I expected to be called for dinner, but when the servant came, she told me the king had been detained and would be unable to join us.
"The queen's asked you to join her in her quarters."
I steeled myself for another lecture, another round of pointing out every flaw I had, but when I walked into the room, she actually smiled at me. It wasn't totally genuine, but it seemed an attempt at one.
"You sent for me?" I asked, staying close to the door in case I needed to run.
"I thought we could have a meal together," she said. "Just the two of us."
I narrowed my gaze suspiciously. "Why?"
She straightened her shoulders, and the fake smile disappeared. "Because Edric wants you to join us for our trade negotiations, and…" She licked her lips as if she had a bad taste in her mouth. "Well, I want to talk about what the Erlking's allowed you to agree to and align that with what's in Pennlan's best interests."
I opened and closed my mouth, no idea what she was talking about. "Um. Whatever Pennlan needs, of course, we'll agree to."
"You can't…" She took a breath. "Riona, it's not your place to just say okay to everything."
"I don't really understand what you're asking me, then."
"Surely, the Erlking told you what you could and couldn't do. Advice, something to offer, approval to seek certain things." She tilted her head at me.
I shrugged. "He said I couldn't make our relationship worse."
Her eyes bugged out of her head. "That's it? He sent you halfway across the continent without any guidance?"
I shook my head.
"This is hopeless," Ayla whispered, sitting back. "I don't know why I thought this would work."
"Now wait a minute." I walked farther into the room. "What's so important about a trade agreement? We came here to discuss an alliance of the stones, didn't we?"
"In part," she said, picking up her fork and pushing a sad vegetable off her plate. "I don't know if you'd understand."
"Try me." I sat down.
She waited a moment. "Pennlan has an economy, but it relies on other kingdoms' goods to make up for what we lack. We have a number of fields for wheat, but we don't have ore and such for metalworks, for example. So if we want metal, we have to trade our wheat with the other kingdom for it."
I nodded. "Makes sense."
"But the problem is that these other countries have their own wheat, so there's not as much demand for ours," she continued. "Which is why we have to have good relationships with the other kingdoms so that they'll encourage their merchants to buy ours so we can keep things moving."
Again, I nodded.
"Now…" She licked her lips, a distasteful look on her face. "When I ascended the throne, I realized that we'd been taking much more than we were giving and we had a huge deficit."
"Why?"
"Eoghan promised them things," she said, and it was hard not to flinch at the easy way she spoke that monster's name. "Namely, Cade or myself. But neither of those things are available, and so the kingdoms have decided to slow trading with us. Many of our goods are sitting on the border, unused and decaying. So I need to find someone who'll take those goods. That's why I was hoping to get an agreement with the trolls. But they won't make any agreement without you present because they want to trade with the fae, too." She paused. "And my fear is that you may agree to something the Erlking doesn't want you to, thus making our entire agreement invalid."
"If the Erlking didn't trust me to make decisions, he shouldn't have sent me," I said. "He knew what this was. And…I think you can trust me, too."
She met my gaze, a storm of emotions hiding inside there.
"You can trust me," I said, reaching across the table to take her hand. She jumped, as if I were going to attack her, then settled.
"I suppose it's better to ask for forgiveness," she said, after a moment.
"That's my philosophy."
We sat in silence for a moment before Ayla spoke again. "Wine?"
"No, that stuff is…" I paused, wondering if this was a test of my etiquette. "No, thank you."
"It's garbage," Ayla said, pushing it away. "You don't have to pretend."
I sat up straight. "Really?"
"When the people here taste the Pennlan varietals, they won't know what to do." She chuckled. "They aren't as good as some of the others, but comparatively, they're delicious."
"Good. It's hard to know what to say when Edric asks me how the food is."
"What does it feel like when you…." She glanced from side to side as if making sure no one could overhear us. "Lie?"
"It's not pleasant," I said. "For a full-blooded fae, if they try to lie, their throats close up. For me, depending on the severity of the lie, it's either a tickle or…" I made a gagging sound.
She leaned in. "What's the worst lie you've ever told?"
"Well, I suppose the biggest was when someone asked if I knew who my parents were," I said slowly. "And lying to Ward and Cade when we were looking for the Pennlan stone…that was pretty tough. But more because I had to keep up a story than because of discomfort."
She smiled. "Ward tells me they were pretty put out with your half-truths."
"They didn't believe me even when I told the truth," I said, a wry smile coming to my mouth. "Cade, especially."
"Nice to see he's come so far, hm?" Ayla said. "I honestly couldn't believe he'd so eagerly leave Pennlan to study with the fae, considering…" She trailed off, her cheeks growing rosy again. "A-anyway."
But it was my turn to be curious. "How many marriage proposals have you gotten?"
"More than I care to count," she said with a sigh. "I wouldn't mind if it wasn't so transparently about getting the stone. If someone were interested in just…me…"
"Ward's interested," I said.
Her face reddened again. "Yes, but that brings with it its own set of complications."
"Like?"
"Well, he's not from another kingdom, so there's no political alliance to be had with him. And…" She became interested in her glass.
"And what?"
"And he's been kind of a jerk lately."
"How so?"
"He didn't want me to come, for one. And he's been suspicious of Edric."
"Probably because he's jealous," I said. "He and Cade butted heads the whole journey through the fae realm because they both wanted to impress you."
Her face flushed. "We didn't really talk much about that. Your trip. Why you decided to help them."
I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I wanted to share. But she seemed receptive. "Leandra told me to."
