The drive to the airport on Thursday was quiet, as the previous day had been following the enjoyable morning of baking. Frankie and her father had visited Grandma in the afternoon, and when they’d returned, Jonas and Freya were packed and ready to leave early the next day to catch their flight. They ate dinner around the dining room table and talked about Christmas plans and the music charts, about art, science and photography. Then they’d all gone to bed before ten, agreeing that an early start would require an early night, but knowing that they wouldn’t sleep well.
Sadness gnawed at Frankie as Hugo pulled into a space in the short-stay car park. She’d only just got Freya back and saying goodbye to her was going to be painful. And there was Jonas. Her feelings for him were so conflicting. She was physically attracted to him but there was more to it than that. Something inside her seemed to recognize something inside him, as if they were kindred spirits, drawn together by something she couldn’t explain. But, of course, she was probably being overly romantic even entertaining such thoughts. Frankie wasn’t a starry-eyed dreamer, never had been at any rate, but the handsome Norwegian made her want to be.
If she was a hopeless romantic, if she had that wonderful sense of abandonment and wasn’t hindered by her upbringing and by social awkwardness, then she’d fling herself into his arms at the airport and kiss him as if tomorrow would never come. She’d give her heart to him, even though she didn’t know if he really wanted to take it. She’d…
‘Are you coming, Frankie?’ Her dad had opened her door and was smiling as he held out his hand.
‘Oh! Yes.’ Her cheeks burned as she got out so she made a show of tucking her skinny jeans into her brown ankle boots to give them some time to cool.
Some time to get a grip!
She shook her head as they walked towards the airport terminal. Frankie Ashford needed to sort her life out, not lose her heart to unrequited love. Jonas had only ever been kind to her and besides, he lived in Norway, she lived in England. It might even be why she found herself attracted to him: because she could never have him; this could never work. Perhaps Jonas was the perfect man for her to yearn for because nothing could ever come of it. The automated doors swished open and they passed through, entering the airport terminal. Even though it was early, the airport was busy, with people arriving to collect relatives coming to London for Christmas shopping and celebrations, and those jetting off to foreign climes for the holidays. Frankie couldn’t help wishing that they were collecting her mother and Jonas rather than dropping them off.
They walked further into the building and the aromas of coffee and pastries filled the air. Frankie’s stomach grumbled, reminding her that it was empty. Her father had made plenty of toast but she’d been unable to force a mouthful down, even declining some of the melt-in-the-mouth muffins they’d baked the previous day, although she had drunk two mugs of coffee in an attempt to wake herself up after a restless night.
‘I guess we need to check in,’ Freya said to Jonas.
He nodded. His face was pale in the false lighting of the airport and he’d tied his hair back which showed off his manly beard.
‘Well, uh… it’s been really good seeing you, Freya,’ Hugo said awkwardly. This was the man Frankie knew and recognized, as if saying goodbye to his wife had turned him back into his regular self.
‘Oh come here, you fool!’ Freya opened her arms and hugged Hugo. He stiffened then relaxed and hugged Freya back. They stayed that way for a while, as if afraid to finally let go.
‘I’ll let you know once I’ve shown the photographs to my friend.’ Jonas adjusted his bag strap up his shoulder. ‘Hopefully it’ll be before Christmas but if not, very soon after.’
‘Thank you. I still can’t quite believe you thought the range was good enough.’
‘Believe me, it’s very good indeed.’
His blue eyes roamed her face and she gazed into them, wanting to remember exactly how beautiful they were. She was worried that she’d forget as soon as she left the airport, that he was a part of something she’d never be able to fully hold onto. And that applied to her mother too. Letting them go was one of the hardest things she’d ever done.
‘What will you do now?’ Jonas asked.
‘Go home.’
‘No… I mean, over the next few days.’
‘Try to deal with my clients and to sort them a suitable replacement… if I’m really going to do this, that is. Make some serious decisions about my future. Start shopping for Christmas, which I’ll spend quietly with Dad. Visit Grandma some more.’ Weariness overwhelmed her. It all seemed insurmountable, challenging and exhausting.
