18

“I can walk by myself.” Nikki shrugged her sister’s hand off as she helped her out of the car. She was ecstatic the doctor had finally released her. She’d ended up having to stay two extra days, thanks to an infection. But he’d assured her she was just fine now.

If only people would stop hovering.

“I’m just trying to help. You don’t have to bite my head off.”

Immediately contrite, Nikki grabbed hold of her sister’s arm. “Sorry about that. I know you’re trying to help. I guess that nurse was right when she said I wasn’t a good patient.”

Bethany patted her arm. “That’s OK. After all you’ve been through, I guess you have a right to be a bit cranky.”

“I have no such right, and I’m grateful to be out of that place so my sissy can take care of me.” She leaned against her sister’s shoulder. “Thank you, my sweet Bethie.”

Bethany smiled. “You haven’t called me that in years.”

Ray walked out to meet them. He took hold of Nikki’s other arm. “There she is and looking beautiful even after being shot. What a woman.”

“No need to go overboard with the pampering.”

“Are you sure? I’ve got my famous lasagna baking, but if you don’t want to be pampered, I can find someone else who will appreciate it.”

“I never said I didn’t want a little pampering.” There was no mistaking the aroma of the lasagna when she walked in the house. Her mouth began to water. “A doctor and a cook. Bethie sure knew what she was doing when she hooked you.”

“Don’t kid yourself. I’m the lucky one.” Ray smiled at his wife as he pointed towards the family room. “The sick bed’s ready and waiting for its guest of honor. We even added extra movie channels to the cable for the month.”

“I don’t plan on being here for a month.”

Ray smiled. “You will be here as long as it takes to get you well. No arguing about that, Nikki. And there are books on the coffee table too. Nothing for you to do but relax and get healthy.”

After she got comfortable on the sofa, she grabbed the remote. It was hard to believe with so many channels, she couldn’t find something to watch.

“Auntie, you’re out of the hospital.” Cassie bounced into the room.

“In the flesh.” She turned down the volume.

“Awesome.”

“Awesome indeed.”

Bethany came in, a vase in each hand. “Hey, sweetheart. Set up the TV trays. We’ll eat in here.” She set the flowers on the coffee table. “There’s two more vases out in the kitchen. I’ll bring them in later.”

“Wow, Aunt Nikki, you really rate. Mom never lets us eat in here. Even though it’s the family room. You do know Mom’s a fanatic about cleanliness.”

Nikki nodded. “I do know that about her.”

“That’s not true. If you’re sick, I let you eat in here,” Bethany protested.

“Yeah, but then I can’t really enjoy it. Everyone else eats in their family room. Nikki even eats in her living room, if you can believe that. You really need to loosen up, Mom.”

“There’s nothing wrong with keeping a house clean. Would you really want to live in a pigsty?”

“There’s a big difference between a pigsty and clean enough to operate in.”

Bethany rolled her eyes but smiled. “I suppose there is.”

“Time for my lasagna,” Ray yelled from the other room. “Need a little help.”

After dinner Cassie stood up. “I have two more important questions and then I have things to do.”

Nikki looked at her. “What do you want to know?”

“First, where is the great congressman? I guess he hightailed it back to DC. He must have felt safer there.”

“In case you didn’t watch the news, he had to go back to help get the budget passed or the government would shut down—again.”

“Hmm. Likely story. Second question—do you have the hots for him?”

Nikki felt the heat rise up to her face. “Why would you ask such a ridiculous question?”

“The flowers, for one thing.” Cassie pointed at the bouquets Bethany had placed all around the room. “Those are not ‘get well’ flowers. Those are ‘I love you’ flowers.”

“Don’t be silly. I haven’t seen the man in…in years. He’s just being nice. After all, I did get shot because of him.”

Cassie turned to her mom. “What do you think, Mom? Get well or I love you?”

“I must admit they are quite extravagant.”

Nikki gave her sister a little kick. “You both are wrong. I think they are ‘feeling guilty about getting you shot’ flowers.”

Cassie and Bethany laughed.

Nikki pointed at Cassie. “Go…go do your homework. Or something.” When she’d left, Nikki looked at Bethany. “I know she’s not always the easiest, but you and Ray have done a great job.”

“Thanks, Nikki.” Bethany sat down beside her. “We need to have a talk about…about Lucas.”

Nikki shook her head. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Oh yes, there is.”

The doorbell rang.

“I’ve got it,” Ray yelled as he walked to the door.

Nikki hoped it wasn’t for her. Since the news had broken, she’d received a dozen calls from old classmates.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Ray said.

Who was it?

“Is it a problem?” Lucas was here.

“Oh, my goodness. I’m a mess.” Nikki panicked.

