“We need to talk.”
For a moment before she was fully awake, Angela lingered in the sleepy glow of last night, kissing Owen under fake starlight, idling outside in the misty air to prolong going home, his fingers wrapped around hers, happiness warm in her chest.
Then she opened her eyes and sunlight was crashing through the windows. Cassie had just barged into her bedroom and was holding an iced coffee and an iced tea, which she set down on Angela’s nightstand.
Her first thought was that Cassie had heard about last night and she imagined everyone here talking, all of them ruining everything.
But there was no way anyone else could know, she realized.
Unless Owen had told someone.
“When are you going to stop giving me the silent treatment?” Cassie asked. “This has been going on for way too long.”
Angela didn’t say anything. She’d missed Cassie so much lately. It felt so strange to watch her life unfold on social media, seeing the pictures of her new tattoo instead of holding her hand through it, scrutinizing her outfits from blurry videos of parties she wasn’t at instead of getting ready together. The longer they went without speaking, the easier it was to convince herself that Cassie would eventually turn out to be just like everyone else in Westview. It was inevitable. And it would hurt less to continue keeping her distance.
Cassie sighed. “Come on. Can you at least tell me what’s going on in your life?”
She was quiet for another moment, then relented. “I didn’t get into Harcourt.”
“I’m sorry.” Cassie sat down next to Angela on the bed and passed her the iced tea. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” She reached for her phone and showed her the Kennett Institute’s website. “Maybe this.”
“This would be perfect for you,” Cassie said, scrolling through the page as she sipped her iced coffee. “So you could be getting out of here soon.”
Angela didn’t answer.
“Which means you should make the time you have left in Westview fun. Make the rest of the year memorable. Start spending time with our friends again—”
“They’re not my friends,” Angela interrupted, irritated. “All those people just use each other. And they’re using you, too. Do you really not see that?”
“They’re my friends,” Cassie said defensively. “Have you ever considered that I’m happy here? I know Westview isn’t perfect but I like living here. I like our group of friends and being near our family. I’m excited to go to Walcott. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”
“Don’t you want something more, though?”
Cassie exhaled. “I’m not any better or worse than you because I like the life I have here. We just want different things.”
“That’s not what I’m saying—”
“Yes, it is. You think I’m settling for this because it seems easy but I’m not. I’m making a choice that I’m happy with. I support whatever decision you make, whether that’s leaving here as soon as you can or staying. Why can’t you be happy for me?”
Angela felt guilt wash over her. She remembered all the nights they’d stayed up talking about how excited they were for Walcott. How they’d planned to be roommates. They were going to take classes together and have all the best parties; everyone there would know who they were. And Cassie was the only reason Angela had visited Harcourt, even though that deviated from the plan they’d made for themselves.
“I’m sorry,” Angela said. “And I’m really sorry for everything I said before. I am happy for you. You’re going to be amazing there.”
She meant that. She could already picture Cassie at Walcott in the fall, running for student government and coordinating new clubs, simultaneously maintaining good grades and being the life of the party. Just like she’d always wanted.
Cassie smiled hesitantly. “I’m not going to make you spend time with people you don’t like. But at least spend time with me? I miss you. Are you doing anything today? I was thinking of going to Cherwell, I haven’t been in forever.”
“How about this afternoon? There’s something I need to do first.”
Once Cassie was gone, Angela opened her laptop and finished her application. She pressed submit and sent her wishes to the sunshine.
And later, while they walked around Cherwell together, finally catching up on everything except for Owen, admiring the pale pink magnolias and cherry blossoms that had exploded all over the city, everything almost felt right again.
***
The chilly spring air carried the aroma of freshly fried clam cakes from the small purple shack at the beach’s edge. Seagulls swooped between the rose and gold sky and cobalt waves. Angela reached for her jacket and wrapped it around her body, sinking her feet into the soft sand.
Owen was stretched out on the blanket next to her with his eyes closed. If he were anyone else, it would have annoyed her that his entire attention wasn’t on her. She was always surprised by how content she was to sit quietly with him. With Dillon, if they were quiet for too long, she always felt compelled to fill up the space with meaningless words because somehow the silence felt louder.
They’d sat by the harbor earlier when it was warmer, watched white sailboats ebbing in the calm water while the air breathed magic all over their skin. Angela felt brand new, like she’d been washed in sunlight. When she inhaled, her blood was sea and salt and sun and she was calm. She wanted everything to stay like this forever, for it to never get cold again.
She touched Owen’s hand and he opened his eyes and smiled. She wanted to keep this too, the two of them new and safe and secret so that no one’s words could ever break them.
“I’m going in the water,” she said.
“It’s going to be cold…”
She didn’t care. The waves were calling her and she’d been dreaming of saltwater on her skin all year. She loved the feeling of the quick shock of cold the first time the tide touched her. Whenever she and Cassie were near water, they’d always wade in for a few minutes no matter what time of year it was, just to feel that momentary surge of adrenaline.
“Come with me,” she said. She shrugged off her jacket and pulled her shirt over her head, sliding her jeans off. She stood there for a moment, shivering on the sand in her new bathing suit while the late April breeze tangled her hair.
Owen was looking at her with an expression she couldn’t quite figure out. She placed her hands in his again, brought him to his feet to pull him closer to the ocean.
She started running, stumbling through the sand toward the water. She waded through the tangles of salty seaweed at the shore’s edge and let the water tickle her feet. And then she fell, tumbling into the shallow water, laughing as muddy sand pasted fragments of seashells to her body. The water was icy against her skin but she felt completely alive in a way she hadn’t in a long time, as if all she needed to wake up was nothing but water and sky in her vision.
Owen was laughing, too, reaching out to help her up but Angela splashed him and then he was in the water with her. Sunlight danced across the tide and he was kissing her again, under endless skies this time instead of plastic stars. He tasted like the ocean. Angela wrapped her arms around him as sand and water pressed against her legs.
The bubbly froth of a wave splashed over them suddenly, draping their bodies with seaweed and drops of saltwater, and still laughing, their lips parted.
“Remind me not to come back here with you again until it’s summer,” Owen said, shivering in drenched denim and soaked cotton back on the shore.
Angela wrapped the blanket around them. She could feel the sand all over her body. Strands of seaweed mixed with her hair.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” he said.
“Can we keep this a secret?” she whispered. She moved his arm across her shoulders and rested her head against his chest so that she didn’t have to see his reaction.
“Why?” She could hear the hurt in his voice and it made her heart sink.
“I don’t want to ruin it,” she said. She imagined everyone in Westview talking again, making her forget what was real. She wanted to keep this theirs. Safe.
He was quiet for a moment, then said softly, “Okay.”
The last sunbeams faded away behind the curving waves and the sky slowly turned deep blue to reveal twilit stars. They stayed there, quiet, until the beach was completely dark and the spell of silence was shattered by college students building a bonfire and drinking beer.
They kissed in the middle of the smudgy, faded crosswalk on the way back to their cars while the streetlights created long, stretching shadows across the road. Again in the parking lot. For a moment, their kissing silhouettes were caught in the shine of passing headlights and when they were gone, the shadows melted, dissolving into darkness and cracked pavement and all that was left was her and Owen, nothing else in the world.