A woman squealed then ran past them before flinging herself into the arms of a man in uniform. A soldier home for the holidays. They hugged then leant back and eyed each other, oblivious to everything else as he tenderly took her face in his hands and they kissed.
Frankie dragged her gaze away. Why was it that she was saying goodbye when other people were welcoming the people they cared about home?
The people they cared about…
She cared about Freya, of course she did, and now… it seemed that she cared about Jonas too.
‘Speak soon then.’ Jonas leant forwards and she moved into his embrace, lifting onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. She made to kiss his cheek but he turned his head and her lips brushed his instead. They both gasped and pulled away then gazed at each other. His pupils were large and dark, his lips parted. She wanted to kiss him again, to see if she’d really felt that powerful jolt of electricity, or if she’d imagined it. If it had been created by the friction between her soles and the airport tiles.
‘Jonas,’ she whispered.
He shook his head then took her hand and kissed it.
‘But…’
‘I can’t.’ He sighed. ‘I’m so sorry. I just can’t.’
‘Frankie?’ She turned to her mother and saw that she was holding hands with her father.
‘Yes?’
‘I’ll phone every day and we’ll get together very soon.’
Frankie nodded then embraced Freya, breathing in her floral perfume and hugging her tight. Her heart felt as though it had cracked and would shatter into a thousand pieces as soon as her mother let her go. She couldn’t let go…
‘Freya?’ It was Jonas. ‘We’d better check in now.’
‘Of course.’ Freya nodded then squeezed Frankie hard before releasing her. ‘I love you so much, my darling daughter. I am so proud of the beautiful, bright, strong woman you have become. I have always loved you and I always will. Look after your dad, won’t you?’ She kissed Frankie’s cheek then Hugo’s. ‘And you look after our baby girl.’
She went to say more, but her eyes glistened and she shook her head then mouthed Speak soon, before allowing Jonas to guide her away.
Hugo wrapped an arm around Frankie’s shoulder and they watched as Freya and Jonas were swallowed up by the airport, dragging their cases behind them.
‘Come on, Frankie. Let’s go home.’
She nodded, unable to reply, and when she met her father’s eyes, she saw that they were filled with tears too.
On the plane, Jonas flicked through his mobile, looking at the photographs he’d uploaded to his iCloud from his camera.
He’d told himself he was going to choose the best ones to show his friend with the boutique, but in reality, he needed to look at Frankie again. He came across the ones Freya had taken of him and Frankie as they fed the reindeer, and one in particular made his breath catch in his chest. Freya had captured them gazing at each other in the intense way that lovers might do. They’d only said goodbye a few hours ago but already he felt as though she was slipping away, that if he didn’t see the green sparkle of her eyes, the luminescence of her skin and the shine of her silky brown hair, he would lose her for ever.
And what had happened at the airport? They’d hugged, then accidentally kissed and something had shot through Jonas, something he was pretty certain he’d never felt before. Frankie had jolted his very core with a gentle brush of her lips. He’d yearned to pull her close and kiss her properly, to lift her into his arms and carry her off somewhere quiet so he could truly appreciate her and show her how wonderful he thought she was. But, of course, they’d been in a busy airport, not far from her parents, and he was about to check in for his flight home.
She’d tried to speak to him but he’d had to tell her he couldn’t. Couldn’t speak about it. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t allow himself to fall for her. Couldn’t vocalize the confusing mass of thoughts and emotions swirling around inside him. How was it even possible to feel this way about a woman he barely knew?
It had been a strange two weeks. Frankie had arrived in Oslo to find her mother, and Jonas had met her in the process. She’d seemed damaged, vulnerable and in need of tenderness and reassurance. At first, he’d thought she might just be rich and spoilt, and after seeing her enormous, and clearly expensive, home, as well as her wardrobe full of things, it would have been understandable if she had been shallow and self-centred. But she wasn’t. At all. She was sweet and funny, kind and caring. She worried about other people and clearly wanted to do her best to make them happy.