Her head snapped up. "She's—"
"No." I swallowed. "When I was younger, she visited me from time to time in a dream. I don't remember anything specific, except this feeling of…" I smiled. "Completeness." I cleared my throat and looked at my hands. "No one ever told me who I was or who my parents were, but I always knew it was my mother who came to me."
"But your grandfather surely acknowledged your relationship," Ayla began. "Or your grandmother?"
"It was safer for me if they both ignored me completely," I said. "Safer that everyone ignored me."
"Have you seen her again?"
I twisted my hands on the fabric of my shirt. I'd visited that place, but it wasn't Leandra that haunted me there. "No. Not for a while."
"I'm sure that's because you're well taken care of," Ayla replied. "And no longer in need of her guidance."
I wished I could say that was the case, but I didn't argue with her.
"I don't…" Ayla inhaled quietly. "I don't remember her. Sometimes I thought I dreamed about her, but she wasn't very friendly in those dreams. I think they were just my poisoned imagination." She paused. "But on occasion, I'll have a vision of a raven-haired woman who had a pretty smile and held me to her bosom."
"She loved you," I said, a little dreamily.
"I wonder if my mother ever came to visit me in my dreams," she said softly. "Or if it's just a fae thing."
"I've never seen…" I swallowed, unsure what to call him. "Bresel. Just Leandra."
"I see."
More silence descended between us.
"I should probably go," I said. "Big day. Need to get some rest."
"Yes, me too." She looked at her hands. "You should probably take a bath tonight."
"Why do you say that?" I asked, trying to look normal.
"You've had the same smudge of dirt on your neck since we arrived," she said. "Might be time to hop in. Especially since we'll be in close quarters with Edric tomorrow."
I hadn't gone near the bathtub since the first night, when my hands had glowed under the water. It seemed every time I got near water, the voices in my head grew louder.
But I didn't want to share that with Ayla, and she might ask questions if I showed up tomorrow with that dirt. So I forced a smile onto my face.
"I'll make sure to scrub harder," I said.
⤖⤖⤖⤖
I stared down the bathtub as if it were Aldrick, taunting me from across the training arena. It shouldn't have been so scary. Perhaps I'd even dreamed my glowing hands. We'd just arrived; I'd been tired. It was plausible. Yet I stood frozen in place, wishing I'd had the courage to ask Ayla or even Cade to be in here with me. A fearsome warrior I was.
I finally unstuck my feet and walked to the mirror, staring at my reflection. I didn't look anything like the princess they wanted me to be. I was just…an imposter.
But Ayla needed me to at least pretend to be something I wasn't. Besides that, the sooner we got this trade agreement out of the way, the sooner I could go home.
Home.
Then again, that wasn't appealing either. Aldrick would be waiting with a spell in hand, and the Erlking would just expect me to use magic to get out of it. At least here, I could pretend I was struggling.
Who are you kidding? You are struggling.
There really were no good options for me. So with a deep breath, I reached for the tap and twisted it on, listening to the water run through the pipes and feeling magic deep in my bones stir to life. I put my hands under the tap and reveled in the warm water that rushed over them. It was soothing.
I cracked open an eye to check and exhaled. No glowing. Just normal water for a normal half-fae ball of anxiety.
There was another tap, and I turned it slowly, as a stream of something sweet and soapy mixed with the bathwater. Perhaps more troll magic, because it immediately relaxed the tension in my shoulders. I stepped into the bath, all my fears of the magic in the water gone. My feet warmed immediately, as did the rest of me as I sank deeper into the water. I ducked my head under, blowing air out as calmness covered me head to toe.
I sat up, leaning back into the cushion they'd been so nice to leave for me, and for the first time in ages, I forgot what I was so worried about. I closed my eyes, letting myself fall deeper into relaxation, deeper into calm, deeper into…
My feet crunched the snow as a frigid breeze whipped against my cheeks. This silent garden was calm, and for once, so was I. Everything was dead and frozen, but also peaceful. I was at ease for the first time since leaving the fae realm. Inhaling, I filled my lungs with cool air and as I exhaled, my breath puffed up around my face. This place, this place was sacred and peaceful. No matter where I was in the world, I could always come here.
Riona.
I froze, looking around. The voice was garbled, familiar and yet not. As if it were coming from somewhere far away. There was a figure in the darkness, coming ever closer to me. My ethereal form was drawn to it, but I dug in my heels as best I could. Something was wrong about this place—about that voice.
But I was like a sinking stone, unable to break free of the prison that had once been a sanctuary. My body was like lead. It was a little hard to breathe, but with effort, I drew air into my lungs.
I sat up and immediately regretted it. My head felt like it was about to split open, my body felt like a sack of sand. Even thinking was hard, so I lay back down on the pillow and curled into a ball.
Pillow. I was in bed.
When did I get in bed? The last thing I remembered was falling asleep… In the tub.
Shame crawled up my spine. Not only was I in bed, but someone had dressed me in my nightgown. I shivered, my stomach coming to my throat at the invasion of my privacy. But I couldn't figure out why…why I'd fallen asleep.
I gathered my strength and crawled out of bed, keeping my eyes half-closed as I stumbled to the bathroom. It was clean—no sign of my bath the night before. My clothes, even, had been removed from the floor where I'd left them. Servants, most likely.
I turned to the bathtub to turn on that sweet-smelling tap when I realized it was gone. Maybe I'd imagined it. Maybe I'd had the wine I was sure I'd declined. Maybe…
Maybe I needed to find Cade.