It was late when Phil pulled up in front of the house. Not his own house. He didn’t want to go home just yet.
He could see the rented place he shared with Marina and their daughter just along the street. A light was on in his bedroom window. Marina was either awake, reading probably, or had gone to sleep, leaving his bedside light on to help him find his way. But he wasn’t going there. Not just yet.
He locked the car, walked up the driveway. It had once been a garage or coach house but a previous owner had converted it to a one-bedroom flat. It was where Eileen now lived.
Phil rang the bell, stepped back, waited.
‘Who is it?’ A voice from behind the door.
‘It’s me. Phil.’
A chain was removed, a bolt released, a heavy lock cracked. The door opened. There stood the only woman Phil had ever called mother.
‘Thanks for waiting up.’
‘I was up anyway. Watching something on BBC 4. One of those miserable Scandinavian crime series where they all have personality disorders and can’t seem to find a light switch.’ She gave him a brief smile. ‘I suppose your day must have been like that.’
He smiled wearily in return. ‘Stumbling in the dark with mentalists? My day’s always like that.’
He entered. She turned off the TV. He sat down on the sofa. She had wasted no time in claiming the place as her own. Where Phil felt he was only a temporary fixture in his house, Eileen looked like she had been in hers for years. She had surrounded herself with as many familiar objects as she could, taking her home with her. It still wasn’t that long since Don’s death. Phil thought she was coping well. Or seemed to be.
She sat down in her armchair. The one that used to be Don’s, Phil noted.
‘Can I get you a tea? Coffee?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Beer? I know you like a beer when you come in from work. I’ve got some in the fridge.’
He knew she was trying to be useful, not feel redundant, so he went along with her. ‘A beer would be great, thanks.’
She tried to rise.
‘I’ll get it,’ he said.
‘Stay where you are. I’m not an invalid.’
She went to the kitchen, returned with a bottle of beer, the cap removed. Handed it to Phil. He thanked her, took a drink. Cold and refreshing, it went down well.
Eileen sat back. ‘So what did you want to talk to me about? It sounded like it was serious.’
Straight to the point as always, he thought. ‘Yeah…’ he said, trying to find the right words. ‘It’s… Marina. She’s… I don’t know.’
He took another mouthful of beer, Eileen waited.
‘She’s being funny with me.’
‘In what way?’
‘Well… I don’t know. She’s… distant. No, that’s not right. She’s… It’s like she doesn’t want me to… to be close to her.’
Eileen leaned forward. ‘Has she said anything?’
‘Not directly, no. But when I go towards her, she pulls away. And this morning she…’ His eyes dropped to his bottle. He had always been able to tell Eileen anything, but he still felt embarrassed talking about sex with her. ‘I went to join her in the shower, and she screamed. Actually screamed. When I touched her. Pulled the curtain across, said she wanted privacy. Said…’ he thought back, tried to find the exact words, ‘oh it’s just you. Oh it’s you. Something like that.’
‘She was expecting someone else?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘Maybe in her mind she was. And there’s a… barrier between us. She’s put it up.’ He shook his head.
‘I see,’ said Eileen. ‘Has she mentioned anyone else’s name recently? Started talking a lot about someone? From work, maybe?’
‘I know what you’re thinking,’ said Phil. ‘Talking about someone I’ve never heard of before is an indicator that she’s having an affair.’
‘Might be having an affair. It’s not definite.’
‘No, but…’ He shrugged, took another drink. ‘There is… Well, I don’t know.’
‘There is someone? Someone she’s been mentioning?’
‘Well, sort of. I don’t… Hugo Gwilym.’
‘What, from the TV? That Hugo Gwilym?’
Phil nodded. ‘He’s come up in the course of this case I’m working on. He’s a colleague of Marina’s at the university, same department. I asked her about him. Just to check, you know, that there was no conflict of interest. That he wasn’t a friend.’
‘Right. And?’
‘She said she didn’t know him. Had hardly met him, or spoken to him. But she didn’t like him. Got quite angry about him, even. And then I went to talk to Gwilym. To do with the case. And… he mentioned her.’
‘In what way?’
‘In a… creepy way. Said something like, I enjoyed having your wife the other night. Something like that. Then said, for dinner. He’d had her for dinner. What he meant was he’d been at the departmental Christmas dinner with her.’
Eileen nodded.
‘Marina said she didn’t know him, but he made it seem that they were quite close.’ He took another pull of beer. Found the bottle drained. ‘She came in very late that night.’
Eileen waited, made sure he had finished talking. ‘I see.’
He looked at her, expecting answers. Knowing how unreasonable that was.
‘So you think she’s having an affair with Gwilym?’ Eileen said eventually.
‘Well, that would be the logical thing to think, wouldn’t it? Saying she didn’t know him at all, doing the reverse thing of talking about someone a lot. Double bluff. Saying she hated him. Maybe he’s found someone else. Dumped her. Hurt her in some way.’ He sighed. ‘I don’t know…’
‘But screaming when you tried to touch her,’ said Eileen. ‘Don’t forget that. That’s not the action of a woman hiding an affair.’
‘What is it, then?’
Eileen sat back, looked thoughtful. ‘When Don and I used to foster kids – you might even remember this – we were always careful with them. Some of them wanted hugging. Needed it. Some of them wanted it but didn’t know to how to ask. They might have thought it was sexual, because that was how they’d been brought up, and that’s how they responded, but they wanted affection. They were kids, after all. But some of them couldn’t bear to be touched.’
‘Abused?’
Eileen nodded. ‘They’d all suffered some kind of abuse. And it affected them in different ways. But the ones who didn’t want to be touched, that was because it reminded them of their abusers. Of what they had been through.’
‘So… you think Gwilym might have… touched her? Been inappropriate with her?’
‘Oh I don’t know, Phil. I’m just saying that’s how the kids were. That’s the behaviour they used to exhibit.’
‘But if that’s the case, then why hasn’t she just come out and said it? Why hasn’t she told me?’
‘I don’t know, Phil. You’ll have to talk to her. Have you tried talking to her?’
‘Yes…’
‘Really tried?’
‘I have, but… Well, she’s been like she’s been. And also…’ he sighed, ‘what if she says yes? What if I talk to her and she says she was or is having an affair with Gwilym? What do I do then?’
‘You deal with it, Phil. Like an adult. It’ll hurt. Things like that are never easy to cope with, but you can both get over it if you try and if you want to.’ She shook her head. ‘Marina’s the last person I would expect to do something like that.’ She shrugged. ‘But, people… Look. It might not be that at all. There might still be some other explanation.’
‘I know, but…’
Eileen looked directly at him. Pity and compassion in her eyes. ‘Talk to her, Phil. Just talk to her.’