At the mission house, Christy dashed up the stairs directly to her bedroom. There she changed all her clothes and brushed her long hair by a wide open window so that the clean mountain air could pour through it. She washed her face, first in warm water, then in cold, scrubbing her hands over and over. But try as she might, she could not scrub out the memory of what she had seen at the O’Teales’ cabin.
Miss Alice, David, Ruby Mae, and Miss Ida were at the dinner table by the time Christy made it downstairs. She felt woozy, but she forced a smile as she sat next to Ruby Mae.
Miss Ida passed plates of salmon croquettes and hash-browned potatoes. She was a fine cook, and normally Christy would have enjoyed the food. But tonight her stomach was churning.
“I hear you went to the O’Teales’. How did your visit go?” David asked.
Christy reached for her fork and stabbed half-heartedly at the salmon. “Let’s just say that Miss Alice and Doctor MacNeill were right. It was a waste of time.”
“I’m sorry it wasn’t what you’d hoped for,” Miss Alice said gently.
“Not what I’d hoped—” Christy choked on the words, then caught herself. Her head was spinning. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
“I understand,” Miss Alice said.
Silence fell over the table. A sullen Ruby Mae stared at her plate.
“Aren’t you going to eat, Ruby Mae?” Miss Ida chided. “I can always count on you to take seconds, goodness knows.”
“I don’t want to be no bundle,” Ruby Mae muttered. She glared at Christy, then down at her plate.
“What are you talking about, dear?” Miss Alice asked.
“Don’t pay me no mind. I just talk for the sake o’ talkin’.”
Miss Ida cleared her throat. “I’ve forgotten my cooked apples,” she said, rushing off to the kitchen. A moment later she returned with a steaming bowl. “Here, David,” she said. “Your favorite. Lots of cinnamon.”
“Well,” said Miss Alice, “I’m happy to report that the doctor says Granny’s herb concoction is indeed the cause of those mysterious rashes. He treated all the children who were affected. I believe David and I managed to convince them that if they insist on carrying her herb mixture around, they need to put it in a pocket and keep it away from their skin.”
“I done tied mine around my waist, see?” Ruby Mae said to Christy, eyeing her angrily.
“She doesn’t need to see it. She can smell it,” David said. He took a sip of milk. “Don’t you understand what nonsense all that superstitious stuff is, Ruby Mae? I’d have hoped to have at least gotten through to you, of all people. After all, you live right here with Christy.”
“All the more reason for me to protect myself,” Ruby Mae countered, accepting the bowl of apples from David. “Don’t know when she might spread the curse to me.”
Ruby Mae shoved the apples toward Christy. The steam wafted up toward Christy’s face. She swallowed back the sour taste in her mouth.
“I just don’t know why we can’t get through to you, Ruby Mae!” David cried in exasperation.
“Don’t bother, David,” Christy said bitterly. “There isn’t any point in trying to reach her. There isn’t any point in trying to reach any of them—” Suddenly her stomach did a wild flip and she knew she was going to be sick. “Excuse me,” she managed to blurt.
She dashed out of the dining room and out into the yard. Moments later she felt Miss Alice’s firm, cool hands supporting her head. “Go ahead, Christy,” she said. “Get rid of everything. You’ll feel better now.”
“I—I haven’t been so sick since I was a little girl. . . .”
“No, don’t try to talk.”
Finally it was over. Christy stood on unsteady feet. “I . . . I have to go think. . . .”
“You go on upstairs,” Miss Alice said gently. “I’ll come by later and we can talk.”
Christy sat on her bed, staring bleakly at her lesson plans. When she heard a soft knock on the door, she knew who it was. “Come on in, Miss Alice.”
“How are you feeling?” Miss Alice sat down on the edge of the bed.
“All right, physically . . . but . . .” Christy fought back the tears burning her eyes. “But I’m so confused, Miss Alice. I think maybe Father and Mother were right. Everyone was right, all the people who said I don’t belong here. I wasn’t willing to listen. I thought I could come here and be welcomed with open arms. I thought I could make a difference.” She began to sob. “I . . . I can’t fight the ignorance and superstition. I can’t.”