“You look beautiful.” Bethany rolled her eyes. “Besides, what do you care? It’s only Lucas.”

Ray opened the door. “Our patient has company.”

“I wish I had my camera,” Lucas said, eyeing the sisters, who were still hugging.

“I thought you didn’t like pictures.”

“I love pictures of other people, especially one as sweet as that.” He placed a white bouquet of flowers on the coffee table beside all the others. “These are for you.”

“The other ones haven’t died yet,” Nikki said. “But thanks. These are beautiful.”

“Yeah, I wonder what kind of flowers those are, sis.” Bethany stood up.

Nikki rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about what kind they are.”

Bethany started laughing and then Nikki joined in. Soon the two were laughing uncontrollably.

Lucas looked at Ray.

“Sisters. Don’t even try to understand their humor.”

“I guess.”

Bethany turned to him, still laughing. “It’s nice to see you, Lucas. It’s been a long time.”

“It has. You have a lovely home.”

“Thanks so much.” She turned to Nikki. “I’ll leave the two of you alone.”

Nikki gave her sister a hard stare. “Make sure Cassie doesn’t disturb us.”

****

“Why?” Lucas stared at Nikki.

“Why what?”

“Why can’t Cassie disturb us? She’s obviously very important to you, and yet I haven’t met her? It almost seems as if you don’t want me to meet her.”

Nikki’s face flushed red. “Don’t be ridiculous. Why wouldn’t I want you to meet her?”

“That’s what I was wondering. What’s wrong with her? Three heads or something worse?”

“Oh, something much worse. She’s a teenager.” Nikki grinned.

“Well, one of these days I plan to meet her.” He sat on the sofa beside her. “Thanks for calling to let me know you were released.”

“You had important things to do.”

“They weren’t any more important than you.”

“I planned to call you before I went to bed.”

“No need to now.” He held up his hands. “I’m here.”

“So will the government shut down again or did you save us in the nick of time?”

“Nick of time. We passed the budget a few hours ago.” He smiled at her. “I missed you.”

“So what’s the news with the FBI? Did they catch the bad guys yet?”

Nikki seemed determined not to talk about personal issues.

The good news was she couldn’t get away from him. Sooner or later, he would have his say. “Unfortunately, nothing. They’re following up on the emails but this guy is good. They assure me that they’ll get him. But it will take some time. “

“In the meantime, you’re still a target.”

“It’s you I’m worried about.”

She lifted her arm. “I’m fine. Look, I can still pitch a softball. It hasn’t hurt my range of motion. I just have to take it easy for a while.”

“I still wish you’d let me hire some security for you.”

“No. And that’s my final word. Stop asking me.”

“I didn’t come to talk about security or the FBI.”

“Then what?”

“I came to thank you.”

“It’s not necessary.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t even know what I’m thanking you for.”

“I assume for getting shot instead of you.”

“Wrong. I came to thank you for telling me to forgive myself for Victoria’s death.”

“Oh. Well, did it do any good?”

Their gazes met.

He nodded. “After spending some time with God, I decided you were right. I’m not the one in control. God is. Victoria and I were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn’t my fault.”

She smiled at him. “How does it feel?”

“Pretty good. In fact, very good.” He picked up her hand.

“God is so good.”

“One of the things I figured out when I was in all those boring meetings is that I’m ready for a new chapter in my life.”

She pulled her hand away. “That’s good, Lucas. From what Elizabeth said, that’s about to happen.”

“I’m not talking about politics. I’m talking about us.” He wouldn’t let her change the topic. “I already told you once that you’re the only woman I ever fell in love with. I always thought about you. Wondered if you were happy. Wondered if you missed me. Even after Victoria and I learned to love each other, I wondered about you.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Lucas, we’re both grown-ups now. We had a lot of fun, but we were kids. But that’s all it was—puppy love.” Picking up the glass of water, she sipped through the straw.

“Puppy love. That’s what you call what we had.”

“OK, maybe we even loved each other in spite of how young we were. But it was a long time ago. It has nothing to do with the present.”

“It wasn’t that long ago.”

“Long enough, Lucas. We live in two different worlds. I mean, really, the President called to ask for your help.” She wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. “You belong in that world. I don’t.”

If she didn’t care about him, why was she crying?

“But I want us to live in the same world.”

She met his gaze and shook her head. “It can’t happen. We’re too different.”

Lucas heard her words and knew she meant them, but he could see the love in her eyes. He didn’t understand what the problem was. She’d forgiven him, and they’d moved past those old hurts. He wanted a life with her. Maybe it was too quick for her. He shouldn’t have surprised her like that. One small step at a time instead of one giant leap. He could be patient. After all, he worked for the government. “Can we at least be friends?”