Yes, she was a bit of a fashionista; she loved clothes and shoes and fabrics and a good lifestyle. But there was nothing arrogant or horrid about Frankie at all. There was an inherent goodness, a desire to create and to express her love of the world around her through her creations. He could see it clearly now; she was an artist with a keen eye, just like him. She saw things that many others wouldn’t even notice, whether it was a shade of colour that matched another, or a texture that gave a garment an extra layer, an extra dimension. Frankie could, if she returned his fondness for her, give his existence another layer, another dimension.
And yet… Jonas lived a simple life. He could never offer her all the things she would want. Jonas took his pleasure from nature, from a beautiful sunset or a freshly fallen blanket of snow. There was purity in the natural world that humankind often lacked, and he wondered how far Frankie might have been corrupted by her affluent upbringing, innocent as she still seemed to be. Jonas knew that as much as he loved to travel, he would never want to leave Norway permanently. London was magnificent but it was so busy, so cosmopolitan and so far removed from what he needed on a daily basis to thrive. As fabulous as Frankie’s home was, he couldn’t live somewhere like that full time; it would suffocate him. He rarely spent more than a few weeks at his mother’s apartment, needing the open vastness of the Norwegian countryside, the endless plains and skies that allowed him to really breathe.
Frankie was a city girl. An English woman. Rich beyond his imaginings.
They were very different and even if there was an attraction between them, a meeting of minds, there could never be anything more permanent. Frankie had grown up wealthy and never wanted for anything material. All Jonas could ever offer her would be himself. How could that be enough? Sooner or later, a man from her set would come and turn her eye, steal her away and Jonas would be broken by that. Better not to let it begin…
He gazed at the photograph that he’d zoomed in on, of Frankie wearing the blue silk dress, and ran a finger over her face. What he wanted and what he could have were two very different things.
He switched his mobile off then tucked it into his shirt pocket.
‘You OK, Jonas?’ Freya asked from the seat next to him. He’d thought she was snoozing; her eyes had been closed when he’d pulled out his mobile. Had she seen him looking at photographs of her daughter?
‘Yeah, I guess so.’
‘She’s very special, isn’t she?’
He nodded.
‘You’d be good together.’
He turned to her and smiled.
‘How’re you? I thought I’d never manage to get you away from Hugo.’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘That was tough. Almost as tough as leaving him the first time around. However, I now know that we’ll stay in touch and who knows…’
‘Who knows?’
‘What the future holds.’
She smiled then closed her eyes, signalling that it was OK for him to go back to his own musings.
He peered out the window at the bright white clouds. Freya had been through so much and yet emerged from it so positive. She’d suffered for years and lost not only her husband but also her child. And now… she’d reunited with them and there was a chance that there could be more for the three of them in the future.
Freya could have put a thousand genuine obstacles in the way of her and Hugo, easily prevented any sort of attachment from re-forming. But she hadn’t. She’d gone with the flow, allowed Hugo to explain, and even when his explanation had been about his guilt and what he saw as his weaknesses, Freya had not judged him. She was prepared to give him – to give them – a chance. At what, it wasn’t yet clear, but it seemed that she wasn’t ruling anything out.
Jonas, on the other hand, was repeating to himself all the reasons why he could never be with Frankie. Another one being the fact that Freya was his friend and if it didn’t work out with Frankie, then he might ruin things with Freya too. It wasn’t like him to be negative and to harden his heart to his desires, but his desires had never included a beautiful Englishwoman before. A woman who reached inside him and made his heart squeeze.
It hit him like a blow to the jaw.
Jonas was afraid.
He’d always analysed his feelings and behaviour, finding it fascinating to consider why he did what he did as well as why other people behaved as they did. When he allowed his mind to mull over things, he usually came to a conclusion that told him more about himself and others.
And now, it seemed, he was searching for reasons why he couldn’t be with Frankie. For reasons why he couldn’t pursue her as his heart wanted him to.
He needed to get back to Norway and to head out into the countryside.
Only then, when he was at one with nature, would he be able to free his mind and heart and to think clearly about what it was that he really wanted. Without hindrance, without excuses and without hesitation.