything, remember?” She chuckled to herself, but Harrow couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.
“Why doesn’t he want to see me?” Harrow found herself asking, though she didn’t understand why she sought answers from this bizarre, infuriating woman. She supposed it was because a part of her recognized there was wisdom in the Ether Queen, even if it was buried beneath so much outward strangeness.
“Oh, he does. He longs for it as much as you do.”
Harrow gaped at her. “But Darya said—”
“A promise given is a promise kept.”
“But why—”
“Guilt is a weight to be carried by the bearer alone. The forgiveness must first start within before it can be accepted from without. But how to share a burden we can’t release?”
“But if—”
“And what a burden to carry alone, only to discover it was weightless all along. When the fingers are pried loose, it drifts up to the clouds like a wayward feather. Free at last!”
“Why can’t you say anything plainly!” Harrow cried, patience finally at its end.
Nashira just smiled. “Don’t worry. You’ll understand soon enough.”
“When?”
But the Ether Queen had turned back to her harp, strumming it lovingly and humming softly. Harrow ground her teeth, swearing she wasn’t leaving until she heard something remotely useful, which didn’t include more wistful philosophical ramblings or—
“So lovely to see you again, dear. Do pay us a visit when you pass through. Oh, and congratulations!”
“On what?”
But she never got a chance to find out. The next instant, Harrow was jerking back from her scrying bowl, back in her caravan, yet again ejected from her own vision by another bloody Queen and her bloody magic. And this time, she was finally starting to realize there might truly be nothing she could do but wait.
But she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to keep trying anyway.