She grabbed the box of tissues. “We are friends, Lucas.”

That was a start. “Friends visit each other, so that means I’ll see you soon.”

“No more flowers.”

He shrugged. “I’m not making any promises. I’ll keep you posted on what’s going on with the FBI investigation.”

“Hopefully, they’ll find out who is behind this so you can get back to your real life.”

He smiled at Nikki, knowing she was his real life. If only he could convince her that they were meant to be together. If only he could break through that wall she’d built. But those were mighty big ifs!

****

Nikki was sitting on the bed when someone knocked on the door. “Come in.”

“Hey, little sis. Just checking to see if you need anything before I go to bed.”

“Not a thing.”

“Is it OK if we talk for a minute?”

Now what? The last thing she wanted was another heart-to-heart. Of course, she couldn’t blame her sister. Bethany must be worried to death about Lucas coming to the house. Might as well get it over with. “Don’t worry, Bethany. I know Lucas can’t keep coming over to the house. I’ll find a way to stop it.”

“What is it you think you know?”

“I have no plans to get involved with Lucas. I wouldn’t do that to…to this family. To you.” Nikki lowered her voice.

Bethany closed the door behind her. “Do you have feelings for him?”

That was a good question. One she’d been avoiding answering even to herself. “It doesn’t matter if I do.”

Bethany sat down. “It does matter.”

“All that matters is that Cas—that this family stays intact.”

“If this is the man who will make you happy, then we’ll figure it out. Our family, and that includes you, is strong enough to withstand the truth.”

Nikki didn’t believe that for a minute. The truth would devastate Cassie. She shook her head. “How can you think that I would ever want to be with him after…after what happened?”

“What really happened, Nikki? Think about it. What did Lucas do that was so awful? You broke up with him because Mom and Dad made you. He didn’t break up with you.”

Nikki adjusted her position so she could look at Bethany. “I know you’re right, but he could have defied them. Instead he left me to face…to face…well, you know what I faced.”

“But he didn’t know about it. You can’t keep blaming him.”

“He would have known if he’d come to see me even once. And I am not blaming him. I’ve forgiven him.” She smiled at Bethany. “It feels so good to not be angry at him anymore.”

“It wasn’t his fault, Nikki. In fact, we may have been the ones who did the unforgivable.” Her sister’s voice was quiet, reflective.

Nikki stared at the ceiling. Those were tough words to hear, but her sister was right. “Even more reason why we can’t ever have a relationship. It’s too complicated. It’s all in the past. Let’s leave it there.”

Bethany wiped away tears. “I want you to be happy. And if Lucas can make you happy, we’ll figure it out. We’ll make it work out.”

Nikki leaned over and hugged her. “You are the best sister ever. I love you and I appreciate that you want me to be happy, but Lucas McMann will not ever be a part of my life.”

“If that’s what you want, fine, but don’t be a martyr. You have as much right to be happy as anyone else.”

Could Lucas make her happy? She shook her head. “Can you see me as a senator’s wife at a cocktail party in a fancy dress? I think not. The fanciest thing in my wardrobe is a glittery T-shirt.”

Bethany whispered in her ear. “I think you would make a wonderful wife to Lucas or to any man you choose.” She walked to the door. “Sweet dreams.”

Nikki lay in the dark. There would be no sweet dreams that night. How could she not have realized that before? Could she really be that selfish and unfeeling? Apparently so. For so many years, she’d made herself believe she’d been the one betrayed by Lucas. Now she had to face the truth—she’d betrayed Lucas, not the other way around.

He had a right to be angry at her. And he didn’t even know it.

She turned onto her good side and curled up in a ball, allowing the tears to come as she prayed for forgiveness. The tears washed away the years of anger and the bitterness. The deceit she’d participated in when she’d been so hurt she didn’t know where to turn. Even as her heart healed, she knew Lucas still couldn’t be a part of her life.

He would never forgive her if he found out the truth about Cassie being his child. And rightfully so.

She could admit to herself that sometime in the past few days, she’d fallen in love with him all over again. But they could never have a future together.

Decisions had been made the night Cassie had been born. Decisions that had changed their lives forever. And it was too late to un-change them.

Nikki lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. It may not have been the right thing to do, but they’d done it. And it had worked out.

Bethany and Ray loved Cassie. They had created a wonderful life for her baby—the baby she couldn’t take care of.

Perhaps, if she’d gone to Lucas. Told him the truth, everything would be different. But she hadn’t. Now she would have to live with her choices—and part of that choice included not telling Lucas. It would be just as wrong to try to rectify her mistake for her own selfish desires.

In the dark, Nikki whispered, “God, forgive me.”