She cried for several minutes, sobbing while Miss Alice listened quietly. At last Christy lifted her head to look at the peaceful woman. Suddenly she needed to know what Miss Alice was thinking.
“Am I wrong to feel this way?” Christy asked.
“Any sensitive person would feel exactly as you feel.” Miss Alice’s voice was matter-of-fact. “Maybe it’s just as well all this has happened. Now is as good a time as any to decide whether you’ll go home or not—provided you make your decision on a true basis.”
“What do you mean—a true basis?”
“The way life really is.”
“Not much of life can be as bad as what I saw this afternoon,” Christy said.
“You’d be surprised. Every bit of life, every single one of us has a dark side,” Miss Alice replied. “When you decided to leave home and take this teaching job, you were leaving the safety and security you’d known all your life. I was the same way. I know. Then we get our first good look at the way life really is, and a lot of us want to run back to shelter in a hurry.”
Christy hugged her pillow. “You? Even you?”
“Yes, certainly.”
Christy thought of the horrible conditions at the O’Teale cabin, of Wilmer, of poor Mountie . . . even of the little rabbit that had never had a chance. How could there be such suffering? How could she fight such horrible things?
“But why did you stay?” Christy asked. “When you wanted to leave? When you saw all the evil here?”
Miss Alice considered for a moment. “I believe that you’ve got to see life the way it really is before you can do anything about evil, Christy. Certainly, people like you are more sensitive than others. But if we’re going to work on God’s side, we have to decide to open our hearts to the griefs and pain all around us. It’s not an easy decision.”
“Miss Alice, even if you’re right . . . how can I fight back against the things Granny has said? I can’t reach the children if they fear me.” Christy gave a bitter laugh. “And I can’t be a teacher if I don’t have any students.”
Miss Alice fell silent for a moment. “I can tell you this. There’s a healing power in love, Christy,” she said at last. “I’ve seen it work miracles.”
Miss Alice had such peace about her, such a sense of being at home no matter where she was. Christy wanted that feeling, but it seemed as far away as her family and her cozy bedroom back in Asheville.
“I just don’t know,” Christy whispered at last.
“Know what?”
“If I should stay. If there’s any point in it.”
Miss Alice nodded, as if she’d asked herself the same question, once upon a time. “First, ask yourself this, Christy. Who are you?”
“I wish I knew.”
“But you can know. You’re important, terribly important. Each of us is. You’re unique. So is David. And Miss Ida. And Ruby Mae and Doctor MacNeill. No one else in all the world can fill David’s place, or mine, or yours. Other teachers may come here to Cutter Gap, but you and you alone have a special gift to offer these people. If you don’t do the work that God has given you to do, that work may never be done.”
She rose to go. “It’s late and you’re tired. But here’s the question for you to sleep on. Were you supposed to come here, Christy? Or were you just running away from home?”
Christy watched the door close behind Miss Alice. After a while, she retrieved her diary off the dresser.
Was I supposed to come here? Christy wondered. She wanted someone to tell her the answer—someone, anyone. But the only person who could answer that question was Christy herself. And she was afraid she already knew the answer.
She opened her diary and scanned the last lines she’d written. Today braids. Tomorrow, the world!
How hopeful and foolish that sounded now.
Her eyes fell on another passage. Well, like it or not, Ruby Mae is clearly going to be my bundle.
Christy groaned. Had Ruby Mae read those words today? That would explain her sullen behavior at the dinner table. She must be feeling terribly hurt and angry. Christy knew she should go to Ruby Mae and explain that she hadn’t meant anything when she’d written those words. Certainly the last thing she’d intended to do was to hurt Ruby Mae.
Christy started for the door, then stopped herself. What was the point? To begin with, the girl shouldn’t have been snooping in Christy’s diary. And in any case, Ruby Mae was still wearing Granny’s herbs—still apparently convinced that Christy was cursed.
Why bother trying to console Ruby Mae? There was no point.
Then, Christy realized that she already knew the answer to Miss Alice’s question. Tomorrow, she would start packing.
It was time to go home.