Maddy opened her eyes to find another pair of eyes staring back at her. She jumped, gasped. And was met with a smile.
‘You’re awake. Morning.’
She lay still, letting her consciousness catch up with her body. Retracing the steps of the night before that had brought her here. She looked at the young man lying opposite her. Even with his hair tousled and his eyes half open he looked handsome. Better-looking than she remembered, in fact.
‘Ben,’ she said, groaning instead of adding anything else. She tried to move, but her body wasn’t ready for that yet, so she lay flat on her back.
‘That’s me.’ He propped himself up on one elbow, hand on his cheek, kept looking at her. Eyes crinkling attractively as he smiled.
She turned her head sideways. ‘How long you been awake?’ she managed.
‘Not long,’ he said. ‘I would say I’ve been watching you sleep, but that just sounds weird and creepy.’
‘Have you been watching me sleep?’
‘Yeah…’ He laughed. It was a good sound, a positive one. Maddy joined in. ‘But not inappropriately,’ he said. ‘I woke up but I didn’t want to disturb you. And I didn’t want to go creeping round the house. Your housemates might think I was a burglar. Call the police.’
‘I’m sure they wouldn’t.’ She was still smiling.
‘Oh.’ He traced a couple of fingers slowly down her neck. Smiled as he spoke. ‘Have a lot of men here then, do you?’
‘No,’ she said, pulling away from him.
‘Sorry,’ he said, withdrawing his fingers. ‘Was only joking.’
She turned back to him. Saw sincerity in his eyes. Slight hurt at his words being taken the wrong way. ‘I know.’ She took his fingers in her own. Held them.
It had happened so easily, so naturally. After bumping into her on the street, he had walked her home. And that, she thought, would have been that. But standing outside her front door with someone who had seen the state she was in and not taken advantage of her, she thought she needed to do more.
‘Would you like a coffee?’ she had said. ‘Sorry, that’s a bit… but would you? It’s cold and you’ve got to walk home. I’ve only got instant, though.’
He had laughed. ‘Cup of tea would be nice.’
And that was what they had had. Tea and a couple of rounds of toast and Marmite. And conversation. Lots and lots of conversation.
‘I feel like I’ve known you for years,’ Maddy had said. ‘Like I can just talk to you.’
‘That a good thing?’ Ben had asked.
‘Yeah, course. It means things aren’t difficult. They’re good.’
‘Great.’
They had kept talking. Or rather Maddy had. After what she had recently gone through with Hugo, there were things she needed to say. And it was better to say them to a complete stranger than to a close friend. Close friends cared. They judged. Strangers didn’t care at all. At best, like Ben, they listened.
So it all tumbled out. The relationship. The affair. The sex. Then the abortion. And how she felt he had just abandoned her. As she said that, she had tried to hide her wrist so he didn’t see the bandage. Then the confrontation in the café. The trip to Hugo’s house. Then… she didn’t know. She thought perhaps Hugo had… No. He couldn’t have. She was just imagining things. Anyway, she couldn’t remember. Her mind a blank until Ben had found her in the street.
‘He sounds like a real fucking bastard,’ Ben had said.
She nodded. And kept nodding. Soon, she found herself crying with Ben’s consoling arm around her shoulder.
The kiss had come so easily after that. She couldn’t remember who had initiated it, just that it happened. Like they were both thinking the same thing at exactly the same time. Their mouths had locked and she felt his tongue on hers, pulling and probing. She had clung to his warm, close body, feeling the yearning, aching emptiness inside herself, wanting to pull him in to fill her, warm her. In every way possible.
And he almost had done.
‘No,’ she had said.
He looked at her, puzzled.
‘I… can’t. Because of what happened. I’m still… not right down there. Not yet.’
Ben had smiled then. ‘Right. Yes. I see. Well don’t worry. We can still… have some fun.’
They had. And she had loved it. The intimacy. Being desired just for being who she was. It was a long time since she had felt that wanted, that close to another human being. Not since…
Hugo. Before things went bad.
‘You OK?’
She blinked, reverie over. Ben was still lying next to her, looking at her, concern in his eyes.
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Fine.’ She found a smile, stroked his chest. He had a good chest. She stroked it some more.
‘So what are your plans for today?’ he asked.
‘Dunno,’ she said. ‘Nothing planned. It’s Saturday. Just chill. What about you?’
‘Got a few errands to run, things to do. That kind of thing. But I’m free later…’
That smile. It got her every time. She returned it. ‘OK,’ she said. Then suddenly became aware of the situation. Of who he was, how long she had known him. ‘Listen. I… I don’t make a habit of this, you know.’
‘Of what?’
‘Of…’ She suddenly felt self-conscious, pulled the sheet over her naked breasts. ‘This. Picking up men. Bringing them home. I don’t… I’m not…’
His hand was back on her skin, stroking her once more. ‘That’s OK. I know you don’t. I know you’re not like that. For what it’s worth, neither am I. And if you want to be pedantic about it, you didn’t bring me home. I walked you home.’
‘Right.’
She nodded, feeling much better. He was still smiling at her, still staring intently at her. She realised that she knew nothing about him. She liked him, but that was it.
‘So how did you say you knew me? You told me last night. I’ve forgotten.’
‘Oh.’ He pulled his hand away. ‘Yeah. Helen. Friend of Helen’s.’
Maddy frowned. That wasn’t right. ‘Helen? That’s not who you said last night.’
‘No? Didn’t I?’
‘No. You said Abby. That was it, Abby.’
Something passed over Ben’s features, too quick for her to catch. ‘Abby,’ he said. ‘Yeah. She’s housemates with Helen. Geology Helen, yeah?’
‘And it’s her boyfriend or Abby’s boyfriend you know?’
‘Hers.’
Maddy looked at him. He seemed to realise he had given a different answer to the previous night.
‘Well,’ he said quickly, ‘used to be hers. But I think he’s seeing Abby now. Sounds about right. You know what she’s like. And Mike for that matter.’
Maddy said nothing. Mike. That sounded right, though. She did know Abby and Mike…
Ben looked at his watch. ‘I’d better be off. Things to do.’
‘OK.’
He turned back to her. ‘But can I see you later?’
She didn’t reply. He began stroking her again. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘I know you don’t know me. And you don’t normally do things like this. And neither do I, for that matter, like I said. But I really like you. Really. And I’d love to see you again. Could I?’
Maddy felt herself weakening. Ben touched the bandage on her wrist.
‘I’m not an angel,’ he said, ‘by any means. But I’d never do this to you. Never.’
She looked him in the eye once more. Saw nothing but sincerity. She smiled, feeling herself welling up.
‘OK,’ she said. ‘I’d like that. Lots.’
He returned the smile. ‘Good. So would I.’ He kissed her, got out of bed. ‘Sorry. Got to go. Said I’d help a mate of mine move flat.’ He looked at his watch again. ‘I’m already an hour late. Give me your number and I’ll call you later, yeah?’
She did so. He kissed her once more, held her and then was gone.
She didn’t move from the bed. She could still smell him, still feel the cooling warmth from where his body had been.
She smiled, her doubts about him allayed. Or at least pushed to the back of her mind.
She rubbed her wrist. Tried hard not to think about Hugo Gwilym.